Anonymous
05/08/2026 10:38
Subject: Re:Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Anonymous wrote:I just dont care that much about work. I do a good job (and sometimes a great job) but I dont need validation from my employer or to feel happy/fulfilled by my job. IF I wanted a high-paying or intense career then I would have not married or had children. Its not about my husband or his career. I dont have the bandwidth to do both. I would be totally fine with working Trader Joe's stock or checkout line if it paid enough for the lifestyle we have.
I had a delay with finishing college and by my later mid-20s when I completed my undergrad it was try for the MD/PhD route or not. I knew if I started that path then there wouldnt be time/energy for anything else- mostly because of my own shortcomings in energy levels and sleep needs. I also didnt want to have kids and then outsource all of their childrearing and I dont have involved parents so it wasnt going to be family looking after them.
Regardless of my husband's career, if we divorced, I would have the same career. I might pick up another low-key job PT, but the rat race is not for me. Sometimes its just not that deep. I want to be a present parent and wife and a more intense career would make it very difficult (for me, personally) to manage since I have some hyperfocus issues. I would resent the constant feeling of never being able to mindfully be where I am.
Amazing how many women don't take financial responsibility for themselves and their children.
Anonymous
05/08/2026 10:37
Subject: Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?
Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.
whaaaaaaa? Voice from 1955.
Name a society in history where men cared for the home and children, and women went out and procured the food and resources.
Aka Pygmies are one example I can think of off the top of my head.
If that's the best you can do, I think you're coming up short.
You’re moving the goalposts. You said to name a single society in all of human history. Done.
But I’ll name a few more.
!Kung
Hadza
Trobriand Islanders
Khasi
Mosuo
Perhaps it is societal conditioning, but it’s societal conditioning that has successfully built on top of existing human nature. Do you want to live in the society the !Kung or Trobriand Islanders built? Feel free to pack your bags and move to Papua New Guinea and live your best life. Find a man to take care of your home and children there. Let us know how that goes.
Being a lesbian in the U.S. has worked fine for me. Oh, wait, are there western subcultures that aren’t interested in and don’t need male providers? Gasp.
This. I’m a single mom and provide for my kids just fine.
Overall I’ve found that men are more extremely demanding of women’s time and attention. I always assumed working and raising kids full time was difficult, because I could barely manage either while I was married. But once I was single, I was surprised how easy it is to balance it all.
Anonymous
05/08/2026 10:18
Subject: Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?
Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.
whaaaaaaa? Voice from 1955.
Name a society in history where men cared for the home and children, and women went out and procured the food and resources.
Aka Pygmies are one example I can think of off the top of my head.
If that's the best you can do, I think you're coming up short.
You’re moving the goalposts. You said to name a single society in all of human history. Done.
But I’ll name a few more.
!Kung
Hadza
Trobriand Islanders
Khasi
Mosuo
Perhaps it is societal conditioning, but it’s societal conditioning that has successfully built on top of existing human nature. Do you want to live in the society the !Kung or Trobriand Islanders built? Feel free to pack your bags and move to Papua New Guinea and live your best life. Find a man to take care of your home and children there. Let us know how that goes.
Being a lesbian in the U.S. has worked fine for me. Oh, wait, are there western subcultures that aren’t interested in and don’t need male providers? Gasp.
Anonymous
05/08/2026 10:17
Subject: Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?
Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.
whaaaaaaa? Voice from 1955.
Name a society in history where men cared for the home and children, and women went out and procured the food and resources.
Aka Pygmies are one example I can think of off the top of my head.
If that's the best you can do, I think you're coming up short.
You’re moving the goalposts. You said to name a single society in all of human history. Done.
But I’ll name a few more.
!Kung
Hadza
Trobriand Islanders
Khasi
Mosuo
Perhaps it is societal conditioning, but it’s societal conditioning that has successfully built on top of existing human nature. Do you want to live in the society the !Kung or Trobriand Islanders built? Feel free to pack your bags and move to Papua New Guinea and live your best life. Find a man to take care of your home and children there. Let us know how that goes.
