Anonymous
05/29/2026 17:57
Subject: Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Femmes wearing straps
Anonymous
05/29/2026 17:15
Subject: Re:Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Anonymous wrote:In my 40s I just get horny every few days.
But when I'm not inexplicably horny, I can be helped along by eye contact, leaning in close, smelling your natural scent, feeling a little boxed in by your presence, any kind of full body contact.
Same. I don’t often just see a man and want to jump him (though that happens) but the more infuriating thing is going along my day and all of a sudden noticing a coworker’s forearms have gotten suddenly and inexplicably sexy.
Anonymous
05/29/2026 16:15
Subject: Re:Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
In my 40s I just get horny every few days.
But when I'm not inexplicably horny, I can be helped along by eye contact, leaning in close, smelling your natural scent, feeling a little boxed in by your presence, any kind of full body contact.
But when I'm not inexplicably horny, I can be helped along by eye contact, leaning in close, smelling your natural scent, feeling a little boxed in by your presence, any kind of full body contact.
Anonymous
05/29/2026 15:36
Subject: Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I like a massage and a foot rub and a slow approach. Don't jump on me like horn dog humping me.
This. I’m married, but I am pretty much never just turned on walking around. I have to actually be touched to get turned on.
Something is wrong with you
I think a lot of women need some kind of physical touch to get physiologically aroused
This is me 100%. I’ve been watching Outlander, which has countless sex scenes between two spectacularly gorgeous people, presented in a way that’s meant to be appealing to women, and I’m so bored by them. I’ve started fast forwarding half the time. Eventually I came to realize that it does nothing for me for the same reason that cooking shows do nothing for me. I just don’t get much from watching other people do stuff that’s meant to be enjoyed with your own senses.
But touch me for 30 seconds or more, even in not-meant-to-be-sexy ways like spooning, and I’m immediately dying for more.
Anonymous
05/29/2026 14:05
Subject: Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.
Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.
Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.
Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.
That would be so amazing!
I have an acquaintance (kids friends mom) who dropped that she and her husband were going alone for a long weekend. “Where are you going?” “Somewhere in Mexico.” “You’re leaving in two days and you don’t know where you’re going?” “Some resort I guess. My husband books these things. I’m just along for the ride. It always ends up being fun.” I was so freaking envious I could have thrown something.
Why? What is the big deal about planning a trip? That’s the most fun part.
Some of you just want to be pissed off at your husbands.
It might be okay if my husband was like this guys wife, and just said, “it’s always fun!”
Instead, he gets all stressed out if it costs “too much,” and then gets all upset that the place we stay isn’t that nice and the activities aren’t that great if we do it on the cheap.
It does not feel fun.
That sucks and I’m sorry. My husband definitely is “along for the ride” (he’s used that term) but he rarely complains unless he gets pinkeye, or injures his back or something like that. But not about what I’ve planned thank goodness!
Anonymous
05/29/2026 14:03
Subject: Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.
Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.
Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.
Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.
That would be so amazing!
I have an acquaintance (kids friends mom) who dropped that she and her husband were going alone for a long weekend. “Where are you going?” “Somewhere in Mexico.” “You’re leaving in two days and you don’t know where you’re going?” “Some resort I guess. My husband books these things. I’m just along for the ride. It always ends up being fun.” I was so freaking envious I could have thrown something.
Why? What is the big deal about planning a trip? That’s the most fun part.
Some of you just want to be pissed off at your husbands.
If it’s so much fun, why don’t men do it? Why do people hire it out?
My husband doesn’t do planning for trips. He doesn’t plan fun dates. He doesn’t give me gifts.
But he makes me coffee and breakfast in the morning. He takes care of the cars, he takes care of the dog, he takes care of the trash. He does other chores too.
In other words he does his share. But if I waited until he planned a trip or did something “romantic” we would never have sex again.
Good for you? Some of us have/had husbands who don’t take care of anything, and are jerks on top of that.
My ex literally did nothing (I could tell stories that would raise your hair on end) but I actually enjoyed sex with him until he started getting physically aggressive. Then it was nope, nope, not ever again.
