Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 21:49     Subject: Re:Bad actions in Vegas
Anonymous wrote:1) Marriage counseling
2) an alcohol abuse eval
3) He ditches the friends. Any friends who permit or encourage that behavior have no respect for you or marriage

Any of those requests aren't met, he'll do it again.

Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 19:56     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - I appreciate the comments. It wasn't his friends at all. He got split up from them in the early hrs of the morning and he let a taxi driver talk him into it. He doesn't abuse alcohol regularly. In fact, I think part of the problem is that he doesn't drink much and tried to drink like he did in college that night with his friends. Clearly, he cannot do that anymore. He is taking full responsibility.
And yes,my strongest reaction is just how disgusting. Gross. And he is so undecidedly not gross. Handsome and perfectly kept. It's gross.


Honestly, I would have an easier time dealing with it if it was peer pressure from his friends. But him saying he let a total stranger talk him into it seems pretty lame. He was sober enough to have sex and remember all the circumstances that brought it about. Sounds pretty bad to me.


Agree with this. That part doesn't add up. How on earth could a random cabbie talk him into that?
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 19:44     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
Maybe it was an accident and he fell onto her, that would be a better excuse than the cab driver
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 19:22     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
Op. Definitely head over to survivinginfidelity.com. that is a whole website of people who have had spouses cheat on them in every form imaginable and who have made all choices - to stay, to leave, or undecided. There is also a board there of people who have cheated to discuss their perspective. Just know that how you feel today may change over time and having that community to bounce feelings and ideas off of, no matter where you are at or the decisions you make can be invaluable.

I would not take advice from this board. Too many people pro-cheating, currently cheating and trolling mixed in with the people whose input would be meaningful.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 19:15     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
OP - the actual reason I chose to post here was that I really wanted to hear some other people's take on the situation. Believe it or not, I didn't want to talk to any if my friends or family because I don't want them to think any less of my husband. I know that if and when I get over this, I don't want them to have lingering doubts or bad feelings. I did end up picking one friend to confide in and that has helped.
I really appreciate the kind comments here. In the end, one ridiculously stupid night doesn't cancel out over 15 wonderful years. Not by a long shot. So, I have already forgiven. It's the forgetting part that's hard!
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 18:17     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
Wow, for all the cheating husbands out there who have VERY forgiving wives, I guess they are pretty lucky because I don't know if I could be.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 18:17     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm one of the few people on here that thinks having sex with someone else aside from your spouse -- under whatever "benign" circumstances we can come up with, is cheating. Forgive it and move on. What? Until the next time? How bad is this guy's judgement that he goes to Vegas and has sex with a prostitute? The taxi driver convinced him? This is scary stupid if it all went down this way. How does OP prevent him from getting wasted ever again?

Sorry you are in this situation, OP. I'd definitely suggest counseling for yourself (to figure out what you want to do for you and your kids)...and also together to discuss your H's lack of judgment when it mattered. I would be very hurt by this personally.


Your not. I guess my question becomes is there any type of cheating that is forgivable? If the answer is no then this conversation becomes much shorter because the details are not important.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 18:15     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm one of the few people on here that thinks having sex with someone else aside from your spouse -- under whatever "benign" circumstances we can come up with, is cheating. Forgive it and move on. What? Until the next time? How bad is this guy's judgement that he goes to Vegas and has sex with a prostitute? The taxi driver convinced him? This is scary stupid if it all went down this way. How does OP prevent him from getting wasted ever again?

Sorry you are in this situation, OP. I'd definitely suggest counseling for yourself (to figure out what you want to do for you and your kids)...and also together to discuss your H's lack of judgment when it mattered. I would be very hurt by this personally.


This. I'm with ya.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 17:48     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
OP, the fact that you went on an anonymous forum board to ask us (complete strangers) for advice on something as sacred as your marriage should be a red flag that you are not sure of what to do. And if you are not sure of what to do regarding your husband, then perhaps that should tell you that it is time to look at your marriage and re-evaluate just what is important to you and what is not.

Staying true to your S/O should be top priority. No exceptions!!
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 16:10     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
Everyone makes mistakes. I give him +10 for admitting to it, but -5 for the story about the taxi driver talking him into it... that doesn't make too much sense.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 15:48     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
What a simp! What happens in Vegas...stays in Vegas!
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 15:34     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
Anonymous wrote:OP - I appreciate the comments. It wasn't his friends at all. He got split up from them in the early hrs of the morning and he let a taxi driver talk him into it. He doesn't abuse alcohol regularly. In fact, I think part of the problem is that he doesn't drink much and tried to drink like he did in college that night with his friends. Clearly, he cannot do that anymore. He is taking full responsibility.
And yes,my strongest reaction is just how disgusting. Gross. And he is so undecidedly not gross. Handsome and perfectly kept. It's gross.


Uh, sorry OP but this story does not pass the smell test at all. What on earth does "a taxi driver talked me into it" mean??? That sounds like BS.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 15:33     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
He broke the #1 rule what happens in vegas...................
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 15:32     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
The taxi driver "convincing" him is almost worse IMO than his friends pushing him into it. There were way more opportunities w/ total strangers to back out without any repercussions.

I'm of the mindset (I think - it not actually being me in the scenario) to think that this is the kind of thing you can get past and certainly isn't an emotional kind of connection with someone else.

That being said, the whole taxi driver excuse thing doesn't sit well with me at all. That kind of sounds like BS excuse making.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2013 14:05     Subject: Bad actions in Vegas
I guess I'm one of the few people on here that thinks having sex with someone else aside from your spouse -- under whatever "benign" circumstances we can come up with, is cheating. Forgive it and move on. What? Until the next time? How bad is this guy's judgement that he goes to Vegas and has sex with a prostitute? The taxi driver convinced him? This is scary stupid if it all went down this way. How does OP prevent him from getting wasted ever again?

Sorry you are in this situation, OP. I'd definitely suggest counseling for yourself (to figure out what you want to do for you and your kids)...and also together to discuss your H's lack of judgment when it mattered. I would be very hurt by this personally.