Anonymous wrote:Who cares if it was a stripper, another woman or a dude??? He has a hickey that you didnt give him! For a husband to get in that situation and allow that to happen qualifies as cheating. Making out with someone else is cheating. Are you really that blind? I don't care if they did or didn't have sex. He shouldn't be making out with anyone but you.

This. OP, I'm betting you're still in shock and will be going through the next stages of grief pretty quickly, once you realize this is more than a random hicky from a random stripper. This is probably not the first time something like this has happened, only the first time he's been visibly caught. Do you have any children?

OP, this is the 88th comment that is going to tell you DH's story is a farce. You know it too but probably wanted to ask it here for validation, which is fine. Seriously, you need to protect yourself emotionally, financially and healthwise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting "blind drunk" every now and again is actually fine as long as you don't do anything stupid (like get a hickey from a "stripper"") and it is not a common occurrence. You should not be so judgmental.

Well, each his own. Getting blind drunk is fine if you're 17, 18, but if you are a grown man? Sounds like a red flag to me.

Really, getting blind drunk is fine if you are a teenager and not even legally allowed to drink is fine? Wow. I don't think it is ever "fine" to get black out drink, but if you are going to suggest an age at which it might be socially acceptable, how about we at least pick one that is above legal drinking age!

Seriously though OP, don't listed to all the bitchy women insisting that your husband cheated, is cheating, whatever. If you truly believe that this was a one time thing, isn't the fact that he got drunk enough to let someone give him a hickey more of an issue than who it was exactly? That being said, it certainly is an issue. If your DH regularly engages in this level of drinking, he will likely need some help to stop. I would suggest therapy for both of you. Is this something your DH is open to? If so, start there. Good Luck.

It's not that teens getting blind drunk is great, but it's more understandable. Me, and my husband, both did stupid things when we were younger that we don't do now. The thing about being an adult, and a married man, is that you are supposed to have outgrown that childish, dangerous crap.

Hearing my husband got blind drunk as an underage teen and got a hickey from a random girl? I think I could handle that better than having him come home today, with a hickey, and blaming it on the fact that he was so drunk he didn't remember what happened.

Anonymous wrote:Who cares if it was a stripper, another woman or a dude??? He has a hickey that you didnt give him! For a husband to get in that situation and allow that to happen qualifies as cheating. Making out with someone else is cheating. Are you really that blind? I don't care if they did or didn't have sex. He shouldn't be making out with anyone but you.

Ha ha good point. The rest is really moot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, strippers aren't there to please men, they are there to make money. Strippers just don't give out hickies or make out, that is what prostitutes do, or affair partners. There are also rules, dudes aren't allowed to touch etc.

So, your honest and for real belief is that strippers don't let men touch them?

Bless your heart.

No honey. Strippers don't, prostitutes do. Are you really naive enough to think the girl making enough to get a lap dance is gonna go the extra mile for the loser husbands getting blacked out drunk at the club because their lives are so pathetic? But keep believing your guy when he says he just gets touched my strippers.

Who cares if it was a stripper, another woman or a dude??? He has a hickey that you didnt give him! For a husband to get in that situation and allow that to happen qualifies as cheating. Making out with someone else is cheating. Are you really that blind? I don't care if they did or didn't have sex. He shouldn't be making out with anyone but you.

Anonymous wrote:Really, getting blind drunk is fine if you are a teenager and not even legally allowed to drink is fine? Wow. I don't think it is ever "fine" to get black out drink, but if you are going to suggest an age at which it might be socially acceptable, how about we at least pick one that is above legal drinking age!

Yeah. How about we pretend teenagers don't drink? While we're at it -- let's pretend they wait until they're married before they have sex.

OP, I'm really sorry this is happening to you. But, beyond some of the snarkiness, there is a lot of good advice and insight in this thread. Your husband is definitely lying to you about what happened. He is probably an alcoholic and something definitely happened with another woman - whether it's an ongoing thing or a one night stand is unclear. The pps are right. Strippers don't give out anything for free.

The good news is that plenty of marriages survive worse behavior than this. It needs to start with him taking full responsibility for what he's done. He needs to seek out professional help to determine if his relationship with alcohol is unhealthy and take steps to start earning back your trust. You may want to consider getting help too - either through al-anon or a private counselor. Recovery can take a long time, but you may find that at the other end of this, you have a better relationship and more loving husband than you ever dreamed was possible. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they realize how destructive they've been, but I've seen truly miraculous turn-arounds in people who have gone through this. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Contact the friend. Ask him. He'll probably lie. Tell you're husband you're taking him to the bar so you can ask the stripper.

this all requires way too much effort on OP's part.

Is the stripper's name Dixie?

OP, is there ever this much consensus on a DCUM thread? Please, please get tested for STDs.

PP here. Plus can't you get hepatitis from giving a hickey to a random dude? No stripper would do that. It's very possible that he wouldn't think of cheating if not for the alcohol so that may be at the heart of the problem. But he cheated. Get him an STD test, OP.

OP strippers and working girls don't give hickeys, they have other tools to get men off quick. I can imagine DH's friend received a frantic call from his GF to cart his drunken ass home after he passed out in her bed. She probably didn't want her husband to find him there.

Anonymous wrote:If my married friend was drunk enough and I had had a few myself, I would absolutely pay (or dare, or cajole) whomever whatever to give him a hickey. Not enough to be anything serious, but just enough to ensure that he got in a shit-load of trouble when he got home.

You sound like a great friend.

Unless your husband and his friend met up with the stripper after her shift and after they left the club then this did not happen the way your husband describes. She savagely made out with your husband at the club? As they were buying her drinks? This is what you believe? Honey, please wake up! He made you look like a silly little fool by cheating and compounded it by 1000 by then concocting this ridiculous story. Strippers are actually people. Women with lives and boyfriends and children and schedules and bills and responsibilities like the rest of us. Stripping is a job. It is nuts to imagine "some random stripper" as you say, wasting her time om your overly drunk husband. Your desperate willingness to accept your DH's story at face value is sad. I know you want to believe him, I know you don't want to risk your marriage so you're buying into this story, but at what cost?