Anonymous
Post 07/29/2013 16:34     Subject: Stuck because of my husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your husband should have screened you properly before marriage. But since he did not, I would advise him not to leave his secure, nice paying job in an area with a low cost of living just because he is being nagged by his wife. I would advise him to find something else to occupy your time. Whether that be a job, starting a business, or even focusing on your child.

But the chances are it is a lose lose for him, because no matter what, you will find something to complain about. If he finds a new job in an area with a higher col you will be mad that he doesn't make enough and that even with your pay you still feel stressed and a little behind. At least staying but allows him to maintain a nice financial balance.

If you feel held back by your DH, then by all means set yourself free but don't go whining about how mean your DH is. Good luck with that.


I enjoy my life and am not complaining about it. However, 1) My career has been the sacrificial lamb in our family; and 2) The schools here are really not good.

And what about my financial balance? If my husband was gone tomorrow I'd left unemployed and with a multi-year gap in my resume and behind in my skills.



What career do you have that cannot be done in a small town, but can be done in a bigger city like DC? Would you consider applying your talents and skills from that career to one that can be done in your small town?

Is DC closer to family, or is the small town closer to family support?

Would the income your husband could expect to make, plus the income you could expect to make in DC be enough to pay for a full-time daycare or nanny (while you both work), two cars (if you live further out with different work schedules/locations), a nice-enough house in a good, close-in public school district (budget at least $700,000), and the generally higher COL in DC.

Do you plan to have more children? Will you continue to work, or can your husband's salary alone support a family in DC?
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2013 12:55     Subject: Stuck because of my husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are just looking for excuses. Reinvent yourself and find something where you live. Do what you have to and stop playing the blame game
Tired of reinventing myself.


The more I keep reading, the more the problem is you. You are blaming your feelings on your husband, your location, etc etc etc. How old is your child? Did you suffer from PPD?

+1, her DH is a mid-level manager in IT. Those are more than a dime a dozen here so if she thinks DH is going to get 250-300K to move here and she's going to waltz back into the job market and earn a 100K plus salary herself... well, she is clearly delusional.
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2013 12:07     Subject: Stuck because of my husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are just looking for excuses. Reinvent yourself and find something where you live. Do what you have to and stop playing the blame game
Tired of reinventing myself.


The more I keep reading, the more the problem is you. You are blaming your feelings on your husband, your location, etc etc etc. How old is your child? Did you suffer from PPD?
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2013 12:05     Subject: Stuck because of my husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I work for a large tech company and one of our savings "strategies" is to try to con employees in less busy LCOL areas to transfer to HCOL areas. We dangle a pay raise in front of them and they often take the bait. We still end up paying them much less than we would have to pay a local market candidate. Then they end up working much harder (b/c there is more work to do in DC) for what turns out to be lower quality of life. My boss thinks this is genius; I think its a crappy way to treat employees. Oh, and in our company it is incredibly hard to transfer from DC out into the hinterlands.

Anyway, I would be surprised if your DH could double his pay. What is his industry?
government IT


No, his salary will not double. Sorry.
Anonymous
Post 07/29/2013 12:04     Subject: Re:Stuck because of my husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP: What do YOU think is a good salary here? We'll let you know if it is, and where you can hope to live on that. Also, schools suck in DC proper, but are very good in Fairfax, Arlington, and Montgomery County, which is right next to DC.

I don't mean schools literally in DC, but in the metropolitan area.

Our income now is 120k and our mortgage is 250k. Taxes and COL are very low. Our real estate tax is $500.

I expect in DC our income would be 250-300k. Is that enough?


What's your calculation on the 250-300k? Your DH makes 120k now, I wouldn't expect a huge salary bump-up for him. Maybe 30k. So you have that much earning potential?


+1 I am moving to a smaller city and actually realizing an increase in salary. I wouldn't expect some dramatic jump here.