Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You still have not told us how old your kid is, OP.

Sorry. 16.

Thank you. This is getting to the age that I would significantly relax, depending on the kid. My oldest was closing at work at 16 on the weekends frequently. So it involved driving and late nights. No, I was not definitely not restricting phone use and he was often driving home when I was in bed. Even work night shifts would often be until 10.

TBH - I wasn’t restricting either of mine at this age but I didn’t need to. Their grades were good, they had jobs, they could get up for school and work and I thought it was up to them to manage at that point. I thought your kid was 13 or 14 based on your posts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no rules for my teen and technology other than I have access to everything and no Snapchat. She insists on going to bed at 9:30 every night and has stayed up later than that to text or Facetime ~1-2 times in the last year so idk maybe your parenting is the problem??

OP here. I'll ignore the insult.

Your teen - and I say this earnestly - is very unique, IMO. Most 14-17 years olds do not have this kind of self-discipline, and in fact, psychiatrists and neurologists would all say their brains aren't yet fully capable of having that kind of self-discipline.

It will serve her well in the future.

But for the other 95% of teens who don't have what your daughter has, parents probably need to help them by setting boundaries.

DP. None of us parents had access to smartphones in our teen years and plenty of us are fully addicted now in adulthood. I do kind of wonder how well restrictions will serve some of these kids in the future because the phones aren’t going anywhere. I’m not saying it’s not worth trying—mine at least had downtime in effect throughout their early teen years—but as soon as you lose the ability to control it, they’re on their own. If they have a propensity to get hooked, it’s going to happen eventually.

We’ve fired 20-somethings who were not getting their work done but were always hovering over their phones or doing 10+ MS teams chat threads during the work day.

They stood out as incompetent and unproductive.
Oh well.

-Wash DC think tank.

You give your employees MS Teams and you’re mad that they’re using it? It’s literally for chatting with coworkers.

NP here. MS Teams is for chatting with coworkers about work, not for chatting about non-work-related things. Good for you, think tank, for firing your unproductive, phone-obsessed employees. I wish more companies would do the same.

My last two jobs have had several non-work related Teams channels that staff were encouraged to participate in by leadership. Gardening, movies, fitness, etc. It’s supposed to be about culture or belonging or some nonsense.

Point being that it’s a lot like parents who give their kids these tools to communicate and they’re like “wait, no, we didn’t mean for you to use it THAT way!” If you have such a need to retain control, then just don’t give people these tools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no rules for my teen and technology other than I have access to everything and no Snapchat. She insists on going to bed at 9:30 every night and has stayed up later than that to text or Facetime ~1-2 times in the last year so idk maybe your parenting is the problem??

OP here. I'll ignore the insult.

Your teen - and I say this earnestly - is very unique, IMO. Most 14-17 years olds do not have this kind of self-discipline, and in fact, psychiatrists and neurologists would all say their brains aren't yet fully capable of having that kind of self-discipline.

It will serve her well in the future.

But for the other 95% of teens who don't have what your daughter has, parents probably need to help them by setting boundaries.

DP. None of us parents had access to smartphones in our teen years and plenty of us are fully addicted now in adulthood. I do kind of wonder how well restrictions will serve some of these kids in the future because the phones aren’t going anywhere. I’m not saying it’s not worth trying—mine at least had downtime in effect throughout their early teen years—but as soon as you lose the ability to control it, they’re on their own. If they have a propensity to get hooked, it’s going to happen eventually.

We’ve fired 20-somethings who were not getting their work done but were always hovering over their phones or doing 10+ MS teams chat threads during the work day.

They stood out as incompetent and unproductive.
Oh well.

-Wash DC think tank.

You give your employees MS Teams and you’re mad that they’re using it? It’s literally for chatting with coworkers.

NP here. MS Teams is for chatting with coworkers about work, not for chatting about non-work-related things. Good for you, think tank, for firing your unproductive, phone-obsessed employees. I wish more companies would do the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no rules for my teen and technology other than I have access to everything and no Snapchat. She insists on going to bed at 9:30 every night and has stayed up later than that to text or Facetime ~1-2 times in the last year so idk maybe your parenting is the problem??

