Anonymous
03/21/2014 10:05
Subject: Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
OP, you have to be honest with yourself--in a part-time program at your age, you are not going to have the "real campus" and "collegiate environment" that you feel you missed out on as an undergrad. I totally understand wanting to be a lifelong learner, but there are other ways to do that besides getting a degree you don't need. Plus, if you really want to start your own business, you should hang onto that $40-$50K to help get it off the ground, rather than spending it on proving something that no one other than yourself cares about. A degree from a prestigious university at this point in your life is going to be basically meaningless, especially if you want to be an entrepreneur. And I still don't hear you recognizing the effect, financial and otherwise, this will have on your family.
Anonymous
03/20/2014 20:03
Subject: Re:Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
My mom dropped out of college to have me. She finished her undergraduate degree the same time I graduated college(the oldest) and went on to get two masters degrees. I always thought it was a shame she didn't do it sooner. She found the perfect career that is never boring, constantly learning, has a certain amount of creativity, and can pull together all her experiences as well as her degrees ...she became a teacher.
I sometimes think that I would love to be able to be my own boss for atleast once in my life. I have always had a job since early teens so by the time I'm looking to retire it will be something like 40+ years of working for someone else.
So anyway OP, this is a dream you have and you have sacrificed and did what you had to do for years (not going away to college when you were younger, getting your certification to further the money situation but not what you really wanted to do) and you have a job that may be going away to show for all that dedication. I think it is fair to want to go back now but you need to have a plan on paying your bills, paying for school, any retirement concerns, and what you committed for paying for college for your youngest. You also have to work out any shifts in division of labor with your wife so for example if you were bringing dd to soccer practice one day a week and showing up at games you work something so one semester you don't take classes that evening and can do the drop off but maybe the next semester DW will do it. It can't be three years of DW being like a single parent while you go to school. Less work with high schooler but still work. If my husband had a plan and was willing to figure out something that was the least disruptive to the whole family and where he was making the bulk of the sacrifices for something that in essense benefited him the most, I would okay with it. I would not be okay with a let's sell the house, eat ramen noodles, have dd pay 100% for college with student loans when we agreed to help pay for it, have DH say he can do nothing to help with our highschooler etc. while he pursued a dream that could be deferred 3-4 years.
I sometimes think that I would love to be able to be my own boss for atleast once in my life. I have always had a job since early teens so by the time I'm looking to retire it will be something like 40+ years of working for someone else.
So anyway OP, this is a dream you have and you have sacrificed and did what you had to do for years (not going away to college when you were younger, getting your certification to further the money situation but not what you really wanted to do) and you have a job that may be going away to show for all that dedication. I think it is fair to want to go back now but you need to have a plan on paying your bills, paying for school, any retirement concerns, and what you committed for paying for college for your youngest. You also have to work out any shifts in division of labor with your wife so for example if you were bringing dd to soccer practice one day a week and showing up at games you work something so one semester you don't take classes that evening and can do the drop off but maybe the next semester DW will do it. It can't be three years of DW being like a single parent while you go to school. Less work with high schooler but still work. If my husband had a plan and was willing to figure out something that was the least disruptive to the whole family and where he was making the bulk of the sacrifices for something that in essense benefited him the most, I would okay with it. I would not be okay with a let's sell the house, eat ramen noodles, have dd pay 100% for college with student loans when we agreed to help pay for it, have DH say he can do nothing to help with our highschooler etc. while he pursued a dream that could be deferred 3-4 years.
Anonymous
03/20/2014 17:27
Subject: Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
For me, it would depend on the cost of the program, whether you'd have to cut back at work, how your earning potential and career satisfaction would change with the degree, and how it would effect the distribution of household work. Obviously, I'd be willing to make sacrifices to support my husband in pursuing his dream career but I would have reservations if that meant taking on student loans, and in the end wouldn't positively change our family's financial security. It's not an easy answer.
