Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is neglect. Room board and drug money are not all it takes to parent.
I bet your little darlings get all sorts of treats and enrichment programs and teams don't they?

She’s an adult, it’s not neglect. Yes, of course my children have everything they need.

Oh FFS. You seem to think buying them everything you need is good parenting. But good parenting requires FAR more than that. Your stepdaughter needs boundaries. She needs accountability. Maybe she needs some tough love. She needs someone to help her get mental health treatment. Is she getting that from her father who supposedly is a good parent? No she is not. Would you want your DH to ignore your children's needs if they get in this kind of situation?

No, he isn’t neglecting her needs. He’s doing the best that he can.

What specifically is he doing, though? You've been asked many times and haven't said even one action that he has taken.

He’s talked to her multiple times about her behavior, and has asked her to be more productive, work, go back to school, or do something, but she doesn’t listen. He’s tried multiple times.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I’m pregnant after 15 years of being a stepmom, with my third child. -OP

Maybe she is just tired of babies being popped out into her space for the past 15 years?!

Do you think divorced men should always cater to their first set of kids needs? Give them all the attention and time? That isn’t a positive, it creates entitled children. Divorced men should be allowed to move on.

PP you responded to. I am actually a second wife (now also divorced but that’s beside the point ig).
I am writing this so that you know I am trying to be impartial
I’ve seen this time and time again, a man remarries and the new wife tries to pop out as many kids as possible. This is marking the territory to me. Then they complain how hard it is to devote resources to the first set of kids. Well maybe don’t have as many?

Well, that’s your opinion. My husband has never neglected my kids, and I’ve neve felt like they’ve had to compete for resources. My husband brought up the idea of having a third child, to me. He wanted another son, and he’ll have his second son soon! I don’t think it’s hard to share resources among five kids. And 3 kids is a typical family. “Marking territory”, isn’t what I’ve done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I’m pregnant after 15 years of being a stepmom, with my third child. -OP

Maybe she is just tired of babies being popped out into her space for the past 15 years?!

Do you think divorced men should always cater to their first set of kids needs? Give them all the attention and time? That isn’t a positive, it creates entitled children. Divorced men should be allowed to move on.

PP you responded to. I am actually a second wife (now also divorced but that’s beside the point ig).
I am writing this so that you know I am trying to be impartial
I’ve seen this time and time again, a man remarries and the new wife tries to pop out as many kids as possible. This is marking the territory to me. Then they complain how hard it is to devote resources to the first set of kids. Well maybe don’t have as many?

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I’m pregnant after 15 years of being a stepmom, with my third child. -OP

Maybe she is just tired of babies being popped out into her space for the past 15 years?!

Do you think divorced men should always cater to their first set of kids needs? Give them all the attention and time? That isn’t a positive, it creates entitled children. Divorced men should be allowed to move on.

Move ON from the mistakes were made kids from first marriages? Wow.

No, that isn’t what I implied. The first set of kids shouldn’t be made to think, that the world revolves around them, that is all. Their father marrying another woman, and having children with her isn’t the worst thing that could possibly ever happen to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is neglect. Room board and drug money are not all it takes to parent.
I bet your little darlings get all sorts of treats and enrichment programs and teams don't they?

She’s an adult, it’s not neglect. Yes, of course my children have everything they need.

Oh FFS. You seem to think buying them everything you need is good parenting. But good parenting requires FAR more than that. Your stepdaughter needs boundaries. She needs accountability. Maybe she needs some tough love. She needs someone to help her get mental health treatment. Is she getting that from her father who supposedly is a good parent? No she is not. Would you want your DH to ignore your children's needs if they get in this kind of situation?

No, he isn’t neglecting her needs. He’s doing the best that he can.

What specifically is he doing, though? You've been asked many times and haven't said even one action that he has taken.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is neglect. Room board and drug money are not all it takes to parent.
I bet your little darlings get all sorts of treats and enrichment programs and teams don't they?

She’s an adult, it’s not neglect. Yes, of course my children have everything they need.

Oh FFS. You seem to think buying them everything you need is good parenting. But good parenting requires FAR more than that. Your stepdaughter needs boundaries. She needs accountability. Maybe she needs some tough love. She needs someone to help her get mental health treatment. Is she getting that from her father who supposedly is a good parent? No she is not. Would you want your DH to ignore your children's needs if they get in this kind of situation?

No, he isn’t neglecting her needs. He’s doing the best that he can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I’m pregnant after 15 years of being a stepmom, with my third child. -OP

Maybe she is just tired of babies being popped out into her space for the past 15 years?!

Do you think divorced men should always cater to their first set of kids needs? Give them all the attention and time? That isn’t a positive, it creates entitled children. Divorced men should be allowed to move on.

