Anonymous
06/03/2014 10:17
Subject: Dear Obnoxious Stepdaughters...
Looks like this lady might be OP...
http://jilldeibel.hubpages.com/hub/Why-Nice-Women-Dont-Like-Step-Kids
http://jilldeibel.hubpages.com/hub/Why-Nice-Women-Dont-Like-Step-Kids
Anonymous
05/23/2014 22:13
Subject: Dear Obnoxious Stepdaughters...
*faced (when you were growing up)
Anonymous
05/23/2014 22:12
Subject: Dear Obnoxious Stepdaughters...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:[foryfor kite=Antheir mous]Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NP here. Spouses should ALWAYS come first. Always.
Spouses should come first in intact families. Parents should not disregard already-born children for their flavor of the week.
+1. Let the angry second wives come out in full force, but the ethics here simply are not the same if both spouses aren't also joint parents of all the kids.
If the people involved truly believed in putting children above all else, they would have chosen their child's other parent more carefully and stayed married. The very fact that a stepparent is in the picture is evidence that at least one of those parents already put themselves ahead of the children. Being married to an "angry second wife" in itself is evidence that that parent does not put the child first because a man who wants to put his children first will not marry a woman who does not. Angry ex-wives don't want to admit that they picked a crappy parent for their child. He chose her but you chose him.
My parents are divorced and that was really better for me. They were more verbally abusive while they were married. Divorce is not always worse then staying married. I'm one of the people who posted kids should come first ala Sophie's choice ( which was basically a life and death decision for those unfamiliar with the plot). By putting my kids first, I,don't mean coddling them but making sure that energies are spent to help them develop good character and provide them with a loving environment. I don't understand parents like my own who were so self involved that their luxuries came above my college tuition etc. Good parents sacrifice their own needs for their kids needs. Crappy parents justify their crappy selfish behaviors with statements like I'm trying to teach responsibility when they are just too selfish to see beyond their own needs. I'm not just talking the talk either. Ive saved 200k for their college and I strive everyday to do what I can to raise caring and compassionate human beings.
You sound like a great mom despite the challenges you face. I agree with you wholeheartedly. And I am willing to bet money that it will be a cold day in hell before you ever find yourself married to a man who did not share your level of devotion to your children.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 22:00
Subject: Dear Obnoxious Stepdaughters...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NP here. Spouses should ALWAYS come first. Always.
Spouses should come first in intact families. Parents should not disregard already-born children for their flavor of the week.
+1. Let the angry second wives come out in full force, but the ethics here simply are not the same if both spouses aren't also joint parents of all the kids.
If the people involved truly believed in putting children above all else, they would have chosen their child's other parent more carefully and stayed married. The very fact that a stepparent is in the picture is evidence that at least one of those parents already put themselves ahead of the children. Being married to an "angry second wife" in itself is evidence that that parent does not put the child first because a man who wants to put his children first will not marry a woman who does not. Angry ex-wives don't want to admit that they picked a crappy parent for their child. He chose her but you chose him.
Uh, what does that say about the second wife? She picked him too. Your diatribe makes little sense.
It says the wife doesn't put his children first. Which is probably the reason she married a man who also doesn't put his own children first. If he did he obviously wouldn't be married to her.
Not sure how that's a diatribe. It's a simple statement of fact. No man who puts his children first would stay married to a woman who snubs them.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 21:29
Subject: Dear Obnoxious Stepdaughters...
Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with folks who say that children should come first. No wonder we have so many divorces!
The person you promised to be with forever should come first. Children should be a shared priority between you while they are CHILDREN. Once they are adults, if you have done a good job as parents, they will be FUNCTIONAL INDEPENDENT ADULTS. Your relationship with them will hopefully be loving, affectionate, and warm. But their needs as adults should be primarily taken care of by themselves. And thus your marriage should still be your top priority.
OP, I'm sorry you have such a bad relationship with your stepdaughters. That must be hard for all of you.
Agree 100%.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 20:41
Subject: Dear Obnoxious Stepdaughters...
