Anonymous wrote:I never really thought about it - my mother was a housewife and quit her job as soon as she got married, and so that's the expectation I had for myself when I got married too. Working isn't all that great. I have a much better time waking up when I want, not having to rush through workouts and errands and meals and phone calls, can wear whatever I'm in the mood to wear.

There's plenty to do to fill up the day. I like not working.

How ambitious of you! Honestly, its 2012, not 1950.

If I had independent money, I would quit working in a heartbeat. In a nanosecond. Like...walk out the door and not even give notice.

I'm smart, but care very little about being "intellectually stimulated" at work. I can find ways to achieve this through volunteer work.

Working 40 hours a week and getting home at 6PM is not ideal for me. I would rather quit (and all, but one, of my children are school-aged) or work a PT schedule that allows me to get home at 3PM.

For the SAHMs who are able to stay at home (and have independent money to boot), rock on with yo bad self!!

I quit working when we got married so that I could focus on school and graduate sooner. Now I do have kids and will go back to work when they start school, but I will never be a career woman.

Anonymous wrote:I know several guys now who are recently married and whose wives have promptly quit working upon marriage. I assume because this is in anticipation of having children but none of said wives are pregnant. The men are wealthy but not uber-rich where it might be expected that wives would join socialite class.
Explain to me why you would quit working BEFORE you are even pregnant. Is working THAT bad?

Why would you care? I just assume women like that are lazy and unambitious but don't give them any mental space. They probably wonder what possesses me to work full time while raising kids even though we don't need the money. Different things make different people tick.

I would LOVE to quit and SAH. I hate working. Hate it.

Of course, I have a child already, so I wouldn't be a stay-at-home wife, but I'd love to SAH when he's in school too.

I'd have time to cook, to garden, to sew . . . I'd love to have enough time and energy to actually complete my sewing projects quickly. I'd prob end up selling things at street fairs and on Etsy. I see things all the time that I'd love to get involved with and can't because I have no time or energy: schools need volunteers, as do programs like CASA or DV shelters. Helping DV victims is a passion of mine and if I didn't have to work, I'd be free to advocate and get involved in programs.

I know what I love doing, but what I love doesn't pay jack. So sometimes, it's not a matter of "just find a job that you love" Maybe being a household manager for some wealthy family would be my dream job? That's not exactly a career that's easy to break into (or one that pays well enough to live, at least at the beginning), not to mention, it would be all-consuming and difficult to have my own life. A nanny? Thought about that too, same issues.

I doubt I'll ever SAH, I've been left with no money before and won't EVER be put (or put my child) in that position again. BTDT, sold the tshirt to keep the electricity on. But I can dream . . . I'd love to work even just PT. I hate being the sole breadwinner and stretched so thin, for a job that while it's semi-satisfying, isn't really what I care about or think is important in life.

Anonymous wrote:I have been working since 14. I'm 30 now and we have a 7 month old. Before the baby DH and I decided that I was going to stay home. After the baby came however it was a different story and he basically said that I have to go back to work. I am back and work and DS is in daycare. And I am resentful.

I was, at first too, until we got older and so did the kids. 5 years of paying thousands a month towards daycare wears on you. Thank goodness I can keep up my retirement contribution so we'll be able to hopefully retire early and comfortably. And in the meantime, we can afford to vacation and spend time together as a family and oh yeah, I have the health insurance.

I have realized that the whole 50's notion of staying home with kids doesn't cut it in this economy. We know now that we can't count on social security OR our 401k's to invest to the 'estimated potential'. You may not agree now, but your DH is smart. Unless you have a high enough income, it just doesn't make sense to SAH. (Both DH's mom and my mom stayed at home when we were young...and we see where they are now, reliant on Dad's income/status to retire, and unable to move from the homes we grew up in.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess: You people also have "no respect" for moms who stay home after their children are in school? And obviously having a job is what "gives life purpose"? Please! If you feel THIS vocal about the issue, you clearly have some resentment.

In my case, DH owns his own company and loves what he does. He will never stop working. That is a choice, because we can financially both retire now and be very comfortable. I do not derive fulfillment from my former lobbying career. I feel fulfilled by volunteering, helping others, running our house and finances, and especially raising our child. But - my point is that it's not just my child that makes staying at home fulfilling - there are many, many other aspects of this life that I love. My goal is to become more involved with my charity when my child is in school. I like being able to make a difference and do what I really enjoy- rather than the daily grind from 9-6 every day.

I know there are people out there that are truly satisfied with and love their jobs - my husband is one, but frankly - I haven't met many women who truly feel this way.

Maybe you need to expand your circle.

I don't think so -I have many friends who are lobbyists, lawyers and who work on the Hill. A lot of them seem to derive satisfaction from their jobs part of the time, but the daily grind and/or boss/co-workers wear on them. I'm not saying there aren't women out there who feel satisfied - my mom always has and still does. I just don't see it often.

