Anonymous
Post 01/16/2014 12:57     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
Anonymous wrote:What grown-ups talk about this nonsense? It sounds so immature. I would want to know whether or not a man I was dating has had serious relationships. To me, that's relevant and telling. I can care less how many random hook-ups he's had.


Right - so there are aspects that are relevant and telling to you. Maybe different aspects are relevant and telling for someone else. If you truly believe that the past and future are disconnected then no aspect should be of any importance.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2014 12:56     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I want to know if this is someone who jumps around from person to person, who attaches no connection or emotion to sex - it is just an act, or someone who sees sex as part of a relationship. How someone views sex is as important to me as how they view money. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. It doesn't mean it is wrong or wrong but it is indicative of how they act, their patterns, their attitudes and beliefs about sex, and that is what should be compatible. I want to know about their sexual past in the same way I want to know about their spend/save habits, about whether they have had 2 jobs or a new job every month. If I am looking for a relationship where sex and intimacy and connection are intertwined then I am not interested in someone whose background is primarily one night stands. We aren't going to be compatible. For someone else who loves kinky sex with multiple partners, learning their partner is a virgin who has hang ups about sex might be a factor in determining compatibility. I want to know if they have cheated on 30 different partners or if they have been very loyal and faithful and in 3 long term relationships.

So if someone lies to me about their sexual past, I would consider it the same as lying about their financial past or their employment past, or any other significant area that has shaped who they are, how they act and what they attach meaning to.


Are you this insecure and controlling in other areas of your life as well? I think therapy would be of greater benefit to you, than a partner's past.


No doubt. People have pasts. Their pasts don't necessarily determine their futures. I have a past. I learned from mine and moved on.


People can change, but the past absolutely does connect to the future. Would you never think twice about anything anyone has done up until the time you meet them because the past doesn't determine the future. You wouldn't take into consideration any aspect of their past actions, patterns of acting, choices they made etc?

Of course everyone has a past - however they made decisions in their past based on their beliefs, they attitudes, their priorities etc and while those may shift somewhat, they are not disconnected from who someone is today.

It isn't at all about controlling or insecure, it is compatibility. Sex and money are two of the biggest issue that contribute to marital and relationship conflict, stress and divorce. I want to know their beliefs, attitudes, patterns of behavior and past choices to know if we are compatible.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2014 12:28     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
What grown-ups talk about this nonsense? It sounds so immature. I would want to know whether or not a man I was dating has had serious relationships. To me, that's relevant and telling. I can care less how many random hook-ups he's had.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2014 12:24     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I want to know if this is someone who jumps around from person to person, who attaches no connection or emotion to sex - it is just an act, or someone who sees sex as part of a relationship. How someone views sex is as important to me as how they view money. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. It doesn't mean it is wrong or wrong but it is indicative of how they act, their patterns, their attitudes and beliefs about sex, and that is what should be compatible. I want to know about their sexual past in the same way I want to know about their spend/save habits, about whether they have had 2 jobs or a new job every month. If I am looking for a relationship where sex and intimacy and connection are intertwined then I am not interested in someone whose background is primarily one night stands. We aren't going to be compatible. For someone else who loves kinky sex with multiple partners, learning their partner is a virgin who has hang ups about sex might be a factor in determining compatibility. I want to know if they have cheated on 30 different partners or if they have been very loyal and faithful and in 3 long term relationships.

So if someone lies to me about their sexual past, I would consider it the same as lying about their financial past or their employment past, or any other significant area that has shaped who they are, how they act and what they attach meaning to.


Are you this insecure and controlling in other areas of your life as well? I think therapy would be of greater benefit to you, than a partner's past.


No doubt. People have pasts. Their pasts don't necessarily determine their futures. I have a past. I learned from mine and moved on.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2014 07:00     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:why is it a well known adage that both men and women lie about their numbers? to find out the truth you take the men's and divide by two and the women's and multiply by two.

I think it is really unrealistic for the PP who has had 1 partner since she was 16 to even speculate what it would be like to find out that her partner had 25 or 50 partners prior to her and what that would feel like. or how should would even feel if she had had 20 different men fuck her before she got married.



We were once taught that sex was a special and sacred act to be shared between two people that love each other.

how special could it be if you've done it with 30 other people by age 25?



We were also once taught that women reading books made them sterile.



why have feminists devalued sex?

this is what I don't understand.

the one thing they had that men could never get without them - sex - and they just give it away like it has no value. they DEEM it to have no value!

I never understood that


Because you are an old dinosaur, no longer capable of understanding the nuances of sexuality. I think you also watched too much Leave it to Beaver.


everything in life is about sex. except sex. that is about power.

and giving it away takes away all the power.


And you men are on here bitching and complaining about your sexless marriages. Unhealthy ideas like this man's are why. Sex is not about power and to be usedas a tool to take away and play games with.

