Anonymous wrote:Yikes! I don't get the paying household expenses 50% or even in proportion to your income. We mingle our money and I am the breadwinner (wife). I know and accept that more of my money is used for our expenses. I don't think of it as "my" money at all. It is "our" money used to benefit "our" family.

Yep...this is how we roll in our family...and hubby makes more money than I do by a long shot...
I pay most of the bills online (i am better at it..and it took him a long time to get on board with online bill pay -- paranoid about identity theft)
But sometimes i have to ask daddy for money...sometimes he does...all in all we consider all of our financial assetts..."ours"

Anonymous wrote:My DH makes about 20x what I make. I came to the marriage with some assets, him with debt. But as you can see his career has been much more lucrative. For 25 years we have contributed 50-50 to expenses of the household (keep incomes separate), except when I've been on unpaid maternity leave (he pays 100%). I find I can really just barely afford my 50% of our our expenses on my income.

Does anybody else have this kind of arrangement? Any sage advice for how to try to unwind it? I know it is a bizarre situation, so please hold off on the judgmental comments if you can.

I think you're going to have to talk to him and clearly explain WHY you want to unwind this arrangement. After so many years, he may not see any need to change what has worked for more than two decades. I don't know him, of course, but perhaps you can appeal to him in terms of his religious beliefs about marriage or his family/cultural history on this matter. Good luck.

We were in a similar situ and now we are divorced and bc of it. he finally pays his proportionate amount (after lots of fighting and court order). I am finally happy bc it was very unfair and took a toll on our marriage and eventually the stress started to wear me out health wise. I will never agree to that type of arrangement again!

Marriage, you're doing it wrong

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can OP's post be real? It seems so odd as to be implausible - 20 times the amount?

It's theoretically possible. Say a non profit vs partner at law firm. Call it 40k vs 800k. But I can't imagine how they split things 50/50 unless they live absurdly frugally.

I was thinking the same thing. So in this example it would be as if the couple lived based on 80k HHI (her 40k plus his "equal" 40k contribution) when their HHI is actually ten times that. And where's his remaining $760k going besides tax?

Anonymous wrote:I make about 7 times my wife. We basically have one major account and everything goes in it. To each accordinf to need. Besides, as a middle aged man i dont teally want anything and primarily spend money ony family. Other than odds and ends for minor hobbies which even out. on We are in this for life.

I should be married to you. My husband is 50 and is a big spender (and not on family). I'm the middle aged woman who doesn't really want anything.

Where does all his leftover money go? I think it's really suspicious that he hasn't suggested redoing your arrangement.

Anonymous wrote:Can OP's post be real? It seems so odd as to be implausible - 20 times the amount?

It's theoretically possible. Say a non profit vs partner at law firm. Call it 40k vs 800k. But I can't imagine how they split things 50/50 unless they live absurdly frugally.

Can OP's post be real? It seems so odd as to be implausible - 20 times the amount?

Why don't each of you deposit 50% of your incomes into a joint account to use for household expenses. You can always increase the percentage if you need to but make sure you are contributing equally. Also, maybe have a talk with him about your debt. If you guys try to buy anything together (house, car, etc) your debt will impact him.

I don't care who has what account and how money is kept, but the 50-50 splitting of household expenses with unequal incomes is mindboggling to me.

Anonymous wrote:I'm baffled by this. My wife and I deposit everything into one account. Do MARRIED people really nickle and dime each other like this?

+100...boggles my mind!!

Hmmm. My parents-in-law had a similar arrangement, but they were each on their second marriage. Happily married for 20+ years. Father-in-law passed away, and left most of his money to his children (3 from first marriage, 2 from second), contrary to what mother-in-law was expecting. Mother-in-law is doing fine, financially, but apparently it left some bad feelings (mostly between one son from their marriage, and his half-siblings).

OP, when you bring up the income/cost split differential, you may also want to consider bringing up the related issues of retirement and wills. Presumably, you have already had these discussions, but if it has been a while, probably worth revisiting.

Good luck! Please let us know the outcome.

OP you should protect yourself "just in case" of divorce even though it's highly unlikely to happen. If he was to suddenly have a mid-life crisis or mental breakdown and leave you all of the savings are in his name, yes? That's a concern.

Can't you just add your name to the savings and investment accounts?