Anonymous
03/20/2014 17:20
Subject: Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
Anonymous wrote:Honey, you can't go back and have the rustling-leaves Ivy League college experience you never had. You can't turn back time. Let it go. Having "something to prove" is a lousy reason to do anything.
If you want to sit in a classroom, learn new things, challenge yourself, have interesting discussions, etc, you can absolutely do that. Part time, in the evenings.
Do you have a realistic plan/budget for how you'd pay the bills while you're pursuing this degree program? How you're going to pay the $40k fee?
And you didn't answer whether or not you've saved up enough for your kid's college...
I believe in pursuing your dreams, but you must think realistically about the cost to your family. Do you feel okay about their incurring that cost? More importantly, do they?
+1
Not to mention, forgone income.
Anonymous
03/20/2014 17:09
Subject: Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
Anonymous wrote:OP again (hiding under my desk). Wow, thought I would get a couple of responses and this thread took a life of its own. First, LOL at the person suggesting I get into therapy-wife has mentioned that.
OK, to answer some questions:
-- wife does work but I earn most of the money in the family.
-- separate bank accounts-I pay the required bills and what she has pays for extras
-- my last child is planning on going to a local school for at least a year and then potentially transferring so that is a cost savings
I admit that I want to go back for a variety of reasons. But then doesn't everyone? So what? Can give you the names of people I know who went to law school because they had nothing better to do. Is that any better?
Undergrad I went to a mostly commuter school due to a number of family issues. And when on DCUM, always feel like a missed something that everyone else cherishes. So I graduated in a very marketable field and did well enough to get into a good MBA program (UVA tier) due to work history, recommendations, and reasonable GMAT score. Fast forward a few years later and spent a year studying, and eventually passing an exam for a profession license.
But something for me is still missing. The MBA and license were strictly for professional reasons. I never had a chance to be on a real campus, attending part for career and part just for the sake of learning. The program I am looking at what allow for both. I want to be in an academic environment again. I want to do the required reading and answer questions in class, be part of an interesting discussion. It isn't about partying and having a good time, but really pushing myself to learn new things, including different aspects of technology that would allow me to move my existing knowledge into new areas. Plus, it would greatly expand my network with like minded people. I am not a prophet who can project that I will meet someone with a business idea who would like to team up with me. But I do know that if I don't try, it will never happen.
Yes the $48K (actually checked and it is more like $40K) is a lot of money, but I am also expecting an inheritance that can cover a piece of that. But we live within our means and you only live once so why not have a dream and pursue it?
There were questions asked about my wife. She is very different from me. I am always looking at new things and what you would call a lifelong learner (e,g, I study foreign languages in my spare time to challenge myself). But as much as compromise is needed for a marriage to flourish, I really want to do something new and bold and take a risk.
Retirement? Would like to work as long as I can. Stopping at 62 to play golf is unappealing. Even in later years, I would love to advise technology companies.
Hopefully I have answered some of your questions.
then why are you asking DCUM anything? this place is full of people whose dream is to retire early - the earlier the better. to that end they are willing to sacrifice almost anything.
that said, if you are into learning, go to coursera. i have 2 ivy league degrees and those courses are hard - they really are completely comparable to classroom experiences at top schools. you can also have discussions with other students on the boards. the only thing missing is the prestige and the professor's attention. an important part but still.
Anonymous
03/20/2014 16:09
Subject: Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
Honey, you can't go back and have the rustling-leaves Ivy League college experience you never had. You can't turn back time. Let it go. Having "something to prove" is a lousy reason to do anything.
If you want to sit in a classroom, learn new things, challenge yourself, have interesting discussions, etc, you can absolutely do that. Part time, in the evenings.
Do you have a realistic plan/budget for how you'd pay the bills while you're pursuing this degree program? How you're going to pay the $40k fee?
And you didn't answer whether or not you've saved up enough for your kid's college...
I believe in pursuing your dreams, but you must think realistically about the cost to your family. Do you feel okay about their incurring that cost? More importantly, do they?
If you want to sit in a classroom, learn new things, challenge yourself, have interesting discussions, etc, you can absolutely do that. Part time, in the evenings.