This is a false dichotomy, saying that the only options are 1. Men’s careers should be prioritized or 2. Go move to Papua New Guinea.
The reasonable conclusion is that women’s careers should be taken seriously, and men should contribute equally at home.
So strange to me that men lack imagination and are so rigid in their thinking. With a little creativity, you can find solutions that make everyone happy!
I didn’t say those were the only options! I’m saying most women constitutionally get the ick from men who don’t work as hard as they do, or who try to take the lead on childcare instead of her. Rare outliers exist but you guys are railing against reality for most people.
Do cite a source for this one.
Anonymous
05/08/2026 10:16
Subject: Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Anonymous wrote:Women do periods, pregnancies, labor, breastfeeding, birth control, menopause. If they are also earning her money, least a man can do in addition to earning his money is to be an equal partner in parenting and household.
If he can't then he needs to increase his earning potential to provide hired help.
Not all women give birth.
Anonymous
05/08/2026 10:15
Subject: Re:Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Anonymous wrote:I just dont care that much about work. I do a good job (and sometimes a great job) but I dont need validation from my employer or to feel happy/fulfilled by my job. IF I wanted a high-paying or intense career then I would have not married or had children. Its not about my husband or his career. I dont have the bandwidth to do both. I would be totally fine with working Trader Joe's stock or checkout line if it paid enough for the lifestyle we have.
I had a delay with finishing college and by my later mid-20s when I completed my undergrad it was try for the MD/PhD route or not. I knew if I started that path then there wouldnt be time/energy for anything else- mostly because of my own shortcomings in energy levels and sleep needs. I also didnt want to have kids and then outsource all of their childrearing and I dont have involved parents so it wasnt going to be family looking after them.
Regardless of my husband's career, if we divorced, I would have the same career. I might pick up another low-key job PT, but the rat race is not for me. Sometimes its just not that deep. I want to be a present parent and wife and a more intense career would make it very difficult (for me, personally) to manage since I have some hyperfocus issues. I would resent the constant feeling of never being able to mindfully be where I am.
Ok? Lots of men also don’t care about work and lots of women care a lot about work. Your personal experience isn’t universal.
Anonymous
05/08/2026 10:15
Subject: Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Anonymous wrote:Reality is that a big chunk of women don’t play the long game on careers. The issue is entrenched long before kids happen. Having kids just highlights the issue, because by late twenties early thirties, it’s the exact time when you need to switch from the easy job hopping of your early career vs double down on a real career. A lot of women aren’t into that idea, and stepping back is a convenience for them at just the right time.
Many of these women will cite their fancy college degree and five years of work experience for the rest of their life as proof of all their sacrificed. Because that’s a better look than the reality that they were never really on a track to much of substance.
FWIW this is not me or any of my best friends in life, who all have full careers in our fifties. But we all met in college and clearly gravitated to a certain kind of woman. There are enough women who -don’t- sacrifice their careers that it’s clearly not required and it is clearly a choice for the vast majority of women who do so sacrifice. But they don’t want to admit they took the path of less work because they wanted to.
I didn’t have a choice as a woman. My exH was 11 years older and requested I choose a less demanding job because he traveled. I personally think it’s best for women when they don’t sacrifice their career. Husbands would be more involved in raising their kids and more bonded with their children reducing the risk of divorce.
But the crucial career years late 20-early 30s usually is when women are expected to birth children. And given the corporate environment these two things are incompatible.
Btw if your wives were truly successful in their careers they would be already retired by mid 50s
Anonymous
05/08/2026 10:14
Subject: Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Anonymous wrote:Reality is that a big chunk of women don’t play the long game on careers. The issue is entrenched long before kids happen. Having kids just highlights the issue, because by late twenties early thirties, it’s the exact time when you need to switch from the easy job hopping of your early career vs double down on a real career. A lot of women aren’t into that idea, and stepping back is a convenience for them at just the right time.
