Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tipping culture is BS, but I regularly tip 20% at restaurants and personal care services (hair, nails, etc.)

I’m deeply concerned about the no donating. Unless she’s paying down massive debt, the fact that she has so little altruism for her fellow mankind is troubling.

STFU. Charity begins at home. Maybe she is helping out family, or maybe she believes that everyone should become capable on their own.

Nobody becomes capable on their own. Nobody.

Total green flag for most men. Indicates low maintenance woman who doesn't see a man as a cash register. Very few nice-looking women like this exist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m talking about someone who is a lawyer and makes very good money, but:

* never tips or donates
* almost never eats out, and if she does it’s always the cheapest place or the cheapest thing on the menu
* avoids things like concerts, sporting events, festivals, shows, spas, etc. because she it’s as a waste of money
* doesn’t spend money on entertainment, events, gifts, Ubers, clothes, etc.
* hates paying for convenience (delivery fees, checked bags, valet, subscriptions, etc.)
* travels a few times a year but always very cheaply (budget airlines/basic hotels/red-eyes/points deals)
* researches everything and buys the cheapest/highest-quality version of literally everything from toothpaste to furniture
* can’t fathom spending $200 on a dress or $2000 on coat

Would men see this as financially responsible and disciplined, or as overly cheap/miserly? Especially in dating, does this kind of mindset help or hurt?

I was married to a man like this, and it was hell. Unfortunately I was also a SAHM, so I didn't have my own money.

I wasn't expecting much - an occasional weekend trip, nicer restaurants than Golden Corral a few times a year, family outings once or twice a month. But every time I brought it up, he would go on a rant about how much it costs and say no (even though we could absolutely afford it on his salary).

The day I knew I had to divorce him was when we went to yet another $10-all-you-can-eat-buffet, I ordered myself a $2 soda, and he screamed at me in the parking lot afterwards for ordering that soda because it was a waste of his money.

Would never date/marry someone like that again.

What you are describing isn't even really about money. It's a pathological need to control. I see such a need in the person referenced in the OP as well.

Anonymous wrote:We have close family friends who have probably a 400k+ HHI and we would travel together and they were SO CHEAP that vacationing with them was hard. They never want to eat a proper meal out, they don’t want to do activities that cost money, it’s impossible. They want to make meals at the beach house and I love cooking but I’m on vacation!!! We are pretty frugal but it was too much for me.

We are/were friends with a couple like this. I basically won't hang out with them anymore. For context, the DH of the couple is a professional and they live in a townhome that is paid off, and was paid off years ago.

Some examples of how my patience ended: 1) I felt like spending a day in Georgetown, and another couple who is also friends with this cheap couple was going to come along with DH and I and shop and have a nice lunch together and walk along the canals. We agreed to invite cheap couple. Cheap couple was told about the restaurants we were considering for lunch. Cheap couple became adamant that we should have picnic by the boathouse area instead, with one person bringing "a loaf of bread," another bringing the "mayonaise and mustard" and they would bring the "cold cuts." Because "restaurants are rip offs." I put my foot down on that, and we went to out to lunch, and the DH of the cheap couple sighed over the menu and rolled his eyes and went on about the cost of it. Another example: We had spent NYE with that same other couple, the not cheap couple, several years in a row at a party thrown at a DC hotel. Dinner, band, champagne toast, that kind of thing. And it wasn't terribly expensive, about $200 per person. Well, that couple reached out to ask cheapo couple if they wanted to join us. It turned into a huge thing, with like less than 2 weeks to NYE to go, with cheapo DH insisting we all go to one of the free "First Night" things available in the area (I think the big one he pushed is Alexandria), or at least wanting to "shop around" to find cheaper things to do. When it was getting late in the game to get reservations I asked DH about where we stood and he checked in with non-cheapo couple, and they reported back that they still needed to hear back from cheapo couple "on the pricing." I lost it with that one and I told DH "That's it, we are doing NYE on our own this year, and going out for a really nice dinner just us two like we used to."

Can you be cheap as hell like that cheap couple? Sure. Are you going to be able to maintain social ties? No. For context, in case this wasn't clear, cheapo couple could afford all the damn Georgetown lunches and hotel parties you could ever imagine, it's not a question of being able to afford it or not.

