Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reality is that a 250k job is more important than a 40k job. The gender is not important. If daycare costs more than the 40k salary, this is not a great idea.

Treating your spouse as only a number on a balance sheet isn't healthy for your marriage.

She's also not asking him to quit, she wants to put her baby in care part time so she can keep her job.

I mean, either is being financially illiterate… which is the number one cause of divorce.

Their household income is almost 300k. They can afford childcare, it's not going to cause them financial stress.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reality is that a 250k job is more important than a 40k job. The gender is not important. If daycare costs more than the 40k salary, this is not a great idea.

Treating your spouse as only a number on a balance sheet isn't healthy for your marriage.

She's also not asking him to quit, she wants to put her baby in care part time so she can keep her job.

I mean, either is being financially illiterate… which is the number one cause of divorce.

Anonymous wrote:4 months is too young. But, your wife does want to work so I guess it’s fine. My MIL babysat all seven of my kids, till they were preschool age while both me and my husband worked. Do you have any family member who can help?

Thank goodness you are here to give your permission s/

I sent mine at 2 months. Had to for work. She is 8 now and doing great!

I think women should keep working as best they can. It is not about right now - it is about the future. 401K, social security, you get hurt.

That is one reason I never quit. Earning potential went up and I eventually earned more than my husband.

Even if you are breaking even, I support going back to work.

OP, seriously, if this isn't a troll, for the love of God go have a patient conversation with your wife. Listen to her. If you don't agree with daycare brainstorm some other childcare idea, like whether hiring a nanny works for you.

If you go in guns blazing saying she doesn't care about the kid or holding your income over her, you will be blowing a whole in your marriage you may never be able to fix.

4 months is too young. But, your wife does want to work so I guess it’s fine. My MIL babysat all seven of my kids, till they were preschool age while both me and my husband worked. Do you have any family member who can help?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate how OP is ignoring all the questions about why he isn’t taking parental leave to extend the amount of time his child can stay home.

I took parental leave for 2 months when she was born. That’s all I get.

Why didn’t you stagger your leave so you could keep your child out of daycare longer? You could probably get another month partially paid assuming you’re in DC. That’s three extra months.

Yeah that might’ve been better in hindsight. At the time my wife was recovering from C section and trying to take care of the newborn at the same time would have been extremely difficult if not impossible if I weren’t at home helping. The baby can barely be put down without crying and my wife couldn’t move that much. All the household chores and cooking/cleaning would be impossible unless we had outside help, which we do not.

So it sounds like she's been through a lot since your kid was born. Have you considered that working part time may be for her own mental health as well.

Remember having a mom who is mentally healthy is good for your kid too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate how OP is ignoring all the questions about why he isn’t taking parental leave to extend the amount of time his child can stay home.

I took parental leave for 2 months when she was born. That’s all I get.

Why didn’t you stagger your leave so you could keep your child out of daycare longer? You could probably get another month partially paid assuming you’re in DC. That’s three extra months.

Yeah that might’ve been better in hindsight. At the time my wife was recovering from C section and trying to take care of the newborn at the same time would have been extremely difficult if not impossible if I weren’t at home helping. The baby can barely be put down without crying and my wife couldn’t move that much. All the household chores and cooking/cleaning would be impossible unless we had outside help, which we do not.

I’m not sure then why you’re putting the responsibility of whether your child goes to daycare overwhelmingly on your wife. You made choices that will necessitate your kid going to daycare either. You could also take an additional month of unpaid or partially paid leave, assuming you’re FMLA-eligible, to give your child an extra month at home.

OP has been sucked into conservative talking points about daycare to justify controlling his wife's career.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate how OP is ignoring all the questions about why he isn’t taking parental leave to extend the amount of time his child can stay home.

I took parental leave for 2 months when she was born. That’s all I get.

Why didn’t you stagger your leave so you could keep your child out of daycare longer? You could probably get another month partially paid assuming you’re in DC. That’s three extra months.

Yeah that might’ve been better in hindsight. At the time my wife was recovering from C section and trying to take care of the newborn at the same time would have been extremely difficult if not impossible if I weren’t at home helping. The baby can barely be put down without crying and my wife couldn’t move that much. All the household chores and cooking/cleaning would be impossible unless we had outside help, which we do not.

I’m not sure then why you’re putting the responsibility of whether your child goes to daycare overwhelmingly on your wife. You made choices that will necessitate your kid going to daycare either. You could also take an additional month of unpaid or partially paid leave, assuming you’re FMLA-eligible, to give your child an extra month at home.

*going to daycare earlier, not “either”

Up to you what you are comfortable with but one of mine started at 5 months and one at 3 months due to how much time DH and I could take off. Both are now in high school and are just fine academically and socially.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate how OP is ignoring all the questions about why he isn’t taking parental leave to extend the amount of time his child can stay home.

I took parental leave for 2 months when she was born. That’s all I get.

Why didn’t you stagger your leave so you could keep your child out of daycare longer? You could probably get another month partially paid assuming you’re in DC. That’s three extra months.

Yeah that might’ve been better in hindsight. At the time my wife was recovering from C section and trying to take care of the newborn at the same time would have been extremely difficult if not impossible if I weren’t at home helping. The baby can barely be put down without crying and my wife couldn’t move that much. All the household chores and cooking/cleaning would be impossible unless we had outside help, which we do not.

I’m not sure then why you’re putting the responsibility of whether your child goes to daycare overwhelmingly on your wife. You made choices that will necessitate your kid going to daycare either. You could also take an additional month of unpaid or partially paid leave, assuming you’re FMLA-eligible, to give your child an extra month at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate how OP is ignoring all the questions about why he isn’t taking parental leave to extend the amount of time his child can stay home.

I took parental leave for 2 months when she was born. That’s all I get.

Why didn’t you stagger your leave so you could keep your child out of daycare longer? You could probably get another month partially paid assuming you’re in DC. That’s three extra months.

Yeah that might’ve been better in hindsight. At the time my wife was recovering from C section and trying to take care of the newborn at the same time would have been extremely difficult if not impossible if I weren’t at home helping. The baby can barely be put down without crying and my wife couldn’t move that much. All the household chores and cooking/cleaning would be impossible unless we had outside help, which we do not.

4 months is fine. Mine started closer to 6-7 months, but it would have been fine starting sooner.

However, I would re-think in home care particularly if it isn’t licensed. If it is licensed, ask how the infants are cared for in the midst of toddlers.

I was never a fan of mixed age childcare because the toddlers are mobile and verbally demanding + possibly potty training. I’d worry an infant’s needs could get overlooked not to mention the risk of injury from a larger child.

OP, it is not your decision. Stop being controlling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate how OP is ignoring all the questions about why he isn’t taking parental leave to extend the amount of time his child can stay home.

I took parental leave for 2 months when she was born. That’s all I get.

Why didn’t you stagger your leave so you could keep your child out of daycare longer? You could probably get another month partially paid assuming you’re in DC. That’s three extra months.