Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sibling A: you had to have seen this coming. It makes me wonder if you want to be the care-taking brother and be loved for it (but still have the opportunity to be a little mad about it after the fact)

Forget it. Siblings are better off when they see each other as equals - when they respect each other.

Are you wanting to be a martyr? I truly ask ONLY because I've got to believe you've known this scenario was coming!

Ah, there you are, weird confrontational poster who invariably assigns strange motives to the OP and blames him or her for everything.. We were all having a reasoned, civilized discussion, and then here you are.

Right? Is this how otherwise decent threads go off the rails? I feel like sometimes DCUM is 60/40 intelligent conversations/wacky poster bashing.

+1. This is absolutely how they go off the rails. It's a shame. Lord knows there's more than one OP basher/disruptor of well-reasoned threads on DCUM, but I really do think a lot of times it's the same poster as above since she has a distinct style of writing and pattern of thought. Very active imagination about other people's thoughts and motivations. Aggressive, accusatory questions flung at the OP (any OP, any topic). All-caps and defensiveness when justifying her odd point of view.

Anyway, back on topic, it is sad that inheritances can rip families apart, and I think OP is admirable for thinking this through carefully and (very) generously toward his sibling. Still think he should sell since the alternative suggested by Sibling B seems entirely one-sided. Best of luck, Sibling A!

PP comments re: op's motivation is useful. Op needs to consider if his judgement is being affected by a pattern of being the care-taking brother.

B isn't married and does not have kids yet, right? Why is B worried about private school tuition? If B wants the house now, B should buy out A.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a trustee on my grandparent's trust and was in a similar situation, but a bit more complicated. Keep the house owned by the trust if it's not already, then the one who wants to live there can buy it back by paying loan installments.

So basically, the trust is giving a rent-to-own loan of $1.5m, and the monthly payments would go to you (indirectly).

Where is gets complicated is when improvements or repairs need to be made. Repairs would be covered by the trust, but let's say they want to put a pool in... Figure out how to handle taht.

A good estate lawyer can advise on the options here -- they've dealt with this before I'm sure.

And when the sister decides not to pay the loan...or the fiance say WE are not paying anything and WE are not leaving either because it is half yours.

This thread if very interesting to me and I have several comments to make about it based on recent experiences.

My mother was terminally ill and split her estate equally between her 4 kids. We split the money over a 4-year period BEFORE she passed away. So everything worked out at the end but there were some emotional negotations earlier. But we were glad that we all came to a solution that worked for everyone. It was a big plus that everyone was united during the funeral proceedings rather than thinking about their inheritances.

As mentioned by a PP, one of the beneficiaries got slightly screwed. He divorced unamicably last year and it seems like some of his inheritance will end up the spouse's hands. He should have kept the funds separately but mixed them in with the joint assets.

One beneficiary feels shortchanged. She feels like she spent the most time and money helping mother, especially during the last few difficult years of mom's life. Maybe this is why B thinks she deserves more than A in this thread? IF this was the case, maybe some of you would change your answer?

A couple other beneficiaries were not very close to mother at all and rarely saw her or spoke to her. I think they feel guilty about their inheritance to some degree. One of them has given very large gifts to the nieces/nephews to compensate I think. The other one lives beyond their means and has already spent every penny inherited.

I'm surprised that most of you don't care about the net worth or income of the beneficiaries. A couple PPs mentioned that if A has $10+ mill and B has "only" 2-3 mill perhaps that would change their answer.

Regarding the property, one of us 4 kids got it, by paying off the others. The tricky part was negotiating the price. The property is very unique and determining fair market value was difficult. But we eventually agreed to a number. To help the buyer, we set up a 5-year payment plan.

The conclusion is that it can be difficult, but it is definitely good to make final decisions, rather than have one asset cause problems for the rest of your lives.

Keep the emotions out of it and explain the dollars and cents to her (including the annual property taxes, utilities, gardening, maintenance costs, etc.). Adding in the cost of a $500,000 mortgage (assuming they could qualify), she may realize on her own that it is just not realistic. Also, explain that you could sell the home and she would have a great down payment for another home plus a nest egg. Finally, I would tell her that you can't walk away from your $1.5 million share (retirement, college for your kids, etc.).

