Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 17:58     Subject: TTC friend has cut me off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Those same women COULD wake up tomorrow and get married (maybe not to the man of their dreams but they COULD). A woman struggling with infertility does not get to CHOOSE when she gets pregnant.


RIGHT. And someone who desperately wants a baby COULD wake up tomorrow and adopt a dog (maybe that's not really what they want, but they COULD).

See how stupid your analogy is?


Nope, I don't - sorry. But this thread just confirms how stupid and heartless some of you ladies are.


Hey now, ease up! You just offended that lady with the special needs child by using a synonym of retarded. For shame.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 17:54     Subject: TTC friend has cut me off
Anonymous wrote:
Those same women COULD wake up tomorrow and get married (maybe not to the man of their dreams but they COULD). A woman struggling with infertility does not get to CHOOSE when she gets pregnant.


RIGHT. And someone who desperately wants a baby COULD wake up tomorrow and adopt a dog (maybe that's not really what they want, but they COULD).

See how stupid your analogy is?


Nope, I don't - sorry. But this thread just confirms how stupid and heartless some of you ladies are.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 17:52     Subject: Re:TTC friend has cut me off
Anonymous wrote:MAYBE the poster who uses ALL CAPS every other WORD could EASE UP? We GET it !!!


CLEARLY some of you DON'T. I'll type WHAT and HOW I want, thanks though .
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 16:40     Subject: TTC friend has cut me off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
maril332 wrote:I'm on OP's side. Her friend does not have to act like she's the first person in the world to have issues in life. Ignoring good friends doesn't make it easier.


I have to agree. I have secondary infertility and missing out on my friends' new children is anathema to me. I choose to think of it as an opportunity to flex my maternal side and grow the love around me, even if it isn't in the way I had imagined. I understand the pain people go through, but it is hard for me to understand what is gained by isolating oneself and pushing away people who want to love and support you. I have found that talking frankly about our situation has helped immensely, and that far from being "insensitive," my friends have proven themselves to be amazingly sensitive, gracious, and supportive.


I'm sorry but secondary infertility is different from not being able to have any children at all. You really don't understand that?


I almost think it would be worse for the person with secondary infertility because they actually know what it's like to create life and be a parent. People with primary infertility are wallowing in self-imposed misery about a concept that is completely abstract to them. I feel worse for the person who actually knows what it's like, chooses to do it again, and can not.


Bless your heart, this is the most idiotic thing I have read on DCUM all day. And I have read a lot.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 16:35     Subject: TTC friend has cut me off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
maril332 wrote:I'm on OP's side. Her friend does not have to act like she's the first person in the world to have issues in life. Ignoring good friends doesn't make it easier.


I have to agree. I have secondary infertility and missing out on my friends' new children is anathema to me. I choose to think of it as an opportunity to flex my maternal side and grow the love around me, even if it isn't in the way I had imagined. I understand the pain people go through, but it is hard for me to understand what is gained by isolating oneself and pushing away people who want to love and support you. I have found that talking frankly about our situation has helped immensely, and that far from being "insensitive," my friends have proven themselves to be amazingly sensitive, gracious, and supportive.


I'm sorry but secondary infertility is different from not being able to have any children at all. You really don't understand that?


I do understand that. But I'm really glad that the people in Resolve group aren't like you, because it's not about whose got it worse and winning the "my life sucks more than yours" game. It's about the fact that everyone in that group has suffered loss in some form or another, and is trying to deal with it. I'm not judging those people, and thankfully they don't judge me or suggest that I don't have the right to be there. I simply said it's hard for me to understand what is gained by cutting people off and making yourself increasingly isolated in your pain.


But you haven't lost. You have a child. I saw a religious advice column recently where a woman dealing with secondary infertility reached out for help and she was given this answer: if you prayed and prayed and prayed for a million dollars and finally got a million dollars - why isn't that enough? Why does God or Lady Luck or whatever you believe in owe you a second million dollars? You hit the jack pot. You are one of the lucky ones. I am going through my 3rd consecutive miscarriage and remain childless. Please put your situation into perspective.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 16:15     Subject: TTC friend has cut me off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I dare all of you judgmental, nasty people attacking infertiles to walk a mile in your supposed friends shoes. Comparing wanting a baby/ infertility to wanting a boat is ridiculous. Minimizing someones grief is obnoxious and cruel.


Lots of people want things they can't have. I don't feel sorry for the $500k HHI person who struggles with feeling destitute next to their $10 mil HHI neighbors, I don't feel sorry for someone who laments that they can't have a boat, and I certainly do not feel sorry for someone who has a husband to spend the rest of her life with but can't seem to get pregnant. You can't always have what you want. That is life.


Right, so you are an insensitive b*tch - we get that. Feel better?


