My husband and I met late in life and decided to keep separate bank accounts except for one small shared checking acct that we use for groceries, restaurants, etc. My four-month maternity leave was largely unpaid.

You keep separate account except for one share account. In that type of system, you are not sharing the risk or gain of the other person. You are each on your own except for the joint account. Therefore your loss is yours. In fact you most likely owe the shared account money. If this is the case, you should make payments to get caught up on your share . Now if you are in a system that pools the risk and gains of each person, you would not have this worry . Have fun with paying for college!

Well she did not work during the time. Her husband is not her employer and owes no compensation. Did she use vacation time or did she save that as something that is her and not to be share?

It's crazy and entitled.

This sounds like a M&A practice with a shark on at least one side, not a marriage.

I think this is just the start of a lot of money arguments. Face it, once you have a kid together, you've got to be a little more "ours" and a little less "mine" and "his." And I say this as a single parent who definitely had to 100% pay for my maternity leave - AND all the medical bills leading up to the pregnancy.

You guys should probably sit down and figure out how much money each of you should be putting into a joint account for things including child-related expenses, and if he makes 15% more than you do, maybe his share should be 15% more than yours.

Anonymous wrote:Probably a troll. After you have sex, do you present DH with an invoice for services rendered, to cover the time you could've spent doing something else?

Don't be ridiculous. He gives her a bill.

yes you are crazy.

Now that I think of it I'm going to charge my wife for putting me through hell once a month. I think $500 per cycle would be perfect. This should amount to a lot of $ between now and menopause.

Can someone else talk to her about it??

OP, when you mention your status to others, do you say "we're married" or "we have a contract"?

This is 1,000,000 % crazy

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the "reimburse" terminolgy is what is throwing me off. I think it is a slippery slop to start asking for reimbursement for doing things that benefit the family. Where does it end? I also think it is dangerous to keep score.

If it were me, I would approach DH like this. "DH, as you know during the last 4 months I was not able to really save any money and I depleted my savings. So, for the next few months, I would really appreciate if you would pay [insert expense here] until I can replensih the savings."

I would not EXPECT him to however.

Sure, I would pay her. Then I would turn around, file for divorce and get my 50 percent of our marital assets, including the 50 percent of "her" savings that our mine too.

This is the thing folks, there is no "his" and "hers" in a marriage, only "ours." If you cannot figure that out and make it work, then you need to forgo the whole marriage thing.

I was married to someone like OP, but she did not work. I paid for everything we had, and then she thought I "owed" her a salary too for everything she does around the house. I coughed "bulls**t on that one!

I am a woman and I 100% agree with this.

Anonymous wrote:

I would not EXPECT him to however.

Why would you not expect him to? You seem to be assuming that the child is her responsibility and any lost time from work associated with the child is her problem, and that her spouse is not obligated to the child in the same way that OP is.

PP here. You are reading a whole lot into the issue just to make a point. We are NOT talking about any obligation to the child and it is misleading to portray it that way. My point is that I would NOT expect my husband to reimburse me for something that benefits my family without agreeing to it beforehand. Sure, I can phrase my request in such a way that reimbursing me DOES benefit the family. But my point is that this approach to marriage, IMO, does not have a positive result. And next month when OP's DH invoices her because he took off work to take her car in for service, what's the response then?

Anonymous wrote:I realize that my husband owes me a lot of money for deciding to marry him instead of my other suitor at the time, who is now making much more than DH.

Honey, that guy would have dumped you long ago for a newer model. And he's a lawyer so good luck getting much money out of him.

PP here.

OP, we have a similar arrangement. We married late and each had split expenses evenly before marriage. We still do on major expenses. Smaller expenses even out, so we don't keep track. I find that doing things our way reduces conflict/pressure. DH and I can do whatever we like with our earning so long as enough is left for the household expenses/tuition/camp/extracurriculars. I am more of a saver than DH, and the fact that I can save and invest to my hearts content without impediment I an anxiety reducer

Anonymous wrote:

But it would never occur to me to ask to be "reimbursed" for my maternity leave or some portion of it. My husband is not my insurer. It seems to me you are basically asking him to take no income in place of you having no income. Why is it more fair for him to take a hit than for you to take a hit? Does he make twice as much as you? That would be the only circumstance that would make sense.

Seriously? She took the time off to be be with THEIR child. Not HER child. They should share the sacrifice. If he didn't pay all of the household expenses during this period of time, then it's not a shared sacrifice. Perhaps OP should have discussed this with her husband prior to having a child, but I don't blame her for not doing so. It's easy to live 50/50 until a kid comes in and the definition of 50/50 changes.

+1 If she's not working and in essence s SAHM, then DH should have covered all of the household and her personal expenses for the period of her maternity leave.

Anonymous wrote:I think the "reimburse" terminolgy is what is throwing me off. I think it is a slippery slop to start asking for reimbursement for doing things that benefit the family. Where does it end? I also think it is dangerous to keep score.

If it were me, I would approach DH like this. "DH, as you know during the last 4 months I was not able to really save any money and I depleted my savings. So, for the next few months, I would really appreciate if you would pay [insert expense here] until I can replensih the savings."

I would not EXPECT him to however.

Sure, I would pay her. Then I would turn around, file for divorce and get my 50 percent of our marital assets, including the 50 percent of "her" savings that our mine too.

This is the thing folks, there is no "his" and "hers" in a marriage, only "ours." If you cannot figure that out and make it work, then you need to forgo the whole marriage thing.

I was married to someone like OP, but she did not work. I paid for everything we had, and then she thought I "owed" her a salary too for everything she does around the house. I coughed "bulls**t on that one!

I would not EXPECT him to however.

Why would you not expect him to? You seem to be assuming that the child is her responsibility and any lost time from work associated with the child is her problem, and that her spouse is not obligated to the child in the same way that OP is.