PP here. Third post, lest I be wrongly accused of something - what, I don't know. Perhaps information sharing?!

Anyway, it is too easy to fall into old family roles. Dh has a very dysfunctional family, and since I am not a professional, it is anything but a vacation to spend a week watching the train wreck that is his family. Half of them easily need professional help.

While no family is perfect, and I firmly believe that (anyone who tries to portray otherwise is lying) - trying to hide ones faults or family's faults during a way too long "vacation" week is just trying my extreme patience even more.

I am convinced that Dh's family has 80% ill intentions, and it really can be exhausting. I think that is much of what is going on here.

Family roles and birth order, amongst "old news", are key OP.

I think op should skip this family vacation. Or maybe go and meet them for lunch but not stay at the beach house. Too much drama, everyone acting like children

I really think that you outgrow the "whole crowd at the beach" thing and want more quality time.

PP here. To elaborate, I feel like I could just stay here and have the same experience of crowded, etc. for free. ugh.

9:21 - Most people I know feel the same way! WHY do people put themselves THROUGH this TORTURE? My friend is forced to sleep with her ENTIRE family (2 grown children + 2 adults) in ONE Queen bed!!! WHAT!!?????

That is the most ridiculous NC beach "vacation" story I have heard so far!

Apparently, the MIL rents out the house and is so proud to do so because at some point, the SIL said it was a good idea. Because of course, SIL thought everyone else was doing it, and SIL is a huge follower.

My friend wants nothing to do with it. She sends the DH and kids. Because lets face it, she wouldn't fit in the bed anyway (she's a size 8, smaller than the SILs). And she can't go for a week without sleep, of course - especially on vacation.

Then the MIL invites EXTRA people (NOT family) to join them, because MIL grew up poor and thinks everyone is fine with piling into one of those houses; because it has an elevator (SOUNDS OF AWE HERE). BTW, no one uses the elevator and the one person who needs it couldn't use it because they could not make the front stairs. What good is the elevator if the house has front stairs?

Turns out, everyone hates it and can't wait for the torture to be DONE.

There are closer places where everyone would be happier renting next to each other instead of on top of each other. And, there might just be no stairs (gasp).

I need to be where the people are nice; the seafood and restaurants are amazing and family oriented; and the options of beaches and food and people are multiple. i.e.: not NC. Where most of the people are from here, BTW. I don't need a pool at the beach, and I would prefer to walk everywhere instead of getting stuck in traffic. I can't stand the thought of it.

No. Thank. You.

OP, if you suggest elsewhere, would they be open to it? Or are they stubborn and closed minded sheeple?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pull a primadonna move yourself. Tell your mom that if she wants to keep the peace, she needs to support you. If you can't have your own room, you're not going. If they want you to join in on a family vacation, they need to treat you like an equal adult. Otherwise, you'll joing them when you "qualify" as a married woman. Enough of the second rate citizen shit.

Either that or tell them you've decided to envite your significant other along on the trip. Show up with your best girlfriend and let them sit and wonder about you two all week. Offer to let your niece bunk in with the two of you as long as her mother doesn't think your late night activities will bother your niece.

But I bet your sister would like this so she could get your room.

Yeah, I don't think this kind of threat would be a good idea.

Nothing wrong with it as long as you're prepared to follow through. Why show up if noone respects you?

We used to go on these large extended family beach vacations every summer. I finally admitted to my sisters and brother that I don't enjoy them, and they were all relieved! They felt the same way, but nobody wanted to admit it. I love my family and get along well with them, but being stuck in a single house with all of them for a week is really a bad idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pull a primadonna move yourself. Tell your mom that if she wants to keep the peace, she needs to support you. If you can't have your own room, you're not going. If they want you to join in on a family vacation, they need to treat you like an equal adult. Otherwise, you'll joing them when you "qualify" as a married woman. Enough of the second rate citizen shit.

Either that or tell them you've decided to envite your significant other along on the trip. Show up with your best girlfriend and let them sit and wonder about you two all week. Offer to let your niece bunk in with the two of you as long as her mother doesn't think your late night activities will bother your niece.

But I bet your sister would like this so she could get your room.

Yeah, I don't think this kind of threat would be a good idea.

Nothing wrong with it as long as you're prepared to follow through. Why show up if noone respects you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pull a primadonna move yourself. Tell your mom that if she wants to keep the peace, she needs to support you. If you can't have your own room, you're not going. If they want you to join in on a family vacation, they need to treat you like an equal adult. Otherwise, you'll joing them when you "qualify" as a married woman. Enough of the second rate citizen shit.

Either that or tell them you've decided to envite your significant other along on the trip. Show up with your best girlfriend and let them sit and wonder about you two all week. Offer to let your niece bunk in with the two of you as long as her mother doesn't think your late night activities will bother your niece.

But I bet your sister would like this so she could get your room.

Yeah, I don't think this kind of threat would be a good idea.

Anonymous wrote:Pull a primadonna move yourself. Tell your mom that if she wants to keep the peace, she needs to support you. If you can't have your own room, you're not going. If they want you to join in on a family vacation, they need to treat you like an equal adult. Otherwise, you'll joing them when you "qualify" as a married woman. Enough of the second rate citizen shit.

Either that or tell them you've decided to envite your significant other along on the trip. Show up with your best girlfriend and let them sit and wonder about you two all week. Offer to let your niece bunk in with the two of you as long as her mother doesn't think your late night activities will bother your niece.

But I bet your sister would like this so she could get your room.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks everyone! My mom agrees but is coaching me to side with my sis to save the peace. I holding strong after reading the responses.

I will note that when I was growing up as the youngest, I used to sleep on a cot on the porch at the beach! I loved it. But that was a different era, crime wise....

How about put the kids out there or do cousin gender rooms, all girls in one all boys in another.

I recently visited family where we were only offered 2 bedrooms and I normally prefer my two kids to sleep separately bc they are both so spazy I was afraid they would keep each other awake. But it actually worked out fine, they slept.

Don't give in, since when does being single make you less important? WTF is wrong with our sister? Her kid, her problem.

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP, I am the primadonna of my family (bossy oldest sister) and I have a 4 and 2 yr old who also would not sleep well together and even I am on your side.

In your sister's place, DH and I would each take a child and stay in separate rooms (we do this at in laws). On the other hand, if there were a reason we couldnt do this (aka - bunk beds in kids room), i can see asking you if you minded sharing (my primadonna self coming put).

Why would bunk beds preclude you from sharing with your child?

This might be the first unity horse on DCUM. You should show her this thread and then have her compare it to other threads where posters tear each other apart.

Dear OP, I am the primadonna of my family (bossy oldest sister) and I have a 4 and 2 yr old who also would not sleep well together and even I am on your side.

In your sister's place, DH and I would each take a child and stay in separate rooms (we do this at in laws). On the other hand, if there were a reason we couldnt do this (aka - bunk beds in kids room), i can see asking you if you minded sharing (my primadonna self coming put).

Anonymous wrote:My kids couldn't sleep with each other at an early age either. I would never make my single sibling share, us parents would split up. She's nuts

Suggest this to your sister. Their kids; their problem. Not yours to solve for her.

I used to do the beach house coordination for my large family. I would never dream of suggesting this arrangement. It is completely unacceptable.

Just one more to add to this RARE unanimous thread that you are absolutely in the right and it's never to late to stop doing the family dance. It will get ugly but if you stand your ground there will be less drama in the future. Bring wine!