Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am with you OP. I am thinking of dumping my wife. She was an attractive woman when I married her but she has put on over 70 pounds since we married and I am quite honestly embarrassed to be seen with her.

Things do change sometimes in terms of personality and other times in terms of looks.

Goes with the territory: most women once they get married put on the pounds like there is no tomorrow. They are motivated to lose the weight after divorce or separation while on the prowl in search of their next mate.

Speak for your own wife! Many of us take pride in our appearance. I'm 36 and I have two children. I'm 5'9". I was 142 on our wedding day and 148 today. I work out daily and am MORE fit today than my wedding day, plus I have a new set of tits.

I still want to look hot for my DH and I want to look hot for myself. Most of my friends are like this too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am with you OP. I am thinking of dumping my wife. She was an attractive woman when I married her but she has put on over 70 pounds since we married and I am quite honestly embarrassed to be seen with her.

Things do change sometimes in terms of personality and other times in terms of looks.

Goes with the territory: most women once they get married put on the pounds like there is no tomorrow. They are motivated to lose the weight after divorce or separation while on the prowl in search of their next mate.

Speak for your own wife! Many of us take pride in our appearance. I'm 36 and I have two children. I'm 5'9". I was 142 on our wedding day and 148 today. I work out daily and am MORE fit today than my wedding day, plus I have a new set of tits.

I still want to look hot for my DH and I want to look hot for myself. Most of my friends are like this too.

liamw wrote:I just read the first couple of pages, but as a divorced man I can understand the frustration as I dealt with the same from my X. I put her through school we had no kids so it did make leaving easier, the hardest part was admitting I had failed to make it work. Was I to blame? Was she? Was the Army. It took a long time to realize that you can love some one and still not be in love with them. A union is meant to be a support group your meant to be each others rock, when that fails so does the union. Have you recommended counseling, has he always been this way, often detachment is a coping mechanism. My X wife became detached and cruel after my first deployment, and at that point in my life I was not leaving the Military so I held on for a couple more years and it got worse and worse, the day I started questioning my worth was the day I filed papers. Being older and wiser I am sure there are things we could have done to try to fix it, but one thing I learned from a much older and wiser NCO is you can fix broken, broken isn't bad ya cant fix shattered. What ya need to do is figure out which situation are you in, broken or shattered. Make a list of the things you still love about him and the things you have grown to hate ask him to do the same and see if you cant get back to the core of what made you marry the man and give him a child if you can't well then the next step is pretty clear. As far as a child in a broken home speaking from experience, a home doesn't have to be divided for a child to realize its broken.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am with you OP. I am thinking of dumping my wife. She was an attractive woman when I married her but she has put on over 70 pounds since we married and I am quite honestly embarrassed to be seen with her.

Things do change sometimes in terms of personality and other times in terms of looks.

Goes with the territory: most women once they get married put on the pounds like there is no tomorrow. They are motivated to lose the weight after divorce or separation while on the prowl in search of their next mate.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a good father, he is strong, he is smart and he is loyal. However, he is incapable of being vulnerable. He is unkind. He is socially inept which means that we have a very hard time developing "couple friends". I feel like I am just done. I don't need this shit. I don't need someone who is unsupportive of me. I do not need someone who makes me feel as though anything I genuinely like is stupid. I am attractive, under 40, I am a lawyer (so I do not need to him to survive financially). I just don't need this shit. Honestly. I can do better - and I don't even think I want anyone right now. I dream of being free of him. We have a daughter and I would hate to break up her home, but I feel like I am just done. She will adjust. Perhaps I feel differently tomorrow, but as of this evening, fuck this shit.

Anonymous wrote:I am with you OP. I am thinking of dumping my wife. She was an attractive woman when I married her but she has put on over 70 pounds since we married and I am quite honestly embarrassed to be seen with her.

Things do change sometimes in terms of personality and other times in terms of looks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am with you OP. I am thinking of dumping my wife. She was an attractive woman when I married her but she has put on over 70 pounds since we married and I am quite honestly embarrassed to be seen with her.