Really? New poster here, this surprises me. I know a ton of women/moms, myself included, who love their careers and derive a lot of satisfaction from them. I don't work 80 hours a week though, or even close. I went to grad school in the DC area and keep in touch with many women in my program, they all seem to enjoy their jobs. We are not lawyers or lobbyists though. Maybe it IS your circle.

I find this thread fascinating.

I'm in the "whatever floats your boat" camp. I am too much of a nervous Nelly to stop working. ("What if X happens?" or "What if Y goes wrong?" etc., etc., etc.) I guess one reason that I am envious of women who don't work is not because they're not working but because they don't have this anxiety, or at least have found a way to overcome it.

The happy medium for us as a couple is: we have identified a certain sum that we need to be comfortable to stop working. We will both work until we get there, and then both of us have permission to stop working, if we want. My prediction is that I will; he won't. He too has that entrepreneurial bug and can't sit still.

I know a couple of women who fit this bill.

Personally, not the life for me, but to each their own. I don't really care...whatever makes them (and their husbands) happy. None of my business.

BUT, I do get annoyed when they start complaining about things like how HARD it is that their DH works so much, or how they have to watch what they spend, or how BUSY they are. Umm...as a full time working mom of 3 little kids, I assure you I do NOT want to hear about how busy you think your life is - the fact that you "feel" busy b/c you are going from mani/pedi to lunch to working out to dinner, etc. does not in fact make you busy....sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess: You people also have "no respect" for moms who stay home after their children are in school? And obviously having a job is what "gives life purpose"? Please! If you feel THIS vocal about the issue, you clearly have some resentment.

In my case, DH owns his own company and loves what he does. He will never stop working. That is a choice, because we can financially both retire now and be very comfortable. I do not derive fulfillment from my former lobbying career. I feel fulfilled by volunteering, helping others, running our house and finances, and especially raising our child. But - my point is that it's not just my child that makes staying at home fulfilling - there are many, many other aspects of this life that I love. My goal is to become more involved with my charity when my child is in school. I like being able to make a difference and do what I really enjoy- rather than the daily grind from 9-6 every day.

I know there are people out there that are truly satisfied with and love their jobs - my husband is one, but frankly - I haven't met many women who truly feel this way.

Maybe you need to expand your circle.

I don't think so -I have many friends who are lobbyists, lawyers and who work on the Hill. A lot of them seem to derive satisfaction from their jobs part of the time, but the daily grind and/or boss/co-workers wear on them. I'm not saying there aren't women out there who feel satisfied - my mom always has and still does. I just don't see it often.

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess: You people also have "no respect" for moms who stay home after their children are in school? And obviously having a job is what "gives life purpose"? Please! If you feel THIS vocal about the issue, you clearly have some resentment.

In my case, DH owns his own company and loves what he does. He will never stop working. That is a choice, because we can financially both retire now and be very comfortable. I do not derive fulfillment from my former lobbying career. I feel fulfilled by volunteering, helping others, running our house and finances, and especially raising our child. But - my point is that it's not just my child that makes staying at home fulfilling - there are many, many other aspects of this life that I love. My goal is to become more involved with my charity when my child is in school. I like being able to make a difference and do what I really enjoy- rather than the daily grind from 9-6 every day.

I know there are people out there that are truly satisfied with and love their jobs - my husband is one, but frankly - I haven't met many women who truly feel this way.

Maybe you need to expand your circle.

I have been working since 14. I'm 30 now and we have a 7 month old. Before the baby DH and I decided that I was going to stay home. After the baby came however it was a different story and he basically said that I have to go back to work. I am back and work and DS is in daycare. And I am resentful.

I have a friend who is a contract attorney who does this sort of. She works when she wants and takes off when she doesn't feel like it. H would and could pay all her bills and his if she doesn't work.

She is a writer and blogger, so she's not totally useless.

Let me guess: You people also have "no respect" for moms who stay home after their children are in school? And obviously having a job is what "gives life purpose"? Please! If you feel THIS vocal about the issue, you clearly have some resentment.

In my case, DH owns his own company and loves what he does. He will never stop working. That is a choice, because we can financially both retire now and be very comfortable. I do not derive fulfillment from my former lobbying career. I feel fulfilled by volunteering, helping others, running our house and finances, and especially raising our child. But - my point is that it's not just my child that makes staying at home fulfilling - there are many, many other aspects of this life that I love. My goal is to become more involved with my charity when my child is in school. I like being able to make a difference and do what I really enjoy- rather than the daily grind from 9-6 every day.

I know there are people out there that are truly satisfied with and love their jobs - my husband is one, but frankly - I haven't met many women who truly feel this way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you "fill up the day" with when you're not working and don't have kids?

Tons of stuff! Travel, work out, get together with friends, take random classes that interest me (like right now I'm taking a cooking class), go to the beach house, read books, go shopping.
All those things you wish you could do but don't have time for because you're working? I do them. Plus, I'm not exhausted when DH gets home from work!

Sounds pretty good to me, actually.

Yeah for a month. How much shopping can you really do? And how many friends can you get together with during the day who are ALSO not working or busy with their kids?