For those posters above... sorry

I found one of the potential problems with marriage is that the little things start getting taken for granted, or they get lost becuase of time. Little things like the text that just says "damn, I miss you" or the single rose that you pick up on your way home. We tend to make marriage a business more than a partnership and businesses rarely make it through the things a marriage has to make it through.

Im divorced, and it was entirely because of what I stated above. My ex and I are wonderful friends, see each other all the time, raise our kid together, all of that but there was no passion anymore. We stopped trying and we acted like it was a business. Business and passion dont work together; we recognized that and moved on in our lives for our own good.

I learned from that and now understand what it means to truly be with someone - mental first, then the physical. Its been working so far.

Oh, and once every two months would be more than unbearable. I dont know how you guys do it; Im way to charged up everyday for that.

Anonymous wrote:

FBO wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

FBO wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sexual incompatibility.

Oh, that really sucks... Sorry.

I think this is really common for a couple of reasons. Often young women don't think sex is that important and then once they hit their mid-30's/40's they realize that it really IS important. Also, they don't mind putting out in the beginning, but just can't sustain it with someone they married that they weren't compatible with.

Sure, I can understand that and the age difference makes sense. I was taught back in the day that men expect women to be interested in sex instead of interesting women in sex. It also ges back to the actual moment. When you are with someone, too many people focus on the moment instead of the bigger picture. Think 'missing the forest for the trees'. Instead, a part of sex should be about enticing that other person to come BACK for more and more. As a man, we tend to extract the most we can out of that one moment. But if you want sustainability, you have to be good in the moment while also planting the seeds for why they need what you give over and over and over.

I mentioned this elsewhere but being with a woman is as much a mental game as a physical game, if not more.

So true. I had no idea when I meant my husband in early 20s how difficult sex was going to turn out to be. It was easy in the beginning but it is NOT just about the phyical after the first year or two or three. It has to evolve after that, and that takes intimacy outside the bedroom. Prioritizing each other, not taking each other for granted, making each other feel desired, sharing things with each other. So easy for that to fade and then resentments start building up. It's why sexless marriages are surprisingly common. It's not all about libido in a long term relationship.

I'm the OP with the sexual incompatibility--and it is atypical in that I want it way more than he does and he never, ever initiates. I will own that I married him knowing that he had a somewhat arrested development range of sexual experience--as he married extremely early in his first marriage--he was 21--his wife died, I married him 3 years later when he was 40 and I was 30. He has a kind of puerile sexuality that I thought he would grow out of (you have to be dressed like a playboy centerfold for him to really want it, etc) it's just very, very limited what he finds appealing and I'm still in great shape but I'm just not going to put on stilettos every time after 15 years, you know? So I resent the hell out of that and I guess it just has gone downhill from there. When we do it is GREAT, but yeah, once every 2 months is definitely not working for me.

FBO soooo true. I wish my DH got the mental game. He's good in the physical way, but it doesn't have me drooling for more bc the mental game isn't there. I had an AP that got this, but sadly that's over.

FBO wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

FBO wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sexual incompatibility.

Oh, that really sucks... Sorry.

I think this is really common for a couple of reasons. Often young women don't think sex is that important and then once they hit their mid-30's/40's they realize that it really IS important. Also, they don't mind putting out in the beginning, but just can't sustain it with someone they married that they weren't compatible with.

Sure, I can understand that and the age difference makes sense. I was taught back in the day that men expect women to be interested in sex instead of interesting women in sex. It also ges back to the actual moment. When you are with someone, too many people focus on the moment instead of the bigger picture. Think 'missing the forest for the trees'. Instead, a part of sex should be about enticing that other person to come BACK for more and more. As a man, we tend to extract the most we can out of that one moment. But if you want sustainability, you have to be good in the moment while also planting the seeds for why they need what you give over and over and over.

I mentioned this elsewhere but being with a woman is as much a mental game as a physical game, if not more.

So true. I had no idea when I meant my husband in early 20s how difficult sex was going to turn out to be. It was easy in the beginning but it is NOT just about the phyical after the first year or two or three. It has to evolve after that, and that takes intimacy outside the bedroom. Prioritizing each other, not taking each other for granted, making each other feel desired, sharing things with each other. So easy for that to fade and then resentments start building up. It's why sexless marriages are surprisingly common. It's not all about libido in a long term relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

FBO wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sexual incompatibility.

Oh, that really sucks... Sorry.

I think this is really common for a couple of reasons. Often young women don't think sex is that important and then once they hit their mid-30's/40's they realize that it really IS important. Also, they don't mind putting out in the beginning, but just can't sustain it with someone they married that they weren't compatible with.

Sure, I can understand that and the age difference makes sense. I was taught back in the day that men expect women to be interested in sex instead of interesting women in sex. It also ges back to the actual moment. When you are with someone, too many people focus on the moment instead of the bigger picture. Think 'missing the forest for the trees'. Instead, a part of sex should be about enticing that other person to come BACK for more and more. As a man, we tend to extract the most we can out of that one moment. But if you want sustainability, you have to be good in the moment while also planting the seeds for why they need what you give over and over and over.

I mentioned this elsewhere but being with a woman is as much a mental game as a physical game, if not more.

FBO wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sexual incompatibility.

Oh, that really sucks... Sorry.

I think this is really common for a couple of reasons. Often young women don't think sex is that important and then once they hit their mid-30's/40's they realize that it really IS important. Also, they don't mind putting out in the beginning, but just can't sustain it with someone they married that they weren't compatible with.

Anonymous wrote:Sexual incompatibility.

Oh, that really sucks... Sorry.

Sexual incompatibility.

Anonymous wrote:When You are cooking, teaching, working in the yard, looking for a good preschool, Doing laundry, cleaning, y

which is why affairs are so nice,

When You are cooking, teaching, working in the yard, looking for a good preschool, Doing laundry, cleaning, y

It's great to know that there are so many miserable married folks out there. Misery loves company!

For me, the misery is the manic neuroticism of my DW. She has such a hard time just managing the every day stuff, that there is nothing left for our relationship.

Sex with her is only in my daytime fantasies and night time dreams, as even after frank conversations where she admits that not having sex is killing our marriage, she shrugs it off. She is just too exhausted after her day of mania. Add to this that she does not sleep well, and you have a toxic mix of relationship killer. I have told her on numerous occasions that I dearly miss intimacy with her, and I am not just talking sex. Guess it sucks to be me!

While that is my every day misery, I accept that she is who she is and I cannot change that. I have choices; either I cut my losses and leave, have an affair (with whom?), or suck it up and roll with the punches. Our relationship has not degraded to the point where all we do is snipe at each other, but we both know there is a lot of nothing happening in our relationship. BTW, she has no interest in going to counseling . . .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier. If that makes any of you, wives of sleepy husbands, feel better, mine sleeps until 1 pm on weekends...this just creeps me out! He is not on any medication and sleeps from around 1 am till 9 am during the week.

At least he is up until 1 a.m.! Like, my DH goes to bed before the kids..... no window for sex there with him already asleep LOL.

well, I don't really fancy sex with my husband...I sometimes go to bed with the kid

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier. If that makes any of you, wives of sleepy husbands, feel better, mine sleeps until 1 pm on weekends...this just creeps me out! He is not on any medication and sleeps from around 1 am till 9 am during the week.

At least he is up until 1 a.m.! Like, my DH goes to bed before the kids..... no window for sex there with him already asleep LOL.

I posted earlier. If that makes any of you, wives of sleepy husbands, feel better, mine sleeps until 1 pm on weekends...this just creeps me out! He is not on any medication and sleeps from around 1 am till 9 am during the week.

Sickness.