Anonymous wrote:How often do you think this happens?

I caught up with a grad school friend I hadn't seen or spoken to in 4 years. Married, 52, three daughters 12, 14, 17, lawyer. Husband is a lawyer too. No abuse, cheating , drugs or excessive alcohol according to her. Just a ho hum, one foot in front of the other marriage.

Husband came home from work one day last February and said:

"I'm done. I'm in love with a colleague (17 years younger) and I want a drama and trauma free divorce. Please don't make this messy for the girls. Please lets just end this. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen but I don't love you anymore."

It actually made me tear up typing this out because it's just so.... sad. She is a great person- so kind, funny, pretty and now she is.... in deep, deep depression.

Anonymous wrote:As a successful lawyer who divorced a high earning IT guy, there will be no great financial settlement for her. The divorce laws reward wives without successful careers. You have to have several years of not earning enough to support yourself for a court to even consider alimony. In general, if you earn enough to support yourself there is no alimony. You will split half the assets, so if he contributed more financially to those assets because he was making shitloads of money (more than you), you'll get half of a bigger pie than you would have if he'd just had a normal high salary like you. Hell, if she earns more than him, he'll be the one to walk away with a financial windfall. It only works well for the wife if she is a low earner.

Anonymous wrote:Give that man a break.
He fell in love with a colleague. He doesn’t love his wife anymore.
You don’t control who you fall in love with. What should he do? Ignore his feelings and live a miserable life with someone he no longer loves?
He made the right decision for both of them. I bet that she doesn’t love him either.

Anonymous wrote:Give that man a break.
He fell in love with a colleague. He doesn’t love his wife anymore.
You don’t control who you fall in love with. What should he do? Ignore his feelings and live a miserable life with someone he no longer loves?
He made the right decision for both of them. I bet that she doesn’t love him either.

Anonymous wrote:Give that man a break.
He fell in love with a colleague. He doesn’t love his wife anymore.
You don’t control who you fall in love with. What should he do? Ignore his feelings and live a miserable life with someone he no longer loves?
He made the right decision for both of them. I bet that she doesn’t love him either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often do you think this happens?

I caught up with a grad school friend I hadn't seen or spoken to in 4 years. Married, 52, three daughters 12, 14, 17, lawyer. Husband is a lawyer too. No abuse, cheating , drugs or excessive alcohol according to her. Just a ho hum, one foot in front of the other marriage.

Husband came home from work one day last February and said:

"I'm done. I'm in love with a colleague (17 years younger) and I want a drama and trauma free divorce. Please don't make this messy for the girls. Please lets just end this. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen but I don't love you anymore."

It actually made me tear up typing this out because it's just so.... sad. She is a great person- so kind, funny, pretty and now she is.... in deep, deep depression.

I mean, that doesn't sound like a great marriage to me. Clearly there were cracks.

I know someone whose husband did the same thing but after the initial shock wore off I realized I wasn't actually that surprised - their marriage wasn't that great.

I'm sorry for your friend, that sounds awful, but if I had to list the people I'd expect something like this to happen to, it's all the ones where their marriages aren't very strong. Now, if it happened to some of my friends I would be jaw-on-the-floor shocked. But others? Sad, of course, but not all that surprised.

I think only a minority of people have GREAT marriages. Do you disagree PP?

DP. I made this observation to my friend recently. I think our current exposure to so much information is making people increasingly unsatisfied with marriages that would have been fine in any other point in human history.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The marriage was at best on cruise control. Two big careers, three daughters and he may have felt like the odd man out. Daily he’s with a late 30s woman likely smart and attractive and he begins to see a happier path. Did your friend put all of her attention on her job and daughters?

Why are you so quick to blame the wife?

Either you are a man, or a wife who finds the truth too threatening to contemplate.

Anonymous wrote:My two nicest and most competent girlfriends ended up divorced somewhat like this. But with younger kids.

Guys involved were pleasant but selfish. One of them started acting out after his father died.

One got his AP pregnant by accident (she was married with kids). So two marriages broken up. The other just got tired of being responsible for daily life.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with some of what people are saying here but I think they are mostly missing the main point of the request by the husband, which is that he wants to avoid lots of conflict that would harm the children. That request makes sense to me if he is willing and able to negotiate a fair resolution.

Some people who are wronged by their spouses actually WANT conflict. They WANT the kids to hate the cheater. I don't think that's good for anyone.