+1. The denizens of DCUM never cease to amaze me. If you have something I don't have/want, you are never allowed to be sad or upset and are completely unworthy of sympathy. Only the most miserable and pathetic of humans actually think that way.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 16:03     Subject: Re:TTC friend has cut me off
MAYBE the poster who uses ALL CAPS every other WORD could EASE UP? We GET it !!!
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 16:01     Subject: Re:TTC friend has cut me off
OP your friend may be going through a phase, or she may change forever. Just like children changed you, not having children but trying changed her. She may come to terms with it and you may be close again, but having children/ not having children is a very big divide, especially in the "trying" phase. There is no need for the hateful judging that has gone on in this thread -- but people change because of circumstances.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 15:56     Subject: TTC friend has cut me off
Anonymous wrote:
Those same women COULD wake up tomorrow and get married (maybe not to the man of their dreams but they COULD). A woman struggling with infertility does not get to CHOOSE when she gets pregnant.


RIGHT. And someone who desperately wants a baby COULD wake up tomorrow and adopt a dog (maybe that's not really what they want, but they COULD).

See how stupid your analogy is?


If it's male factor infertility they could wake up and bang the gardener. Yet you still see women whining and acting like absolute martyrs about how they are on their 10th cycle of IVF and no one else has it as hard as they do.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 15:51     Subject: TTC friend has cut me off
Those same women COULD wake up tomorrow and get married (maybe not to the man of their dreams but they COULD). A woman struggling with infertility does not get to CHOOSE when she gets pregnant.


RIGHT. And someone who desperately wants a baby COULD wake up tomorrow and adopt a dog (maybe that's not really what they want, but they COULD).

See how stupid your analogy is?
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 15:49     Subject: TTC friend has cut me off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you've never been through it, you have NO IDEA how incredibly difficult and painful it is. Please, just give her time and space. And in the meantime, if you are a believer, please pray for her.

Signed - been there, done that.


what about all of the single women who participate in your baby and bridal showers who feel like they will never have one of their own?


Stupid and insensitive comparison. Those same women COULD wake up tomorrow and get married (maybe not to the man of their dreams but they COULD). A woman struggling with infertility does not get to CHOOSE when she gets pregnant.


That assertion is not true at all. Yours is probably the most ridiculous post in this entire thread.


+1
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 13:35     Subject: TTC friend has cut me off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you've never been through it, you have NO IDEA how incredibly difficult and painful it is. Please, just give her time and space. And in the meantime, if you are a believer, please pray for her.

Signed - been there, done that.


what about all of the single women who participate in your baby and bridal showers who feel like they will never have one of their own?


Stupid and insensitive comparison. Those same women COULD wake up tomorrow and get married (maybe not to the man of their dreams but they COULD). A woman struggling with infertility does not get to CHOOSE when she gets pregnant.


That assertion is not true at all. Yours is probably the most ridiculous post in this entire thread.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 08:35     Subject: TTC friend has cut me off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I dare all of you judgmental, nasty people attacking infertiles to walk a mile in your supposed friends shoes. Comparing wanting a baby/ infertility to wanting a boat is ridiculous. Minimizing someones grief is obnoxious and cruel.


Lots of people want things they can't have. I don't feel sorry for the $500k HHI person who struggles with feeling destitute next to their $10 mil HHI neighbors, I don't feel sorry for someone who laments that they can't have a boat, and I certainly do not feel sorry for someone who has a husband to spend the rest of her life with but can't seem to get pregnant. You can't always have what you want. That is life.


Right, so you are an insensitive b*tch - we get that. Feel better?
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2014 08:34     Subject: TTC friend has cut me off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you've never been through it, you have NO IDEA how incredibly difficult and painful it is. Please, just give her time and space. And in the meantime, if you are a believer, please pray for her.

Signed - been there, done that.


what about all of the single women who participate in your baby and bridal showers who feel like they will never have one of their own?


Stupid and insensitive comparison. Those same women COULD wake up tomorrow and get married (maybe not to the man of their dreams but they COULD). A woman struggling with infertility does not get to CHOOSE when she gets pregnant.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2014 19:13     Subject: TTC friend has cut me off
Anonymous wrote:I dare all of you judgmental, nasty people attacking infertiles to walk a mile in your supposed friends shoes. Comparing wanting a baby/ infertility to wanting a boat is ridiculous. Minimizing someones grief is obnoxious and cruel.


Lots of people want things they can't have. I don't feel sorry for the $500k HHI person who struggles with feeling destitute next to their $10 mil HHI neighbors, I don't feel sorry for someone who laments that they can't have a boat, and I certainly do not feel sorry for someone who has a husband to spend the rest of her life with but can't seem to get pregnant. You can't always have what you want. That is life.