Anonymous wrote:There is a reason that none of us have heard of schools throwing merit-based social functions and that is because it is an idiotic idea.

Well I've heard of it, just not in this area. Schools where I grew up have done this for as long as I can remember. Is the middle school honor roll pizza party really not a thing in this area? Of course, schools in the district where I grew up also did a once-a-semester bowling party as part of the character ed program - kids with no detentions/demerits/suspensions and who got acceptable participation grades were eligible. I thought it was great as a student, and I'm inclined to still think that way now. The primary function of school is learning, which is primarily assessed by grades, so I guess I don't see anything all that idiotic about an occasional fun reward for the students who earn sufficiently good grades. It's interesting to learn about the different viewpoints generated by this though, it brings up a lot of potential issues I hadn't previously considered.

There is a reason that none of us have heard of schools throwing merit-based social functions and that is because it is an idiotic idea.

It is not "everyone gets a trophy" when a school throws a function for kids to have fun. Unless the school insists on giving a message that the party is for everyone's effort. The kids who get good grades get plenty of recognition--it's called Grades and the accolades that come with it.

I think all of you over analyzing one pizza party for kids who received good grades are ridiculous. What a bunch of whiny babies you are. Boo Hoo. No Fair. Why Not Everyone???? My kids try hard and STILL don't get A's. Some people get A's and don't try as hard as my precious one.


Ugh, what a horrible society we are. Congrats on the kids who did well. I am saddened that a small blip on the radar of their achievements gets turned into a "everyone should get something" event. They DESERVE some credit and kudos for the school for recognizing it and steering away from the "Everyone gets a trophy" mentality.

I am not the PP with the daughter, but I am another PP, and I don't have an argument to impress you with, but I will say this. You say results matter. What is a more important result, that the PP's daughter has straight A's or that she has a conscience and cares about other people. Ultimately what's more important? To you personally and for our society?

To me, when you're talking about career achievements, or stepping stones along the way, results matter, and rewards play a part in motivating rewards and recognizing talent, effort, achievement, etc. But we are talking about 11-13 year olds. They are in the formative stage and there are a lot of things that matter, not just their grades. And there are a lot of factors that can affect results down the line. The kids who got good grades get plenty of reward. They get the high-five feeling every time they take a quiz and get a report card. They get messages or get to feel that they have a future and they know what they're doing and how to reach their goals.

I think it's shitty to give kids who don't get those rewards, which can be more many reasons, the message that they are already on the wrong track, they don't deserve to have fun, that they are not important citizens of their school. Is that going to motivate them to try harder? Or is it going to make them feel disenfranchised, and that the world of effort and achievement is maybe beyond their reach? It's probably different for different kids. Maybe some kids would be motivated but I think it sends a negative and harsh message.

I do think results are important but so are other things, like enjoying life and having fun. Why does MCPS have to tie fun in with messages of achievement? They already push the achievement thing all day long. I think a better way to motivate kids to work hard in school is to develop motivation towards the school, to make school a fun and accepting place where kids feel welcome, where kids feel they have things in common with each other even if they don't all take the same classes. That is more important than results at that age because results can and often do come later. Let's remember these are kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
FWIW, we raise our kids to consider not participating in events that they think are unfair or discriminatory, not just to blindly accept these invitations "graciously" because they must "get through said event with poise anyway."

She was socially savvy and knew that attendance at a school party for kids with good grads = nerd.

No, actually, she was socially savvy enough to recognize and be uncomfortable with the Marie Antoinette "let them eat cake" divisive nature of this "reward." She didn't think it was fair that she should be rewarded for something that comes easily to her and for which she gets a lot of support at home, while her friends who work much harder and don't have as much home support are not rewarded.

FWIW, she actually takes pride in being a "nerd" or "geek," as do many kids in the magnet.

I think I admire that attitude on your daughter's part, and I certainly admire that you have raised a child who recognizes what situations feel uncomfortable to her based on her conscience and who feels comfortable politely refraining from participating. Since it seems that you agree with this view -ie what you posted seems to be both your daughter's view and yours, do you mind if I ask you a question that I feel is possibly an extension of this topic?

Do those who object to the party because they believe it is divisive to only recognize the kids who have received straight As even though home life or socioeconomic concerns could be impacting the students' achievement feel the same in other "selective" or "competitive" situations? For example, are "good student" discounts from auto insurance companies similarly unethical? How do you feel about things like National Honor Society membership at the high school level (or NJHS for middle school students) or senior awards assemblies that recognize graduating high school seniors who have achieved certain grades or won certain scholarships? Actually, on that note, are scholarship competitions and college admissions similarly problematic?