OP here. I'll ignore the insult.

Your teen - and I say this earnestly - is very unique, IMO. Most 14-17 years olds do not have this kind of self-discipline, and in fact, psychiatrists and neurologists would all say their brains aren't yet fully capable of having that kind of self-discipline.

It will serve her well in the future.

But for the other 95% of teens who don't have what your daughter has, parents probably need to help them by setting boundaries.

DP. None of us parents had access to smartphones in our teen years and plenty of us are fully addicted now in adulthood. I do kind of wonder how well restrictions will serve some of these kids in the future because the phones aren’t going anywhere. I’m not saying it’s not worth trying—mine at least had downtime in effect throughout their early teen years—but as soon as you lose the ability to control it, they’re on their own. If they have a propensity to get hooked, it’s going to happen eventually.

We’ve fired 20-somethings who were not getting their work done but were always hovering over their phones or doing 10+ MS teams chat threads during the work day.

They stood out as incompetent and unproductive.
Oh well.

-Wash DC think tank.

You give your employees MS Teams and you’re mad that they’re using it? It’s literally for chatting with coworkers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no rules for my teen and technology other than I have access to everything and no Snapchat. She insists on going to bed at 9:30 every night and has stayed up later than that to text or Facetime ~1-2 times in the last year so idk maybe your parenting is the problem??

OP here. I'll ignore the insult.

Your teen - and I say this earnestly - is very unique, IMO. Most 14-17 years olds do not have this kind of self-discipline, and in fact, psychiatrists and neurologists would all say their brains aren't yet fully capable of having that kind of self-discipline.

It will serve her well in the future.

But for the other 95% of teens who don't have what your daughter has, parents probably need to help them by setting boundaries.

DP. None of us parents had access to smartphones in our teen years and plenty of us are fully addicted now in adulthood. I do kind of wonder how well restrictions will serve some of these kids in the future because the phones aren’t going anywhere. I’m not saying it’s not worth trying—mine at least had downtime in effect throughout their early teen years—but as soon as you lose the ability to control it, they’re on their own. If they have a propensity to get hooked, it’s going to happen eventually.

We’ve fired 20-somethings who were not getting their work done but were always hovering over their phones or doing 10+ MS teams chat threads during the work day.

They stood out as incompetent and unproductive.
Oh well.

-Wash DC think tank.

If only their mommies would have seized their phones at 8 pm! Things could have worked out so differently.

Also, MS Teams chats are how people communicate at my workplace. Having 10+ going is completely normal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You still have not told us how old your kid is, OP.

Sorry. 16.

16 is when I relaxed significantly on phone controls. Once theyre out driving around past 9 pm, they need access to their phones.

I can’t believe the parents that allow their kids to have Snapchat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no rules for my teen and technology other than I have access to everything and no Snapchat. She insists on going to bed at 9:30 every night and has stayed up later than that to text or Facetime ~1-2 times in the last year so idk maybe your parenting is the problem??

OP here. I'll ignore the insult.

Your teen - and I say this earnestly - is very unique, IMO. Most 14-17 years olds do not have this kind of self-discipline, and in fact, psychiatrists and neurologists would all say their brains aren't yet fully capable of having that kind of self-discipline.

It will serve her well in the future.

But for the other 95% of teens who don't have what your daughter has, parents probably need to help them by setting boundaries.

DP. None of us parents had access to smartphones in our teen years and plenty of us are fully addicted now in adulthood. I do kind of wonder how well restrictions will serve some of these kids in the future because the phones aren’t going anywhere. I’m not saying it’s not worth trying—mine at least had downtime in effect throughout their early teen years—but as soon as you lose the ability to control it, they’re on their own. If they have a propensity to get hooked, it’s going to happen eventually.

We’ve fired 20-somethings who were not getting their work done but were always hovering over their phones or doing 10+ MS teams chat threads during the work day.

They stood out as incompetent and unproductive.
Oh well.

-Wash DC think tank.

Anonymous wrote:My 12 and 13 year olds don’t have restrictions. It’s up to them when they go to bed. They can suffer the consequences. Thankfully, they’re good about it and go to bed at a decent time.