If you don’t want to sleep with your husband because he is a jerk, then that’s fair.
If you don’t want to sleep with your husband because he doesn’t plan trips or dates and he hasn’t really done that stuff before, that’s not fair to him. My husband and I don’t really have the time for a romantic “thing” every week, but I would certainly want to have sex more than once a week. If you generally love your husband and he’s generally reasonable, you have to unlink your sexual desire from chores and unpleasant feelings.[/quote
Ok well the original question was what turns you on. The answer: taking charge. Being the man.
Anonymous
05/29/2026 13:55
Subject: Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Choreplay is king. Do some chores so that I am not tired and resentful of you when we get in bed. If I am I not cussing you out in my mind you have a better chance of getting laid.
I think that some men think this means that women literally get aroused by watching men do chores.
It’s more like having the chores done means that I can get into a headspace to get aroused if we start kissing and touching.
What if the guy always did his share of the chores? Would the woman's libido always be high(er)?
I have been married twice, and lived with another woman. I always split the chores in a mutually agreed upon way. I never noticed any correlation between completing a household task and my partner's horniness.
There might be a correlation but not the one you see. They were probably wiped out re-doing tasks you couldn't do right the first time.
There’s no winning once you’re married and have kids. She’s gotten what she wanted to accomplish out of you (wedding and kids). Now resentment builds and there’s no answer you can offer as a man that’s the right one. Young kids are hard and she resents you for it. She sure as hell doesn’t want you experiencing any pleasure in life. Its a subtle, unspoken and passive feeling that ranges from indifference to hate.
I get what you're saying, but look at it from a woman's perspective. Before kids, a man spends time on her, takes her out, entertains etc. After kids, suddenly the man disappears, leaving the woman with kids and pets all for her to take care of. In the rare moments that the man shows up, instead of helping, he lines up to get some attention from the woman as well. The woman has already spent the day catering to the kids and pets, as they all want to eat, be entertained and taken care of. The woman feels as if she's an indentured servant whose job for the next 20 years is to do what anybody else in the household wants/needs, and not managing to do anything that SHE wants, as the time and money is not unlimited. As the time goes on, resentment builds. I for example have been married 20+ years with a dead bedroom AND my DH thinks once the last kid leaves for college, I'll start catering to HIM, including cooking, cleaning and s*x. He doesn't understand AT ALL that my life has bee unfulfilling for the past 20 years, that I've put my own desires on the backburner to be a good mother, and that I don't give a f*k about what he wants. Once the last kid has launched, I intend to do WHAT I WANT. After being selfish for 20+ years, there's literally nothing my DH could do that would turn me on, but he has no idea, because he literally doesn't see anything wrong. It's OK in his opinion that a woman spends her life catering to others, in fact he'd prefer it.
This response to my post definitely demonstrated my statement about it being a “subtle, unspoken and passive feeling that ranges from indifference to hate”.
I think that in good marriages, the spouses don’t lose themselves to being super-parents. If you want to have any marriage left after the kids leave for college you have to be a loving spouse first and be focused on hearing and meeting each other’s needs whether those needs are financial stability, household duty split, conversation, staying attractive or sex. Both spouses need to do this. Your marriage is actually the foundation of your childrens wellbeing.
Oh dear, if you think I have been subtle, unspoken or passive about any of this, you're wrong. I have told DH repeatedly, he just doesn't hear (or doesn't want to hear). Or he agrees for a day to do things differently, but it doesn't last. Most men are selfish. You like to do what you like to do and to hell with everything else. You care about yourself the most. Including sex, it's about satisfying yourself. A lot of men cannot satisfy a woman. Which is why a lot are looking for submissive, so that the woman wouldn't demand much if anything at all. After all, how many men know that their woman got an orgasm every time? Most men have no idea. Normal women care about others and especially their children, it's biological. However, what you guys don't understand is that once menopause hits for women, meaning our childrearing years are over, we lose estrogen and become more like men. We become more selfish. So what do I need a marriage for after kids are gone with a man who only thinks of himself?
Anonymous
05/29/2026 13:50
Subject: Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.
Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.
Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.
Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.
That would be so amazing!