Don't cry foul when you want your girlfriend to play games and expect your wife to be a tiger in bed. If a woman is tought it is ok to use sex is a tool in her arsenal and then get upset when it's with held because she's already won thw game or she wants control.


ever heard of Oscar Wilde?

Anonymous
Post 01/16/2014 01:09     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
Yes, the answer is yes
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 21:19     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:why is it a well known adage that both men and women lie about their numbers? to find out the truth you take the men's and divide by two and the women's and multiply by two.

I think it is really unrealistic for the PP who has had 1 partner since she was 16 to even speculate what it would be like to find out that her partner had 25 or 50 partners prior to her and what that would feel like. or how should would even feel if she had had 20 different men fuck her before she got married.



We were once taught that sex was a special and sacred act to be shared between two people that love each other.

how special could it be if you've done it with 30 other people by age 25?



We were also once taught that women reading books made them sterile.



why have feminists devalued sex?

this is what I don't understand.

the one thing they had that men could never get without them - sex - and they just give it away like it has no value. they DEEM it to have no value!

I never understood that


Because women aren't cows giving away their milk. Sex isn't a carrot to dangle in front of some man in exchange for things, commitment, etc.

Sex is not currency.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 20:37     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
This thread is somewhat entertaining- seriously people do you really think that someone who has screwed over 100 people and say cheated on 30 (or any) is going to be forthcoming and honest about it?? Hell no. They will lie right to your face. Anyone who has that much damaging information about themselves is somewhat of a whore and
Therefore has character flaws already- what makes you think they would be truthful!?

I think the question in general is stupid and irrelevant. The only guy that asked me this was a narcissistic asshole who was overly jealous and insecure beyond belief. That was his issue not mine. I could care less how people my husband slept with- it's a non issue..

And I still don't understand Op why you are worried about lying about it- how would your husband ever know the truth unless you told him?
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 20:15     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:why is it a well known adage that both men and women lie about their numbers? to find out the truth you take the men's and divide by two and the women's and multiply by two.

I think it is really unrealistic for the PP who has had 1 partner since she was 16 to even speculate what it would be like to find out that her partner had 25 or 50 partners prior to her and what that would feel like. or how should would even feel if she had had 20 different men fuck her before she got married.



We were once taught that sex was a special and sacred act to be shared between two people that love each other.

how special could it be if you've done it with 30 other people by age 25?



We were also once taught that women reading books made them sterile.



why have feminists devalued sex?

this is what I don't understand.

the one thing they had that men could never get without them - sex - and they just give it away like it has no value. they DEEM it to have no value!

I never understood that


Because you are an old dinosaur, no longer capable of understanding the nuances of sexuality. I think you also watched too much Leave it to Beaver.


everything in life is about sex. except sex. that is about power.

and giving it away takes away all the power.


And you men are on here bitching and complaining about your sexless marriages. Unhealthy ideas like this man's are why. Sex is not about power and to be usedas a tool to take away and play games with.

Don't cry foul when you want your girlfriend to play games and expect your wife to be a tiger in bed. If a woman is tought it is ok to use sex is a tool in her arsenal and then get upset when it's with held because she's already won thw game or she wants control.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 18:50     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:why is it a well known adage that both men and women lie about their numbers? to find out the truth you take the men's and divide by two and the women's and multiply by two.

I think it is really unrealistic for the PP who has had 1 partner since she was 16 to even speculate what it would be like to find out that her partner had 25 or 50 partners prior to her and what that would feel like. or how should would even feel if she had had 20 different men fuck her before she got married.



We were once taught that sex was a special and sacred act to be shared between two people that love each other.

how special could it be if you've done it with 30 other people by age 25?



We were also once taught that women reading books made them sterile.



why have feminists devalued sex?

this is what I don't understand.

the one thing they had that men could never get without them - sex - and they just give it away like it has no value. they DEEM it to have no value!

I never understood that


Because you are an old dinosaur, no longer capable of understanding the nuances of sexuality. I think you also watched too much Leave it to Beaver.


everything in life is about sex. except sex. that is about power.

and giving it away takes away all the power.


"sex" is not something you stockpile, and once you "give it away" is somehow lost.

I feel like you have some very unhealthy and archaic attitudes towards sex. I agree that a lot of things in life are about sex, and sex *can* be about power. But if you attribute sex as only and strictly only about power and something women "give away," then, I think this isn't something we can help you with.

A lot of women really like and enjoy sex - for themselves and their own fulfillment. It's something they crave, need, want, desire, and can be powerful with. It's also a form of sharing, giving, connecting, and entirely what it means to individuals at different times.

Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 18:29     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:why is it a well known adage that both men and women lie about their numbers? to find out the truth you take the men's and divide by two and the women's and multiply by two.