13 is about when I stopped restrictions with my youngest. I don't remember when with my oldest. Maybe around the same age.

Anonymous wrote:You still have not told us how old your kid is, OP.

Sorry. 16.

beware of throwing stones in glass houses

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

NP and while I haven’t noticed this, I have noticed that parents of tweens and teens truly don’t seem to grasp that their children need good sleep now as much as they did when they were very young. Tween and teen brain development is strongly linked to sleep health, and it’s wild to me that parents don’t guide their kids to make good, healthy sleep habits.

My 13-year-olds phone goes in my room when she comes up to take a shower at 8 p.m., and it doesn’t go back in her hand until the next day. That will not change until she is out of my house. (Nights where she has an activity, social plans, or a sleepover are different, of course.) She has plenty of social time and screen time, and the evenings are protected, especially school nights.

OP here. This is what bothers me the most -- these kids need SLEEP, particularly if they are athletes, and we're setting them up to be using these designed-to-be-addictive devices way too late at night to ensure a solid 7+ (which is still low IMO) of sleep. Their brains aren't capable of the kind of self-regulation required to put the phone away at 10:30/11 pm. And we aren't helping them.

100%

We've been super strict about our kids getting enough sleep. Can they stay up late on weekends? Absolutely. But on school nights/sports nights, they need rest. They also recognize that they feel better on days when they are fully rested.

Congratulations. Would you prefer a cookie or a gold star?

She doesn’t need a gold star. But you sound like you could use a good cookie. Why so angry?

Where do you get angry? I was trying to give her the validation that she clearly desperately craves!

Sarcastic and rude is usually a pretty good indicator of angry

It’s weird that you would assume sarcasm. Almost like you’re telling on yourself as to what you really think of PP’s attitude and motivation…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

NP and while I haven’t noticed this, I have noticed that parents of tweens and teens truly don’t seem to grasp that their children need good sleep now as much as they did when they were very young. Tween and teen brain development is strongly linked to sleep health, and it’s wild to me that parents don’t guide their kids to make good, healthy sleep habits.

My 13-year-olds phone goes in my room when she comes up to take a shower at 8 p.m., and it doesn’t go back in her hand until the next day. That will not change until she is out of my house. (Nights where she has an activity, social plans, or a sleepover are different, of course.) She has plenty of social time and screen time, and the evenings are protected, especially school nights.

OP here. This is what bothers me the most -- these kids need SLEEP, particularly if they are athletes, and we're setting them up to be using these designed-to-be-addictive devices way too late at night to ensure a solid 7+ (which is still low IMO) of sleep. Their brains aren't capable of the kind of self-regulation required to put the phone away at 10:30/11 pm. And we aren't helping them.

100%

We've been super strict about our kids getting enough sleep. Can they stay up late on weekends? Absolutely. But on school nights/sports nights, they need rest. They also recognize that they feel better on days when they are fully rested.

Congratulations. Would you prefer a cookie or a gold star?

She doesn’t need a gold star. But you sound like you could use a good cookie. Why so angry?

Where do you get angry? I was trying to give her the validation that she clearly desperately craves!

Sarcastic and rude is usually a pretty good indicator of angry

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 12 and 13 year olds don’t have restrictions. It’s up to them when they go to bed. They can suffer the consequences. Thankfully, they’re good about it and go to bed at a decent time.

You’re a neglectful parent.

And yet her kids are better than yours. Sorry your genes suck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no rules for my teen and technology other than I have access to everything and no Snapchat. She insists on going to bed at 9:30 every night and has stayed up later than that to text or Facetime ~1-2 times in the last year so idk maybe your parenting is the problem??

OP here. I'll ignore the insult.

Your teen - and I say this earnestly - is very unique, IMO. Most 14-17 years olds do not have this kind of self-discipline, and in fact, psychiatrists and neurologists would all say their brains aren't yet fully capable of having that kind of self-discipline.

It will serve her well in the future.

But for the other 95% of teens who don't have what your daughter has, parents probably need to help them by setting boundaries.

Your rules are pretty lax for someone lecturing others and posting online - ironic you are complaining about screen time while using screen time.