Do you have a realistic plan/budget for how you'd pay the bills while you're pursuing this degree program? How you're going to pay the $40k fee?
And you didn't answer whether or not you've saved up enough for your kid's college...
I believe in pursuing your dreams, but you must think realistically about the cost to your family. Do you feel okay about their incurring that cost? More importantly, do they?
Anonymous
03/20/2014 16:02
Subject: Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
OP, you sound like a nice guy and I totally understand your desire to do this. I'm the pp who said to watch out for prestigious universities that are trying to make money off of folks like you. To me the issue is whether it's practical for you to do this now which of course is something you and your wife should decide together. But if you go for this I think you should do it knowing that it's because you're craving a certain kind of experience you missed out on earlier in life. Be careful about convincing yourself that it will help your career unless you get good evidence (through informational interviews as I recommended earlier) that it actually will.
Good luck with this. I hope either now or in the future you get a taste of what you want.
Good luck with this. I hope either now or in the future you get a taste of what you want.
Anonymous
03/20/2014 15:55
Subject: Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
Anonymous wrote:OP again (hiding under my desk). Wow, thought I would get a couple of responses and this thread took a life of its own. First, LOL at the person suggesting I get into therapy-wife has mentioned that.
OK, to answer some questions:
-- wife does work but I earn most of the money in the family.
-- separate bank accounts-I pay the required bills and what she has pays for extras
-- my last child is planning on going to a local school for at least a year and then potentially transferring so that is a cost savings
I admit that I want to go back for a variety of reasons. But then doesn't everyone? So what? Can give you the names of people I know who went to law school because they had nothing better to do. Is that any better?
Undergrad I went to a mostly commuter school due to a number of family issues. And when on DCUM, always feel like a missed something that everyone else cherishes. So I graduated in a very marketable field and did well enough to get into a good MBA program (UVA tier) due to work history, recommendations, and reasonable GMAT score. Fast forward a few years later and spent a year studying, and eventually passing an exam for a profession license.
But something for me is still missing. The MBA and license were strictly for professional reasons. I never had a chance to be on a real campus, attending part for career and part just for the sake of learning. The program I am looking at what allow for both. I want to be in an academic environment again. I want to do the required reading and answer questions in class, be part of an interesting discussion. It isn't about partying and having a good time, but really pushing myself to learn new things, including different aspects of technology that would allow me to move my existing knowledge into new areas. Plus, it would greatly expand my network with like minded people. I am not a prophet who can project that I will meet someone with a business idea who would like to team up with me. But I do know that if I don't try, it will never happen.
Yes the $48K (actually checked and it is more like $40K) is a lot of money, but I am also expecting an inheritance that can cover a piece of that. But we live within our means and you only live once so why not have a dream and pursue it?
There were questions asked about my wife. She is very different from me. I am always looking at new things and what you would call a lifelong learner (e,g, I study foreign languages in my spare time to challenge myself). But as much as compromise is needed for a marriage to flourish, I really want to do something new and bold and take a risk.
Retirement? Would like to work as long as I can. Stopping at 62 to play golf is unappealing. Even in later years, I would love to advise technology companies.
Hopefully I have answered some of your questions.
Thanks for updating, OP. I think, though, that my advice would stay the same: fully find retirement and college, then save up for the degree. Also, maybe go somewhere cheaper where you can get the same collegiate experience you crave. I'm not saying it's irrational to want what you described. But I think the responsible thing to do is to get your family obligations squared away first.
Anonymous
03/20/2014 15:36
Subject: Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
OP again (hiding under my desk). Wow, thought I would get a couple of responses and this thread took a life of its own. First, LOL at the person suggesting I get into therapy-wife has mentioned that.
OK, to answer some questions:
-- wife does work but I earn most of the money in the family.
