Anonymous
Post 03/06/2014 11:10     Subject: Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
OP this sounds like family and we went through this a few years ago. My inlaws always gave my kids huge birthday gifts and took them on vacations to the beach and Disney. The had a beautiful home. My parents also had a nice home, but always felt bad that they couldn't do similar things for my kids. Three years ago, my inlaws house was foreclosed. They had almost no money. We couldn't leave them homeless so we helped them buy a home in a retirement community. DH's siblings said they couldn't help. With the little income they have, they still spend unwisely and it really irks me when they spend lavishly especially on DH's siblings kids. They could be using that money to pay us back. If I had it to do over, I would not have helped and let them end up in something that was in their means.
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2014 10:54     Subject: Re:Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
If all assets have been liquidated, then Medicaid should kick in eventually. Ay 85+ they are not going to be in perfect health for very long.
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2014 10:51     Subject: Re:Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
OP You will probably not be able to get the other sibs to help you pay for "a better expensive nursing home" for these parents. Assisted living is a VERY profitable business, and when it is all over and you realize that you just blew $200K how will you feel?
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2014 10:48     Subject: Re:Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
OP you sound like a very nice person. Just make sure you understand the scope of financial obligations you are taking upon yourself.
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2014 10:48     Subject: Re:Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
My mothers care was $7000 month. that would pay for a lot of private school. When you start getting the bills, you will feel resentful. Send them to the place they can afford. And apply for Medicaid. They will be needing it eventually.
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2014 10:45     Subject: Re:Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
Anonymous wrote:Op here! Thanks for the quick responses. We are talking about paying for/heavily supplementing an assisted living facility that they love and always wanted to go to vs them live in a (not so great) nursing home that they can afford. They are mid 80s and both have heart conditions and one has had a stroke that has brought on many set backs. The house has been sold as well as its contents and cars. They are currently living with my SIL but it was never suppose to be a long term solution and we need to move them out soon.


Medicaid?
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2014 10:42     Subject: Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
Anonymous wrote:Wow! What a bunch of self-centered, self-righteous, selfish bitches.


You mean the OP's husband's parents? Yes, I agree.
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2014 10:32     Subject: Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
Anonymous wrote:OP, I also think you are amazing. I hope our family has as much compassion, sense of responsibility (to all generations), and grace when whatever issues are coming hit us down the road.


+100. Good luck, OP!
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2014 22:33     Subject: Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
OP, I also think you are amazing. I hope our family has as much compassion, sense of responsibility (to all generations), and grace when whatever issues are coming hit us down the road.
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2014 21:33     Subject: Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
Wow! What a bunch of self-centered, self-righteous, selfish bitches.
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2014 18:53     Subject: Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
Anonymous wrote:So many of you are conveniently ignoring the fact that a lot of seniors lost a significant portion of their retirement when the market tanked. This was not something they could have planned for and it can happen to any of us--hopefully, not after it is too late to make up the losses.


Seniors should be invested in safer investments. Why would they be invested in stocks at that age?
That's in not smart, they should have been invested in GICs or bonds. Plus the market is back up now. So, if they were invested in bonds, they could have liquidated that while they waited for the markets to improve.

Stupidity is not an excuse.
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2014 13:58     Subject: Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
OP, I would just caution you about what you are getting into.

Consider how you handle paying for assisted living, if you decide to do so. Setting the precedent that you are paying the bills could make you legally liable and the facility could come after you to recoup everything.

I think you have great intentions and maybe you can afford this now, but as others have commented -- what if your in-laws live another 20 years and the bills start skyrocketing as they need nursing care. This could easily be $200,000 a year or more.

The suggestion to consider a facility that accepts Medicaid I thought is a good one.
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2014 13:18     Subject: Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
Anonymous wrote:OP, do the grandparents understand that they are taking something important to your family from their grandkids? My grandma would offer to move into a hovel before she'd agree to compromise on her grandkids (not that we'd ever let that happen, she is awesome). I get a serious sense of self-absorption or entitlement from the description of the grandparents here.

I think you're going to be paying for a lot more than just the equivalent to the high school tuition, also. If they aren't willing to consider a cheaper alternative now, what happens if they're already there and you have a family emergency and cannot pay? What if one of you loses a job?

From your description it sounds like they feel shame at having their financial situation exposed, but not much shame at having put the family at financial risk or shame at their expectations that their needs trump.
Yes, and I am wondering whether the other siblings refusing to contribute are doing it out of selfishness or out of having come to the realization long ago that the parents are self-centered and foolish. Can't tell from the OP's description whether that's it or not but it is a scenario that crossed my mind.
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2014 13:09     Subject: Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would definitely pay for the assisted living. Hands down, no question.


Same here. This is one of our family's values.

My mother watches my children now. I will take care of my parents and my ILs if needed. We are all more of a pooled resource rather than individuals. Luckily I was raised this way, so I will feel no resentment when it is my turn to step up to the plate.

A few years ago, I purchased a ground level 2BR condo in Fairfax, near the hospital on a major bus line that I will move my parents into. By they time they need it, it will be fully paid off, plus all rental income goes into a savings account that is never touched, which will be used to remodel the condo to make it handicapped accessible if necessary. Hopefully we will be able to afford nursing care there when we can no longer handle mom and dad.
I'm in awe of you, pp.
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2014 12:40     Subject: Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care
OP, there are also "report cards" available on different facilities based on information from government inspections--sorry I can't recall what it's called. Best of luck.