Anonymous wrote:If sibling B can't afford the house, they don't get the house.

This is the correct answer IMO. Avoid potentially messy & painful future entanglements and give them funds with which they can do as they please.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sibling A: you had to have seen this coming. It makes me wonder if you want to be the care-taking brother and be loved for it (but still have the opportunity to be a little mad about it after the fact)

Forget it. Siblings are better off when they see each other as equals - when they respect each other.

Are you wanting to be a martyr? I truly ask ONLY because I've got to believe you've known this scenario was coming!

Ah, there you are, weird confrontational poster who invariably assigns strange motives to the OP and blames him or her for everything.. We were all having a reasoned, civilized discussion, and then here you are.

Right? Is this how otherwise decent threads go off the rails? I feel like sometimes DCUM is 60/40 intelligent conversations/wacky poster bashing.

Anonymous wrote:Sibling A: you had to have seen this coming. It makes me wonder if you want to be the care-taking brother and be loved for it (but still have the opportunity to be a little mad about it after the fact)

Forget it. Siblings are better off when they see each other as equals - when they respect each other.

Are you wanting to be a martyr? I truly ask ONLY because I've got to believe you've known this scenario was coming!

Ah, there you are, weird confrontational poster who invariably assigns strange motives to the OP and blames him or her for everything.. We were all having a reasoned, civilized discussion, and then here you are.

Anonymous wrote:A will can easily divide a family unfortunately as I witnessed in my family. Is there someone that you can hire - like an estate attorney that can "be the heavy". He/she can draw up different plans with monetary amounts attached and present them to you and your sister and that can be the starting point of a conversation. That way you are not presenting the news directly to your sister. I personally think that your sister thinks that you will let her live there rent free because you are already established with a home/family. She may be trying to take advantage of your good will. And it will cause worse issues later on because I'm sure she wouldn't vacate a 3 million dollar house without a fight.

+1.

Anonymous wrote:Sibling that wants to live in the house needs to buy the other sibling out. My ex was in a similar situation and his brother and family moved into the inherited home. The brother in law never gave my ex anything and I suspect that he will never see a penny. Worst part is my ex doesn't have a pot to piss in and really needs his part of the inheritance (house).

Object lesson for OP. Sell!

Anonymous wrote:I think you'd really, really regret not selling now. Once she moves in, she's never going to want to move out. It doesn't sound like she'll be able to afford to buy you out- possibly ever. It's one thing to sell your parents' home. It will be quite another if something happens and you need the money and you force her to sell "her" home one day. There are really no good possible scenarios that could happen from letting her move in.

+10000000000000000

Also, I'd take the approach of blaming your lawyer for advising you to sell because 50% ownership in property creates too many possible legal ramifications.

I think you'd really, really regret not selling now. Once she moves in, she's never going to want to move out. It doesn't sound like she'll be able to afford to buy you out- possibly ever. It's one thing to sell your parents' home. It will be quite another if something happens and you need the money and you force her to sell "her" home one day. There are really no good possible scenarios that could happen from letting her move in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again - To add, I think part of why she finds this so upsetting is that my family and I actually could afford to buy her out and live there if we wanted to. We just don't. So she sees it as us having had our opportunity and since we're not taking advantage, she should. Or something.

My parents spent a lot of time and $ "evening out" things between us so she'd have the same things as me/my family (paid for her car, grad school tuition, etc.) when I got them through working hard and taking risks. I'm not sure she realizes that's not how the real world works, though she is rational in other domains.

So how much money DO you have?

If you have millions and millions, I think you should consider letting her buy you out for less than 1.5 mil.

Signed, Typical Moocher

NP here. Ignore that poster, OP. He's the same guy that will expect you to spring for dinner every time they choose a fancy restaurant WITH the fancy wine because THEY have champagne taste on a beer budget. Their problem, not yours.

Your sibling needs to cough up the money or ratchet down their tastes, expectations and experiences, OP. They are not at all realistic.

I'm the one who posted that. I'm not a moocher. I think it is probably in everyone's best interest to sell. But if the wealthier sibling had tons of money (like ten million), for the sake of family harmony, I'd consider selling it for less than market.

There might be gift tax implications of that tho. Not sure.