Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero preference re paid work vs. volunteering. But only 10 hours a week seems like too much free time that is not filled up with anything productive.

Sounds like a Princess SAHM in training.

Sounds like someone is jealous that the nanny or daycare is raising their kids.

My teenager can't get a job. 9 applications and not one call back. Word on the street from other moms of teens is illegal aliens are cheaper and more dependable. Most mall, fast food and department stores hire people that barely speak a lick of English. You never see teens working. It is sad.

I would stick with the volunteering but keep trying. Good luck.

I did not have a real job until the summer before college, when I knew I had to save for school. I did a lot of volunteer work in order to find areas I was interested in. It's important even if she is not bringing home a paycheck. Does she want to be a doctor? A nurse? A scientist? A museum curator? Seems to me what she is doing is better than making espressos.

Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.

You sound like a bitch. You should change if you want your children to have any sort of relationship with you.

I worked 50 hours a week the summers I was 14-17 then 40 hours a week 18-22. I loved it. I loved being part of the adult world and the responsibilities that came with it. I was paying my own way through college and I also loved the financial independence. I guess I was one of the few who really saw myself as an adult at 18, 19 and not as a kid. I still had lots of time for socializing and friends and hanging out. Working from a young age was nothing but a positive experience for me, as was being independent and responsible.

Anonymous wrote:40 hours per week for a 16 year old seems absurd, unless there is truly a financial need. Geez, I worked at a food court in the mall the summer before I went to college, about 20 hours per week, and hung out with my friends the rest of the time.

I think it depends on the kid. I happen to have one who would prefer school went year round. Working with computers full-time for 2 1/2 months was just what he wanted to do, and actually offered him more ways to socialize with pals and have fun, than just hanging out would have. They're all different.

40 hours per week for a 16 year old seems absurd, unless there is truly a financial need. Geez, I worked at a food court in the mall the summer before I went to college, about 20 hours per week, and hung out with my friends the rest of the time.

Anonymous wrote:Cut her clothing/misc budget. Give her the numbers. If she wants more, she needs to earn it.

Yep. Totally agree. Applaud here volunteering and explain that in addition to displaying a great civic sense she also needs to learn greater financial responsibility. Encourage her to look for jobs that interest her. For example, if she likes animals maybe she can help walk dogs. Babysit if she likes kids, etc...

[quote=Anonymous]My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs. [/quote]

Parents like you make me sad. There is nothing wrong with kids, especially those not yet in college, having free time in the summer. Kids who work hard in school, play musical instruments, sports at a high level, and do community work, deserve some off time in the summer. It's healthy. Frankly, I think they should be off at camp or an outdoors program to really "get away" from home and parents and gain some independence in a fun environment.

I also think, when it is possible, it is part of the job of a parent to pay for college. I think parents who can, but don't, are self satisfied jerks. My parents, and their parents, and back multiple generations in my family, parents pay for their kids undergrad education, at a minimum. It has led to very successful people in every generation.

Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.

why is it so sad if parents pay for college? mine paid for college and grad school. I can assure you that I worked very hard, did well in school and am a fully independent adult. felt very lucky that I wasn't saddled with debt and am very grateful to my parents for their help. frankly, i think if you had the money you should have helped your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: 300$ a month?? Can u be my mommy too.

R U getting straight A's, taking 10 APs, interning at NASA and play tennisl? What are your SAT scores like?

No, no child - you don't want me as your mommy. I don't want myself as my mommy.

I was getting straight As, playing volleyball, basketball, running track, good kid all around. Eventually I got into a great law school. I don't begrudge your kid, I was half joking. But a 300$ allowance would have beat delivering flyers, filing in an office 9-5 and working part time retail during the summers!

Anonymous wrote: 300$ a month?? Can u be my mommy too.

R U getting straight A's, taking 10 APs, interning at NASA and play tennisl? What are your SAT scores like?

No, no child - you don't want me as your mommy. I don't want myself as my mommy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess we're in the minority. We're not pushing our teens to have summer jobs. The rest of their lives they're going to have jobs and they spend all school year working hard at classes and studying until 11PM most nights in order to keep up with APs, etc. They do community service over the summer but this stress on summer jobs seems intense unless its necessary for home income and really teens don't make that much after transportation costs, taxes and SS have been taken out.

Yes, but are you raising children who feel they are "too good" to do photocopying or answer phones at their first job? Are they going to expect to be above all that?

No. I don't think that community service jobs are any less valid than getting paid for photocopying. As a matter of fact, I think they're often much more fulfilling and life altering. When you're doing something for someone less fortunate instead of for your bank account it can mean much more. How is that an indication that we're teaching our kids they're "above" anything?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess we're in the minority. We're not pushing our teens to have summer jobs. The rest of their lives they're going to have jobs and they spend all school year working hard at classes and studying until 11PM most nights in order to keep up with APs, etc. They do community service over the summer but this stress on summer jobs seems intense unless its necessary for home income and really teens don't make that much after transportation costs, taxes and SS have been taken out.

I agree. My teen and her classmates are in an academically rigorous program in HS. It means that they are so very busy that they do not have any free time during school year to socialize except during clubs and other extra-curricular activities at school. They have to plan weeks in advance if they want to get together. During summer they are busy once again with volunteering, camps, internships etc.

Since HS - my teen's allowance is $300 a month. She has hardly been able to spend $50 in the entire year. Between choosing to socialize and sleep-in - she chooses to catch up on her Zzzz'z. Money is not a motivation for her at all, she would not care if I stopped her allowance altogether.

Maybe she and her classmates are a minority. Most of them do not have the time to date and majority have not bothered to get their learner's permit for driving.

300$ a month?? Can u be my mommy too.

Anonymous wrote:I guess we're in the minority. We're not pushing our teens to have summer jobs. The rest of their lives they're going to have jobs and they spend all school year working hard at classes and studying until 11PM most nights in order to keep up with APs, etc. They do community service over the summer but this stress on summer jobs seems intense unless its necessary for home income and really teens don't make that much after transportation costs, taxes and SS have been taken out.

Last year my son made $4,000 at a summer job as a 16-year-old.