Anonymous
08/04/2014 09:51
Subject: Re:How to be a Great MIL
Anonymous wrote:I have a really wonderful MIL: she is warm, welcoming, and generous. She does not nitpick or criticize. And yet, she can drive me nuts anyway -- just like any beloved relative including my own mother. A couple things that would make her a "great" MIL"
- Give us some space. We already see you weekly (often 2 or 3 times per week). You do not need to also come to church with us, grocery shopping with us, etc. It's to the point that we're not telling you about weekend plans, because you would ask to come. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.
- Don't be nosy. My medical issues (including pregnancy issues) are my own business; if something dire happens I will tell you about it, but I am not going to report every little issue I have and you are not entitled to know what my doctor's appointment was about or what that prescription box in my bathroom is for.
I totally agree with the nosy part! If MIL makes you feel like you are fodder for bridge group gossip, that is a sign you should not share information with her. If she says she is "supportive", but shows otherwise, then realize that she will not have your back. Probably because no one ever had hers.
I love the examples of MIL's who stood up for the DIL's.
Anonymous
08/03/2014 22:42
Subject: Re:How to be a Great MIL
I have a really wonderful MIL: she is warm, welcoming, and generous. She does not nitpick or criticize. And yet, she can drive me nuts anyway -- just like any beloved relative including my own mother. A couple things that would make her a "great" MIL"
- Give us some space. We already see you weekly (often 2 or 3 times per week). You do not need to also come to church with us, grocery shopping with us, etc. It's to the point that we're not telling you about weekend plans, because you would ask to come. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.
- Don't be nosy. My medical issues (including pregnancy issues) are my own business; if something dire happens I will tell you about it, but I am not going to report every little issue I have and you are not entitled to know what my doctor's appointment was about or what that prescription box in my bathroom is for.
- Give us some space. We already see you weekly (often 2 or 3 times per week). You do not need to also come to church with us, grocery shopping with us, etc. It's to the point that we're not telling you about weekend plans, because you would ask to come. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.
- Don't be nosy. My medical issues (including pregnancy issues) are my own business; if something dire happens I will tell you about it, but I am not going to report every little issue I have and you are not entitled to know what my doctor's appointment was about or what that prescription box in my bathroom is for.
Anonymous
08/02/2014 14:18
Subject: Re:How to be a Great MIL
OMG, with regard to the post saying don't call your grandchild, "My baby," my MIL used to buy cards and white out letters on the cards so they would read, "our (child/daughter/baby)" instead of, "your ..."
Drove me insane.
Drove me insane.
Anonymous
08/02/2014 11:55
Subject: How to be a Great MIL
Anonymous wrote:Show warmth toward your DIL.
+1000
No kidding. Don't make it so obvious that you hate your DIL, because she is nothing like you, and DIL actually likes her life. Don't be such a bitter hag.
Anonymous
07/30/2014 00:17
Subject: How to be a Great MIL
Anonymous wrote:Do not call your grandchild, "My baby."
This irritates me too. Why do people do this? It is obviously minor, but irritating.
Anonymous
07/28/2014 23:46
Subject: How to be a Great MIL
Show warmth toward your DIL.
Anonymous
07/28/2014 22:52
Subject: How to be a Great MIL
Anonymous wrote:A good MIL does not assume the absolute worst about her DIL/SIL at every opportunity.
A good MIL takes the time to get to know the person her child loves and has committed to spend a lifetime with.
A good MIL is flexible and kind and patient.
A good MIL is generous with her time (and if you're lucky, sometimes, her money or stuff, too!)
A good MIL treats the ILs like a real part of the family, not an outsider to be treated with some underlying suspicion.
OP here. I agree with this. I think it hits home with a lot of MIL's, because they might want DIL's to somehow defer to them, instead of the other way around.
Anonymous
07/28/2014 18:13
Subject: How to be a Great MIL
Anonymous wrote:Do not call your grandchild, "My baby."
I irrationally hate this too, but it's my mom, not my MIL that does it.
Anonymous
07/28/2014 18:10
Subject: How to be a Great MIL
I find it interesting that most of the complaints here apply to my mother, not my MIL. And I thought I liked my mom until I had kids...
Becoming a grandmother had turned her into a crazy person.
Becoming a grandmother had turned her into a crazy person.
Anonymous
07/28/2014 17:17
Subject: How to be a Great MIL
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A good MIL does not assume the absolute worst about her DIL/SIL at every opportunity.
A good MIL takes the time to get to know the person her child loves and has committed to spend a lifetime with.
A good MIL is flexible and kind and patient.
A good MIL is generous with her time (and if you're lucky, sometimes, her money or stuff, too!)
A good MIL treats the ILs like a real part of the family, not an outsider to be treated with some underlying suspicion.
The reverse of all of the above can be said for a good daughter in law. Do you hold yourself to the same standard?
Well, I like to think I do. My MIL accused me of doing drugs (untrue) and of physically abusing my DH (also untrue) and marrying DH for his money (I'm the primary breadwinner) and not really loving our children (not even going to dignify that with a response). Also, she did not call or email or even send me a note when my own mother died. So it's hard, sometimes, to treat her the way I WANT to be treated after all that BS, but I try.
Anonymous
07/28/2014 17:12
Subject: How to be a Great MIL
Anonymous wrote:A good MIL does not assume the absolute worst about her DIL/SIL at every opportunity.
A good MIL takes the time to get to know the person her child loves and has committed to spend a lifetime with.
A good MIL is flexible and kind and patient.
A good MIL is generous with her time (and if you're lucky, sometimes, her money or stuff, too!)
A good MIL treats the ILs like a real part of the family, not an outsider to be treated with some underlying suspicion.
The reverse of all of the above can be said for a good daughter in law. Do you hold yourself to the same standard?
Anonymous
07/28/2014 17:02
Subject: How to be a Great MIL
A good MIL does not assume the absolute worst about her DIL/SIL at every opportunity.
A good MIL takes the time to get to know the person her child loves and has committed to spend a lifetime with.
A good MIL is flexible and kind and patient.
A good MIL is generous with her time (and if you're lucky, sometimes, her money or stuff, too!)
A good MIL treats the ILs like a real part of the family, not an outsider to be treated with some underlying suspicion.
A good MIL takes the time to get to know the person her child loves and has committed to spend a lifetime with.
A good MIL is flexible and kind and patient.
A good MIL is generous with her time (and if you're lucky, sometimes, her money or stuff, too!)
A good MIL treats the ILs like a real part of the family, not an outsider to be treated with some underlying suspicion.