All these posts about shame and dependence are really sad and reflective of a work ethic that dates from the Boomer generation. If OP and her husband have run the numbers and her income isn't needed and she doesn't want to work and she has other uses for her time, that's a valid and personal decision to make - and in fact until a generation or two ago was the decision made by the majority of women without guilt. I just left a high-paying, punishing career after nearly 30 years and it's taken a good bit of therapy to "forgive" myself for retiring "early" in my mid-fifties to just actually enjoy my life and be healthy and balanced for the first time in forever. Working for working sake is not worth it - if OP would find value in spending her time otherwise (and that is admittedly a big IF as there are a lot of hours in the day) that's her (and her DH's) decision to make.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with OPs desire to hit easy street early.

First she tells us that she wants to spend the next few years with her kids (like teens want to hang with their parents). Then, she tells us that she wants to play tennis and golf and lunch with the ladies. Door 2 is what this is all about. Door one is cover for door 2.

Not sure that matters to the question. You sound bitter.

Not bitter, just wish people like OP would be honest and not hide behind their kids when their own pleasure is the real desire.

But, I get it. It sounds bad to say I quit my job so I can lunch with the ladies while my husband works a stressful job to earn a lot of money. That sounds selfish. But, say you’re quitting for the kids, and it sounds like you’re a dedicated mom putting family first.

It’s probably a bit of both and there is no shame in it at all.

I would be ashamed as an adult to be dependent on another adult for my food, clothes, home, etc.

What a great perspective! How does it work splitting all clothing expenses, food, and housing costs by your respective % contribution to HHI with your spouse? At dinner, do you eat 62% of the meal? What happens if there’s only 1 apple left in the fridge - do you get 62% of it because you make 62% of your HHI? What about clothes - at the mall do you get to make 62% of purchases?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with OPs desire to hit easy street early.

First she tells us that she wants to spend the next few years with her kids (like teens want to hang with their parents). Then, she tells us that she wants to play tennis and golf and lunch with the ladies. Door 2 is what this is all about. Door one is cover for door 2.

Not sure that matters to the question. You sound bitter.

Not bitter, just wish people like OP would be honest and not hide behind their kids when their own pleasure is the real desire.

But, I get it. It sounds bad to say I quit my job so I can lunch with the ladies while my husband works a stressful job to earn a lot of money. That sounds selfish. But, say you’re quitting for the kids, and it sounds like you’re a dedicated mom putting family first.

It’s probably a bit of both and there is no shame in it at all.

I would be ashamed as an adult to be dependent on another adult for my food, clothes, home, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with OPs desire to hit easy street early.

First she tells us that she wants to spend the next few years with her kids (like teens want to hang with their parents). Then, she tells us that she wants to play tennis and golf and lunch with the ladies. Door 2 is what this is all about. Door one is cover for door 2.

Not sure that matters to the question. You sound bitter.

Not bitter, just wish people like OP would be honest and not hide behind their kids when their own pleasure is the real desire.

But, I get it. It sounds bad to say I quit my job so I can lunch with the ladies while my husband works a stressful job to earn a lot of money. That sounds selfish. But, say you’re quitting for the kids, and it sounds like you’re a dedicated mom putting family first.

It’s probably a bit of both and there is no shame in it at all.

Well, there is shame. That’s why she’s trying to hide behind the kids. That’s my whole point.

Much better to say she’s tired of her job and her family doesn’t need her income since Big Daddy covers it all. She checked with her husband, and he agreed to bestow SAHM status on her. Now, she’s a kid in a candy store.

I mean, who cares, really? Are you jealous?

These are tricky ages because it's hard to do things after school unless you have reliable help, good car pool, some flexibility. I wah so I made it work with some stress some days about driving, making it back on time for meetings. I actually don't know any kids who did sports and had two working outside the home FT parents. I'm not in a rich area either. We don't talk about how life is made to be harder for working parents, and I think middle/young high school is the hardest. Dh was saying that back in his day there was an early and a late bus to allow for kids to go home after practice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with OPs desire to hit easy street early.

First she tells us that she wants to spend the next few years with her kids (like teens want to hang with their parents). Then, she tells us that she wants to play tennis and golf and lunch with the ladies. Door 2 is what this is all about. Door one is cover for door 2.

Not sure that matters to the question. You sound bitter.

Not bitter, just wish people like OP would be honest and not hide behind their kids when their own pleasure is the real desire.

But, I get it. It sounds bad to say I quit my job so I can lunch with the ladies while my husband works a stressful job to earn a lot of money. That sounds selfish. But, say you’re quitting for the kids, and it sounds like you’re a dedicated mom putting family first.

It’s probably a bit of both and there is no shame in it at all.

Well, there is shame. That’s why she’s trying to hide behind the kids. That’s my whole point.

Much better to say she’s tired of her job and her family doesn’t need her income since Big Daddy covers it all. She checked with her husband, and he agreed to bestow SAHM status on her. Now, she’s a kid in a candy store.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with OPs desire to hit easy street early.

First she tells us that she wants to spend the next few years with her kids (like teens want to hang with their parents). Then, she tells us that she wants to play tennis and golf and lunch with the ladies. Door 2 is what this is all about. Door one is cover for door 2.