I think it is really unrealistic for the PP who has had 1 partner since she was 16 to even speculate what it would be like to find out that her partner had 25 or 50 partners prior to her and what that would feel like. or how should would even feel if she had had 20 different men fuck her before she got married.



We were once taught that sex was a special and sacred act to be shared between two people that love each other.

how special could it be if you've done it with 30 other people by age 25?



We were also once taught that women reading books made them sterile.



why have feminists devalued sex?

this is what I don't understand.

the one thing they had that men could never get without them - sex - and they just give it away like it has no value. they DEEM it to have no value!

I never understood that


Because you are an old dinosaur, no longer capable of understanding the nuances of sexuality. I think you also watched too much Leave it to Beaver.


everything in life is about sex. except sex. that is about power.

and giving it away takes away all the power.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 17:43     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:why is it a well known adage that both men and women lie about their numbers? to find out the truth you take the men's and divide by two and the women's and multiply by two.

I think it is really unrealistic for the PP who has had 1 partner since she was 16 to even speculate what it would be like to find out that her partner had 25 or 50 partners prior to her and what that would feel like. or how should would even feel if she had had 20 different men fuck her before she got married.



We were once taught that sex was a special and sacred act to be shared between two people that love each other.

how special could it be if you've done it with 30 other people by age 25?



We were also once taught that women reading books made them sterile.



why have feminists devalued sex?

this is what I don't understand.

the one thing they had that men could never get without them - sex - and they just give it away like it has no value. they DEEM it to have no value!

I never understood that


Because you are an old dinosaur, no longer capable of understanding the nuances of sexuality. I think you also watched too much Leave it to Beaver.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 17:34     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:why is it a well known adage that both men and women lie about their numbers? to find out the truth you take the men's and divide by two and the women's and multiply by two.

I think it is really unrealistic for the PP who has had 1 partner since she was 16 to even speculate what it would be like to find out that her partner had 25 or 50 partners prior to her and what that would feel like. or how should would even feel if she had had 20 different men fuck her before she got married.



We were once taught that sex was a special and sacred act to be shared between two people that love each other.

how special could it be if you've done it with 30 other people by age 25?



We were also once taught that women reading books made them sterile.



why have feminists devalued sex?

this is what I don't understand.

the one thing they had that men could never get without them - sex - and they just give it away like it has no value. they DEEM it to have no value!

I never understood that
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 17:33     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I want to know if this is someone who jumps around from person to person, who attaches no connection or emotion to sex - it is just an act, or someone who sees sex as part of a relationship. How someone views sex is as important to me as how they view money. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. It doesn't mean it is wrong or wrong but it is indicative of how they act, their patterns, their attitudes and beliefs about sex, and that is what should be compatible. I want to know about their sexual past in the same way I want to know about their spend/save habits, about whether they have had 2 jobs or a new job every month. If I am looking for a relationship where sex and intimacy and connection are intertwined then I am not interested in someone whose background is primarily one night stands. We aren't going to be compatible. For someone else who loves kinky sex with multiple partners, learning their partner is a virgin who has hang ups about sex might be a factor in determining compatibility. I want to know if they have cheated on 30 different partners or if they have been very loyal and faithful and in 3 long term relationships.

So if someone lies to me about their sexual past, I would consider it the same as lying about their financial past or their employment past, or any other significant area that has shaped who they are, how they act and what they attach meaning to.


Are you this insecure and controlling in other areas of your life as well? I think therapy would be of greater benefit to you, than a partner's past.


don't listen to this person.

what you have written is exactly right and totally normal.

getting married and being a relationship is a commitment that involves risk. it is wise to understand those risks before making the plunge.

anyone who tells you otherwise is willfully ignorant or trying to trick you

Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 17:13     Subject: is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?
Anonymous wrote:I want to know if this is someone who jumps around from person to person, who attaches no connection or emotion to sex - it is just an act, or someone who sees sex as part of a relationship. How someone views sex is as important to me as how they view money. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. It doesn't mean it is wrong or wrong but it is indicative of how they act, their patterns, their attitudes and beliefs about sex, and that is what should be compatible. I want to know about their sexual past in the same way I want to know about their spend/save habits, about whether they have had 2 jobs or a new job every month. If I am looking for a relationship where sex and intimacy and connection are intertwined then I am not interested in someone whose background is primarily one night stands. We aren't going to be compatible. For someone else who loves kinky sex with multiple partners, learning their partner is a virgin who has hang ups about sex might be a factor in determining compatibility. I want to know if they have cheated on 30 different partners or if they have been very loyal and faithful and in 3 long term relationships.

So if someone lies to me about their sexual past, I would consider it the same as lying about their financial past or their employment past, or any other significant area that has shaped who they are, how they act and what they attach meaning to.


Are you this insecure and controlling in other areas of your life as well? I think therapy would be of greater benefit to you, than a partner's past.