Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

It would be really helpful to cultivate a sitter or two for just this type of thing.

You mean so we can bring her on the trip with us? Wish we had the budget for that, but unfortunately we don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You are dense. An 18 month old toddler isn't "celebrating" the marriage because he doesnt know what the hell that means. A six year old left to her own devices would "celebrate the union" with a homemade glitter and sticker card -- so she doesn't need to attend, either.

There are different varieties of celebrations, did you know this? On the flip side, I would find it very odd if my turning-21-yr-old son decided to invite his 85 year old grandparents and even older great aunts and uncles to binge drink with him and play beer pong at his 21st birthday party. My law partners don't belong at my daughter's first communion.

So what do you do with your toddler when they aren't invited and the wedding is out of town? What if you're in the wedding? This is happening to us. We have no local family to watch our toddler. The weddings aren't in a hotel where we can leave them with a sitter (if I even felt comfortable doing that with a complete stranger in a different town anyway) and the reception is in the evening so my toddler would either be a mess up until 11pm or I'd have to skip most of the reception. I just don't think the couple understand how miserable this whole weekend is going to be for everyone with small children. They're in their 30s too so it's not like we're their only friends with kids.

Your responsibility to develop trusted sitters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

I find this thinking so odd. To me, a wedding is an event in which your loved ones - regardless of age- celebrate with you. NOT essentially 'a cocktail party.' I've gone to plenty of events and overnight trips with DH without kids so I'm not some mom attached to my kids 24/7.

Do you go to cheap weddings or expensive ones? I waited until my mid 30s to get married. Sorry but I'm not interested in someone's 5 year old running loose on the dance floor. There is a place and time for kids. If you have a laid back cheap outdoor or casual wedding sure invite kids. A formal affair? Not appropriate.

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

It would be really helpful to cultivate a sitter or two for just this type of thing.

Anonymous wrote:I think most kids under 5 would not react well to a random new babysitter in a new environment / hotel. Many parents don't want to leave their kids at home for a weekend just to go to someone's wedding.

Fine, then don't go to the wedding. Not complicated at all.

Anonymous wrote:I have never been to a wedding that didn't allow kids, but it seems to come up on Carolyn Hax quite a bit so I'm curious what goes on at these weddings and what most guests do when they are invited.

Just wondering what reasons people have for this. I would think primarily it's because the couple doesn't like kids or doesn't want a fussy baby or active child "ruining" the ceremony or getting in the way on the dance floor. Or is there another reason I just don't get?

My wedding was child free. The reason? Adult food, entertainment, sophisticated décor. It was an evening event. Didn't want the meltdowns, noise and chaos of kids. Hired a sitter and catered dinner for the kids in a room down the hall from the reception area. Kids don't belong at a black tie evening wedding.

I was pressured by my family to not allow kids, but I'm very glad I didn't give in. Having 25 kids at my 125 person wedding made it so much better. Their presence was pretty incredible and so much fun. I'm sure not all families and friends are like this, but wow was it a good time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

So send spouse and stay home with kids. The wedding couple does not have to accommodate your DC? DC is your responsibility not theirs.

When did I ever say that had to accommodate us? I was simply venting. It's worth it for people planning weddings to hear all sides of the story.

Anonymous wrote:I have never been to a wedding that didn't allow kids, but it seems to come up on Carolyn Hax quite a bit so I'm curious what goes on at these weddings and what most guests do when they are invited.

Just wondering what reasons people have for this. I would think primarily it's because the couple doesn't like kids or doesn't want a fussy baby or active child "ruining" the ceremony or getting in the way on the dance floor. Or is there another reason I just don't get?

I haven't read all the posts. We did end up allowing kids, but encouraged local guests and friends to get sitters if they could. Out of town and family we totally included. We love kids and weren't against having them at our wedding, but a couple things: 1) our limited venue size and my huge extended family made making the guestlist crazy stressful. We were older when we got married, so many of our friends and my cousins had kids by then. We really didn't have room for everyone bringing their kids. 2) it was an evening wedding and at a venue that was basically one big room plus outdoor space- there really wasn't anywhere good to escape the noise from the music, etc. The few infant-toddler aged kids that did come were cranky post-dinner, which of course makes their parents cranky too. The older kids seemed to have a blast though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

I find this thinking so odd. To me, a wedding is an event in which your loved ones - regardless of age- celebrate with you. NOT essentially 'a cocktail party.' I've gone to plenty of events and overnight trips with DH without kids so I'm not some mom attached to my kids 24/7.

+1

If you see a wedding as a "cocktail party"… well, I think you've kind of lost sight of what a wedding is.

Who are you to say what a wedding is to someone else?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

You must go to boring events. Plenty of Italian and Indian weddings I've been invited with kids and we have a blast.

I am a first generation Italian. My wedding . . . no kids

In fact, it was small - very intimate.

After growing up with all that chaos, I took the quieter route. And it was still a blast.

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

You must go to boring events. Plenty of Italian and Indian weddings I've been invited with kids and we have a blast.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

I find this thinking so odd. To me, a wedding is an event in which your loved ones - regardless of age- celebrate with you. NOT essentially 'a cocktail party.' I've gone to plenty of events and overnight trips with DH without kids so I'm not some mom attached to my kids 24/7.

+1

If you see a wedding as a "cocktail party"… well, I think you've kind of lost sight of what a wedding is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

So send spouse and stay home with kids. The wedding couple does not have to accommodate your DC? DC is your responsibility not theirs.

Np -of course they don't have to do anything. But the couple should try to make it easy for those that are in the wedding. Kind of crappy to do that.

It does make it more complicated if it is a family OOT wedding and/or one or both spouses have been asked to be attendants.

Every family wedding up until the most recent 2 had been kid-friendly. And honestly, having the kiddos there was ALWAYS the best part. So, it surprised me when 2 of my cousins had weddings in the past few years where kids were not invited.

I don't begrudge them having the wedding they want or can afford or whatever. But there was this whole "oh, why can't you come?" attitude that we got that was a bit upsetting. Let's see, my parents are part of the family, so there goes the weekend sitter we have used in other cases? It doesn't seem like much fun to have to have someone sit in a hotel room babysitting while their spouse is at the party? I'm not going to leave my kid with some random stranger in a town I don't live in just so I can go to a wedding? I might have attended if there had been a kid's room at the event, but there wasn't, so my parents went and we stayed at home. I hate missing big events for members of my extended family, but I didn't have much choice. My two older cousins (brother and sister, both married with kids) did attend, and their dad and mom (my aunt and uncle) stayed back from the reception so that their adult children could attend. Great for them, but I wasn't going to do that to my parents. Again, it is what it is, but don't make me feel guilty for having to decline.