Anonymous
06/10/2026 09:31
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
Anonymous wrote:I think 1st grade is too old to spank. I spank my kids when they are between 2 and 4. (I have three boys who are 3, 6, and 9.) I know it’s not the recommendation but I don’t agree with lots of parenting recommendations and research, honestly. Like the PP who said this is like asking people about seatbelts is actually a great example. My kids use car seats when they are young but by kindergarten, they ride in a booster and 1st grade can ride with nothing. I know the research says to use a booster until 8 but I think that’s ridiculous.
But my first point here was that by 1st grade you need different strategies. For my 6 year old, I scold him and give him extra chores.
For what it’s worth, I get a lot of compliments on my boys’ manners and behavior from teachers and parents.
Do you also question gravity and vaccines?
Anonymous
06/10/2026 09:30
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
Anonymous wrote:Op this is like saying “I don’t want to start a debate about seatbelts, just saying if you’ve decided you’re not a seatbelt family what has worked for you.”
The research is clear on spanking outcomes and you are ridiculous and you are absurd.
+1
OP and their spouse need a parenting class.
Anonymous
06/10/2026 09:00
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
I actually don't think some light spanking in toddler/preschool years is abusive in the context of a loving supportive healthy relationship. I recognize the research shows that other options are better and more successful but I think that that type of spanking can exist in that "not best practice but not abusive" zone.
With that context so you understand that this is not just a knee jerk no out of principle, I think "we've tried other things and now we have an elementary schooler who is still misbehaving and we want to try spanking" is a really bad way to spank. At that age they are old enough that they won't care about the shock value of a light smack so you're going to have to actually cause pain but they are also not old enough to be humiliated by the concept of being spanked like a middle schooler would. (TBC I don't think you should spank middle schoolers, I'm just saying he's not old enough for even the threat to be humiliating.) You also have a pattern of disrespect so he's going to be more inclined to do the "haha that didn't hurt" thing which is going to make you want to hit harder. I think the chances that you will be able to effect any actual behavior change without escalating into abuse is low. Have you tried PCIT? It's very systematic and you get live coaching in the moment.
With that context so you understand that this is not just a knee jerk no out of principle, I think "we've tried other things and now we have an elementary schooler who is still misbehaving and we want to try spanking" is a really bad way to spank. At that age they are old enough that they won't care about the shock value of a light smack so you're going to have to actually cause pain but they are also not old enough to be humiliated by the concept of being spanked like a middle schooler would. (TBC I don't think you should spank middle schoolers, I'm just saying he's not old enough for even the threat to be humiliating.) You also have a pattern of disrespect so he's going to be more inclined to do the "haha that didn't hurt" thing which is going to make you want to hit harder. I think the chances that you will be able to effect any actual behavior change without escalating into abuse is low. Have you tried PCIT? It's very systematic and you get live coaching in the moment.
Anonymous
06/07/2026 07:54
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
Anonymous wrote:I think 1st grade is too old to spank. I spank my kids when they are between 2 and 4. (I have three boys who are 3, 6, and 9.) I know it’s not the recommendation but I don’t agree with lots of parenting recommendations and research, honestly. Like the PP who said this is like asking people about seatbelts is actually a great example. My kids use car seats when they are young but by kindergarten, they ride in a booster and 1st grade can ride with nothing. I know the research says to use a booster until 8 but I think that’s ridiculous.
But my first point here was that by 1st grade you need different strategies. For my 6 year old, I scold him and give him extra chores.
For what it’s worth, I get a lot of compliments on my boys’ manners and behavior from teachers and parents.
Regarding the seatbelt comment. You thinking it’s ridiculous tells me you have never been in a high impact collision or a rollover. If you had ever seen tbe impact this can have on a small body in a too large seatbelt you would change your mind.
Anonymous
06/07/2026 07:43
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
Anonymous wrote:I think 1st grade is too old to spank. I spank my kids when they are between 2 and 4. (I have three boys who are 3, 6, and 9.) I know it’s not the recommendation but I don’t agree with lots of parenting recommendations and research, honestly. Like the PP who said this is like asking people about seatbelts is actually a great example. My kids use car seats when they are young but by kindergarten, they ride in a booster and 1st grade can ride with nothing. I know the research says to use a booster until 8 but I think that’s ridiculous.
But my first point here was that by 1st grade you need different strategies. For my 6 year old, I scold him and give him extra chores.
For what it’s worth, I get a lot of compliments on my boys’ manners and behavior from teachers and parents.
"I'm okay with my kids being decapitated by their seat belt in a crash and I think you should be, too!" Thank you for your valuable contribution, PP.
Anonymous
06/06/2026 16:25
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I generally view spanking as lazy parenting and parents who do so as unintelligent.
+1
Anonymous
06/06/2026 16:25
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
Anonymous wrote:I generally view spanking as lazy parenting and parents who do so as unintelligent.
Anonymous
06/06/2026 16:19
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
Anonymous wrote:I think 1st grade is too old to spank. I spank my kids when they are between 2 and 4. (I have three boys who are 3, 6, and 9.) I know it’s not the recommendation but I don’t agree with lots of parenting recommendations and research, honestly. Like the PP who said this is like asking people about seatbelts is actually a great example. My kids use car seats when they are young but by kindergarten, they ride in a booster and 1st grade can ride with nothing. I know the research says to use a booster until 8 but I think that’s ridiculous.
