I agree with the basic premise of this thread. Cheating is not an option for me because as an underachieving slacker, what woman would be interested?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married over 20 years. I've never cheated on DW and don't plan to. I've had chances, had temptations. Have I thought about it? Yes, in some realm of fantasy. My conscience would give me away if I carried it out. I'd be a nervous wreck, knowing I'd done something that serious to her.

Would it be possible for a woman to lure me or entrap me at a weak moment? Anything is possible but still not likely. I don't play near the edge. I don't hang out at bars or other meeting places. I have female friends but we do not hang out together. In fact, most of them are DW's friends too. Not being in close private quarters with other women limits my exposure and my risk of falling.

I think this is a great point. There are ways to affair-proof your marriage. They are not 100% but they definitely can decrease the likelihood. I make decisions all the time "not go there." My husband had an emotional affair and I didn't want to be the woman with low self worth who did the revenge affair, emotional or physical. In my weaker moments I thought of it but realized it would just be me meeting him at the lowest rung, and didn't see our marriage recovering from that.

We recovered by the way. There are worst things than infidelity (though there were moments where it felt like there wasn't) and they can be a great wake up call for both people.

+ 1. Totally agree with this.

A man can limit temptations or he can invite them in. The one who has boundaries and respects his wife will not cheat. The man who invites temptation by exposing himself to opportunities will probably eventually cheat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nanny/ Au Pair banging DB and another thread about women not hiring hot nannys has me thinking about the statement above. Is it really true that men don't cheat because they don't have someone to cheat with or don't have women throw themselves at them? I trust my husband and to the best of my knowledge, he's never cheated on me, but if Megan Fox offered him a quick BJ and he was absolutely sure that it would remain a secret, I don't know if he'd turn it down. Am I upset at this thought? honestly no. But what does that say about my marriage?

I have no idea whether this is true or not. But do you have any principled basis for sayign it's true about men, and not women? Robert Pattinson offers you a quickie, you're saying no?

LOL. I think I would pass on Robert Pattinson since he is posted all over my teenager's wall. Would seem creepy like I'm going after my daughter's age group. Now if it was Ryan Gossling, umm, don't know if I could resist that one.

Exactly. This is just as true for wonem as men (to the extent it's true at all). BTW, Gossling is less than 6 years older than Pattinson. You're makign a distinction without a difference.

OK, forget Gossling. How about Clint Eastwood?

Anonymous wrote:

I wish my now-husband and I hadn't done all of this when we were just starting out, because now there's not much else to try that interests us. And I'm bored by sex now.

Try bondage. You will not get bored.

I appreciate the suggestion , but it just doesn't interest either of us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Also look at Matt Damon. Rich, successful, famous, attractive. Has every opportunity in the world, yet married a single mom waitress because he fell in love and wanted 3 kids.

I don't get this post or the married-50-years-couple shout-out in another post. Why are you so confident neither marriage involved cheating?

No, you've missed the point. I never said Matt doesn't cheat. But something compelled him to marry a single mom and settle down. He had opportunities to bang a different woman every week or more and he chose this. Might he be cheating some, sure, but if he really wanted unlimited options he would not have settled down.

Could it be that he fell in love with her? Look at Junior Seau, who killed himself a couple of months ago. He had fame, money, and women throwing themselves at him. Is that all there is in life? Maybe part of his unhappiness was being divorced from the mother of his children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Also look at Matt Damon. Rich, successful, famous, attractive. Has every opportunity in the world, yet married a single mom waitress because he fell in love and wanted 3 kids.

I don't get this post or the married-50-years-couple shout-out in another post. Why are you so confident neither marriage involved cheating?

No, you've missed the point. I never said Matt doesn't cheat. But something compelled him to marry a single mom and settle down. He had opportunities to bang a different woman every week or more and he chose this. Might he be cheating some, sure, but if he really wanted unlimited options he would not have settled down.

So not true.

