Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 12:47     Subject: What kind of invitation is this anyways?
Anonymous wrote:

You see, in life, you get to know a lot people -- some of whom you actually like and hope to socialize with. But when you want to have them over to your place, it's not that easy. You have to do it exactly the right way or you risk becoming a publicly-ridiculed pariah.



There's a lot of room between "having to do it exactly the right way" and "I'm inviting you to bring your own dinner and chairs to my family's yard while my family eats dinner" (hat tip to PP).
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 12:42     Subject: What kind of invitation is this anyways?
Anonymous wrote:I can definitely sympathize with the OP and those who are outraged at the utter audacity of this invitation. The only kinds of relationships worth having are those ruled by arbitrary rigidity.

You see, in life, you get to know a lot people -- some of whom you actually like and hope to socialize with. But when you want to have them over to your place, it's not that easy. You have to do it exactly the right way or you risk becoming a publicly-ridiculed pariah.

There are many people in my life whose company I could potentially enjoy, but unfortunately I will never invite them into the comfort of my own home because there are too many rules that I just can't keep track of.

So kudos to you, OP, and other like-minded posters. We can't let society fall to the point of anarchy.


LOL. "If he gets up, we'll all get up! It'll be anarchy!"

Totally agree. The Roman Empire fell for a reason, and it all started with BYOM. It's a slippery slope; this IS the hill you want to die on.

Not only decline the invitation, but make sure you let the host(ess) know exactly why. Make no mistake about it -- people like that have to be kept in their place.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 12:35     Subject: What kind of invitation is this anyways?
I can definitely sympathize with the OP and those who are outraged at the utter audacity of this invitation. The only kinds of relationships worth having are those ruled by arbitrary rigidity.

You see, in life, you get to know a lot people -- some of whom you actually like and hope to socialize with. But when you want to have them over to your place, it's not that easy. You have to do it exactly the right way or you risk becoming a publicly-ridiculed pariah.

There are many people in my life whose company I could potentially enjoy, but unfortunately I will never invite them into the comfort of my own home because there are too many rules that I just can't keep track of.

So kudos to you, OP, and other like-minded posters. We can't let society fall to the point of anarchy.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 12:28     Subject: What kind of invitation is this anyways?
OP here - yes, I did agree to pay, but it made me feel bad - see above.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 12:27     Subject: What kind of invitation is this anyways?
OP - I agree, but in retrospect, it made me feel bad, esp. since I brought so much other stuff. It became like a business transaction. Plus her husband and his brother (who were there at the dinner) disappeared right after we ate and I felt like we were sort of in the way. I only stayed like 90 minutes with my husband and three kids. I just did not feel welcomed.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 12:18     Subject: What kind of invitation is this anyways?
Anonymous wrote:OP here - I must be wearing a sign that says KICK ME because I am just remembering a Thanksgiving Dinner I was invited to once where the hostess seriously asked me to pay for 1/2 of the store-bought complete meal and I actually had to hand her a check when we arrived PLUS I brought other food (pies I think) and wine. Our friendship was never the same after that. It wasn't until later that I really thought about how mean that was. She had said, please come for Thanksgving but I don't have a lot of time to get ready and I told her about the store bought meal and she said, oh, do you want to go in on that with us?


I think this is a totally different scenario than the BBQ party. If she asked whether you "want to go in on that with [her]", she clearly indicated to you that the cost was going to be split. Just out of curiosity, how did you respond? If you didn't, I can see how she may have interpreted that as a "yes".
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 12:18     Subject: What kind of invitation is this anyways?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
"Goofy"? I honestly don't get this. It's not upper-crust material, but here's a shocker: a lot of people with limited means manage to live deeply-fulfilled lives surrounded by good and loyal friends who would think nothing at all about being asked to stop by to socialize without assuming they will be treated like royalty.[/quote

Here is a tip: if you can't afford to have a party - just don't host it. Other people shouldn't have to pay for it. You can see them for a walk in a park or something.


Oh. I didn't realize that a desire to share time with friends was something you had to be able to afford lest you risk a public shaming.

You people are really something.

Sure, a nice party where the host can pay for everything and shower every guest with every comfort imaginable is certainly very nice and there is nothing wrong with that.

There is equally nothing wrong with asking friends over in a less-expensive way.

I guess I have more laid-back friends who pay when they can and when they can't, they still want to have me over.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 11:59     Subject: What kind of invitation is this anyways?
Anonymous wrote:Lame.

For that amount of trouble, you might as well just stay home and host some other friends. It would probably be more fun too.


+1
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 11:47     Subject: Re:What kind of invitation is this anyways?
Eh. If I felt like getting together with friends, and our other friends were going, I pack up my meat in a cooler and go.

If the host were a person I felt iffy about anyway, somebody I didn't even really like, I'd stay home.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 11:26     Subject: What kind of invitation is this anyways?
Anonymous wrote:
"Goofy"? I honestly don't get this. It's not upper-crust material, but here's a shocker: a lot of people with limited means manage to live deeply-fulfilled lives surrounded by good and loyal friends who would think nothing at all about being asked to stop by to socialize without assuming they will be treated like royalty.[/quote

Here is a tip: if you can't afford to have a party - just don't host it. Other people shouldn't have to pay for it. You can see them for a walk in a park or something.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 11:20     Subject: What kind of invitation is this anyways?
You're too nice, OP. Who needs friends like that? You need some new friends, I agree.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 10:54     Subject: What kind of invitation is this anyways?
Anonymous wrote:OP here - I must be wearing a sign that says KICK ME because I am just remembering a Thanksgiving Dinner I was invited to once where the hostess seriously asked me to pay for 1/2 of the store-bought complete meal and I actually had to hand her a check when we arrived PLUS I brought other food (pies I think) and wine. Our friendship was never the same after that. It wasn't until later that I really thought about how mean that was. She had said, please come for Thanksgving but I don't have a lot of time to get ready and I told her about the store bought meal and she said, oh, do you want to go in on that with us?


You kind of asked for it that time, OP. & you need new friends.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 10:50     Subject: What kind of invitation is this anyways?
Anonymous wrote:OP here - I must be wearing a sign that says KICK ME because I am just remembering a Thanksgiving Dinner I was invited to once where the hostess seriously asked me to pay for 1/2 of the store-bought complete meal and I actually had to hand her a check when we arrived PLUS I brought other food (pies I think) and wine. Our friendship was never the same after that. It wasn't until later that I really thought about how mean that was. She had said, please come for Thanksgving but I don't have a lot of time to get ready and I told her about the store bought meal and she said, oh, do you want to go in on that with us?


I can imagine.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 10:48     Subject: What kind of invitation is this anyways?
Anonymous wrote:OP here - I must be wearing a sign that says KICK ME because I am just remembering a Thanksgiving Dinner I was invited to once where the hostess seriously asked me to pay for 1/2 of the store-bought complete meal and I actually had to hand her a check when we arrived PLUS I brought other food (pies I think) and wine. Our friendship was never the same after that. It wasn't until later that I really thought about how mean that was. She had said, please come for Thanksgving but I don't have a lot of time to get ready and I told her about the store bought meal and she said, oh, do you want to go in on that with us?
Wow, you're generously nice lady. If you ever come to my house, just bring yourself.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 10:48     Subject: Re:What kind of invitation is this anyways?
+ that a true potluck is a totally different scenario.

We do an annual party and provide all the meat, drinks, and of course things like condiments and paper products. We ask everyone to bring a side or dessert, and I also make at least one side and one dessert myself.

That's very different from basically saying "We're eating in our backyard today. Feel free to bring your own meal and eat with us."