Anonymous wrote:[foryfor kite=Antheir mous]Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NP here. Spouses should ALWAYS come first. Always.
Spouses should come first in intact families. Parents should not disregard already-born children for their flavor of the week.
+1. Let the angry second wives come out in full force, but the ethics here simply are not the same if both spouses aren't also joint parents of all the kids.
If the people involved truly believed in putting children above all else, they would have chosen their child's other parent more carefully and stayed married. The very fact that a stepparent is in the picture is evidence that at least one of those parents already put themselves ahead of the children. Being married to an "angry second wife" in itself is evidence that that parent does not put the child first because a man who wants to put his children first will not marry a woman who does not. Angry ex-wives don't want to admit that they picked a crappy parent for their child. He chose her but you chose him.
My parents are divorced and that was really better for me. They were more verbally abusive while they were married. Divorce is not always worse then staying married. I'm one of the people who posted kids should come first ala Sophie's choice ( which was basically a life and death decision for those unfamiliar with the plot). By putting my kids first, I,don't mean coddling them but making sure that energies are spent to help them develop good character and provide them with a loving environment. I don't understand parents like my own who were so self involved that their luxuries came above my college tuition etc. Good parents sacrifice their own needs for their kids needs. Crappy parents justify their crappy selfish behaviors with statements like I'm trying to teach responsibility when they are just too selfish to see beyond their own needs. I'm not just talking the talk either. Ive saved 200k for their college and I strive everyday to do what I can to raise caring and compassionate human beings.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 20:20
Subject: Dear Obnoxious Stepdaughters...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NP here. Spouses should ALWAYS come first. Always.
Spouses should come first in intact families. Parents should not disregard already-born children for their flavor of the week.
+1. Let the angry second wives come out in full force, but the ethics here simply are not the same if both spouses aren't also joint parents of all the kids.
If the people involved truly believed in putting children above all else, they would have chosen their child's other parent more carefully and stayed married. The very fact that a stepparent is in the picture is evidence that at least one of those parents already put themselves ahead of the children. Being married to an "angry second wife" in itself is evidence that that parent does not put the child first because a man who wants to put his children first will not marry a woman who does not. Angry ex-wives don't want to admit that they picked a crappy parent for their child. He chose her but you chose him.
Uh, what does that say about the second wife? She picked him too. Your diatribe makes little sense.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 19:49
Subject: Dear Obnoxious Stepdaughters...
Anonymous wrote:One gave me a major attitude because we "ONLY" gave a bib set as a baby shower gift. I don't want to spend time with people who are going to be giving me attitudes.
Yes- DH and I are well off but we enjoy spending time and our resources with each other. DH worked hard and so have I. They are in their mid-20's. It's time for them to be completely independent financially and emotionally.
In all fairness, that was pretty lame.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 15:40
Subject: Dear Obnoxious Stepdaughters...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NP here. Spouses should ALWAYS come first. Always.
I might be wrong, but I suspect you're a man.
It's generally to men's long-term benefit for spouses to come first, because men are likely to be taken care of by their wives in their later years.
It's not so much in women's interest -- men generally (though of course not always) predecease their wives, and their widows are more likely to depend on their adult children in their later years.
My grandmother was a widow for 20 years. For 15 of those, she was vigorous and independent, but for the last five, it was my mom who spent a couple hours with her at her nursing home *every single evening* (after working a full-time job during the day). My grandfather, though he was a fine man, certainly wasn't able to do that from the grave.
Yes. Absolutely. My parents are still married, at 74 and 84. I never had any doubts that my 74-year old Mom put my sister and I first. Do you know who is taking care of her financially and emotionally while she spends her time taking care of my 84-year old frail, cranky, volatile Dad, whose memory and mind are slowly going? It is absolutely to his benefit that she "puts him first". Hers? Not so much. She'd rather be with her daughters and grandkids.
Anonymous
05/23/2014 15:23
Subject: Dear Obnoxious Stepdaughters...
Anonymous wrote:They probably hate you, too. Every time they look at you, they imagine you on your knees in front of their father.
ew - i hope they aren't