But my first point here was that by 1st grade you need different strategies. For my 6 year old, I scold him and give him extra chores.
For what it’s worth, I get a lot of compliments on my boys’ manners and behavior from teachers and parents.
So, you don't believe in science. The research on car seats is actually more based around size and bone development rather than age, but go off I guess.
Anonymous
06/06/2026 16:03
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
Sorry mean aren’t consistent with giving the punishment when the boundaries are broken.
Anonymous
06/06/2026 16:02
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
Op I think if you have to spank, there is something you are doing wrong you are not aware of. Like maybe you reinforce negative things in a way you can’t see or you aren’t consistent about punishment for the boundaries.
Therefore, I don’t think spanking will help because you will disperse that punishment in the same way you are already using punishment without fixing the real mistake (the timing and consistency of the punishment). Once kids know you mean a rule you mean it consistently, the behavior does stop.
Therefore, I don’t think spanking will help because you will disperse that punishment in the same way you are already using punishment without fixing the real mistake (the timing and consistency of the punishment). Once kids know you mean a rule you mean it consistently, the behavior does stop.
Anonymous
06/06/2026 13:42
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
I think 1st grade is too old to spank. I spank my kids when they are between 2 and 4. (I have three boys who are 3, 6, and 9.) I know it’s not the recommendation but I don’t agree with lots of parenting recommendations and research, honestly. Like the PP who said this is like asking people about seatbelts is actually a great example. My kids use car seats when they are young but by kindergarten, they ride in a booster and 1st grade can ride with nothing. I know the research says to use a booster until 8 but I think that’s ridiculous.
But my first point here was that by 1st grade you need different strategies. For my 6 year old, I scold him and give him extra chores.
For what it’s worth, I get a lot of compliments on my boys’ manners and behavior from teachers and parents.
But my first point here was that by 1st grade you need different strategies. For my 6 year old, I scold him and give him extra chores.
For what it’s worth, I get a lot of compliments on my boys’ manners and behavior from teachers and parents.
Anonymous
06/06/2026 11:43
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
Anonymous wrote:I didn’t spank my kids but I grew up in a house that did, because my parents were older and that was expected of their generation. One thing I’d note is that despite the fact that most Americans used to spank and now most Americans do not, I don’t think we’ve seen meaningful decreases in violent behavior, so I question the scholarship a bit. It seems like the connection might be more correlation (parents who continue to spank are more likely to be parents with low patience and high anger generally), or the effect is so small as to lead to no significant societal changes.
I think if you choose to do it, the following are important —
The child should not actually be physically harmed. Any pain should be fleeting. If they can’t sit down for hours or days afterwards, that’s abuse.
The parent should not enjoy it and that should be evident.
It should be extremely rarely used
Used only for circumstances where the child’s actions are risking physical harm to themself or others.
You should not do it when you are angry or feeling like you maybe not making the best choices. Take a minute to cool off.
Of course we have seen a decrease in violence. That’s just a statistical fact. The violence that is still occurring is predominately among groups of people who still practice corporal punishment.
Anonymous
06/05/2026 17:04
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
I didn’t spank my kids but I grew up in a house that did, because my parents were older and that was expected of their generation. One thing I’d note is that despite the fact that most Americans used to spank and now most Americans do not, I don’t think we’ve seen meaningful decreases in violent behavior, so I question the scholarship a bit. It seems like the connection might be more correlation (parents who continue to spank are more likely to be parents with low patience and high anger generally), or the effect is so small as to lead to no significant societal changes.
I think if you choose to do it, the following are important —
The child should not actually be physically harmed. Any pain should be fleeting. If they can’t sit down for hours or days afterwards, that’s abuse.
The parent should not enjoy it and that should be evident.
It should be extremely rarely used
Used only for circumstances where the child’s actions are risking physical harm to themself or others.
You should not do it when you are angry or feeling like you maybe not making the best choices. Take a minute to cool off.
I think if you choose to do it, the following are important —
The child should not actually be physically harmed. Any pain should be fleeting. If they can’t sit down for hours or days afterwards, that’s abuse.
The parent should not enjoy it and that should be evident.
It should be extremely rarely used
Used only for circumstances where the child’s actions are risking physical harm to themself or others.
You should not do it when you are angry or feeling like you maybe not making the best choices. Take a minute to cool off.
Anonymous
06/05/2026 16:51
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
If you're going to teach your child that an adult forcing them into something physically violating and painful is okay, then would they know it's wrong if a stranger tries doing something to them? You can't pick and choose when it's "okay" to violate a child's bodily autonomy.
Anonymous
06/05/2026 16:47
Subject: Very controversial question but hoping it can stay on the tracks….
Controversial to say, but spanking is actually something my husband and I soundly agree on...as part of our sex life. You got "gross" Google search results because spanking is a sexual act. There is absolutely no case where holding down a child to inflict pain on them without consent is ever remotely appropriate. Good luck with CPS in your future.