Anonymous wrote:I have no problem "throwing my husband a bone" occasionally but I do have a problem with the expectation that he gets sex every time he wants it for the good of the marriage, which seems to be the position of many PPs. I'm seeing very little sympathy or understanding for the perspective of the lower-desire partner in this thread.

"Always" "whenever" "every time" "constantly". That's not what this conversation was originally about. I think you'll find very few people who will say that a woman should "always" have sex with her husband "whenever" he wants it. You will, however, find more than a few who seem to think a woman should "never" have sex with her husband unless she wants it --- even if she never wants it.

Most seem to think there is a balance to be struck between those extremes.

Anonymous wrote:I have no problem "throwing my husband a bone" occasionally but I do have a problem with the expectation that he gets sex every time he wants it for the good of the marriage, which seems to be the position of many PPs. I'm seeing very little sympathy or understanding for the perspective of the lower-desire partner in this thread.

BS!!! Most people in this thread and the other have talked compromise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Anonymous wrote:In my case - hell if I would want to fuck my emotionally abusive husband who can't ever self reflect or ever say sorry or contantly tell me anyway I was feeling was wrong? My fault - hell no! There's no duty in having to fuck that kind of person even if you are married to the bastard. Props to me for leaving and finally getting sex on my terms.

I'm assuming by "leaving" you meant you divorced and now you got something meaningful. No shame in that. But in a good marriage, sometimes you do things because it makes your partner happy. It's no all about you in marriage. In fact, it rarely ever is.

Excellent point. So what is my partner doing in this equation to make me happy?

If we are still talking about your previous marriage that ended in the divorce, I think the answer is obvious. I was talking about a good marriage.

So am I. I am not the PP you quoted, my partner is not emotionally abusive and I am not divorced. If I give in to sex whenever my husband wants, what is he sacrificing to make me happy? Or is my happiness not important as well?

I guaranteed you that he asks for sex about 1/3 as often as he'd really like it. That hadn't occurred to you?

No it hasn't because it all about "her happiness"

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Anonymous wrote:In my case - hell if I would want to fuck my emotionally abusive husband who can't ever self reflect or ever say sorry or contantly tell me anyway I was feeling was wrong? My fault - hell no! There's no duty in having to fuck that kind of person even if you are married to the bastard. Props to me for leaving and finally getting sex on my terms.

I'm assuming by "leaving" you meant you divorced and now you got something meaningful. No shame in that. But in a good marriage, sometimes you do things because it makes your partner happy. It's no all about you in marriage. In fact, it rarely ever is.

Excellent point. So what is my partner doing in this equation to make me happy?

If we are still talking about your previous marriage that ended in the divorce, I think the answer is obvious. I was talking about a good marriage.

So am I. I am not the PP you quoted, my partner is not emotionally abusive and I am not divorced. If I give in to sex whenever my husband wants, what is he sacrificing to make me happy? Or is my happiness not important as well?

I have no idea, but I sure as hell am happy I'm not married to a selfish drag like you.

Likewise.

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Anonymous wrote:In my case - hell if I would want to fuck my emotionally abusive husband who can't ever self reflect or ever say sorry or contantly tell me anyway I was feeling was wrong? My fault - hell no! There's no duty in having to fuck that kind of person even if you are married to the bastard. Props to me for leaving and finally getting sex on my terms.

I'm assuming by "leaving" you meant you divorced and now you got something meaningful. No shame in that. But in a good marriage, sometimes you do things because it makes your partner happy. It's no all about you in marriage. In fact, it rarely ever is.

Excellent point. So what is my partner doing in this equation to make me happy?

If we are still talking about your previous marriage that ended in the divorce, I think the answer is obvious. I was talking about a good marriage.

So am I. I am not the PP you quoted, my partner is not emotionally abusive and I am not divorced. If I give in to sex whenever my husband wants, what is he sacrificing to make me happy? Or is my happiness not important as well?

I have no idea, but I sure as hell am happy I'm not married to a selfish drag like you.

I have no problem "throwing my husband a bone" occasionally but I do have a problem with the expectation that he gets sex every time he wants it for the good of the marriage, which seems to be the position of many PPs. I'm seeing very little sympathy or understanding for the perspective of the lower-desire partner in this thread.