I have an acquaintance (kids friends mom) who dropped that she and her husband were going alone for a long weekend. “Where are you going?” “Somewhere in Mexico.” “You’re leaving in two days and you don’t know where you’re going?” “Some resort I guess. My husband books these things. I’m just along for the ride. It always ends up being fun.” I was so freaking envious I could have thrown something.
Why? What is the big deal about planning a trip? That’s the most fun part.
Some of you just want to be pissed off at your husbands.
If it’s so much fun, why don’t men do it? Why do people hire it out?
My husband doesn’t do planning for trips. He doesn’t plan fun dates. He doesn’t give me gifts.
But he makes me coffee and breakfast in the morning. He takes care of the cars, he takes care of the dog, he takes care of the trash. He does other chores too.
In other words he does his share. But if I waited until he planned a trip or did something “romantic” we would never have sex again.
Good for you? Some of us have/had husbands who don’t take care of anything, and are jerks on top of that.
My ex literally did nothing (I could tell stories that would raise your hair on end) but I actually enjoyed sex with him until he started getting physically aggressive. Then it was nope, nope, not ever again.
If you don’t want to sleep with your husband because he is a jerk, then that’s fair.
If you don’t want to sleep with your husband because he doesn’t plan trips or dates and he hasn’t really done that stuff before, that’s not fair to him. My husband and I don’t really have the time for a romantic “thing” every week, but I would certainly want to have sex more than once a week. If you generally love your husband and he’s generally reasonable, you have to unlink your sexual desire from chores and unpleasant feelings.
Anonymous
05/29/2026 13:42
Subject: Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.
Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.
Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.
Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.
That would be so amazing!
I have an acquaintance (kids friends mom) who dropped that she and her husband were going alone for a long weekend. “Where are you going?” “Somewhere in Mexico.” “You’re leaving in two days and you don’t know where you’re going?” “Some resort I guess. My husband books these things. I’m just along for the ride. It always ends up being fun.” I was so freaking envious I could have thrown something.
Why? What is the big deal about planning a trip? That’s the most fun part.
Some of you just want to be pissed off at your husbands.
It might be okay if my husband was like this guys wife, and just said, “it’s always fun!”
Instead, he gets all stressed out if it costs “too much,” and then gets all upset that the place we stay isn’t that nice and the activities aren’t that great if we do it on the cheap.
It does not feel fun.
This. Not only don't some DH plan anything (trips, restaurants, vacations), they complain when "they're along for the ride". On our last vacation to the beach on the West Coast I had arranged everything, an apartment to stay and of course I was cooking. One morning when we had plans going to a National Park, I had gotten the kids ready (elementary age), fed them, packed snacks etc. and was standing with them at the door ready to go. While I was getting the kids ready, he had nothing to do, so he decided to go on the beach for a run. He didn't think of taking stuff to the car, look up the route, no, nothing. So I was standing next to the car with kids while he was "running on the beach". I called him. Nothing. I left with the kids to the trip as I had planned. There was no end to the complaints when we returned in the evening. That was the last trip I planned. It was 8 years ago. We have gone nowhere since.
Anonymous
05/29/2026 13:42
Subject: Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.
Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.
Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.
Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.
That would be so amazing!
I have an acquaintance (kids friends mom) who dropped that she and her husband were going alone for a long weekend. “Where are you going?” “Somewhere in Mexico.” “You’re leaving in two days and you don’t know where you’re going?” “Some resort I guess. My husband books these things. I’m just along for the ride. It always ends up being fun.” I was so freaking envious I could have thrown something.
Why? What is the big deal about planning a trip? That’s the most fun part.
Some of you just want to be pissed off at your husbands.
That’s like saying what’s the big deal about cooking dinner every night? Cooking is fun.
The answer is that I’m sick of it. I’m sick of finding somewhere fun for our family to go every year and figuring out what to do when we get there. There must be somewhere on Gods green earth that interests him enough to plan one single trip. But it doesn’t seem so. I left one year totally up to him. and we went nowhere.
If you’re sick of planning travel, and he doesn’t want to do it, then just don’t travel. Or spend the extra money to have something pre-planned. Many husbands are like this. Mine could not really plan a nice trip, it’s just not in his wheelhouse.