Many of these women will cite their fancy college degree and five years of work experience for the rest of their life as proof of all their sacrificed. Because that’s a better look than the reality that they were never really on a track to much of substance.
FWIW this is not me or any of my best friends in life, who all have full careers in our fifties. But we all met in college and clearly gravitated to a certain kind of woman. There are enough women who -don’t- sacrifice their careers that it’s clearly not required and it is clearly a choice for the vast majority of women who do so sacrifice. But they don’t want to admit they took the path of less work because they wanted to.
Want to cite any empirical evidence? The wage gap is only 8-10% pre-marriage.
Anonymous
05/08/2026 10:06
Subject: Re:Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
I just dont care that much about work. I do a good job (and sometimes a great job) but I dont need validation from my employer or to feel happy/fulfilled by my job. IF I wanted a high-paying or intense career then I would have not married or had children. Its not about my husband or his career. I dont have the bandwidth to do both. I would be totally fine with working Trader Joe's stock or checkout line if it paid enough for the lifestyle we have.
I had a delay with finishing college and by my later mid-20s when I completed my undergrad it was try for the MD/PhD route or not. I knew if I started that path then there wouldnt be time/energy for anything else- mostly because of my own shortcomings in energy levels and sleep needs. I also didnt want to have kids and then outsource all of their childrearing and I dont have involved parents so it wasnt going to be family looking after them.
Regardless of my husband's career, if we divorced, I would have the same career. I might pick up another low-key job PT, but the rat race is not for me. Sometimes its just not that deep. I want to be a present parent and wife and a more intense career would make it very difficult (for me, personally) to manage since I have some hyperfocus issues. I would resent the constant feeling of never being able to mindfully be where I am.
I had a delay with finishing college and by my later mid-20s when I completed my undergrad it was try for the MD/PhD route or not. I knew if I started that path then there wouldnt be time/energy for anything else- mostly because of my own shortcomings in energy levels and sleep needs. I also didnt want to have kids and then outsource all of their childrearing and I dont have involved parents so it wasnt going to be family looking after them.
Regardless of my husband's career, if we divorced, I would have the same career. I might pick up another low-key job PT, but the rat race is not for me. Sometimes its just not that deep. I want to be a present parent and wife and a more intense career would make it very difficult (for me, personally) to manage since I have some hyperfocus issues. I would resent the constant feeling of never being able to mindfully be where I am.
Anonymous
05/08/2026 09:52
Subject: Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Women do periods, pregnancies, labor, breastfeeding, birth control, menopause. If they are also earning her money, least a man can do in addition to earning his money is to be an equal partner in parenting and household.
If he can't then he needs to increase his earning potential to provide hired help.
If he can't then he needs to increase his earning potential to provide hired help.
Anonymous
05/08/2026 08:48
Subject: Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?
Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.
whaaaaaaa? Voice from 1955.
Name a society in history where men cared for the home and children, and women went out and procured the food and resources.
Aka Pygmies are one example I can think of off the top of my head.
If that's the best you can do, I think you're coming up short.
Droll
Anonymous
05/08/2026 08:43
Subject: Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Reality is that a big chunk of women don’t play the long game on careers. The issue is entrenched long before kids happen. Having kids just highlights the issue, because by late twenties early thirties, it’s the exact time when you need to switch from the easy job hopping of your early career vs double down on a real career. A lot of women aren’t into that idea, and stepping back is a convenience for them at just the right time.
Many of these women will cite their fancy college degree and five years of work experience for the rest of their life as proof of all their sacrificed. Because that’s a better look than the reality that they were never really on a track to much of substance.