Haven't you ever met a guy who said he didn't believe in monogamy because he thinks it's crazy that he would only want one woman the rest of his life? Now picture that guy at 30. He wants kids but still doesn't believe in monogamy. What does he do? He marries the girl he is with, she plops out 2 kids, the he starts prowling for some ass on the side. Just in his nature and who he is. Wants to have sex with different people. Feels justified because he was upfront in the beginning he doesn't believe in monogamy and that is the line he gives while he is on the prowl.

Anonymous wrote:Married over 20 years. I've never cheated on DW and don't plan to. I've had chances, had temptations. Have I thought about it? Yes, in some realm of fantasy. My conscience would give me away if I carried it out. I'd be a nervous wreck, knowing I'd done something that serious to her.

Would it be possible for a woman to lure me or entrap me at a weak moment? Anything is possible but still not likely. I don't play near the edge. I don't hang out at bars or other meeting places. I have female friends but we do not hang out together. In fact, most of them are DW's friends too. Not being in close private quarters with other women limits my exposure and my risk of falling.

I think this is a great point. There are ways to affair-proof your marriage. They are not 100% but they definitely can decrease the likelihood. I make decisions all the time "not go there." My husband had an emotional affair and I didn't want to be the woman with low self worth who did the revenge affair, emotional or physical. In my weaker moments I thought of it but realized it would just be me meeting him at the lowest rung, and didn't see our marriage recovering from that.

We recovered by the way. There are worst things than infidelity (though there were moments where it felt like there wasn't) and they can be a great wake up call for both people.

Married over 20 years. I've never cheated on DW and don't plan to. I've had chances, had temptations. Have I thought about it? Yes, in some realm of fantasy. My conscience would give me away if I carried it out. I'd be a nervous wreck, knowing I'd done something that serious to her.

Would it be possible for a woman to lure me or entrap me at a weak moment? Anything is possible but still not likely. I don't play near the edge. I don't hang out at bars or other meeting places. I have female friends but we do not hang out together. In fact, most of them are DW's friends too. Not being in close private quarters with other women limits my exposure and my risk of falling.

Anonymous wrote:

Also look at Matt Damon. Rich, successful, famous, attractive. Has every opportunity in the world, yet married a single mom waitress because he fell in love and wanted 3 kids.

I don't get this post or the married-50-years-couple shout-out in another post. Why are you so confident neither marriage involved cheating?

No, you've missed the point. I never said Matt doesn't cheat. But something compelled him to marry a single mom and settle down. He had opportunities to bang a different woman every week or more and he chose this. Might he be cheating some, sure, but if he really wanted unlimited options he would not have settled down.

The idea that it's a victimless crime or that nobody would ever know is ridiculous because we are talking about relationships between people.

First, the cheater knows and the other person knows. And when it's least likely that the other person will tell -- a stranger in a far off city, for example -- that's when you know the least about the other person and whether they will try to continue the relationship or are otherwise crazy. And knowing the other person actually makes it worse, because then they know you too.

Second, the cheated on spouse, the cheater, and the other person are all victims. If nothing else, you would view your spouse differently after having cheated. And you lose the ability to be completely honest with her. For me, having someone I can be completely honest with is a big part of why I'm married.

So no, I wouldn't cheat even if some hot celebrity offered me a supposedly-no-consequences bj. Especially not a hot celebrity since there would probably be a paparazzi hiding under the bed snapping pictures.

Also, celebs usually wind up cheating with another hot celeb that they co-star with. Somehow doing romantic scenes, kissing, and acting like you're falling in love with someone seems to lead to actually falling in love with that person. Who'd figure that?

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm not saying all men cheat. I'm sure there are throngs of men who haven't and will never cheat. My post is more about the reason why non-cheaters haven't cheated or will never cheat. If they were offered sex on a platter by women who they find attractive, with the assurance that no one would find out/all hell won't break lose, would they go for it?

