Anonymous wrote:It depends on how comfortable you are. If you have plenty of money, I’d gift each child a certain amount and the child who needs a car can use the money for that. I would not buy one kid a car without doing something equivalent financially for the other kids.

+1. If OP is in a position to do this, this is a great idea and kind of solves the problem about the car. The IRS allows a gift of up to $19,000 to any individual with no gift tax. If OP is looking to share their wealth with their children during the OP's lifetime, then this is a nice way to do it (give each child an equal amount each year). Each of the 3 kids can decide how to spend the money (whether on a car or otherwise).

I am age 57 and my parents have been doing this each year for my brother and me (and each of our spouses) since 2000. We plan to pass it on and do it for our own kids in the future, and we hope that they will do it for their own kids too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they living within their means? Or can they not afford it because they eat out all the time, spend a ton of money on the best haircuts and clothes, drink a ton of alcohol. Do they know how to be frugal?

That would change my answer.

+1

Those darned youngsters and their avocado toast ways! If they are eating avocados don't you dare help them with a car!

I’m the pp and I’m laughing at the avocado toast, but you and I know it’s not just a brunch here and there. It’s a $7 coffee every day, it’s door dash 5 times a week, it’s having an expensive phone + max plan and 5 different streaming subscriptions…it’s all the things that add up. When I was first out of college I ate rice a roni and I didn’t go out like my peers did. I had plenty of fun, but I was frugal until I could afford not to be. People need to be okay with not getting what they want when they want it in order to live within their means.

I am curious about OP’s kid and how OP feels about their budgeting.

Omg, no it’s not. You are literally avocado toasting.

It’s the $4k rent that goes up 10% a year. Auto insurance is out of control. If they have kids, daycare is basically legal extortion.

Rice a roni? How old are you exactly?

People go out because of financial nihilism — they have tried living frugal but realizing it’s a losing proposition, costs go up faster than you can save.

No young adult should be paying $4000 in rent. You share an apartment or live in the suburbs to save. Etc. They really didn't try living frugally.

Anonymous wrote:What if you bought them a car when they learned driving but after 10 years but it stopped working and needs to be replaced as repairs would be too costly.

They finished college and grad school, which you paid for, they have a decent government job but live in HCOL area and can't afford to buy a new car. Would you help them buy a new car? You also paid half of their rent for first two years but they are fully independent now.

You are UMC, have job, home and 401k and savings but about to retire in a couple of years and spouse was low pay and part time with gaps so mostly dependent. Two other kids got done with education couple of years ago and working full time at entry level corporate jobs but in LCOL areas so have some savings.

They aren't asking for help but you don't want them to buy an older car within their financial range due to their daily commute. Would it be wise to pay full or partial payment of a new or newer car?

If I could afford to, with no disruption to my life, I would - you can't take it with you, might as well help them out now

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"you don't want them to buy an older car within their financial range"

This is wild.

+1. It's not like the old days where a car would break down and you would have to walk somewhere to a pay phone or accept rides from strangers.
Everyone carries a cell phone, you call a friend, get an Uber, or call your emergency road service.

Yes that is true. However, our kid had the car they learned to drive on--it became their car after college graduation. It was 14 years old Honda. 2 years later, it had a few issues, nothing major but issues that cost and require you to drop car off and find a way to work. This kid works a job where "working from home" is not really allowed. They get a limited number of days to use for that per year and didn't want to need to use those for "car breaking down/car repairs". And if the car doesn't start some morning, they could uber to work, but they'd still have same problem next day until they take half a day off to deal with the car issue.
So we helped them buy a new car. But we can afford to help. If they had a job where they could "work from home/car repair shop" without issues, they likely wouldn't have gotten a new car at that point.

Anonymous wrote:I like the suggestion of giving them your car, assuming yours is reliable, and buying yourself a new/slightly used car.

That said, it might also depend on how much you have in assets, since DCUM ideas of wealth and stability seem to vary wildly, and whether your other children will feel jealous that you aren’t giving them a similar amount in assets.

Yes, your assets definately matter. And yes, what you provide for one should also be provided for another (or at least make it fair---someone living in NYC after college wont want/need a car, another sibling might need a car).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they living within their means? Or can they not afford it because they eat out all the time, spend a ton of money on the best haircuts and clothes, drink a ton of alcohol. Do they know how to be frugal?

