PP here. Providing additional details about our experience would surely 'out' the bully so I won't. Suffice it to say that your conversations should be the same whether you know details or not - life isn't always fair, stand up for yourself no matter who the bully is, take care of your friends, don't look the other way when someone is being bullied....

If someone could give examples, without identifying you or your child so other parents can know what conversations we should be having with our children. Thanks

Sad. The posters who left because of bullying and the one who stayed despite of it both brought back gut wrenching memories for me about our experience with the school. Our DC was bullied in the lower school for a few years. At first, we were deferential to the school to let them handle hit, but when they did absolutely nothing, we knew we needed a plan out. We decided to stay as long as we did because it wasn't easy to find another school for DC, bad entry years, stay in NOVA or go to a DC school. We decided to stick it out one last year to give us time to find another school and we would do everything in our power to prevent something bad from happening. We never should have stayed the extra year -- it was awful, just awful, makes my stomach hurt awful. I have never been so disappointed in a group of adults supervising children.

We found a new school and now have the ability to compare and contrast how each school differs in the climate they choose to create. Our DC hasn't been bullied at the new school, and has really blossomed into a confident kid. The new school takes a much more proactive stance to bullying.

SSSAS has a beautiful campus and many wonderful families, but tragically has a culture that is a real deal breaker.

depends on whether she wants them to be lacrosse stars.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks 8:28. We stayed for many of the reasons you mentioned. We don't cut and run. Bullying is everywhere. How can you know if you are moving from the frying pan into the fire? And, we taught our child how to handle the bully when many of the teachers' hands were tied (or so they thought) due to the student's parent/administrator. Our child learned a life lesson about special treatment for certain people in life. Our child learned "life isn't always fair."
Also, to the point about the school handling other types of infractions - you're right. But only certain types of infractions that are easily dealt with like cheating, stealing and other honor code violations. They seem to be particularly unaware or incapable of dealing with social issues, such as bullying. Maybe that will change with a new Head of School, but it will be a long road.

New head will have twins in first grade, could be good or bad.

Anonymous wrote:PP here. And actually unaware of the bullying issue that "everyone" knows about. Agree completely that bullying is unhealthy and damaging to all involved. Nonetheless, the story surprises me. Given how firmly the school deals with other infractions, it seems uncharacteristic. Why did you stay then?

Ditto here,current SSSAS LS parent. I am only aware of a bullying incident from 2 years ago in which child wascounseled out. When we have had issues,move brought them to the attention of the teacher, Weinman and Dr D., all of whom took me seriously. I am not on the board or a big donor. We have substantial wealth, yes, but I don't know how the school, or anyone else would know that. When someone wrote an administrator's son, does poster mean the head's son? I can't think of any othe administrator's children, and that son is not a bully so I can't think of who? Now there are a ton teacher kids there, some are discipline problems (super hyper, etc). But I can't imagine the school not taking issues seriously, squeaky wheel people, if they don't listen, keep making noise. I am all for shaking things up if there is a problem, at any school.

Thanks 8:28. We stayed for many of the reasons you mentioned. We don't cut and run. Bullying is everywhere. How can you know if you are moving from the frying pan into the fire? And, we taught our child how to handle the bully when many of the teachers' hands were tied (or so they thought) due to the student's parent/administrator. Our child learned a life lesson about special treatment for certain people in life. Our child learned "life isn't always fair."
Also, to the point about the school handling other types of infractions - you're right. But only certain types of infractions that are easily dealt with like cheating, stealing and other honor code violations. They seem to be particularly unaware or incapable of dealing with social issues, such as bullying. Maybe that will change with a new Head of School, but it will be a long road.

Why did she stay? I'll guess. Kids have things called FRIENDS and it can be upsetting to move them. Her child enjoyed the teachers? They kept hoping the school would finally would take action? From what she wrote in her post, it sounds like they did leave. If your kid is bullied, most people probably try to finish out the school year. Maybe she has been requesting that the bully and her child not have the same teacher. Don't harass the victim.

PP here. And actually unaware of the bullying issue that "everyone" knows about. Agree completely that bullying is unhealthy and damaging to all involved. Nonetheless, the story surprises me. Given how firmly the school deals with other infractions, it seems uncharacteristic. Why did you stay then?

I don't have a child at this school, but I feel for the poster that experienced the bully problem. The school should not have renewed the bully's school contract for the next year. The only way to get rid of the bully problem is to take serious action. A child is being bullied at our private school but my child is not. Bullies pick a target and often times just torment that particular child. We have to support our community and stand behind any child that is being bullied, even when our child is not a target.

Recent bullying experience. Child of an administrator. Most people at the school know who it was. We stuck it out, but our kids learned a valuable lesson about special circumstances affecting how a situation is handled.

