Anonymous
Post 11/11/2011 19:23     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
Anonymous wrote:"So is it the worst offense against the full meaning of love when husbands and wives exchange intimate pictures, even film? Is it destructive when they come apart from each other, if it is because they are longing for each other? No, definitely not. But it is a compromise of the ideal, and so risks undermining the strength of their love for each other, even as it gratifies legitimate human needs and desires."

Does this mean no more dirty e-mails between DH and me? No more "dirty girl" talk in bed? 'Cause we'd be risking underminding the strength of our love for each other? After 28 years?







Definitely. You don't want to sex to be too hot or you might undermine the love. That would totally suck. Plus God probably wouldn't like it if the sex was too good in your marriage.
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2011 19:13     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
"So is it the worst offense against the full meaning of love when husbands and wives exchange intimate pictures, even film? Is it destructive when they come apart from each other, if it is because they are longing for each other? No, definitely not. But it is a compromise of the ideal, and so risks undermining the strength of their love for each other, even as it gratifies legitimate human needs and desires."

Does this mean no more dirty e-mails between DH and me? No more "dirty girl" talk in bed? 'Cause we'd be risking underminding the strength of our love for each other? After 28 years?



Anonymous
Post 11/11/2011 19:01     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
"Strangely, you're the second person (at least) to suspect that I'm an alias of Jeff's, at least in part b/c our political views are very similar. As I said to the other person, I don't know why Jeff would create an alias instead of just posting anonymously. "

So he can complain about not getting oral from his fat wife. Ring any bells?

Anonymous
Post 11/10/2011 16:56     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
I don't know what you've allowed (like, if you've allowed him lingerie catalogues, then yes, he may want to move onto "more sordid" photos of fully naked women...


PP, I think we knew you were a woman from the first sentence of your post.

Anonymous
Post 11/10/2011 16:42     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
I don't know what you've allowed (like, if you've allowed him lingerie catalogues, then yes, he may want to move onto "more sordid" photos of fully naked women). But I don't think men who like vanilla porn typically progress to kinkier stuff (late in life).

Personally, I (a woman -- maybe it's different for men but I suspect not) found what I liked and I still like it. Sometimes I peek at kinkier stuff out of curiosity, and it's just not for me. That's actually also true of my husband, who likes more vanilla porn (which I am totally ok with) -- it hasn't been a "gateway" to craziness.

Anyway, good luck to you OP. Try to make peace with this. It doesn't have to be a big deal. He's still the man you married.
TheManWithAUsername
Post 10/17/2011 17:35     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
Anonymous wrote:
These are very thoughtful questions. The answer is simple, but the explanation is long, because it involves trying to understand some of the greatest mysteries of our existence.


Yikes! That's some purple prose right there. I finally recognized Church Lady, though: she's the one who kept the "Why don't you believe in GOD??!?" thread going for like a month and a half.

I'd know that tone of overwrought pseudo-intellectual sophistry anywhere.

Ha! I almost said the same thing. When I started thinking that she wasn't Margaret White, I remembered that thread.
TheManWithAUsername
Post 10/17/2011 17:33     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
Anonymous wrote:Ugh. You're a slippery one, Mr. Man.

People who have trouble keeping up sometimes think that others are trying to trick them.

Anonymous wrote:Being flabbergasted that more than one person finds porn morally wrong, to the point of insisting only one (mentally unstable) DCUM poster actually holds that position...

You appear to have a reading disability. Read my last post. Take your time.

Anonymous wrote:Whenever a debater goes straight for ad hominem attacks over substance...

Didn't happen.

Anonymous wrote:...astute listeners would be right to question the strength of the debater's position.

Not really. They should be astute enough to judge the positions independent of the attacks.

What position did I take in this thread, BTW? That disability really is a problem.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2011 13:53     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
These are very thoughtful questions. The answer is simple, but the explanation is long, because it involves trying to understand some of the greatest mysteries of our existence.


Yikes! That's some purple prose right there. I finally recognized Church Lady, though: she's the one who kept the "Why don't you believe in GOD??!?" thread going for like a month and a half.

I'd know that tone of overwrought pseudo-intellectual sophistry anywhere.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2011 12:22     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
TheManWithAUsername wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
TheManWithAUsername wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Seriously? 3 people actually agree that it is wrong for a married couple to film themselves having sex?

Don't be so sure. She/they are all just "Anonymous."


Good grief, dude! Let it go!
***
Are you really that myopic, that you cannot imagine there are BILLIONS of people who have lived and died on this Earth who DISAGREE with your lifestyle? and that, perhaps, three of them live in the DC area?

False dichotomy. I'm sure there are many such people,* but that has nothing to do with my belief that there are sock puppets here.

And I didn't say those were sock puppets; I just noted that one can never be sure here. And yes, when multiple posters pop in, close together in time, saying very little but on the same side of an issue, I get suspicious. It's just a suspicion.

Given that you've written this much without saying anything horrific, I'm actually inclined to think you're not the nutcase I've dubbed "Margaret White," whom I don't doubt engaged in sock-puppeting.