-- separate bank accounts-I pay the required bills and what she has pays for extras
-- my last child is planning on going to a local school for at least a year and then potentially transferring so that is a cost savings
I admit that I want to go back for a variety of reasons. But then doesn't everyone? So what? Can give you the names of people I know who went to law school because they had nothing better to do. Is that any better?
Undergrad I went to a mostly commuter school due to a number of family issues. And when on DCUM, always feel like a missed something that everyone else cherishes. So I graduated in a very marketable field and did well enough to get into a good MBA program (UVA tier) due to work history, recommendations, and reasonable GMAT score. Fast forward a few years later and spent a year studying, and eventually passing an exam for a profession license.
But something for me is still missing. The MBA and license were strictly for professional reasons. I never had a chance to be on a real campus, attending part for career and part just for the sake of learning. The program I am looking at what allow for both. I want to be in an academic environment again. I want to do the required reading and answer questions in class, be part of an interesting discussion. It isn't about partying and having a good time, but really pushing myself to learn new things, including different aspects of technology that would allow me to move my existing knowledge into new areas. Plus, it would greatly expand my network with like minded people. I am not a prophet who can project that I will meet someone with a business idea who would like to team up with me. But I do know that if I don't try, it will never happen.
Yes the $48K (actually checked and it is more like $40K) is a lot of money, but I am also expecting an inheritance that can cover a piece of that. But we live within our means and you only live once so why not have a dream and pursue it?
There were questions asked about my wife. She is very different from me. I am always looking at new things and what you would call a lifelong learner (e,g, I study foreign languages in my spare time to challenge myself). But as much as compromise is needed for a marriage to flourish, I really want to do something new and bold and take a risk.
Retirement? Would like to work as long as I can. Stopping at 62 to play golf is unappealing. Even in later years, I would love to advise technology companies.
Hopefully I have answered some of your questions.
OK, to answer some questions:
-- wife does work but I earn most of the money in the family.
-- separate bank accounts-I pay the required bills and what she has pays for extras
-- my last child is planning on going to a local school for at least a year and then potentially transferring so that is a cost savings
I admit that I want to go back for a variety of reasons. But then doesn't everyone? So what? Can give you the names of people I know who went to law school because they had nothing better to do. Is that any better?
Undergrad I went to a mostly commuter school due to a number of family issues. And when on DCUM, always feel like a missed something that everyone else cherishes. So I graduated in a very marketable field and did well enough to get into a good MBA program (UVA tier) due to work history, recommendations, and reasonable GMAT score. Fast forward a few years later and spent a year studying, and eventually passing an exam for a profession license.
But something for me is still missing. The MBA and license were strictly for professional reasons. I never had a chance to be on a real campus, attending part for career and part just for the sake of learning. The program I am looking at what allow for both. I want to be in an academic environment again. I want to do the required reading and answer questions in class, be part of an interesting discussion. It isn't about partying and having a good time, but really pushing myself to learn new things, including different aspects of technology that would allow me to move my existing knowledge into new areas. Plus, it would greatly expand my network with like minded people. I am not a prophet who can project that I will meet someone with a business idea who would like to team up with me. But I do know that if I don't try, it will never happen.
Yes the $48K (actually checked and it is more like $40K) is a lot of money, but I am also expecting an inheritance that can cover a piece of that. But we live within our means and you only live once so why not have a dream and pursue it?
There were questions asked about my wife. She is very different from me. I am always looking at new things and what you would call a lifelong learner (e,g, I study foreign languages in my spare time to challenge myself). But as much as compromise is needed for a marriage to flourish, I really want to do something new and bold and take a risk.
Retirement? Would like to work as long as I can. Stopping at 62 to play golf is unappealing. Even in later years, I would love to advise technology companies.
Hopefully I have answered some of your questions.
Anonymous
03/20/2014 15:12
Subject: Re:Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
OP, I think you should go for it. Getting a high schooler to graduation is not such a big deal, especially if you've done it before. One question: does your wife work? Because if not, that might explain some of her reluctance to support you.
