Grandparents are only on the hook til the dad is 18. After that, it is his own problem.

Let him file for custody and raise the kid. Then she can get off free and you know what's happening with the baby.

Anonymous wrote:
I don't think a girl who has to make this decision should have unrealistic expectations about what financial support may come her way, should she decide to continue the pregnancy. The boy who got her pregnant does not have much of a job and for all she knows, might not finish college. So his support might not be all that much, for quite a while. Minimum wage earnings, perhaps. If that's OK with her, then it's OK with her -- and obviously she will get a job too -- while hopefully continuing to go to school, through taking out loans, etc.

Cannot get out of paying child support just because you are young or in school
The money will be enough to get by. Boy will just have to work harder and earn more, or the grandparents will be on the hook

You consider two 17-year-olds in a 3-year committed relationship "promiscuity?"

17:25 I agree. It is scary how many people assume that all teens are going to screw around. Perhaps that is what they did at that age, but some of us did and still do have a sense of morality. The only way kids will keep their pants on (and yes, I know not all will) if for them to understand not only is it okay to avoid promiscuity, it is expected.

Anonymous wrote:

Have you been a teenager? Do you really think a teenage girl can be relied upon to take a birth control pill every single day? Please, please consider getting her an IUD.

Actually please consider telling her to just keep her pants on! Seriously - is there no personal dignity anymore? We are talking 16 not 26 and a world of growing up happens in those years. Is it so wrong anymore for a kid to be expected to control impulses? Lots of things feel good but we just don't do them! I'm just sick of the "oh woe is me" crowd who expects to do whatever they want and have the consequences manipulated in their favor to suit their devil-may-care attitudes.

And before I get off my soapbox, yes I have teenagers.

Anonymous wrote:I think what is forgotten is that it takes 2 to make a baby
He might not be able to give much, but that does not mean that he can give what he likes when he feels like it.
He will have to take extra student loans to support the kid, or maybe study part time. We are not talking just about money
He will need to help the mother out. Take the baby for weekends and some doctors appointments, do household chores, fetch the kid from daycare etc.
They might be able to qualify for child care vouchers, and the baby could go on chip. Things will work out. And babies are wonderful. This is not necessarily a disaster

No, of course the father of the baby must do what he can, not just when he feels like it. BUT the parents of the girlfriend seem to be looking at the boyfriend's parents and expecting that they will help out financially. they all need to have VERY realistic expectations of what kind of financial support will be possible.

People make decisions about whether to continue a pregnancy in part based on how hard it will be to raise a child and what the financial implications of that child will be. I know that if I had gotten pregnant at age 16, I would have terminated the pregnancy because having a child at such a young age would not have likely led to poverty for me (not finishing my education, etc.) Or, I might have decided to give the baby up for adoption to a fmaily that had the resources to take care of it.

I don't think a girl who has to make this decision should have unrealistic expectations about what financial support may come her way, should she decide to continue the pregnancy. The boy who got her pregnant does not have much of a job and for all she knows, might not finish college. So his support might not be all that much, for quite a while. Minimum wage earnings, perhaps. If that's OK with her, then it's OK with her -- and obviously she will get a job too -- while hopefully continuing to go to school, through taking out loans, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and I don't know what your financial situation is OP. I can pay for my kids' college but I wouldn't be able to pay for college and another $15,000 a year for day care. Id look into the financial benefits of having your son file to be an emancipated minor. That could be helpful for him in terms of financial aid in college.

Hello???? The kid is 18. He's not a minor. He cannot be emancipated. He is legally able to enter into contracts at age 18.

They don't need to file anything if he takes responsibility for a child. An adult with a child/dependent of their own does not need to include parental information for the FAFSA.

I think what is forgotten is that it takes 2 to make a baby
He might not be able to give much, but that does not mean that he can give what he likes when he feels like it.
He will have to take extra student loans to support the kid, or maybe study part time. We are not talking just about money
He will need to help the mother out. Take the baby for weekends and some doctors appointments, do household chores, fetch the kid from daycare etc.
They might be able to qualify for child care vouchers, and the baby could go on chip. Things will work out. And babies are wonderful. This is not necessarily a disaster

OP, I would get together with the parents of the girl and go through all of these things together -- insurance for girlfriend, your son. the baby -- cost of daycare, housing if she and the baby will not live with them for the next 18 years, cost of college. Tell them you will not support their daughter or your grandchild but that you will support your son through college for four years in order that HE may better provide for them after he is 22 and has graduated college. You will help support their daughter until your son turns 18, but after that, they need to contact him, not you.

GIve the parents the name of some good right-to-life groups that help teens who are pregnant with financial assistance for their babies -- there must be tons out there. Also provide information on WIC and food stamps, etc.

