My mother was a super bitch. The solution is to stop visits for a while, and let it be known that they will resume on your terms only. Put your foot down now, or you will deal with this crap for years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are crazy. You have 4 kids, 3 of whom are under 4, a DH who travels a lot, and a MIL who is willing to take them for 2 days?? It seems insane to not take advantage of your MIL's willingness to help.

Also, I think it would be wrong to interfere with your kids relationship with their grandma. Yes, you do have to work on the behavior, but there must be better ways of doing it than keeping them away from their grandma.

I'm not sure what's up with your MIL not helping, but perhaps she doesn't think it is her role to discipline when you are standing right there? If you want her to pitch in with discipline or managing the transition, then talk to her about it.

This. She may be unsure what to do; doesn't want to step on your toes.

This as well. I'm in your same boat and agree with this. It was especially hard on me to realize this because I felt my MIL didn't like me felt affirmation by my children rejecting me. Really, she did not want to upset me by chiming in when I was right there.

How's it going with Grandma, OP?

Anonymous wrote:Sure OP, just keep your own kids and don't take them over to grandmas. Hell I have no family in the area to watch my kids and it's miserable. I would love to have a family member do it and not have to pay strangers to watch my child so I can get a break. I gurantee you in a month those kids will be back at grandmas.

PP here and I agree. We moved away from my family for a 2 year assignment. Hiring someone totally changes things. I could completely relax when DD was with my mom because I knew she was safe, loved, and having fun. Now, I'm constantly wondering if she's waiting for me to come back, if our nanny is ignoring her, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Free daycare/babysitting isn't usually free...

Always strings attached

So true!

Hmm, not true in my case.

OP, DD was like this for a few years. She still gets sad sometimes when I [ick her up from my moms. By the way, my mom tries to be encouraging but it doesnt work. It doesnt bother me, because I know my mom is her favorite person in the world. There are so many kids who barely know their grandparents or don't value the elders in their families, so this is the tradeoff. What has helped is maturity on her part, a realization that grandma really will be around next weekend, and also giving reminders (i.e. we will be leaving in 30 mins, 15 mins, etc). I've also gotten over trying to get my mom to enforce all of the same rules I do. My grandparents spoiled us when we were kids and we're fine today.

Sure OP, just keep your own kids and don't take them over to grandmas. Hell I have no family in the area to watch my kids and it's miserable. I would love to have a family member do it and not have to pay strangers to watch my child so I can get a break. I gurantee you in a month those kids will be back at grandmas.

I think you are overreacting. My child acts the same way after staying at my parents' house. He had a great time and doesn't want to go. That's ok. I tell him that if he can't control himself when it is time to go, he can't go back for a month. That helps a bit. But frankly, there is going to be a very limited period of your kids' lives that staying at grandma's house is going to be a treat, I feel like I might as well let him enjoy it and let the tantrum/difficult behavior roll off my back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to own a preschool program in my house. I did have a child who would pitch a fit when it was time to leave.

I asked her mother to stay in the car, and I walked out the child and strapped her in her carseat.

Worked like a charm!

Tell Grandma to walk them out.
Problem solved.

Could this work, OP?

OP here. This would be helpful if she would do it. I've asked her to do this-- or to just have them ready for me to get-- and she doesn't.

I have spoken to my MIL before about helping me with the transition and DH has as well. Nothing ever really sticks and she doesn't do anything differently. I guess I am the one to blame, however, since I keep allowing them to go over.

In the past, I have called when I am on my way. I will be at least 30-45 minutes from her house. I have asked her if the girls are ready and most of the time she replies that they are either taking a bath or are dressed and playing. I ask her if she can have them ready that would be a huge help and that she can walk them out. I get there though and she doesn't come outside. I walk inside and the girls if they were in the bath haven't been dressed yet, have wet hair, no shoes on and their stuff is everywhere. Even if they are dressed and their stuff is together, she doesn't ever walk them out. And yes, I have called the house to let her know that I am in the drive way and she still doesn't walk them out.

When she doesn't walk them out, I am forced to go in and get them. Normally it's the older two that get to stay the night and the younger two become fussy if they are sitting in the car for a while so I don't want to wait for her to come when it's obvious she isn't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Free daycare/babysitting isn't usually free...

Always strings attached

Especially since I paid her to watch the kids. Dumbass.

You are one class act PP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to own a preschool program in my house. I did have a child who would pitch a fit when it was time to leave.

I asked her mother to stay in the car, and I walked out the child and strapped her in her carseat.

Worked like a charm!

Tell Grandma to walk them out.
Problem solved.

Could this work, OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Free daycare/babysitting isn't usually free...

Always strings attached

Especially since I paid her to watch the kids. Dumbass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Free daycare/babysitting isn't usually free...

Always strings attached

So true!

Anonymous wrote:Free daycare/babysitting isn't usually free...

Always strings attached