That would change my answer.

+1

Those darned youngsters and their avocado toast ways! If they are eating avocados don't you dare help them with a car!

I’m the pp and I’m laughing at the avocado toast, but you and I know it’s not just a brunch here and there. It’s a $7 coffee every day, it’s door dash 5 times a week, it’s having an expensive phone + max plan and 5 different streaming subscriptions…it’s all the things that add up. When I was first out of college I ate rice a roni and I didn’t go out like my peers did. I had plenty of fun, but I was frugal until I could afford not to be. People need to be okay with not getting what they want when they want it in order to live within their means.

I am curious about OP’s kid and how OP feels about their budgeting.

Omg, no it’s not. You are literally avocado toasting.

It’s the $4k rent that goes up 10% a year. Auto insurance is out of control. If they have kids, daycare is basically legal extortion.

Rice a roni? How old are you exactly?

People go out because of financial nihilism — they have tried living frugal but realizing it’s a losing proposition, costs go up faster than you can save.

Please. None of them have actually tried living frugally. They’ve been raised to expect Starbucks runs, restaurant food all the time, Amazon anything they want and need overnight, and multiple nice vacations a year as a right and not a privilege. $7 Starbucks/day is $2500 a year. And yes you think “oh that’s not that much” but that’s just one beverage. Think of everything else they spend money on that’s “just” x per month or y per year—can you not see that you can save real money that can then be invested?

At work, many colleagues come in every day with a venti Starbucks and get takeout for lunch. They can choose how they spend their money, but don’t pretend that wouldn’t add up to real money over the long run. I’m not saying go without absolutely everything, but normalize making your own coffee most days and packing your own lunch. Meeting people for a walk instead of brunch…it’s really okay to not have everything you want when you want it. Immediate gratification isn’t the secret to happiness.

Speak for your own kids. Mine are teens nd only been on a few simple vacations, maybe been to Starbucks 4-5 times and only eat out or carry out with us except a rare occasion. Look at your parenting and examples.

DP:

We can afford it. We still didn't let our kids spend on whatever they wanted. But when you live in an UMC+ community, they will see kids who get Starbucks daily (multiple times), who think nothing of doordashing lunch at HS or Doordashing a coffee (so $7 for the coffee, $5 for delivery and tip), etc.
My kid knew they were not spending $600 on a prom dress or homecoming outfit and that we were not renting a limo for prom (if they wanted that, they could use their own money)

But I can afford to spend on dining out, coffee out, and whatever else I want at this point. What I get is not the same as my teen and college kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they living within their means? Or can they not afford it because they eat out all the time, spend a ton of money on the best haircuts and clothes, drink a ton of alcohol. Do they know how to be frugal?

That would change my answer.

+1

Those darned youngsters and their avocado toast ways! If they are eating avocados don't you dare help them with a car!

I’m the pp and I’m laughing at the avocado toast, but you and I know it’s not just a brunch here and there. It’s a $7 coffee every day, it’s door dash 5 times a week, it’s having an expensive phone + max plan and 5 different streaming subscriptions…it’s all the things that add up. When I was first out of college I ate rice a roni and I didn’t go out like my peers did. I had plenty of fun, but I was frugal until I could afford not to be. People need to be okay with not getting what they want when they want it in order to live within their means.

I am curious about OP’s kid and how OP feels about their budgeting.

Omg, no it’s not. You are literally avocado toasting.

It’s the $4k rent that goes up 10% a year. Auto insurance is out of control. If they have kids, daycare is basically legal extortion.

Rice a roni? How old are you exactly?

People go out because of financial nihilism — they have tried living frugal but realizing it’s a losing proposition, costs go up faster than you can save.

Please. None of them have actually tried living frugally. They’ve been raised to expect Starbucks runs, restaurant food all the time, Amazon anything they want and need overnight, and multiple nice vacations a year as a right and not a privilege. $7 Starbucks/day is $2500 a year. And yes you think “oh that’s not that much” but that’s just one beverage. Think of everything else they spend money on that’s “just” x per month or y per year—can you not see that you can save real money that can then be invested?

