Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16:25, DH went away for a long weekend while DS was one month old. It was something planned long in advance and was a celebration welcoming home a friend from Afghanistan. And when DH returned, he encouraged me to take nights off, go out with my friends, and when I felt able to, have a girls weekend. Not every man doesn't understand the different dynamics of dad with a baby and mom with a baby. I guess I just lucked out and found one that understood my feelings as well.

I think it is unfair to be mad at her husband because he has a guys weekend. It is only unfair if her husband never let her have a girls weekend when she wanted to/was ready.

Well good for you, PP. But I dare say welcoming home a friend from war is far different than abandoning a woman with two babies at home while he goes to strip clubs, casinos and get drunk. Don't ya think? And then he lied about it, because he didn't want to deal with the aftermath. A toddler and a newborn are also far different than a 1 month old. Nowhere did I read her husband has returned the favor. I could be wrong....I'm sure she gets out for fun night with the girls all the time!

ic.
Come on now....spare the drama. He is the best man in a wedding!!! Should he tell the groom (who I assume is family or close friend) that he is blowing him off because his wife does not like the activities or because his wife does not want him out of the house? Sure, marriage and parenthood is an obligation that requires responsibility and communication. It is NOT a prison sentence or supervised probation. She should address the lying, but the abandonment theory is looney.

Anonymous wrote:
There are 3-4 different issues all mixed up here and OP needs to separate them before having any discussion with him.

1. Her objecting to him going to a strip club. How important is this really? Would OP have the same angst if DH was going to a golf weekend instead of club hopping?

2. Her problem with DH going away for the weekend while she is home with the kids. This is a larger issue than the OP lets on. However, I noted that she had said more than once that he gets to go hang with the boys while she is home. I assume that since he is the best man, he is pretty close with the groom. So it seems like there is a little “he is choosing his friends over me” vibe going on. Truthfully, if my spouse is going to be mad either way (just because I am gone), I am going to live it up for that weekend.

3. The lying. I do not condone it, but I understand. PP was right, most men omit certain facts in order to keep the peace at home. Believe it or not, DH is between a rock and a hard place on this one. He does what his wife wants and he puts a damper on his friend’s festivities. He goes along with the flow at the bachelor party and OP is mad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16:25, DH went away for a long weekend while DS was one month old. It was something planned long in advance and was a celebration welcoming home a friend from Afghanistan. And when DH returned, he encouraged me to take nights off, go out with my friends, and when I felt able to, have a girls weekend. Not every man doesn't understand the different dynamics of dad with a baby and mom with a baby. I guess I just lucked out and found one that understood my feelings as well.

I think it is unfair to be mad at her husband because he has a guys weekend. It is only unfair if her husband never let her have a girls weekend when she wanted to/was ready.

Well good for you, PP. But I dare say welcoming home a friend from war is far different than abandoning a woman with two babies at home while he goes to strip clubs, casinos and get drunk. Don't ya think? And then he lied about it, because he didn't want to deal with the aftermath. A toddler and a newborn are also far different than a 1 month old. Nowhere did I read her husband has returned the favor. I could be wrong....I'm sure she gets out for fun night with the girls all the time!

Anonymous wrote:16:25, DH went away for a long weekend while DS was one month old. It was something planned long in advance and was a celebration welcoming home a friend from Afghanistan. And when DH returned, he encouraged me to take nights off, go out with my friends, and when I felt able to, have a girls weekend. Not every man doesn't understand the different dynamics of dad with a baby and mom with a baby. I guess I just lucked out and found one that understood my feelings as well.

I think it is unfair to be mad at her husband because he has a guys weekend. It is only unfair if her husband never let her have a girls weekend when she wanted to/was ready.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Is your irrational insecurity worth more than emasculating him with certainty with his male friends?

Btw, women: Men make lies like this all the time when the woman is being irrational and the consequences of the contemplated behavior are nil.


oh and I liked the subtle part about how you found out...happened to be checking his email for something else and saw this! hahaha

stay out of his shit!

Then those aren't "men." Those are cowards.

Constantly haggling with irrational fears is tiresome. After a while it grinds on you to the point that lying seems like the best option.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- 8 months or 1-2 months postpartum, I know! I think that makes me pretty cool that he gets to go away for the weekend and me not give him a hard time about it. No, I haven't freaked out about it YET. Our conversations about it have been civil and calm and I thought we were on the same page. But I will freak out if he goes and lies to me about it. Especially after I told him I understand and told him he doesn't have to lie and I'd rather just know and that it would make it worse if he went and lied about it. Yes, I know they are my insecurities but HE HAS THE SAME ONES WHEN IT COMES TO ME. It's a mutual thing. And knowing that it bothers me he said would not participate in that part of it even though I did not completely forbid it and he said he doesn't like those places anyway. I know he wouldn't just go on his own. I don't think I am being irrational and apparently there are many women who agree with me. I admitted that it would not be the end of the world if he went although it would still bother me but the lying about it is what is making it worse.



