So then it's kept in a seperate account and never touched?

ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:Grandparents contributing to the 529 is one thing. Or providing a LOAN that will be paid back with generous terms. Even arranging for a vacation for the entire family is fine. But the 50K a year "gifts" is another thing entirely. Especially when you are using it to live beyond what your own jobs can support.

I haven't taken money from my parents since I moved out of the house 25 years ago at 17 to join the military. It's their money, they've earned it and if they spend every dime on themselves and leave me nothing that is fine with me.

The 'gift' is on the advice of their estate planning lawyers to minimize estate taxes. Money that'll go to government when they pass. In-laws are in their 80ties. We don't need the money. We're both lawyers, live a very conservative lifestyle (15 yr old car from grad school), kid goes to public school. Like another poster, this is family money to us to be passed down not blown on 'lifestyle.'

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father gives us $26,000 a year as part of his estate planning. It has no impact on our lifestyle. He could give it to charity or the DNC for that matter, and that would be fine with me, but this is what he wants to do. He's 81. I'm not going to argue with him about it.

This post really strikes a chord. This is the amount we need to save our house, and for us it may as well be a million. We are back on our feet after 2 job losses (mine when I was 6 months pregnant) and greatly reduced income, but will not be able to come up with the back due amount to not lose our home fast enough. It brought tears to my eyes that for some, this amount "has no impact on our lifestyle" and is totally inconsequential, while for us, it would mean the world. So it goes.

This forum is not reflective of the true stature of DC area families. Not everyone makes 400k a year, has rich parents that pay them tens of thousands of dollars of money that they don't need, etc... Don't let it get to you some of us have to work hard and earn our money and that is reflective of the norm not the prior. I used to be like this and with the help of my spouse I have learned to appreciate what I make and refuse money from my parents no matter how small. It is also part of the experience of learning how to live on your own and sometimes tough situations can help couples work together and later in life reflect on making it through them.

In the end you can't take the money with you when you die.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father gives us $26,000 a year as part of his estate planning. It has no impact on our lifestyle. He could give it to charity or the DNC for that matter, and that would be fine with me, but this is what he wants to do. He's 81. I'm not going to argue with him about it.

This post really strikes a chord. This is the amount we need to save our house, and for us it may as well be a million. We are back on our feet after 2 job losses (mine when I was 6 months pregnant) and greatly reduced income, but will not be able to come up with the back due amount to not lose our home fast enough. It brought tears to my eyes that for some, this amount "has no impact on our lifestyle" and is totally inconsequential, while for us, it would mean the world. So it goes.

I'm sorry that you are going through this, pp. I hope your family manages to save your home.

I see my job as a parent to raise my children well, get them educated, support their interests, give them opportunities and teach them to be self reliant. I have every intention of paying for college and teaching them how to manage money, etc. If I have the means I may even help with a down payment someday so long as they are doing their part and not living beyond their means.

Adults that are supported by their parents to the extent they could not get along without it are impacted negatively by this help because they are not grown ups. If it is just security in the bank or enables self sufficient parents to buy in a nicer neihborhood sooner or send the grand kids to private school I think that is a great use of money and part of the benefit of working hard and passing it along is the ability to help give your descendants a good start in life.

What some people (myself included) think is distasteful is the attitude of superiority and entitlement that some with inherited money or extensive parental support have.

My parents provided me with many opportunities that they did not themselves have growing up. I intend to do the same for my kids, but I expect self reliance too. The biggest gift my parents gave me was my brain and a stable home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any respect for grown adults who gladly let their parents support them. Your kids are entitled to the lifestyle YOU can provide for them, as their parents, not what their grandparents can afford. Grandparents love being generous to their grandchildren, but at a certain point, you're just taking advantage of their generosity. Have a little self respect and stop letting your mom clothe you and your kids when you're, in theory, a grown ass person who can do it yourself.

The people who you "don't respect" do not care one single iota about what you think of their lifestyle. You are literally not even on their radar. So if it makes you feel better to be judgy, have at it, but in the long term I think it actually makes you feel worse. And it makes you look worse to others too. You may really truly not be jealous and bitter, but I can 100% assure you that you come off that way, and it's not flattering.

I don't care how it makes me come across. Just as they don't care an iota what I think of their lifestyle, I don't care an iota what they think of me. Their opinion is not one I would value. I care what very few, certain people think of me. The spoiled assholes who live off their parents yet love to look down on those who have less, even though they actually worked and earned for the "less" they have are not in that category, trust me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have family money that is generational. Its all within trusts and such that I just found out about since one day I will manage them.

I will not rely on the money to maintain a lifestyle or live beyond our means. All that money will all go to savings for our kids college funds, vacations, weddings, etc. I personally do not even acknowledge it is "ours" because I do not intend to use it for myself or DH.

I absolutely acknowledge that it opens doors for certain things we would not be able to afford oherwise (i.e. college for kids, etc) but it is not going to be to maintain a lavish lifestyle. Yes I think some people spend this type of money with the intent to build a lifestyle they could not have or afford expensive cars and homes. But for me, it will be for my kids benefits and then I hope that when its time for them to take over the trust they have the same values I have with it.

Its really no one's business and I do not flaunt it in any way. Thats just me. I know there are some people out there that think they are entitled to family money and do not value how lucky they are.