At work, many colleagues come in every day with a venti Starbucks and get takeout for lunch. They can choose how they spend their money, but don’t pretend that wouldn’t add up to real money over the long run. I’m not saying go without absolutely everything, but normalize making your own coffee most days and packing your own lunch. Meeting people for a walk instead of brunch…it’s really okay to not have everything you want when you want it. Immediate gratification isn’t the secret to happiness.

+1000

My spouse was a CEO for 15+ years. And took their lunch to work 95% of the time when in the office. Unless there was a client meeting or meeting with lunch provided, they packed their own. It's healthier, tastier, and definately saves $$$. Same with coffee and snacks. Sure we could have afforded it all, but why waste money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they living within their means? Or can they not afford it because they eat out all the time, spend a ton of money on the best haircuts and clothes, drink a ton of alcohol. Do they know how to be frugal?

That would change my answer.

+1

Those darned youngsters and their avocado toast ways! If they are eating avocados don't you dare help them with a car!

I’m the pp and I’m laughing at the avocado toast, but you and I know it’s not just a brunch here and there. It’s a $7 coffee every day, it’s door dash 5 times a week, it’s having an expensive phone + max plan and 5 different streaming subscriptions…it’s all the things that add up. When I was first out of college I ate rice a roni and I didn’t go out like my peers did. I had plenty of fun, but I was frugal until I could afford not to be. People need to be okay with not getting what they want when they want it in order to live within their means.

I am curious about OP’s kid and how OP feels about their budgeting.

Omg, no it’s not. You are literally avocado toasting.

It’s the $4k rent that goes up 10% a year. Auto insurance is out of control. If they have kids, daycare is basically legal extortion.

Rice a roni? How old are you exactly?

People go out because of financial nihilism — they have tried living frugal but realizing it’s a losing proposition, costs go up faster than you can save.

NP-Rent for a young person is not 4k even now...And op's child has no kids. Yes, it is a lot harder for couples looking to buy to buy, and childcare is a lot. But a young person starting out in life and with a stable, good job should be able to handle their own expenses and be fine.

And if you cannot afford your rent and are not aware of the costs of daycare before having kids, why are you choosing to have a kid at this time? Because the fastest way to ensure you don't get on your feet financially is to have a kid before you can afford the basics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they living within their means? Or can they not afford it because they eat out all the time, spend a ton of money on the best haircuts and clothes, drink a ton of alcohol. Do they know how to be frugal?

That would change my answer.

+1

Those darned youngsters and their avocado toast ways! If they are eating avocados don't you dare help them with a car!

I’m the pp and I’m laughing at the avocado toast, but you and I know it’s not just a brunch here and there. It’s a $7 coffee every day, it’s door dash 5 times a week, it’s having an expensive phone + max plan and 5 different streaming subscriptions…it’s all the things that add up. When I was first out of college I ate rice a roni and I didn’t go out like my peers did. I had plenty of fun, but I was frugal until I could afford not to be. People need to be okay with not getting what they want when they want it in order to live within their means.

I am curious about OP’s kid and how OP feels about their budgeting.

Omg, no it’s not. You are literally avocado toasting.

It’s the $4k rent that goes up 10% a year. Auto insurance is out of control. If they have kids, daycare is basically legal extortion.

Rice a roni? How old are you exactly?

People go out because of financial nihilism — they have tried living frugal but realizing it’s a losing proposition, costs go up faster than you can save.

So because they currently cannot afford their rent, they will just go spend/waste $1000+ monthly on things to make them "feel better"?

First, if you are paying $4K in rent, and do not have the income to support that, the solution is NOT to just continue paying that and stick your head in the sand. A better solution might be to find a cheaper place to rent---it can be done with roommates, a longer commute, a place that isn't as nice, etc. But until you find a way to increase income, you cannot simply spend more and more that you don't have.

Yes, daycare costs. So don't have a kid until you can afford to. There are plenty of affordable methods for preventing this (and they all work very well if you actually don't want to get pregnant).
And if you live somewhere that rent is $4K, you likely can live without a car and use public transportation. So do that for a few years. Sure it's not the most convenient, but it's doable you just have to plan.

But the solution is not just to throw your hands in the air and scream "it's too much, so f*ck it, I'm not going to try to budget and live within my means".