Not sure that matters to the question. You sound bitter.

Not bitter, just wish people like OP would be honest and not hide behind their kids when their own pleasure is the real desire.

But, I get it. It sounds bad to say I quit my job so I can lunch with the ladies while my husband works a stressful job to earn a lot of money. That sounds selfish. But, say you’re quitting for the kids, and it sounds like you’re a dedicated mom putting family first.

^ the whole putting family first thing makes it sound like she values her family more than everyone else. Where does that leave moms who have to work to feed the family? Do they not care for their kids?

Does OP really think she’s a hero for sacrificing her job for hanging out with her teens while her husband serves as her backstop? There’s nothing heroic going on here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with OPs desire to hit easy street early.

First she tells us that she wants to spend the next few years with her kids (like teens want to hang with their parents). Then, she tells us that she wants to play tennis and golf and lunch with the ladies. Door 2 is what this is all about. Door one is cover for door 2.

Not sure that matters to the question. You sound bitter.

Not bitter, just wish people like OP would be honest and not hide behind their kids when their own pleasure is the real desire.

But, I get it. It sounds bad to say I quit my job so I can lunch with the ladies while my husband works a stressful job to earn a lot of money. That sounds selfish. But, say you’re quitting for the kids, and it sounds like you’re a dedicated mom putting family first.

It’s probably a bit of both and there is no shame in it at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with OPs desire to hit easy street early.

First she tells us that she wants to spend the next few years with her kids (like teens want to hang with their parents). Then, she tells us that she wants to play tennis and golf and lunch with the ladies. Door 2 is what this is all about. Door one is cover for door 2.

Not sure that matters to the question. You sound bitter.

Not bitter, just wish people like OP would be honest and not hide behind their kids when their own pleasure is the real desire.

But, I get it. It sounds bad to say I quit my job so I can lunch with the ladies while my husband works a stressful job to earn a lot of money. That sounds selfish. But, say you’re quitting for the kids, and it sounds like you’re a dedicated mom putting family first.

I could quit financially, though I am the primary bread winner (I am the DW). I white-knuckled it through the kid years (sports, ADHD, community volunteering and all) and now am an empty nester. I will take early retirement in my mid-50s but I am going to build up my nest egg for a few more years until then. What keeps me from quitting now despite having the $$ to do so is that I worked hard to reach this level of expertise in my industry and do not have anything else that would fill all 8 hours of my day and I have ok flexibility, so I may as well suck it up for a few more years. DH will likely work for 3-5 more years after I retire because he likes what he does.

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t quit yet, but I am facing the same choice. DH’s salary covers all of our household expenses. For years, I’ve used mine to max out 529 plans and my own retirement account, but I’m now at a place where I could coast on compound interest and not contribute anymore. My kids need me more than ever. My oldest has ADHD and hates medication so we are going through high school unmedicated and it is taking a ton of my time, like 3 to 4 hours a day just on helping him between therapies, running him to sports practice and helping him with his homework. Then my other kid also needs me. We pay our nanny so much money that really all we are missing if I quit my job and fire our nanny is 529 my savings and the money I save in my brokerage and retirement account. It’s scary to quit because my identity is still wrapped around my profession, and I worry what would happen to me in the event of DH’s death or divorce, but on the other hand, maybe it’s time to worry less and focus on the present and what would make the most difference for my family right now?

If this is a true concern, get a $10M life insurance policy and work up a post-nup agreement in case of divorce. These are all solvable problems / concerns.

I haven’t quit yet, but I am facing the same choice. DH’s salary covers all of our household expenses. For years, I’ve used mine to max out 529 plans and my own retirement account, but I’m now at a place where I could coast on compound interest and not contribute anymore. My kids need me more than ever. My oldest has ADHD and hates medication so we are going through high school unmedicated and it is taking a ton of my time, like 3 to 4 hours a day just on helping him between therapies, running him to sports practice and helping him with his homework. Then my other kid also needs me. We pay our nanny so much money that really all we are missing if I quit my job and fire our nanny is 529 my savings and the money I save in my brokerage and retirement account. It’s scary to quit because my identity is still wrapped around my profession, and I worry what would happen to me in the event of DH’s death or divorce, but on the other hand, maybe it’s time to worry less and focus on the present and what would make the most difference for my family right now?

I think it's actually normal to long for an easier time in middle age: we realize mortality is an issue, so time spent hating work matters more, there is career desillusion...It's not invalid to want to focus on self and loved ones and if anyone can afford to do that easily there is really zero harm in it.

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with OPs desire to hit easy street early.

First she tells us that she wants to spend the next few years with her kids (like teens want to hang with their parents). Then, she tells us that she wants to play tennis and golf and lunch with the ladies. Door 2 is what this is all about. Door one is cover for door 2.

Not sure that matters to the question. You sound bitter.

This has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with OPs desire to hit easy street early.

First she tells us that she wants to spend the next few years with her kids (like teens want to hang with their parents). Then, she tells us that she wants to play tennis and golf and lunch with the ladies. Door 2 is what this is all about. Door one is cover for door 2.