Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t withhold contact. Line up some therapy for the summer. She may need some extra support in finding her groove at college. My daughter had different issues than yours but needed a lot of time and contact. I’ve never regretted being there for her.

She had therapy which was not helpful. And to be clear it’s not like I don’t want to be there for her. I worry I am there for her in such a way it makes things worse bc sure I don’t want her to be lonely, but I also don’t want to be the reason she does not try to find other outlets. People say it will pass but I know several people in their 30s and even 40s who never became independent. We have majorly stepped back on advice bc she does not listen or then does but says it doesn’t work. There has been zero progress with our current way.

Can you step back and see you are doing the same things she is doing? Posters are giving you advice and you are giving reasons why it won't work and aren't worth trying. She got this approach from you!

+1 NP here and that’s what I thought too! OP did you sincerely have her in CBT and medicated for anxiety? You probably have anxiety if you can’t sleep.

I would never tell my child to call less. If I was busy, I would say I had to go after a few minutes. But never would I tell her not to call.

Anonymous wrote:Op are you white?

I would never hear a non white person say this

I'm Gen-X and the only time I called my parents in college was to ask for money (which they usually declined). I couldn't wait to be out of the house and free. I'm certain they felt the same way.

Still have a great relationship with them.

Op are you white?

I would never hear a non white person say this

My autistic DS (20) does this. It’s sad and hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be busy sometimes. My parents frequently don't answer the phone. I guess it's possible they are avoiding me (if so they hide it well), but my impression is they are just busy.

I sincerely wish you they don’t become clingy as they age! Happened with my father. He was too busy making my crazy mother happy to care to talk to us kids but now he is clingy after she died

Oh wow

I would never! When my mother was alive, I called her every day on my commute home. And we saw each other every weekend. I miss talking to her so much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be so hurt if my mom at any time in life told me I couldn’t call her daily if I needed to. Just want to put it out there. Sorry it’s a difficult time for all but this will be temporary.

I worry that it's not and that it's doing the opposite of helping: she uses us to have an outlet instead of talking to people right there. Like for instance she called me instead of going to language club, today she could have gone to run club but called me...And again I'd be fine if the calls were short but this is a sit down for a long conversation type call.

I don't think that's the case. There is an underlying issue that is causing both (the daily/long calls and avoiding real in person stuff at school).

I think that it's at least good that she wants to reach out to you.

I have a DD (age 16) who internalizes everything and will not share any concerns with us. We were surprised to learn (from reading her journal) that she is depressed and engaging in self-harm. Without disclosing about the journal, we gently raised the idea of therapy one day when she was seeming very blue and isolated. She declined that idea, and so now we're working with the pediatrician to try to get her help. We wish so much that our DD would talk to us. She is an introverted person who is not one to share.

So if I were OP, I would be grateful for the communication from the DD. (But I can understand how OP if wondering if she is inadvertently holding her daughter back.)