These are genuine questions, and I am truly interested in your viewpoint. My stance, currently - and it could change as I hear and consider some extremely good arguments on both sides of this issue - is that results are what matter in life so they are what I would consider not only an acceptable basis for a reward but possibly the most appropriate basis. It is not always possible to quantify effort, or for one person's "working hard" to be equivalent to another person's use of the same phrase. I struggle to understand how the fact that one person has to work this hard, another person harder, and a third person less hard, changes or should change the the fact that only people who have certain statistics or accomplishments are eligible for certain opportunities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
FWIW, we raise our kids to consider not participating in events that they think are unfair or discriminatory, not just to blindly accept these invitations "graciously" because they must "get through said event with poise anyway."

She was socially savvy and knew that attendance at a school party for kids with good grads = nerd.

No, actually, she was socially savvy enough to recognize and be uncomfortable with the Marie Antoinette "let them eat cake" divisive nature of this "reward." She didn't think it was fair that she should be rewarded for something that comes easily to her and for which she gets a lot of support at home, while her friends who work much harder and don't have as much home support are not rewarded.

FWIW, she actually takes pride in being a "nerd" or "geek," as do many kids in the magnet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1

Middle school is too early to be giving kids the message that they don't count and don't deserve. Who is looking out for the really low achieving kids? Half of them are probably hungry or disadvantaged in some other way. And do the straight A kids really need the entire school staff looking out for them and feeding them?

They get a free education, free breakfast, free lunch. If they don't speak English, free ESOL classes. Many kids go home with free coats and supplies from school drives and weekend backpacks jammed with food. How much more should we give? Straight A kids get squat. Why not one freakin party to tell them their hard work is cool and they should be proud of themselves? SO SO SO sick of this PC bullshit of making the world perfectly equal and fair for everyone. It has created the laziest Americans every produced. "Why work if my unemployment check and food stamps can get me by" Really why should they? Maybe some of those disadvantaged kids should have had parents that worked a little harder and didn't expect handouts. Sounds harsh? Don't care. We coddle the "unfair" and ignore the "fair." We aren't teaching our kids to work their butts off. We are teaching them to complain, rationalize, and point fingers. Not to appreciate help. Demand it. Our ancestors are rolling in their graves.

Wow. What do you say to this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1

Middle school is too early to be giving kids the message that they don't count and don't deserve. Who is looking out for the really low achieving kids? Half of them are probably hungry or disadvantaged in some other way. And do the straight A kids really need the entire school staff looking out for them and feeding them?

They get a free education, free breakfast, free lunch. If they don't speak English, free ESOL classes. Many kids go home with free coats and supplies from school drives and weekend backpacks jammed with food. How much more should we give? Straight A kids get squat. Why not one freakin party to tell them their hard work is cool and they should be proud of themselves? SO SO SO sick of this PC bullshit of making the world perfectly equal and fair for everyone. It has created the laziest Americans every produced. "Why work if my unemployment check and food stamps can get me by" Really why should they? Maybe some of those disadvantaged kids should have had parents that worked a little harder and didn't expect handouts. Sounds harsh? Don't care. We coddle the "unfair" and ignore the "fair." We aren't teaching our kids to work their butts off. We are teaching them to complain, rationalize, and point fingers. Not to appreciate help. Demand it. Our ancestors are rolling in their graves.

Of course a racist asshole like you can't stomach poor kids getting good grades. Straight As are for whites only.

Anonymous wrote:
FWIW, we raise our kids to consider not participating in events that they think are unfair or discriminatory, not just to blindly accept these invitations "graciously" because they must "get through said event with poise anyway."

She was socially savvy and knew that attendance at a school party for kids with good grads = nerd.

Anonymous wrote:
I've also known people for whom As came easily growing up. they never had to work hard. They actually haven't done well as adults because they learned that they could be lazy and still be praised and rewarded. All the praise they got from their teachers didn't serve them well because it was praise for a result, a result that came naturally to them.

This is so true and is why I am so glad my children are able to be in a G/T program where they actually have to work for their As!

Anonymous wrote:+1

Middle school is too early to be giving kids the message that they don't count and don't deserve. Who is looking out for the really low achieving kids? Half of them are probably hungry or disadvantaged in some other way. And do the straight A kids really need the entire school staff looking out for them and feeding them?

They get a free education, free breakfast, free lunch. If they don't speak English, free ESOL classes. Many kids go home with free coats and supplies from school drives and weekend backpacks jammed with food. How much more should we give? Straight A kids get squat. Why not one freakin party to tell them their hard work is cool and they should be proud of themselves? SO SO SO sick of this PC bullshit of making the world perfectly equal and fair for everyone. It has created the laziest Americans every produced. "Why work if my unemployment check and food stamps can get me by" Really why should they? Maybe some of those disadvantaged kids should have had parents that worked a little harder and didn't expect handouts. Sounds harsh? Don't care. We coddle the "unfair" and ignore the "fair." We aren't teaching our kids to work their butts off. We are teaching them to complain, rationalize, and point fingers. Not to appreciate help. Demand it. Our ancestors are rolling in their graves.