Anonymous
07/17/2012 09:45
Subject: Split check on first date...
Why would you offer to split if you didn't want to split? Today, there's no real dating rules as there used to be. You ask him to split, and then you expect him to read your mind to know that you didn't actually want to split the bill. And now you're criticizing him for behaving inappropriately.
You sound like a lot of my friends who can't figure out why they don't have a husband. Mind games.
You sound like a lot of my friends who can't figure out why they don't have a husband. Mind games.
Anonymous
07/17/2012 08:29
Subject: Split check on first date...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:For crying out loud, it was a first date. Why do people make such a big deal about the smallest things? If you like someone, see if both of you want to learn more about the other and take it from there. I know of a number of people where there was no correlation, within reason, between how the first date went and later happiness.
Really? The first date with my husband was hands down my best first date ever. And yeah, he paid.
You know, that's great, but many first dates are just mediocre. I had a pleasant first date with my husband, but nothing earth-shaking.
Anonymous
07/17/2012 06:36
Subject: Split check on first date...
Anonymous wrote:Hey guys, you want some P, you P-A-Y.
I would have been turned off and annoyed.
If he is a law partner, it is extremely petty to split a dinner bill.
So your P is for sale??? Maybe instead of Match.com you need to use the Escort listings
Anonymous
07/17/2012 00:45
Subject: Split check on first date...
Just go. He could be a great guy afraid of offending you if you are a feminist.
Hard for guys to know, kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Hard for guys to know, kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Anonymous
07/17/2012 00:36
Subject: Split check on first date...
It's definitely a red flag. He asked you out, he should pay. I dated someone once who, after dating awhile, insisted that every date we split the check, down to the penny. I never felt like I was on a date. I'm generous, and preferred we alternate paying, but he didn't want that. Stay away from cheap men.
Anonymous
07/16/2012 23:52
Subject: Split check on first date...
How many women on this thread ask men out for a first date? Didn't think so. Nice how the deck is stacked for you that way.
Anonymous
07/16/2012 22:36
Subject: Split check on first date...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. This has been quite an interesting discussion. Turns out he has asked me out for a second date. I'm still not sure whether I want to go. I agree with the comments that he should know better. And I may change my tactic of even offering to split in the first place. I do appreciate the posters who said just give it another chance. And yes, this is Internet dating but that really should not make a difference - he reached out to me and asked me out. And while we may be independent, have our own money and careers, we still want to be courted at the begiinning. There is nothing more unromantic than "please put this on two cards" on a first date.
Stop overthinking and go out with him - he likes you.
Mom?
Anonymous
07/16/2012 22:31
Subject: Split check on first date...
Anonymous wrote:OP here. This has been quite an interesting discussion. Turns out he has asked me out for a second date. I'm still not sure whether I want to go. I agree with the comments that he should know better. And I may change my tactic of even offering to split in the first place. I do appreciate the posters who said just give it another chance. And yes, this is Internet dating but that really should not make a difference - he reached out to me and asked me out. And while we may be independent, have our own money and careers, we still want to be courted at the begiinning. There is nothing more unromantic than "please put this on two cards" on a first date.
Stop overthinking and go out with him - he likes you.
Anonymous
07/16/2012 22:24
Subject: Split check on first date...
Anonymous wrote:What a fascinating subject. I'm a guy and it's so interesting to me how some of the gender roles came to be. I like it that even now, especially here in DC, when so many women are well-paid, have a lot of responsibility in their careers, etc, they still revert to the normal gender roles. Men like that. We want to have the power and be able to take care of women. It's not showing off or trying to impress you with throwing money around. It's just in our DNA to be the protectors and providers. We still respect you as women.
I dated a physician for a while, and it totally made me uncomfortable how many dates she tried to pay for. She let me pay for the first one, but I'd say about half after that. It really threw me off and even emasculated me. In addition, she wanted to pick me in her car a couple of times. It was so awkward for me that it never would've worked out. In the past I had always paid and always driven. It's just what the man does in my mind.
It's hard because while I am attracted to women of power and career-focused, you have to let go of some of that in order to let the man lead.
I consider myself independent and would only date a man who I considered my equal. I haven't quite been able to reconcile why, but I do agree with you. I like a guy who drives on the date and all that...
Anonymous
07/16/2012 22:11
Subject: Split check on first date...
OP here. This has been quite an interesting discussion. Turns out he has asked me out for a second date. I'm still not sure whether I want to go. I agree with the comments that he should know better. And I may change my tactic of even offering to split in the first place. I do appreciate the posters who said just give it another chance. And yes, this is Internet dating but that really should not make a difference - he reached out to me and asked me out. And while we may be independent, have our own money and careers, we still want to be courted at the begiinning. There is nothing more unromantic than "please put this on two cards" on a first date.
Anonymous
07/16/2012 20:39
Subject: Split check on first date...
What a fascinating subject. I'm a guy and it's so interesting to me how some of the gender roles came to be. I like it that even now, especially here in DC, when so many women are well-paid, have a lot of responsibility in their careers, etc, they still revert to the normal gender roles. Men like that. We want to have the power and be able to take care of women. It's not showing off or trying to impress you with throwing money around. It's just in our DNA to be the protectors and providers. We still respect you as women.
I dated a physician for a while, and it totally made me uncomfortable how many dates she tried to pay for. She let me pay for the first one, but I'd say about half after that. It really threw me off and even emasculated me. In addition, she wanted to pick me in her car a couple of times. It was so awkward for me that it never would've worked out. In the past I had always paid and always driven. It's just what the man does in my mind.
It's hard because while I am attracted to women of power and career-focused, you have to let go of some of that in order to let the man lead.
I dated a physician for a while, and it totally made me uncomfortable how many dates she tried to pay for. She let me pay for the first one, but I'd say about half after that. It really threw me off and even emasculated me. In addition, she wanted to pick me in her car a couple of times. It was so awkward for me that it never would've worked out. In the past I had always paid and always driven. It's just what the man does in my mind.
It's hard because while I am attracted to women of power and career-focused, you have to let go of some of that in order to let the man lead.
Anonymous
07/16/2012 18:42
Subject: Split check on first date...
I'm a super feminist, but if a guy in DC doesn't pay for the first date, I assume he's not interested. ESPECIALLY if he's a biglaw partner! But after the first date, unless there's a huge income disparity, everything is 50-50.
The paying on the first date thing seems to have become a symbol that has nothing to do with the money, per se. It's kind of a shame, because with internet dating, you can go on so many first dates that it gets expensive. One more reason why it's a better plan to do something cheap for a first date -- coffee or ice cream or something.
The paying on the first date thing seems to have become a symbol that has nothing to do with the money, per se. It's kind of a shame, because with internet dating, you can go on so many first dates that it gets expensive. One more reason why it's a better plan to do something cheap for a first date -- coffee or ice cream or something.
Anonymous
07/16/2012 17:19
Subject: Split check on first date...
Anonymous wrote:Bunch of freeloaders. What's the guy getting for his money?
One of my dates once told me that he pays for the first date because he feels that a woman is putting herself out there to meet up with a man she doesn't know (or doesn't know well), and he feels like the least he can do is pay for dinner.
Anonymous
07/16/2012 17:18
Subject: Split check on first date...
Oh, and yes, I'd be annoyed. I might go out with him again if he called and suggested something. But otherwise I'd take it as an indication that he wasn't that interested, is dating tons of people, or he's a douche.
Anonymous
07/16/2012 17:16
Subject: Split check on first date...
Why, PP, are you so wound up because one woman described herself as "independent" in a way that doesn't jive with the meaning you have personally ascribed to it?