Anonymous wrote:This is extremely controlling. My mother was a money hoarder. That is what this sounds like. You probably want to stay far away from someone like this. It reflects personality problems.

But even before you get to the things listed here that I find to be red flags for extreme and desperate control as well and a tendency to judge -- I wouldn't date someone who never tips and never donates. So it would be a deal breaker for me just on that note.

But what do they say? There is a key for every lock? So I'm sure some of this is a green flag for somebody. Somebody cheap, though, lol.

Ding ding ding

All of this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never tips or donated is a red flag.
You can debate tipping culture but not donating? Yikes.

Not tipping is a green flag.
When you tip, it supports the idea of paying service workers less. You might believe you're helping the workers, but in reality, you're just helping the employers get away with workers exploitation. If everyone decided to stop tipping, the employers would have to start paying a fair wage.

Cheap people always say this. You know who is "taught a lesson" by not tipping? The poor person who had to take a job as a server for tips.

Green flag - if she hot! I don’t care about the spending habits. A hot, low Maint wife!

This is extremely controlling. My mother was a money hoarder. That is what this sounds like. You probably want to stay far away from someone like this. It reflects personality problems.

But even before you get to the things listed here that I find to be red flags for extreme and desperate control as well and a tendency to judge -- I wouldn't date someone who never tips and never donates. So it would be a deal breaker for me just on that note.

But what do they say? There is a key for every lock? So I'm sure some of this is a green flag for somebody. Somebody cheap, though, lol.

Anonymous wrote:I think it indicates trauma and anxiety and is also not fun. And never donating is morally wrong if you have a high income. Do not date.

This. No tipping is also a red flag for an American.

Anonymous wrote:As long as she is not MAGA.
And she is hot, well educated, high earner, frugal, does not suffer wasteful fools gladly and is not materialistic herself… she is prime WIFEY material.

All shades of Green Flag. She is the entire golf course. No no, she is the entire Amazon jungle!!!

These are contradictory. Being hot as a woman means investing heavily into your appearance. Gym memberships, healthy food, cosmetics, hair, clothes, etc all cost money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This person sounds cheap and no fun.

This.
No tipping is horrible, all the rest is just being needlessly cheap. As for the dress being too expensive at $200, what kind of law firm employs her, the ambulance chasers? Most reputable firms want their employees to look presentable, and you can't show up at work in a dress from Walmart.

Who really cares about what you wear as long as it's clean? This isn't a fashion show. If you choose your lawyers based on the designer clothes they have on, then you're a pretty shallow person. I don't mind how people dress as long as they look clean.

Maybe she didn't grow up in the hood where you have to flash your stash constantly for social credit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tipping culture is BS, but I regularly tip 20% at restaurants and personal care services (hair, nails, etc.)

I’m deeply concerned about the no donating. Unless she’s paying down massive debt, the fact that she has so little altruism for her fellow mankind is troubling.

STFU. Charity begins at home. Maybe she is helping out family, or maybe she believes that everyone should become capable on their own.

Donating and helping family are the same thing, you jerk.

And somehow by the last sentence, I doubt you’re aligned with helping anyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m talking about someone who is a lawyer and makes very good money, but:

* never tips or donates
* almost never eats out, and if she does it’s always the cheapest place or the cheapest thing on the menu
* avoids things like concerts, sporting events, festivals, shows, spas, etc. because she it’s as a waste of money
* doesn’t spend money on entertainment, events, gifts, Ubers, clothes, etc.
* hates paying for convenience (delivery fees, checked bags, valet, subscriptions, etc.)
* travels a few times a year but always very cheaply (budget airlines/basic hotels/red-eyes/points deals)
* researches everything and buys the cheapest/highest-quality version of literally everything from toothpaste to furniture
* can’t fathom spending $200 on a dress or $2000 on coat

Would men see this as financially responsible and disciplined, or as overly cheap/miserly? Especially in dating, does this kind of mindset help or hurt?

. Is she generous in bed?

People like this never are. Their extremely rigid and joyless attitudes don't really lend themselves to being fun and uninhibited in bed.

As long as she is not MAGA.
And she is hot, well educated, high earner, frugal, does not suffer wasteful fools gladly and is not materialistic herself… she is prime WIFEY material.

All shades of Green Flag. She is the entire golf course. No no, she is the entire Amazon jungle!!!