And yes, it's also about "avocado toast" concept. Most people do not understand the difference between WANTS and NEEDS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they living within their means? Or can they not afford it because they eat out all the time, spend a ton of money on the best haircuts and clothes, drink a ton of alcohol. Do they know how to be frugal?

That would change my answer.

+1

Those darned youngsters and their avocado toast ways! If they are eating avocados don't you dare help them with a car!

I’m the pp and I’m laughing at the avocado toast, but you and I know it’s not just a brunch here and there. It’s a $7 coffee every day, it’s door dash 5 times a week, it’s having an expensive phone + max plan and 5 different streaming subscriptions…it’s all the things that add up. When I was first out of college I ate rice a roni and I didn’t go out like my peers did. I had plenty of fun, but I was frugal until I could afford not to be. People need to be okay with not getting what they want when they want it in order to live within their means.

I am curious about OP’s kid and how OP feels about their budgeting.

Exactly!

When we graduated college, we got married and went to grad school. We had ~$80K between us in undergrad loans (grad school was fully funded with 40% of our paycheck while we were attending). First thing we did was live frugally (as we had been in grad school) and pay off our student loans ASAP. it took about 2.5 years (we both had good paying jobs and chose to live off a bit less than 1 salary in a nice but not nearly as nice apartment as we could technically afford). Then we saved another year for a downpayment and bought a house. During that time, we only took long weekend vacations that were within 3-4 hours drive and stayed in cheap places. We took lunches and snacks to work 9 out of 10 days, and only went out to eat to socialize with friends every 10-14 days. Otherwise we cooked at home.
We also drove older cars. Once we bought a house, we did a modest home (one we could easily afford on only one salary) and did all the work ourselves (yard work, painting, etc). And actively continued to save for retirement and in general.
We were not dining out, doordashing, drinks 3-4 days per week, coffee out, etc. While our colleagues were buying lunch at work in the cafeteria (large company) most days or going out for lunch, we took our own lunch and ate with them in the cafeteria, and once every 2 weeks or so would join a group for lunch out (actually out). We were not missing anything, we still socialized, but we saved a lot.
In today's world, lunch will run you $15-20 daily, coffee another $7-10 (if you grab a snack with it). So $30 every day, Mon-Fri. That's $600 per month. That could be made at home for $50/month and a little bit of effort (not much). Now do that for dinners, and the new iPhone every 12 months, etc. and it all adds up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they living within their means? Or can they not afford it because they eat out all the time, spend a ton of money on the best haircuts and clothes, drink a ton of alcohol. Do they know how to be frugal?

That would change my answer.

+1

Those darned youngsters and their avocado toast ways! If they are eating avocados don't you dare help them with a car!

You do you.
But if my kid is spending money they don't have on extras (dining out, fancy haircuts, drinking at the bars/restaurants, etc) I'm not as inclined to give them money for a car. Because they will never learn fiscal responsibility that way.

However, if they have a reasonable budget, are saving for retirement and basically living within their means and are being fiscally responsible, I'd be more inclined to help out with a new vehicle because they are acting like an adult and budgeting.

Anonymous wrote:Are they living within their means? Or can they not afford it because they eat out all the time, spend a ton of money on the best haircuts and clothes, drink a ton of alcohol. Do they know how to be frugal?

That would change my answer.

100%!

Anonymous wrote:I would not.

This is a person well into their 20s, approaching 30. This is a person with no student debt. A HCOL area is one with public transportation.

If I were looking to lighten my kids' load with resources I could easily spare, I would give each of them an equal financial gift, to use as best fits their needs. They can decide if they want to spend it on a car, or on an apartment closer to work or to public transportation, or save it for a down payment, or blow it on labubus.

A person in their mid-20s should not have their parents making these decisions for them. Back off.

This!! You can discuss financial decisions with them if they ask, such as can they manage on public transportation alone and only uber/lyft once in awhile, if so is that cheaper than a car and insurance and gas? Discuss what buying a used car means versus new. You guide them (but only if asked) thru the process, but it sounds like they should be able to figure this out themselves.

Anonymous wrote:They can get a car loan like everyone else

This.

No, I absolutely would not buy them a car.