Things do change sometimes in terms of personality and other times in terms of looks.

Wow i really hope this is a joke. Seriously? You sound as shallow as they come. Does the woman you married INSIDE still exist? The woman you fell in love with, hopefully for more than her body???? Obviously not. Man, she will be lucky to be rid of someone who thinks like you. Sad.

I'm not the PP, but I'm pretty sure I can recognize sarcasm when it slaps me like a 10" dong hitting BPVOG upside his head.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am with you OP. I am thinking of dumping my wife. She was an attractive woman when I married her but she has put on over 70 pounds since we married and I am quite honestly embarrassed to be seen with her.

Things do change sometimes in terms of personality and other times in terms of looks.

Wow i really hope this is a joke. Seriously? You sound as shallow as they come. Does the woman you married INSIDE still exist? The woman you fell in love with, hopefully for more than her body???? Obviously not. Man, she will be lucky to be rid of someone who thinks like you. Sad.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a good father, he is strong, he is smart and he is loyal. However, he is incapable of being vulnerable. He is unkind. He is socially inept which means that we have a very hard time developing "couple friends". I feel like I am just done. I don't need this shit. I don't need someone who is unsupportive of me. I do not need someone who makes me feel as though anything I genuinely like is stupid. I am attractive, under 40, I am a lawyer (so I do not need to him to survive financially). I just don't need this shit. Honestly. I can do better - and I don't even think I want anyone right now. I dream of being free of him. We have a daughter and I would hate to break up her home, but I feel like I am just done. She will adjust. Perhaps I feel differently tomorrow, but as of this evening, fuck this shit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP, I can really relate. My DH had that hard shell when we fell in love, too, but he let me in, and I never felt the cold sharpness of it from the receiving end. I saw someone who had been hurt by the world and undervalued by the people closest to him, and I was flattered that he let me in beyond his walls. Once we were married though (and we're less than 2 years married now) he shut me out more and more. It's the little things like you mention that add up...any compliment I give him goes nowhere ("That was a delicious dinner" "Of course it was"...), there are no compliments my way - none - he never smiles when I come in the room, he can't say anything nice about anything, he won't allow me to do anything for him like bring him a drink. Literally, I will be in the kitchen and ask can I bring him anythjng, he'll say no, and a minute later get up and get his own drink. Nothing I can do can bring him the slightest pleasure. It's exhausting and demoralizing.

On the other hand, he barely stops doing housework all day and our toddler adores him. Everyone thinks he's such a great husband, but I fear unless he changes pretty dramatically, I can't imagine sharing a home with someone who just seems to dislike me so fully.

OP here. This is almost exactly what I am going through. I see that I am being criticized for not providing specifics. That makes sense, but the specifics are very hard to describe. It's not one action - it is just a general overall attitude that suggest a complete lack of appreciation, needing or wanting me for anything. If I like something - it is automatically stupid and not worth his time. If I ask if I can help with anything, he is never receptive to it. If I try and praise him, he rebuffs it. Virtually any question I ask him is met with exasperation from him. This, also coupled with the fact that he has a sharp wit and has no issue making fun of me, yet literally loses his mind and becomes severely offended if I throw a little his way. I am not at all sensitive to jokes at my expense. Usually, the smart ass comment is well deserved. But, if it is reversed, he can't handle it, he gets angry, and has no problem ripping me apart for what I said in front of friends and family. It's embarrassing.

On the other hand - he is a great father. He helps around the house. He is committed to the family. So, what do you do, right?

I think he sounds deeply narcissistic and that it's unlikely to change without counseling and/or medication. It is very hard to be a perfectionist and draining when you expect everyone around you to measure up. When they don't, you cut them off, because they aren't helping you live up to the image that you feel you must maintain. It may stem from some family factors - parents who praised your DH excessively combined with some childhood trauma. But simply having a "talk" with DH will likely go nowhere - because he'll see that in the first instance as your trying to get a pass for not meeting his expectations.

I think the only consolation I can offer is that it's not easy for him, either. On the other hand, you do need to understand that eventually your kids will feel the same way in his presence that you do.