This sounds completely fake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I’m pregnant after 15 years of being a stepmom, with my third child. -OP

Maybe she is just tired of babies being popped out into her space for the past 15 years?!

Do you think divorced men should always cater to their first set of kids needs? Give them all the attention and time? That isn’t a positive, it creates entitled children. Divorced men should be allowed to move on.

PP you responded to. I am actually a second wife (now also divorced but that’s beside the point ig).
I am writing this so that you know I am trying to be impartial
I’ve seen this time and time again, a man remarries and the new wife tries to pop out as many kids as possible. This is marking the territory to me. Then they complain how hard it is to devote resources to the first set of kids. Well maybe don’t have as many?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I’m pregnant after 15 years of being a stepmom, with my third child. -OP

Maybe she is just tired of babies being popped out into her space for the past 15 years?!

Do you think divorced men should always cater to their first set of kids needs? Give them all the attention and time? That isn’t a positive, it creates entitled children. Divorced men should be allowed to move on.

Move ON from the mistakes were made kids from first marriages? Wow.

Remember guys. OP was twenty, when she became a stepmother and wife. A twenty two year old young woman, is capable of being a responsible adult, and shouldn’t really need parents help.

You’re in for a miserable life OP
That first child is going nowhere. Make room

Afterall, that’s what you signed up for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I’m pregnant after 15 years of being a stepmom, with my third child. -OP

Maybe she is just tired of babies being popped out into her space for the past 15 years?!

Do you think divorced men should always cater to their first set of kids needs? Give them all the attention and time? That isn’t a positive, it creates entitled children. Divorced men should be allowed to move on.

How about giving them *any* attention when they are clearly in need of some tough love?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I’m pregnant after 15 years of being a stepmom, with my third child. -OP

Maybe she is just tired of babies being popped out into her space for the past 15 years?!

Do you think divorced men should always cater to their first set of kids needs? Give them all the attention and time? That isn’t a positive, it creates entitled children. Divorced men should be allowed to move on.

Is he a helpless, passive failure with all your kids, or just this one? Does he have any boundaries for the other children, at all?

It's going to be a NIGHTMARE raising teen boys with a father like this!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, can't you see what a pickle you've gotten yourself into? Your DH sucks! He's neglected his daughter's mental health and development for a year now, placing the burden on you to cater to her. You're here asking for advice because your DH isn't stepping up to deal with HIS child. And now you're stuck with your little kids, with this neglectful parent and loser of a husband. You can tell us all day how wonderful your DH is, but the facts say otherwise.

You probably thought you were getting a great deal marrying a 35-year-old whose kids were soon to be out of the house. But oh how foolish and naive you were.

I’m here asking for advice for my husband. Kids that have do not motivation, are hard to parent. He’s trying his best to figure this out. He’s always treated me and the children well, and we’ve never hard any issues.

Except the issue that you are having now, and have been having for the last year! He is treating you badly right now through his passivity and his eagerness to burden you with his failure to launch child. Open your eyes! And he is not treating his daughter well! For several years she has been making bad choices and in a bad relationship and her father has done nothing about it. Is this how you would like him to treat your children as young adults?

What has your totally not neglectful husband DONE about this? What ACTIONS has he taken? Has he just been sitting around for a year saying "Oh no" and "Of course my wife will do your laundry" and "Here's some money and a phone and a car"?

I don’t feel like my stepdaughter living in our house is a burden on me. I just would like to encourage independence, and advice related to that is all I’m looking for.

But you do feel like it's a burden on you. Here are some things you have said:

"her behavior at home is… challenging."

"She doesn’t cook, clean, or help with anything around the house. I end up doing all the meals, laundry, and cleaning for her."

"She doesn’t help voluntarily and doesn’t respond well when asked to follow rules. When I ask her to do anything, she either ignores it, argues, or rolls her eyes."

"the lack of contribution in other areas has started to feel even more stressful."

"almost lazy to the point where it’s affecting the household."

When will you tell us what ACTIONS your DH has taken to help his daughter develop maturity and independence, and stop her from wasting years of her life?

To encourage independence, your DH must:
1) Seek mental health treatment for her.
2) Stop her from excessive drinking and partying, by taking away phone and car and money if necessary.
3) Insist that she do her own chores to develop responsibility.
4) Teach her that lying has consequences-- stop believing her and insist on proof that she is doing what she's supposed to be doing.
5) Not protect her from the consequences of her mistakes. She totaled her car, so now she "has" a brand-new one-- well how exactly did she get that new car? Appropriate parenting means young adults handle their own problems, not bailing them out every time. She should be working to save for a low-cost car, not being handed a new one.