But don't you see that it IS letting you live a lifestyle you cannot afford? Without things like college, weddings, and vacations paid for, you would presumably need to set aside money YOU earn to pay for those things, therefore reducing the money you have for your own housing, entertainment, cars, etc.

First, the money is not that much that I will not have to save for my kids college funds and my retirement. I have to save for many many things...the money is a supplement though which yes helps. However, I do not think that having this assist us in saving for college contributes to "living a lifestyle" we would not have.

We are not going to ever have expensive cars or a huge home. Without the money, sure it would be tighter in all aspects of our life but it is not life changing money. It helps and that is that. We are not living any different than we would without it.

Anonymous wrote:We have family money that is generational. Its all within trusts and such that I just found out about since one day I will manage them.

I will not rely on the money to maintain a lifestyle or live beyond our means. All that money will all go to savings for our kids college funds, vacations, weddings, etc. I personally do not even acknowledge it is "ours" because I do not intend to use it for myself or DH.

I absolutely acknowledge that it opens doors for certain things we would not be able to afford oherwise (i.e. college for kids, etc) but it is not going to be to maintain a lavish lifestyle. Yes I think some people spend this type of money with the intent to build a lifestyle they could not have or afford expensive cars and homes. But for me, it will be for my kids benefits and then I hope that when its time for them to take over the trust they have the same values I have with it.

Its really no one's business and I do not flaunt it in any way. Thats just me. I know there are some people out there that think they are entitled to family money and do not value how lucky they are.

But don't you see that it IS letting you live a lifestyle you cannot afford? Without things like college, weddings, and vacations paid for, you would presumably need to set aside money YOU earn to pay for those things, therefore reducing the money you have for your own housing, entertainment, cars, etc.

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any respect for grown adults who gladly let their parents support them. Your kids are entitled to the lifestyle YOU can provide for them, as their parents, not what their grandparents can afford. Grandparents love being generous to their grandchildren, but at a certain point, you're just taking advantage of their generosity. Have a little self respect and stop letting your mom clothe you and your kids when you're, in theory, a grown ass person who can do it yourself.

The people who you "don't respect" do not care one single iota about what you think of their lifestyle. You are literally not even on their radar. So if it makes you feel better to be judgy, have at it, but in the long term I think it actually makes you feel worse. And it makes you look worse to others too. You may really truly not be jealous and bitter, but I can 100% assure you that you come off that way, and it's not flattering.

Anonymous wrote:My father gives us $26,000 a year as part of his estate planning. It has no impact on our lifestyle. He could give it to charity or the DNC for that matter, and that would be fine with me, but this is what he wants to do. He's 81. I'm not going to argue with him about it.

The rich are different.

We have family money that is generational. Its all within trusts and such that I just found out about since one day I will manage them.

I will not rely on the money to maintain a lifestyle or live beyond our means. All that money will all go to savings for our kids college funds, vacations, weddings, etc. I personally do not even acknowledge it is "ours" because I do not intend to use it for myself or DH.

I absolutely acknowledge that it opens doors for certain things we would not be able to afford oherwise (i.e. college for kids, etc) but it is not going to be to maintain a lavish lifestyle. Yes I think some people spend this type of money with the intent to build a lifestyle they could not have or afford expensive cars and homes. But for me, it will be for my kids benefits and then I hope that when its time for them to take over the trust they have the same values I have with it.

Its really no one's business and I do not flaunt it in any way. Thats just me. I know there are some people out there that think they are entitled to family money and do not value how lucky they are.

Anonymous wrote:My father gives us $26,000 a year as part of his estate planning. It has no impact on our lifestyle. He could give it to charity or the DNC for that matter, and that would be fine with me, but this is what he wants to do. He's 81. I'm not going to argue with him about it.

This post really strikes a chord. This is the amount we need to save our house, and for us it may as well be a million. We are back on our feet after 2 job losses (mine when I was 6 months pregnant) and greatly reduced income, but will not be able to come up with the back due amount to not lose our home fast enough. It brought tears to my eyes that for some, this amount "has no impact on our lifestyle" and is totally inconsequential, while for us, it would mean the world. So it goes.

Anonymous wrote:So many highly educated adults in this part of town still getting handouts from their parents, driving up the price of real estate.

This just in . . . rich people send children to good schools . . . children graduate and go on to work in high paying jobs . . . rich parents share wealth with children . . . full coverage tonight at 11 pm.

Really, this is not news.

People tend to do it for tax reasons. If your parents, or family, have more money than they can spend in their lifetime, the way to get around having to pay high estate related taxes is to set up trusts and give annual tax free gifts. I have told my parents that they should spend all their money. They have told me that have more than they can spend. I invest the money they give me in case they are wrong and need help later on -- though I don't see how that will be the case.

Also, while many of you are looking at the issue as being parents who have money, for many people they look at it as family money. My parents did not make all the money they have, a good chunk was passed on to them. It will then go to me, and I will pass it along to my children. Each generation tries to grow (or at least maintain) the fund. It is family money, my parents, and one day I, are just stewards watching it for the next generation.
Avoiding estate taxes is the ultimate first world problem.

My father gives us $26,000 a year as part of his estate planning. It has no impact on our lifestyle. He could give it to charity or the DNC for that matter, and that would be fine with me, but this is what he wants to do. He's 81. I'm not going to argue with him about it.