What? It makes you "Cool" because he "gets" to go away and you won't give him a hard time about it?

Jeeze louise!

That doesn't make you cool, that makes you unbearable.

Why in the world does your husband NEED your permission to do anything?

Certainly you two should work out scheduling conflicts and making sure shared goals and tasks are accomplished - but for cryin' out loud, if you want to be with a MAN you need to treat him like a MAN.



PP, you are having a difficult time understanding this-because you are a man. He has all the freedom in the world, in her eyes. She may feel stuck.
Stuck at the house, cleaning.
Stuck with a toddler, and their toddler ways.
Stuck with a newborn, limited sleep.
And now stuck with a stubborn DH, that isn't sympathetic to her wishes.

Why can't he say that he understands how she feels, but that she has to trust him, he will check in with her afterward? I think the "he gets to go away and play" is the part most bothersome +lying. She sees him as out partying it up and having his bachelor fun while she's at home with a kid on her knee and one on the tit. Seriously, you can't see how one might be pissed about being left to do all the household/parenting duties while out "with the boys?" I presume if she took a "girl's night out or weekend with the girls at a casino things might go differently. Then, men would be discussing what a horrible mom for leaving her family and husband. What will he eat while she's gone?! Gasp!

Anonymous wrote:

What? It makes you "Cool" because he "gets" to go away and you won't give him a hard time about it?

Jeeze louise!

That doesn't make you cool, that makes you unbearable.

Why in the world does your husband NEED your permission to do anything?

Certainly you two should work out scheduling conflicts and making sure shared goals and tasks are accomplished - but for cryin' out loud, if you want to be with a MAN you need to treat him like a MAN.

They both should be sharing the responsibility of the kids and getting a break from that for a whole weekend while your wife takes on extra responsibility, especially with a newborn (probably on her time off from work too) sounds like she is pretty "cool" to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Is your irrational insecurity worth more than emasculating him with certainty with his male friends?

Btw, women: Men make lies like this all the time when the woman is being irrational and the consequences of the contemplated behavior are nil.


oh and I liked the subtle part about how you found out...happened to be checking his email for something else and saw this! hahaha

stay out of his shit!

Then those aren't "men." Those are cowards.

What? It makes you "Cool" because he "gets" to go away and you won't give him a hard time about it?

Jeeze louise!

That doesn't make you cool, that makes you unbearable.

Why in the world does your husband NEED your permission to do anything?

Certainly you two should work out scheduling conflicts and making sure shared goals and tasks are accomplished - but for cryin' out loud, if you want to be with a MAN you need to treat him like a MAN.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- 8 months or 1-2 months postpartum, I know! I think that makes me pretty cool that he gets to go away for the weekend and me not give him a hard time about it. No, I haven't freaked out about it YET. Our conversations about it have been civil and calm and I thought we were on the same page. But I will freak out if he goes and lies to me about it. Especially after I told him I understand and told him he doesn't have to lie and I'd rather just know and that it would make it worse if he went and lied about it. Yes, I know they are my insecurities but HE HAS THE SAME ONES WHEN IT COMES TO ME. It's a mutual thing. And knowing that it bothers me he said would not participate in that part of it even though I did not completely forbid it and he said he doesn't like those places anyway. I know he wouldn't just go on his own. I don't think I am being irrational and apparently there are many women who agree with me. I admitted that it would not be the end of the world if he went although it would still bother me but the lying about it is what is making it worse.

What? It makes you "Cool" because he "gets" to go away and you won't give him a hard time about it?

Jeeze louise!

That doesn't make you cool, that makes you unbearable.

Why in the world does your husband NEED your permission to do anything?

Certainly you two should work out scheduling conflicts and making sure shared goals and tasks are accomplished - but for cryin' out loud, if you want to be with a MAN you need to treat him like a MAN.

Anonymous wrote:OP: Is your irrational insecurity worth more than emasculating him with certainty with his male friends?

Btw, women: Men make lies like this all the time when the woman is being irrational and the consequences of the contemplated behavior are nil.


oh and I liked the subtle part about how you found out...happened to be checking his email for something else and saw this! hahaha

stay out of his shit!