But what do you care what I think? I was just reminding others that the assumption/belief that there are multiple posters is questionable. For all you know, the anonymous post to which I responded was mine.


* What is "[my] lifestyle," BTW?


Ugh. You're a slippery one, Mr. Man.

I don't know your particular lifestyle, because I don't know you, but whatever it is, I'm sure a huge slice of humanity disagrees with it. Being flabbergasted that more than one person finds porn morally wrong, to the point of insisting only one (mentally unstable) DCUM poster actually holds that position, is a frustrating diversionary tactic to those of us who are ready and willing to engage in the actual topic at hand, rather than attacks on the supposed character of anonymous posters.

Whenever a debater goes straight for ad hominem attacks over substance, astute listeners would be right to question the strength of the debater's position.

Anonymous
Post 10/12/2011 12:12     Subject: Re:Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
Anonymous wrote:Wow, why do people think it's cool to ridicule the religious woman for her beliefs?

I am completely non religious, but I don't make fun of other people's religion-based beliefs. If you disagree with her, why not respectfully state why you believe she is wrong?


Why, because religious beliefs are inherently irrational and silly. And if they're deeply personal, they should be kept to themselves. Otherwise, like most irrational, silly things we believe people will tend to make fun of them if we wave them around in public.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2011 12:10     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
Anonymous wrote:After 15 yrs, I am just tired of the lying and sneaking. I get it that men like to look at hot naked chicks, more specifically two or more hot naked chicks, but I have to admit I was hoping I was enough for my DH. After finding yet again, more porn I decided to make a deal with DH, I would be ok with certain types of porn and ok with him looking at it in our home, with quite a few conditions added. Most importantly, absolutely no leaving it around, and it better not interfere with our home life. My DH is a christian, and I wonder how this all plays out with the whole religion thing. I like to think that Jesus would frown on porn, but from what I understand most men look at it and enjoy it. I love my DH, and I know he loves me, but I cannot handle lying. I hope I am doing the right thing, and not opening myself up to other problems. Will he use the porn I have allowed as a gateway drug, will he move on to more sordid types of porn?


You should see if he's interested in a domme / sub relationship w/ you. You seem incredibly controlling. If you could leverage that in your private life, he might stay away from the porn.
TheManWithAUsername
Post 10/12/2011 11:56     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
Anonymous wrote:
TheManWithAUsername wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Seriously? 3 people actually agree that it is wrong for a married couple to film themselves having sex?

Don't be so sure. She/they are all just "Anonymous."


Good grief, dude! Let it go!
***
Are you really that myopic, that you cannot imagine there are BILLIONS of people who have lived and died on this Earth who DISAGREE with your lifestyle? and that, perhaps, three of them live in the DC area?

False dichotomy. I'm sure there are many such people,* but that has nothing to do with my belief that there are sock puppets here.

And I didn't say those were sock puppets; I just noted that one can never be sure here. And yes, when multiple posters pop in, close together in time, saying very little but on the same side of an issue, I get suspicious. It's just a suspicion.

Given that you've written this much without saying anything horrific, I'm actually inclined to think you're not the nutcase I've dubbed "Margaret White," whom I don't doubt engaged in sock-puppeting.

But what do you care what I think? I was just reminding others that the assumption/belief that there are multiple posters is questionable. For all you know, the anonymous post to which I responded was mine.


* What is "[my] lifestyle," BTW?
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2011 11:44     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
Anonymous wrote:Church Lady, Your post is the most uplifting I have ever read on DCUM. Although I am a moderate Catholic, I would have thought there was nothing wrong with homeade porn but you have totally converted me.

I will read the books you recommended because I struggle in a virtually sexless marriage. I don't just want to stay; I want to feel good about staying and love my DH more than ever instead of resenting him for condemning me to a monastic life. I want to love him like God intended.

Thank you and please keep posting.


I just saw this. Wow, PP. I hope and pray that your marriage finds complete fulfillment and peace. I do think you will find comfort in those books, which explain Church teaching in an uplifting way. God bless!
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2011 11:35     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
TheManWithAUsername wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Seriously? 3 people actually agree that it is wrong for a married couple to film themselves having sex?

Don't be so sure. She/they are all just "Anonymous."


Good grief, dude! Let it go!

I, the Church Lady, hereby swear in the name of Almighty God that I am not, nor have ever been, anyone but myself. And I invoke the overlord of DCUM, Jeff, to feel free to weigh in and verify that fact.

Are you really that myopic, that you cannot imagine there are BILLIONS of people who have lived and died on this Earth who DISAGREE with your lifestyle? and that, perhaps, three of them live in the DC area?

So. Frustrating. To be written off under such pretenses.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2011 09:07     Subject: Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?
TheManWithAUsername wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Seriously? 3 people actually agree that it is wrong for a married couple to film themselves having sex?

Don't be so sure. She/they are all just "Anonymous."



I think you're right. There's no way that last post was real.