Anonymous wrote:What’s your husband spending all his money on? A mistress?

He has the money, he just doesn’t want to give it to his kids for college.

Anonymous wrote:I had skin in the game with student loans so make them either take out a small amount in loans ($5500 a year I just heard if the max fed loan) OR you loan them $10K/year and make them pay it back.

I will say my credit score is higher than my husband's because of student loans but my stress level was, too (before I paid them off).

I get wanting skin in the game but there is a lot of room between all and nothing on this one.

Skin in the game would be working summers and using that money to pay for college. Loans mean nothing as they don't have to pay them back till post graduation so they don't think about it.

What’s your husband spending all his money on? A mistress?

Man. With all the crap going on today and the costs of everything just skyrocketing, this is the hill your spouse wants to die on.

Many others have said, it just doesn't seem realistic for your kids to foot the entire bill to college - room, board, and tuition - with today's costs.

To even consider it, they would most likely need to go community college route for 2 years and then transfer to an in-state school. Even then, there's loans involved and lots of work to stay afloat.

I'm thankful that my parents paid for college, but I worked hard and received a ton of merit and need-based aid to the private I attended. My parents weren't raking in money either. I only had about $15k in Stafford loans when I graduated. My sister and I joke that my private education was less expensive than her in-state costs for our parents.

My DS is living at home and working PT and going to CC here in VA. He went to a VA in-state for a year and decided to go this route until he figures things out which is fine. DD is a HS junior and she hit the athletic lottery and is receiving a scholarship to a well-regarding Big10. No way we would even afford the OOS tuition without some significant loans.

Good Luck and hope it works out.

I've heard of pulling up the ladder behind you, but people aren't usually doing it to their own children.

Anonymous wrote:It screws kids to have a parent do this because the whole system assumes parental support.

+1. OP does your husband not realize that the amount of finanical aid they'll receive is based on parental income?

SImilarly I had a lot of student loans and I don't wish that on my kids. It worked out ok but was really limiting and had any large unexpected expense come up in my 20s I would have been in trouble.

Your husband sounds like a cheapskate.

Is he miserly in other ways as well?

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Anonymous wrote:Op do you have daughters? If so prepare for them to strip or do only fans. It’s basically one of the only ways a young woman can pay for her own college without taking out massive loans.

Source - found myself on my own at 18 and stripped to pay for college in cash.

I always laugh at that Chris rock bit about how his job is to “keep his baby girl off the pole”. The way to do that is to help them with college and if they get pregnant at a young age help support them. I worked with so many girls who found themselves on their own at 18 and supported themselves by stripping.

If you can offer financial support you should.

I did ROTC as a woman. I did think about selling my eggs when there were newspaper ads offering 80K from our school. I chickened out on that one but knew someone that did it multiple times to buy a house.

Oh I forgot about the possibility of selling your eggs! I looked into that too but ultimately also chickened out on that. I have health stuff that disqualifies me from the military but that is another good option potentially for OPs kids.

Op, which do you think hubby will prefer? Your kids to strip, join the military, or sell their eggs? Or I guess just take on crippling debt?

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Anonymous wrote:I'm a little surprised at the uniform reactions on this one. Plenty of people I know went to college with zero help from parents.

Of course there is a ton of life long resentment for it. So your husband and you should be prepared for that.

The other thing is the kids will be forced to make 1 of 2 choices: take a lucrative career they might not like or decide they aren't financially stable enough to have kids. So you all also may need to accept not having grandkids.

Are they your age? The college finance game has changed dramatically in 25 years.

Fairly recently, I had about 140K in loans with my parents. I also had friends with divorced parents where one parent refused to help so it was my friend and their other parent that had to take out all the loans.

Your parents loaned you the money? Did they charge interest? What was the repayment term?

You can’t get student loans in excess of about 37k total for undergrad without a parent co-signer.

They cosigned and I was responsible for making payments. That's usually the arrangement friends had with parents that refused to pay for college.

What was your major? You paid $1,700 a month in year 2010 dollars for a decade? My first job out of school paid $37,000 a year in 2015. No way I could've possibly afforded that, even with having many roommates.

