Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are SAHMs posting in this thread? Or on the Jobs and Careers board at all? Go talk about your full-time parenting job elsewhere and let people with actual jobs and careers post here.

While I personally am not a FT parent, I have no problem with the fact that taking good care of a young child, is indeed a real job. You who claim it isn't, haven't much done it. Or you tried it a bit, and found it too hard and unrewarding.
Even though many of us have other priorities, we have no right to belittle the sacrifices being made by those who are raising the children.

They are not sacrificing. They don't want careers. If they did, they'd have 'em.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't in the same place as your baby/toddler from, say, 8am-6pm, it is hard to call yourself a ft parent.

So are all dads who WOH "part time parents"?? I never considered my dad to be a part time parent even though for my whole life he has worked (outside the home) full time. He'd be offended by the notion, as would my husband, as am I. Parenting is more than providing childcare.

When there are two contributing parents, usually one is focused on financial support, while the other is managing the home and family well-being. Sure, you can attemp to split the responsibilities down the middle. But as we all know, it almost never works out that way.

Bullshit. I make 53% of the income and do about half of the parenting/household management.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13:25, does your spouse feel he could have what he has without you?

Bingo, until there is a lawyer-dad thread where the men out there describe how they had to cobble together some solution, I will continue to believe that women are not being well served by the law firms and the workplace in general. Good for 13:25 for finding a good solution, but, honestly, that is very, very difficult for so many women to weave together. And, again, men don't seem to have to weave a similar quilt to hold the family up. Not right.

Oh, I knew I couldn't parent the way I wanted at the law firm. I went in house before my first child was born. Personally, $240 K is more than enough annual income for the work I do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this WOH/SAHM crap is not material to the OP's post. She is asking how moms that are attorneys do it, not whether it is better to SAH or WOHM in general, or who is a better parent, etc. If you don't have something relevant to her question, take the debate elsewhere.

I hope you aren't a lawyer if you aren't able to grasp the basic fact that the who/sah dilemma is precisely what the op is struggling with. The fact that the workplace -particularly in the law firm setting - is fairly hostile to working parents is a huge part of the problem. Clearly many on this board have "solved" the dilemma by choosing one or the other (suggesting that balancing both is the real myth). That, distressing as it might be, is entirely relevant to the essential question at hand!

I've balanced both for over 13 years. Always working full time and with two kids. There are some keys to the kingdom: you must be ruthlessly efficient about your time. Waste nothing! If this is stressful for you, you're going to have a hard time. Prioritze, and learn to say no to coworkers and the PTA. Also agree with Sheryl Sandberg that a fully involved and capable partner is a must. I can't be married to someone who can't do the myriad things that kids require. I need to work late, to network, to travel. Can't have well adjusted kids if they only have one parent who can do anything for them, and that parent is not around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a government job - Dept of VA BVA is hiring 100+ lawyers in the next 6 mos. Start pay is maybe GS 11 but goes up 1 GS level every year. And you can work at home after 9+ months and do 30+ hour schedule.

Right now, the work-at-home program is closed to new applicants but the lifestyle and office work is still pretty great. And you can go down to a part-time schedule, but not until a year (I think). I've been there a while.

True, the application period for this current 18 month period is long over (was around Nov. 2011 I think), but certainly with 50% more lawyers and no new work space and us triple sharing offices etc., telework will be heavily encouraged for the new hires once they've been here around a year.

FYI - the 18 month periods are no longer in effect. There is no new cycle for flexiplace upcoming. they need to re-do the entire system.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a government job - Dept of VA BVA is hiring 100+ lawyers in the next 6 mos. Start pay is maybe GS 11 but goes up 1 GS level every year. And you can work at home after 9+ months and do 30+ hour schedule.

a whole grade level, every year? that can't be correct? until what grade??

and do you have to compete for the higher grades like GS13 or GS14?

You do go up for the first 4 years from GS-11 to Gs12, Gs13-1, Gs13-2 and then GS14 (which is not automatic but almost everyone gets it. Sometimes there is a delay though if there is a problem with your work). The GS-13s and 14s are not competitive.

The work-at-home people are being moved to triple office sharing due to space concerns but they still have no current plans to expand the work-at-home program to attorneys who are not currently participating. No idea if/when that will change but it might wait until there is a new chairman in place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a government job - Dept of VA BVA is hiring 100+ lawyers in the next 6 mos. Start pay is maybe GS 11 but goes up 1 GS level every year. And you can work at home after 9+ months and do 30+ hour schedule.

a whole grade level, every year? that can't be correct? until what grade??

and do you have to compete for the higher grades like GS13 or GS14?

It is correct. Except you stay at GS 13 for 2 years instead of one. Also, if you aren't "ready" for GS 14, you might have to wait an extra 3-6 months or so.

Anonymous wrote:Get a government job - Dept of VA BVA is hiring 100+ lawyers in the next 6 mos. Start pay is maybe GS 11 but goes up 1 GS level every year. And you can work at home after 9+ months and do 30+ hour schedule.

a whole grade level, every year? that can't be correct? until what grade??

and do you have to compete for the higher grades like GS13 or GS14?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a government job - Dept of VA BVA is hiring 100+ lawyers in the next 6 mos. Start pay is maybe GS 11 but goes up 1 GS level every year. And you can work at home after 9+ months and do 30+ hour schedule.

Right now, the work-at-home program is closed to new applicants but the lifestyle and office work is still pretty great. And you can go down to a part-time schedule, but not until a year (I think). I've been there a while.

True, the application period for this current 18 month period is long over (was around Nov. 2011 I think), but certainly with 50% more lawyers and no new work space and us triple sharing offices etc., telework will be heavily encouraged for the new hires once they've been here around a year.

Why is the work at home program closed to new applicants?

Anonymous wrote:Get a government job - Dept of VA BVA is hiring 100+ lawyers in the next 6 mos. Start pay is maybe GS 11 but goes up 1 GS level every year. And you can work at home after 9+ months and do 30+ hour schedule.

Right now, the work-at-home program is closed to new applicants but the lifestyle and office work is still pretty great. And you can go down to a part-time schedule, but not until a year (I think). I've been there a while.

Anonymous wrote:13:25, does your spouse feel he could have what he has without you?

Bingo, until there is a lawyer-dad thread where the men out there describe how they had to cobble together some solution, I will continue to believe that women are not being well served by the law firms and the workplace in general. Good for 13:25 for finding a good solution, but, honestly, that is very, very difficult for so many women to weave together. And, again, men don't seem to have to weave a similar quilt to hold the family up. Not right.

13:25, does your spouse feel he could have what he has without you?

I am not a lawyer but I have, and have had for many years, a successful, professional, well compensated, career and am raising three children. I feel that I have successfully balanced both and I am extremely happy and grateful I have a successful career and happy, well adjusted kids. I done a variety of things..... Nanny, after school care, work from home, consulting for a few years, but mostly full time. It's doable and very rewarding, great to know you are financially self sufficient, great role model etc. It's not easy, but just figure out what works for you each step of the way and know you can make changes and adjustments as you go.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am testy about posters who try to turn every thread into a lecture for working mothers or yet another rehash of the mommy wars, especially when it's not responsive at all to the question posed. If you want to talk about this (for the millionth time this year on DCUM), start your own thread.

This.

Thank you.