It is fine for the girl to decide that she wants to continue this pregnancy and raise the baby, but she needs to have a very clear understanding of how expensive babies and children are, and not expect any help from you. She can expect financial help from your son, but he is not in a position to give very much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and I don't know what your financial situation is OP. I can pay for my kids' college but I wouldn't be able to pay for college and another $15,000 a year for day care. Id look into the financial benefits of having your son file to be an emancipated minor. That could be helpful for him in terms of financial aid in college.

Hello???? The kid is 18. He's not a minor. He cannot be emancipated. He is legally able to enter into contracts at age 18.

Hello, what? Most colleges REQUIRE the parents' tax returns and other financial information when considering whether anyone under age 24 is eligible for any type of financial aid. A college student who is supporting him/herself still needs to jump through hoops in order to get the college to consider only his/her income and not his/her parents' income.

I'm just trying to help the OP explore different issues.

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and I don't know what your financial situation is OP. I can pay for my kids' college but I wouldn't be able to pay for college and another $15,000 a year for day care. Id look into the financial benefits of having your son file to be an emancipated minor. That could be helpful for him in terms of financial aid in college.

Hello???? The kid is 18. He's not a minor. He cannot be emancipated. He is legally able to enter into contracts at age 18.

Oh, and I don't know what your financial situation is OP. I can pay for my kids' college but I wouldn't be able to pay for college and another $15,000 a year for day care. Id look into the financial benefits of having your son file to be an emancipated minor. That could be helpful for him in terms of financial aid in college.

Hang in there, OP. it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.

I'd talk to a lawyer about this. To see what your options are. If I were in your shoes I'd struggle hard to make sure my son graduates from college. Otherwise, he faces an extremely tough financial road ahead. Having babies young is a leading cause of sustained poverty. I hope his gf can do the same.

But this brings up the issue of some huge costs like daycare and health insurance. Thank God for Obamacare as your son can stay on your plan until age 26.. That benefit may NOT remain if they marry, so that's something to think about.

I'm not sure about his gf. I'm not sure if she can continue coverage on her parents' plan once she has the baby. Maybe they can cover both. Or maybe you can add the baby to yours. But these are things I'd look into now rather than later.

Many colleges have free or reduced cost daycare on campus while the parents are in classes. And Maryland at least used to have campus housing for married couples. There "are" some college options out there that are family friendly.

But a lawyer could help you with legal issues including custody, child support.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but as a parent, I'm liable (morally, don't know about legally) for any obligations my child fails to meet. If my kid doesn't return a library book or breaks a window with a baseball, then it's my responsibility to make sure the debt is paid and then take steps to make sure my kid takes responsibility for it.

If my son has a baby then that baby needs to be taken care of. Yes, my son needs to get a job, and meet his obligation, but if for some reason, such as unemployment, that isn't happening then it's my responsibility to make sure that the baby still has a safe place to sleep, and food and diapers. I can't let that responsibility fall to someone else, such as the child's mother, or her parents, or the state. Now, my son may be on the hook to pay me back, but that's between me and him. His obligation to the child must still be met.

Did you just say that your son's child would be more your responsibility than the responsibility of its own mother? Or other grandparents? Glad you are not my MIL.

Oh, please, I think you know what she meant, even if the phrasing wasn't perfect-- she clearly meant 100% of that responsibility.

OP, your question just made me sad. I know few of us want to see our minor child have a child of their own before they have a secure job, family, and life, but I've always been open-mouthed shocked at the grandparents-to-be who can't muster up an ounce of happiness at the prospect of a new life, their grandchild. I say this as the granddaughter of a woman who urged my mom to get an abortion when she was unmarried and pregnant. Unfortunately, it is how you parent in these moments that will determine how your children (and grandchildren) remember you, even if it's something you didn't choose and therefore don't feel like you should be judged by.

The legal answer to your question is "yes," until he turns 18.

Bully for you and your mother. She should have an abortion and learn from this HUGE mistake and not do the same thing twice. If my daughter got pregnant, I would be livid, and I would take her to get an abortion. Having a kid at 18, is a recipe for disaster and I've invested too much love, time, money for her to make a decision that will ruin her life.

And if your daughter did not want an abortion?

My Mom forced me to have an abortion when I was 16... 21 years later, I don't regret it. I hated my Mom for years, but now I'm so thankful.

Anonymous wrote:
. I fear, however, that you son will be blamed even though the sex was consenual. I also think that her parents are going to be adamant about their daughter not seeing your son again for a long time. My cousin's son fathered a child and the girl had the baby but her parents refuse to let him or his parents see the child. Because she is underage, I would also consult an attorney because they could claim statutory rape. It isn't hard for a girl this young to give into her parents demands, no matter the truth. Please let us know what happens and I wish all of you the best.

Also
It is not hard for a young girl this young to be pressured into sex

Just what do you think is going thru the mind of a young man
Or do you not worry because the boy cannot get pregnant