Well you can imagine based on how much I paid this was HYPSM before congress started investigating their lack of financial aid and huge endowments. As I alluded to in my post, you really only have 2 choices in this situation. Take a job that pays & kills your soul - management consulting or, yes, you starve. You can't take a 34K/year job.

Odds are extremely low that you can get a management consulting job. And close to zero if you're not coming out of an Ivy+, which costs 400k (not the 140k you're talking about). That will result in a monthly payment of $5,000ish. And McKinsey pays like 110k for a first-year analyst position. After tax, that and the loan payment, you'd have $1,600/month leftover for all expenses. So you literally could not survive.

Anonymous wrote:Op do you have daughters? If so prepare for them to strip or do only fans. It’s basically one of the only ways a young woman can pay for her own college without taking out massive loans.

Source - found myself on my own at 18 and stripped to pay for college in cash.

I always laugh at that Chris rock bit about how his job is to “keep his baby girl off the pole”. The way to do that is to help them with college and if they get pregnant at a young age help support them. I worked with so many girls who found themselves on their own at 18 and supported themselves by stripping.

If you can offer financial support you should.

I did ROTC as a woman. I did think about selling my eggs when there were newspaper ads offering 80K from our school. I chickened out on that one but knew someone that did it multiple times to buy a house.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm a little surprised at the uniform reactions on this one. Plenty of people I know went to college with zero help from parents.

Of course there is a ton of life long resentment for it. So your husband and you should be prepared for that.

The other thing is the kids will be forced to make 1 of 2 choices: take a lucrative career they might not like or decide they aren't financially stable enough to have kids. So you all also may need to accept not having grandkids.

Are they your age? The college finance game has changed dramatically in 25 years.

Fairly recently, I had about 140K in loans with my parents. I also had friends with divorced parents where one parent refused to help so it was my friend and their other parent that had to take out all the loans.

Your parents loaned you the money? Did they charge interest? What was the repayment term?

You can’t get student loans in excess of about 37k total for undergrad without a parent co-signer.

They cosigned and I was responsible for making payments. That's usually the arrangement friends had with parents that refused to pay for college.

What was your major? You paid $1,700 a month in year 2010 dollars for a decade? My first job out of school paid $37,000 a year in 2015. No way I could've possibly afforded that, even with having many roommates.

Well you can imagine based on how much I paid this was HYPSM before congress started investigating their lack of financial aid and huge endowments. As I alluded to in my post, you really only have 2 choices in this situation. Take a job that pays & kills your soul - management consulting or, yes, you starve. You can't take a 34K/year job.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm a little surprised at the uniform reactions on this one. Plenty of people I know went to college with zero help from parents.

Of course there is a ton of life long resentment for it. So your husband and you should be prepared for that.

The other thing is the kids will be forced to make 1 of 2 choices: take a lucrative career they might not like or decide they aren't financially stable enough to have kids. So you all also may need to accept not having grandkids.

Are they your age? The college finance game has changed dramatically in 25 years.

Everyone keeps saying that the finance game has changed so much. But many families couldn’t afford college tuition 25 - 30 years ago. Families were larger. In the mid 90’s tuition and boarding was $100,000 for all four years in the top private schools. The average family salary was $35k. It’s always been tough to afford for most.

Anonymous wrote:It screws kids to have a parent do this because the whole system assumes parental support.

This. Unfortunately this is why costs are so high.

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids take out $5000 a year in loan so that they could have “skin in the game”.

So they graduate graduated with $20,000 in student loans. I ended up paying off about 7000 of that because they had higher interest rates and then my kids are paying the ones that are 3%.

You have a husband problem. Also, you have your own money so you don’t need your husband’s permission to pay their tuition.

I guess I’m wondering why you need your husband’s permission to spend your own money?

He probably knows how much money she has down to the dime. His name is probably on all of her accounts.

This whole skin in the game is silly. The students are going to class,doing what they’re supposed to do, getting their degree. What more can you ask for

LOL this is almost comical OP. How does he expect them to pay? Where would they get the money from? What a f'king idiot. Tell him to spend some time understanding current situation/limitations before spitting out total BS.