Anonymous
Post 05/16/2026 07:08     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
Anonymous wrote:To be clear:

This woman is not forcing OP or her daughter to provide free childcare. She asked for some help, OP said no, that is the end of that. OP is not burdened in any way by this situation, which is the other woman's problem.

OP isn't this woman's employer and we have NO IDEA what her job is. Everyone in this thread is thinking of their own job and saying "oh I could never do that." But this woman likely doesn't have your job. You don't know her situation.

I didn't have FT childcare when my first was a baby specifically because I didn't have FT work. I was doing contract work on a freelance basis, some for my former employer (who I left when I had my baby) and some for other clients. In the first year, I didn't do a ton of work, just a few projects here and there. I mostly was able to work on weekends or when the baby was sleeping, occasionally I'd hire a sitter for an afternoon. At one point I tried out a coworking space with childcare, which sounds like the perfect solution to someone in my situation, but was terrible because my baby cried the entire time we were there and I could hear her from the cowering space. So I never went back there.

There was just a lot of trial and error to figure out what made sense.

What didn't make sense was to put my kid in a FT daycare because there were some weeks where I didn't work at all, and the whole reason I shifted to contract work was to maximize my time at home with my baby. I recall trying for a while to get a part-time spot in a nanny share or daycare but had no luck.

I know for a fact that some acquaintances were weirdly triggered by my work and childcare situation at that time, because a lot of women are deeply bitter about their own work/childcare arrangements. I'm sympathetic to their struggles but reject anyone putting that on me. My life is not a dumping ground for your own resentment about work/life balance. I did what made sense for me, and most of the people who rolled their eyes or said rude things to me didn't understand my specific situation, what my workload was really like, or that I regularly paid for childcare but just not a daycare or nanny like they'd had. They also had no interest in learning, they just wanted to judge.

Which is also what OP is doing. She just wants to judge and feel superior. Her friend isn't making her do anything. OP is just bitter and taking it out on her "friend" instead of figuring out why the situation triggers her so much.


You sound very defensive about your choices, but you are not describing the same thing as OP. You were able to get your work done, and changed things up to a contract position that worked for your situation. Who cares what people who are not in the know think. I am sure there are people who don’t realize I work part time and think I abuse my job flexibility. OP is describing a situation where someone is NOT making it work and NOT fixing it. That is bad for everyone who works hard and performs well in flexible or remote positions. I have a graduate degree, work in my field in a primarily individual contributor role (refusing promotion that would reduce my flexibility), have never missed a deadline, get amazing performance reviews but because of people like OP my entire organization continues to reduce flexibility each year for EVERYONE. We all lost a big chunk of our ability to telework and are expected to alert managers to any changes of our schedule, regardless of whether they want that level of detail or they trust you to get your work done. I am SO fed up with it.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2026 03:44     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
There is a reason people say that it takes a village to raise a child. Women have lost that village and gained 10 hour work day. They aren't able to raise their kids, they need full time helpers to survive. Being SAHM and SAHD doesn't mean people are sitting on their butts all day, they can't hold another full time job on top of it.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2026 03:37     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
You can do it as a friend or volunteer if you want to help occasionally but you don't have to do it every time she asks. Just say that you can't unless its a life or death emergency not a project deadline emergency.

Its tough to work and raise family on a budget. Our society has trapped women into doing it all under the guise of having it all.
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2026 12:58     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
Anonymous wrote:It's because people did it during COVID and now they don't want to pay for childcare like the rest of us did pre-COVID. Yes, childcare is expensive, but this is something you should have thought about/figured out BEFORE having kids. Get a nanny already...


This
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2026 12:32     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m an ES teacher. Very common (since Covid) to see checked out parents on work calls picking up kids from school. It’s sad.


The horror of women working for money to support their families. Disgusting s/


Get childcare ya cheapskate. And usually it’s the checked out dads who barely even make eye contact with the kids. And the mom has chosen this douche to watch her kids!


You are physically incapable of not hating women


You say that as though it were a bad thing. Don't worry, there are plenty of men and pick me women to make up for those who support other women.
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2026 12:17     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
Anonymous wrote:It's because people did it during COVID and now they don't want to pay for childcare like the rest of us did pre-COVID. Yes, childcare is expensive, but this is something you should have thought about/figured out BEFORE having kids. Get a nanny already...


And those are the whiny screen-addicted kids who can’t function at school or get anything done. Great job parents!
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2026 12:08     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I had to deal with this as a manager and it was the pits. Unavailable for hours at a time during the workday and a screaming baby on every call. Employee was overly candid, "sorry if you hear grunting, I'm breastfeeding and he is a noisy eater" "oh, I have to drop, baby just puked!" Etc so there wasn't even a veneer of this working out well and I had to have many conversations with HR. Unfortunately there was no requirement to have childcare per se, but a lot on remote working expectations that could be enforced so went down that path with some significant resistance. In the case of this woman her justification was that she was "too cheap" to get childcare and I basically had to spell it out for her that that was a drop in the bucket compared to losing her 200k/year remote job that was now at risk if she couldn't get it together. So, at least some people are just clueless. Nobody was more pissed off by it than fellow moms of young kids, myself included.


Be careful with the breastfeeding. There is a legal right to breastfeeding breaks.