Anonymous
03/20/2014 15:03
Subject: Re:Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
I'm not hearing any compelling reasons for doing this now. Your energy would be better spent getting yourself out of your current job situation. If you feel you have something to 'prove' and a degree from a brand name university will prove it, you need to evaluate your ability to be a successful entrepeneur. I understand wanting to pursue something that interests you but, as an adult, you need to prioritze what your resources go to - retirement and your DDs college fund come to mind. If you don't understand the need to prioritize resource decision, you should question your ability to be a successful entrepeneur. Your decision making shouldn't be based on emotion. No college can teach you that, it's an internal lesson.
Anonymous
03/20/2014 15:01
Subject: Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
Anonymous wrote:Even if the school is a big name? Prestige by association?
What if it is [i]Prestige Worldwide[i]?
Anonymous
03/20/2014 14:50
Subject: Re:Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:His money is not his wife's money unless he chooses to share it. If she divorces him, some of his money may become her money but not as much as you think.
Really? Where did it say that his wife isn't working? Where does it say that they don't have a joint checking account? Where does it say that OP and his wife subscribe to the philosophy that each partner retains exclusive rights to any and all money they bring into the marriage? You're making some assumptions here.
Yes, really. His money is not her money and her money is not his money.. Unless they choose to share it.
I did not say the HHI is not her money.
He can choose to share it... Like a joint bank account but that is a choice. He has no legal obligation to do this.
Does she work? Did he answer that?
In my house/marriage, there is no "his money" and "my money." All money is our money. So there is no such thing as "choose to share." It is just ours.
We don't know what OP's financial arrangements are. So, saying "his money is not her money" is inaccurate, unless OP clarifies that indeed, that is how it works in his house.
That is not true. When you filled out paperwork at work you chose where to deposit your checks. You either chose a joint bank account or an account of your own. Saying "his money is not her money" is legally accurate. If he gives her his money it is her money.
I say sell your wife's car and finance your education, if she does not work. She and the daughter can share a car for the next few years.
Anonymous
03/20/2014 14:32
Subject: Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I should add that it's prestigious schools who are marketing their name to bring in the bucks for these masters degree. A friend of mine is finishing a masters at Georgetown in international development and she feels like it's not very helpful and that she got sucked in by the name. So be careful about falling for a prestigious name. Make sure it's something that has a real chance of helping you.Anonymous wrote:OP, I would do informational interviews with people in the field to see if this degree is worth the money and time. This is a big money-making deal for colleges -- convincing people they need to go back and get a masters for their careers but then it turns out to not be all that useful. If you go and talk to people out there in the field you're interested in and they think it would help you, then I would go for it. But you shouldn't spend the money at this time in your life if it isn't going to aid your career. Maybe later on.
This. Find out whether the degree is really important in the field or not, let alone the prestige of the school. Sometimes it really is just a waste of money for a credential that won't help you at all.
Even if the school is a big name? Prestige by association?
It doesn't really work that way. If you are paying for the name and only the name, you cannot expect much if anything in the way of returns.
Anonymous
03/20/2014 14:16
Subject: Wife says I should not go back to school. Agree?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I should add that it's prestigious schools who are marketing their name to bring in the bucks for these masters degree. A friend of mine is finishing a masters at Georgetown in international development and she feels like it's not very helpful and that she got sucked in by the name. So be careful about falling for a prestigious name. Make sure it's something that has a real chance of helping you.Anonymous wrote:OP, I would do informational interviews with people in the field to see if this degree is worth the money and time. This is a big money-making deal for colleges -- convincing people they need to go back and get a masters for their careers but then it turns out to not be all that useful. If you go and talk to people out there in the field you're interested in and they think it would help you, then I would go for it. But you shouldn't spend the money at this time in your life if it isn't going to aid your career. Maybe later on.
This. Find out whether the degree is really important in the field or not, let alone the prestige of the school. Sometimes it really is just a waste of money for a credential that won't help you at all.
Even if the school is a big name? Prestige by association?
Some of the "executive" degrees given out by big-name schools are jokes and everybody knows it. *koff JHU*