Wow. SSSAS parent and - have to say - this does not sound like the school our DCs attend. Maybe it's because we both work, but I can't say I have noticed any problem at the social events we attend. It's true the parents (and I do think it's primarily moms) who do a lot for the school hang out together at events, but I've always presumed that it's because they know each other well from fundraisers, pizza days, and so forth. Personally, I'm pretty grateful that these moms put in as much effort as they do to set up a seemingly endless stream of events. Don't know where they live, but some do belong to the Belle Haven country club - and are charming about hosting school events there. In any event, they've always been friendly enough. And there are lots of other parents who both work. But, our kids are happy there and learning a lot, which is why we've been happy with the choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't say more expensive in rosemont, just less square footage for the buck. Nor did I claim belle haven is snotty. Just my point - nothing to be snotty about and the claim is just untrue. SSSAS is a great environment for folks from all walks of life. Those who think differently likely hAve am axe to grind or a chip on their shoulder re money. Don't have to be rich to have agreat experience at this school - child (which should be what matters) or parents.

Former SSSAS mom. I have a chip on my shoulder about the school because my child was bullied and the administration just stood and watched. My HHI is over $2MM, so don't tell me that I felt inferior because I lacked money. The school lacked character.

Right, so you have an axe to grind. There was an "or" there.

Then why go on to say "you don't have to be rich to have a great experience." My point was that we are rich, and we still had a terrible experience at the school because of its culture. Anyone considering the school should be aware that they talk a good game about character but look away when their students bully others. We are not the only family that left because of that huge failure. I don't give a good G*ddamn about the "belle haven" or "rosemont" debate. That place is toxic no matter where you live.

Because you do not need to be rich to have a good experience there. I did not imply or state that rich people will always have a good experience there. You prove my point - rich, poor, or somewhere in between, you can have a great experience at SSSAS...or not. Just like any school, public or private. Often times, though, if most people find a place to be great, it is likely just not a good fit for your family if you do not. One bad experience (or five) does not make any one place better or worse than another. It is hard to be a kid these days. Bullying is awful and should not happen, but it does - everywhere. Sometimes it is addressed head on, sometimes administrators and teachers want kids to work it out among themselves. Girls especially are horrible to one another in so many instances...even to their friends. Hope you are happier where you landed.

Again, the school has a real problem addressing bullying. It's not that they want kids to work it out among themselves. It's that they don't care that it is going on. There is a huge difference, and that is what makes the school a bad place. Most schools at least TRY to do something, whether counseling or disciplinary action. SSSAS does NOTHING. That in fact DOES make it worse. One of the worst middle schoolers was a talented lacrosse player. You think the school cares whether she is mean to other students? We are definitely happier, because our new school takes these things seriously and address the bullying situations I've heard about head-on.

My experience was a few years ago, although I have heard from friends still there that there has been particular trouble with next year's 5th grade class, and that the school says it is acting. Maybe a new head who doesn't care so much about the athletes will make a difference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't say more expensive in rosemont, just less square footage for the buck. Nor did I claim belle haven is snotty. Just my point - nothing to be snotty about and the claim is just untrue. SSSAS is a great environment for folks from all walks of life. Those who think differently likely hAve am axe to grind or a chip on their shoulder re money. Don't have to be rich to have agreat experience at this school - child (which should be what matters) or parents.

Former SSSAS mom. I have a chip on my shoulder about the school because my child was bullied and the administration just stood and watched. My HHI is over $2MM, so don't tell me that I felt inferior because I lacked money. The school lacked character.

Right, so you have an axe to grind. There was an "or" there.

Then why go on to say "you don't have to be rich to have a great experience." My point was that we are rich, and we still had a terrible experience at the school because of its culture. Anyone considering the school should be aware that they talk a good game about character but look away when their students bully others. We are not the only family that left because of that huge failure. I don't give a good G*ddamn about the "belle haven" or "rosemont" debate. That place is toxic no matter where you live.

Because you do not need to be rich to have a good experience there. I did not imply or state that rich people will always have a good experience there. You prove my point - rich, poor, or somewhere in between, you can have a great experience at SSSAS...or not. Just like any school, public or private. Often times, though, if most people find a place to be great, it is likely just not a good fit for your family if you do not. One bad experience (or five) does not make any one place better or worse than another. It is hard to be a kid these days. Bullying is awful and should not happen, but it does - everywhere. Sometimes it is addressed head on, sometimes administrators and teachers want kids to work it out among themselves. Girls especially are horrible to one another in so many instances...even to their friends. Hope you are happier where you landed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't say more expensive in rosemont, just less square footage for the buck. Nor did I claim belle haven is snotty. Just my point - nothing to be snotty about and the claim is just untrue. SSSAS is a great environment for folks from all walks of life. Those who think differently likely hAve am axe to grind or a chip on their shoulder re money. Don't have to be rich to have agreat experience at this school - child (which should be what matters) or parents.

Former SSSAS mom. I have a chip on my shoulder about the school because my child was bullied and the administration just stood and watched. My HHI is over $2MM, so don't tell me that I felt inferior because I lacked money. The school lacked character.

Right, so you have an axe to grind. There was an "or" there.

Then why go on to say "you don't have to be rich to have a great experience." My point was that we are rich, and we still had a terrible experience at the school because of its culture. Anyone considering the school should be aware that they talk a good game about character but look away when their students bully others. We are not the only family that left because of that huge failure. I don't give a good G*ddamn about the "belle haven" or "rosemont" debate. That place is toxic no matter where you live.

I'm just curious, and without providing too much revealing information about your family's bad experience -- was this in fairly recent years?