Oh, we know lol. Spent way too much time discussing the nitty gritty of how to handle delicately and legally. This specific case was a little unique in that mom had a 7 month maternity leave, 2 month ramp up at part time, and was given a lot of leeway for the first few months back so the baby in question was over a year old when the lack of childcare really became an issue.


You should have found a valid reason to fire this cretin.


Relocation and 5 day RTO or out. It was frustrating because had it been handled better she could have kept a good thing going with an in home nanny like 99% of the rest of moms in similar positions.


Most people cannot afford nanny's.


People making over 200k+ can and do.


I reallly think people with jobs are not aware of how low current new job salaries are in this area. My husband works as X, the same type of job from the same type of employer (private) with similar job duties pays the same or more in DC as in an urban area in KS or Chicago or Minnesota. Adding that hybrid is posted for the non-DC jobs but not the DC jobs.
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2026 12:04     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I had to deal with this as a manager and it was the pits. Unavailable for hours at a time during the workday and a screaming baby on every call. Employee was overly candid, "sorry if you hear grunting, I'm breastfeeding and he is a noisy eater" "oh, I have to drop, baby just puked!" Etc so there wasn't even a veneer of this working out well and I had to have many conversations with HR. Unfortunately there was no requirement to have childcare per se, but a lot on remote working expectations that could be enforced so went down that path with some significant resistance. In the case of this woman her justification was that she was "too cheap" to get childcare and I basically had to spell it out for her that that was a drop in the bucket compared to losing her 200k/year remote job that was now at risk if she couldn't get it together. So, at least some people are just clueless. Nobody was more pissed off by it than fellow moms of young kids, myself included.


Be careful with the breastfeeding. There is a legal right to breastfeeding breaks.


Oh, we know lol. Spent way too much time discussing the nitty gritty of how to handle delicately and legally. This specific case was a little unique in that mom had a 7 month maternity leave, 2 month ramp up at part time, and was given a lot of leeway for the first few months back so the baby in question was over a year old when the lack of childcare really became an issue.


You should have found a valid reason to fire this cretin.


Relocation and 5 day RTO or out. It was frustrating because had it been handled better she could have kept a good thing going with an in home nanny like 99% of the rest of moms in similar positions.


Most people cannot afford nanny's.


People making over 200k+ can and do.
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2026 11:55     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
It's because people did it during COVID and now they don't want to pay for childcare like the rest of us did pre-COVID. Yes, childcare is expensive, but this is something you should have thought about/figured out BEFORE having kids. Get a nanny already...
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2026 11:43     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m an ES teacher. Very common (since Covid) to see checked out parents on work calls picking up kids from school. It’s sad.


The horror of women working for money to support their families. Disgusting s/


Get childcare ya cheapskate. And usually it’s the checked out dads who barely even make eye contact with the kids. And the mom has chosen this douche to watch her kids!


You are physically incapable of not hating women
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2026 21:30     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m an ES teacher. Very common (since Covid) to see checked out parents on work calls picking up kids from school. It’s sad.


The horror of women working for money to support their families. Disgusting s/


Get childcare ya cheapskate. And usually it’s the checked out dads who barely even make eye contact with the kids. And the mom has chosen this douche to watch her kids!
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2026 21:25     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My workplace is very clear that having childcare (or dependent eldercare) is a condition of teleworking.

"Oh okay, I've heard good things about X daycare". Whether you want to bail out your friend is your choice (you can say no and I would in that situation) but definitely don't have your daughter do it unless she 100% wants to and she's getting paid to babysit.

It’s definitely a “omg I can’t believe the baby is a live thing that needs me” type of situation, and she can’t believe it’s 2pm and she hasn’t gotten any work done and when teen is home from school can you or she come snuggle the baby so I can finish my work? I’m frazzled!” And no, no money. That’s what friendship is all about, right?


You are being a huge b. Sorry, you need to know this.

If she asks for help with the baby, say no. End of conversation. You can't help. If you or your daughter wants to do it for money, say "I'm available but my rate is XYZ."

All the other judgment is about you and your own BS. Calling this woman your "friend" and then talking about her like you despise her is disingenuous. She may or may not be being ridiculous,I'd have to know her actual situation to say. But you are being an ahole.


Well. I guess we found a working mama who doesn't pay for childcare, LOL!
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2026 21:24     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
Entitlement. It's like they either forgot about childcare or they think they are entitled to keep their children at home because OMG childcare (like housing) is just far too expensive. People in that age range really need to get over this. You are not owed lower prices just because you can't afford things. Do a better job of budgeting. We had 2 in daycare at the same time at over $5000/months while making a total of $120K/year. Did it suck? Absolutely. Did we save any money? Nope. Did we have to delay buying a house until our kids were in elementary school? Yup. But people nowadays don't think they should have to make any sacrifices. They think that everything should just be perfect immediately.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2026 21:09     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
Anonymous wrote:I’m an ES teacher. Very common (since Covid) to see checked out parents on work calls picking up kids from school. It’s sad.


The horror of women working for money to support their families. Disgusting s/
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2026 21:07     Subject: WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?
I’m an ES teacher. Very common (since Covid) to see checked out parents on work calls picking up kids from school. It’s sad.