Anonymous wrote:Lots of "always" have sex and "whenever" he wants type phrases creeping into the conversation. The women using those phrases are being deliberately obtuse -- creating straw man arguments so they can avoid the harder questions.

+1. One reason I stopped commenting a couple pages back.

Lots of "always" have sex and "whenever" he wants type phrases creeping into the conversation. The women using those phrases are being deliberately obtuse -- creating straw man arguments so they can avoid the harder questions.

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Anonymous wrote:It is shame that so many women have such a negative view of their DHs and being intimate with them. Every marriage hits a rough patch but geez, I question why some of you are even still married.

It's not about viewing sex negatively, it's about being tired sometimes and not always being in the mood.

Feeling like sex with your husband is a sacrifice, a chore, a duty, a giving in to selfish wants, is about viewing sex negatively and is completely different than occasionally being tired or not in the mood in an otherwise happy, healthy sex life.

When your husband constantly expects sex at times when you are tired and not in the mood, it quickly begins to feel a chore and a sacrifice. Why is that difficult to understand?

How often do you initiate? How often are you not tired and in the mood when he asks? How often are you having sex?

If you have an active, healthy sex life and he still expects sex on the occasional time that you are tired / not in the mood then the problem is him and I can see that feeling like a chore. If on the other hand you don't often initiate, don't have an active sex life and are always tired or never in the mood, then the problem is you.

A strong marriage is about respect for each other's needs and that's a two-way street.

Anonymous wrote:There are some bitter nasty bitches in this thread.

+1. Yikes.

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Anonymous wrote:In my case - hell if I would want to fuck my emotionally abusive husband who can't ever self reflect or ever say sorry or contantly tell me anyway I was feeling was wrong? My fault - hell no! There's no duty in having to fuck that kind of person even if you are married to the bastard. Props to me for leaving and finally getting sex on my terms.

I'm assuming by "leaving" you meant you divorced and now you got something meaningful. No shame in that. But in a good marriage, sometimes you do things because it makes your partner happy. It's no all about you in marriage. In fact, it rarely ever is.

Excellent point. So what is my partner doing in this equation to make me happy?

If we are still talking about your previous marriage that ended in the divorce, I think the answer is obvious. I was talking about a good marriage.

So am I. I am not the PP you quoted, my partner is not emotionally abusive and I am not divorced. If I give in to sex whenever my husband wants, what is he sacrificing to make me happy? Or is my happiness not important as well?

I guaranteed you that he asks for sex about 1/3 as often as he'd really like it. That hadn't occurred to you?

In which case, you're not advocating that he should get sex whenever he wants it--you're advocating some sort of compromise, correct?

There are some bitter nasty bitches in this thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is shame that so many women have such a negative view of their DHs and being intimate with them. Every marriage hits a rough patch but geez, I question why some of you are even still married.

It's not about viewing sex negatively, it's about being tired sometimes and not always being in the mood.

Feeling like sex with your husband is a sacrifice, a chore, a duty, a giving in to selfish wants, is about viewing sex negatively and is completely different than occasionally being tired or not in the mood in an otherwise happy, healthy sex life.

When your husband constantly expects sex at times when you are tired and not in the mood, it quickly begins to feel a chore and a sacrifice. Why is that difficult to understand?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my case - hell if I would want to fuck my emotionally abusive husband who can't ever self reflect or ever say sorry or contantly tell me anyway I was feeling was wrong? My fault - hell no! There's no duty in having to fuck that kind of person even if you are married to the bastard. Props to me for leaving and finally getting sex on my terms.

I'm assuming by "leaving" you meant you divorced and now you got something meaningful. No shame in that. But in a good marriage, sometimes you do things because it makes your partner happy. It's no all about you in marriage. In fact, it rarely ever is.

Excellent point. So what is my partner doing in this equation to make me happy?

If we are still talking about your previous marriage that ended in the divorce, I think the answer is obvious. I was talking about a good marriage.

So am I. I am not the PP you quoted, my partner is not emotionally abusive and I am not divorced. If I give in to sex whenever my husband wants, what is he sacrificing to make me happy? Or is my happiness not important as well?

I guaranteed you that he asks for sex about 1/3 as often as he'd really like it. That hadn't occurred to you?