FWIW this is not me or any of my best friends in life, who all have full careers in our fifties. But we all met in college and clearly gravitated to a certain kind of woman. There are enough women who -don’t- sacrifice their careers that it’s clearly not required and it is clearly a choice for the vast majority of women who do so sacrifice. But they don’t want to admit they took the path of less work because they wanted to.
Many of these women will cite their fancy college degree and five years of work experience for the rest of their life as proof of all their sacrificed. Because that’s a better look than the reality that they were never really on a track to much of substance.
FWIW this is not me or any of my best friends in life, who all have full careers in our fifties. But we all met in college and clearly gravitated to a certain kind of woman. There are enough women who -don’t- sacrifice their careers that it’s clearly not required and it is clearly a choice for the vast majority of women who do so sacrifice. But they don’t want to admit they took the path of less work because they wanted to.
Anonymous
05/08/2026 06:51
Subject: Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?
Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.
whaaaaaaa? Voice from 1955.
Name a society in history where men cared for the home and children, and women went out and procured the food and resources.
Aka Pygmies are one example I can think of off the top of my head.
If that's the best you can do, I think you're coming up short.
You’re moving the goalposts. You said to name a single society in all of human history. Done.
But I’ll name a few more.
!Kung
Hadza
Trobriand Islanders
Khasi
Mosuo
Perhaps it is societal conditioning, but it’s societal conditioning that has successfully built on top of existing human nature. Do you want to live in the society the !Kung or Trobriand Islanders built? Feel free to pack your bags and move to Papua New Guinea and live your best life. Find a man to take care of your home and children there. Let us know how that goes.
This is a false dichotomy, saying that the only options are 1. Men’s careers should be prioritized or 2. Go move to Papua New Guinea.
The reasonable conclusion is that women’s careers should be taken seriously, and men should contribute equally at home.
So strange to me that men lack imagination and are so rigid in their thinking. With a little creativity, you can find solutions that make everyone happy!
I didn’t say those were the only options! I’m saying most women constitutionally get the ick from men who don’t work as hard as they do, or who try to take the lead on childcare instead of her. Rare outliers exist but you guys are railing against reality for most people.
Anonymous
05/08/2026 06:45
Subject: Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?
Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.
whaaaaaaa? Voice from 1955.
Name a society in history where men cared for the home and children, and women went out and procured the food and resources.
Aka Pygmies are one example I can think of off the top of my head.
If that's the best you can do, I think you're coming up short.
You’re moving the goalposts. You said to name a single society in all of human history. Done.
But I’ll name a few more.
!Kung
Hadza
Trobriand Islanders
Khasi
Mosuo
Perhaps it is societal conditioning, but it’s societal conditioning that has successfully built on top of existing human nature. Do you want to live in the society the !Kung or Trobriand Islanders built? Feel free to pack your bags and move to Papua New Guinea and live your best life. Find a man to take care of your home and children there. Let us know how that goes.
This is a false dichotomy, saying that the only options are 1. Men’s careers should be prioritized or 2. Go move to Papua New Guinea.
The reasonable conclusion is that women’s careers should be taken seriously, and men should contribute equally at home.
So strange to me that men lack imagination and are so rigid in their thinking. With a little creativity, you can find solutions that make everyone happy!
Anonymous
05/08/2026 06:33
Subject: Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?
Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.
whaaaaaaa? Voice from 1955.
Name a society in history where men cared for the home and children, and women went out and procured the food and resources.
Aka Pygmies are one example I can think of off the top of my head.
If that's the best you can do, I think you're coming up short.
You’re moving the goalposts. You said to name a single society in all of human history. Done.
But I’ll name a few more.
!Kung
Hadza
Trobriand Islanders
Khasi
Mosuo
Perhaps it is societal conditioning, but it’s societal conditioning that has successfully built on top of existing human nature. Do you want to live in the society the !Kung or Trobriand Islanders built? Feel free to pack your bags and move to Papua New Guinea and live your best life. Find a man to take care of your home and children there. Let us know how that goes.