But you’re linking sex with something neither of you wants to do, then you’re just ruining sex too.
A lot of marriages have continual conflicts and stuck points that don’t really ever resolve. If you hinge your sexual life on those conflicts then you will ruin your sex life.
Anonymous
05/29/2026 13:24
Subject: Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.
Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.
Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.
Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.
That would be so amazing!
I have an acquaintance (kids friends mom) who dropped that she and her husband were going alone for a long weekend. “Where are you going?” “Somewhere in Mexico.” “You’re leaving in two days and you don’t know where you’re going?” “Some resort I guess. My husband books these things. I’m just along for the ride. It always ends up being fun.” I was so freaking envious I could have thrown something.
Why? What is the big deal about planning a trip? That’s the most fun part.
Some of you just want to be pissed off at your husbands.
It might be okay if my husband was like this guys wife, and just said, “it’s always fun!”
Instead, he gets all stressed out if it costs “too much,” and then gets all upset that the place we stay isn’t that nice and the activities aren’t that great if we do it on the cheap.
It does not feel fun.
Anonymous
05/29/2026 13:19
Subject: Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.
Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.
Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.
Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.
That would be so amazing!
I have an acquaintance (kids friends mom) who dropped that she and her husband were going alone for a long weekend. “Where are you going?” “Somewhere in Mexico.” “You’re leaving in two days and you don’t know where you’re going?” “Some resort I guess. My husband books these things. I’m just along for the ride. It always ends up being fun.” I was so freaking envious I could have thrown something.
Why? What is the big deal about planning a trip? That’s the most fun part.
Some of you just want to be pissed off at your husbands.
If it’s so much fun, why don’t men do it? Why do people hire it out?
My husband doesn’t do planning for trips. He doesn’t plan fun dates. He doesn’t give me gifts.
But he makes me coffee and breakfast in the morning. He takes care of the cars, he takes care of the dog, he takes care of the trash. He does other chores too.
In other words he does his share. But if I waited until he planned a trip or did something “romantic” we would never have sex again.
Good for you? Some of us have/had husbands who don’t take care of anything, and are jerks on top of that.
My ex literally did nothing (I could tell stories that would raise your hair on end) but I actually enjoyed sex with him until he started getting physically aggressive. Then it was nope, nope, not ever again.
Anonymous
05/29/2026 13:17
Subject: Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.
Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.
Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.
Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.
That would be so amazing!
I have an acquaintance (kids friends mom) who dropped that she and her husband were going alone for a long weekend. “Where are you going?” “Somewhere in Mexico.” “You’re leaving in two days and you don’t know where you’re going?” “Some resort I guess. My husband books these things. I’m just along for the ride. It always ends up being fun.” I was so freaking envious I could have thrown something.
Why? What is the big deal about planning a trip? That’s the most fun part.
Some of you just want to be pissed off at your husbands.
If it’s so fun and easy then he can do it
Anonymous
05/29/2026 13:16
Subject: Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Anonymous wrote:Op, you came to the wrong place for advice. Many of the women on this board are exhausting and have had failed marriages.
lol. Do you think you have some secret about turning women on? If so, tell us.
Anonymous
05/29/2026 12:56
Subject: Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.
Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.
Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.
Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.
That would be so amazing!
I have an acquaintance (kids friends mom) who dropped that she and her husband were going alone for a long weekend. “Where are you going?” “Somewhere in Mexico.” “You’re leaving in two days and you don’t know where you’re going?” “Some resort I guess. My husband books these things. I’m just along for the ride. It always ends up being fun.” I was so freaking envious I could have thrown something.
Why? What is the big deal about planning a trip? That’s the most fun part.
Some of you just want to be pissed off at your husbands.
That’s like saying what’s the big deal about cooking dinner every night? Cooking is fun.
The answer is that I’m sick of it. I’m sick of finding somewhere fun for our family to go every year and figuring out what to do when we get there. There must be somewhere on Gods green earth that interests him enough to plan one single trip. But it doesn’t seem so. I left one year totally up to him. and we went nowhere.