Take celebrities for example, many of the good looking men have women clamoring left and right for their attention and most of them end up sucumbing because they can't resist. Now imagine that your average joe DH has attractive women left and right making googly faces at him, do you think he will eventually cave?

But this doesn't make sense. If the average men had all these options, he wouldn't be married. Your premise is really flawed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13:12, so what are you now doing that you didn't do before the kids.

Had kids in my late 20's and early 30's. Something clicked when I hit my 40's and I wanted to explore more of my sexuality. My DH has always been a great lover and very inventive so we weren't 100% vanilla even then, but he had always been the one introducing new stuff over the years. Things I started to desire and ask for: anal, rim jobs, 6/9 position. Introduced new toys: cuffs (my favorite), blindfolds, rabbit. Switched up places and time of day when I initiated sex: ex. more morning shower sex, sex in the middle of the day even while the kids are in the house (challenging but thrilling), sex in the kitchen, family room couch, etc. when the kids are out. Asked him more of what he wanted and liked. I get a high out of doing what he likes and satisfying him. It's a great feeling.

Why didn't I marry a women like you? I would kill for just one of the things you list. It's always the other guy who gets more than me.

Until I started initiating things, my DH introduced new stuff. It doesn't matter who puts it on the table as long as someone does.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nanny/ Au Pair banging DB and another thread about women not hiring hot nannys has me thinking about the statement above. Is it really true that men don't cheat because they don't have someone to cheat with or don't have women throw themselves at them? I trust my husband and to the best of my knowledge, he's never cheated on me, but if Megan Fox offered him a quick BJ and he was absolutely sure that it would remain a secret, I don't know if he'd turn it down. Am I upset at this thought? honestly no. But what does that say about my marriage?

I have no idea whether this is true or not. But do you have any principled basis for sayign it's true about men, and not women? Robert Pattinson offers you a quickie, you're saying no?

LOL. I think I would pass on Robert Pattinson since he is posted all over my teenager's wall. Would seem creepy like I'm going after my daughter's age group. Now if it was Ryan Gossling, umm, don't know if I could resist that one.

Exactly. This is just as true for wonem as men (to the extent it's true at all). BTW, Gossling is less than 6 years older than Pattinson. You're makign a distinction without a difference.

Yeh, maybe, but my daughter isn't into Gossling and Gossling does more R rated movies than Pattinson. Seriously, has Pattinson ever been in a movie that wasn't PG-13?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of "animals in bed" whose spouses are cheating.

agreed, I don't know if it's really about your DW being everything you've ever wanted in a woman or if it's just about getting some strange once in a while.

I think it depends on the man. Some men enjoy monogamy and some men feel they are missing out and need to tap anything with a vagina.

+1. Many of us really cannot be bothered with trying to seduce a women. We got tired of doing that crap when we were single.

That's my take about my DH. God even when he was single, I really had to put a lot of effort in getting things started. He just had other priorities (grad school/work) and it took a while before dating me got to the top of that list. But he did make up to me once I was a priority.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nanny/ Au Pair banging DB and another thread about women not hiring hot nannys has me thinking about the statement above. Is it really true that men don't cheat because they don't have someone to cheat with or don't have women throw themselves at them? I trust my husband and to the best of my knowledge, he's never cheated on me, but if Megan Fox offered him a quick BJ and he was absolutely sure that it would remain a secret, I don't know if he'd turn it down. Am I upset at this thought? honestly no. But what does that say about my marriage?

I have no idea whether this is true or not. But do you have any principled basis for sayign it's true about men, and not women? Robert Pattinson offers you a quickie, you're saying no?

LOL. I think I would pass on Robert Pattinson since he is posted all over my teenager's wall. Would seem creepy like I'm going after my daughter's age group. Now if it was Ryan Gossling, umm, don't know if I could resist that one.

Exactly. This is just as true for wonem as men (to the extent it's true at all). BTW, Gossling is less than 6 years older than Pattinson. You're makign a distinction without a difference.