Anonymous wrote:I had an aunt die during covid. She was a weird recluse, younger sibling of my father. Had lived with my grandmother and when grandma died, my aunt kind of went of the hoarder deep-end. The house was a mess. Her car was packed full. She was obese. But...she had a steady job with a 401k. The estate lawyer in my midwestern hometown was quite good and saw the housing market as strong. Urged us to put around 50k in to spiff up the house, and ended up selling for a top rate (it was the height of the market when people were searching for rural acreage). Between the 401k, the house sale, and a few other odds and ends, the three sibling descendants each got 80k, so I ended up with 40k, (my sibling got the other 40k of the 80k that was my deceased dad's share). Complete surprise, given that we had expected to chip in to bury her.

This was me. Randomly I just got an email out of the blue from the estate attorney and the state sent a check for $2400.00 for some more unclaimed property. So he had to notify the court and is distributing another 800 to each sibling (so I split that with my sibling). Shocked again...

On both sides of my family I've seen will issues cause problems.

My mother was one of 5 kids, 3 girls, 2 boys. My Grandfather died first, then my grandmother the following year. Her will left everything to the 3 girls (my mom and aunts) and nothing to the boys. It was a rural, run down house on not much land, so wouldn't have been much back in the 70s, but no one in the family was well off so even 2-4K in 1979 would have been something.

My father was one of three kids, and my grandmother left the house to be shared among the three. My life-long greedy scammy uncle convinced my aunt and Dad to sell him the house at a FAR below market value reduced rate "so it would stay in the family." Well, uncle fixed it up and sold it for 4 times what he gave my aunt and dad. That money would have been life changing for my dad and mom. My aunt and Dad were always aware of greedy uncle's greed, so why they let themselves be scammed is beyond me, but it just widened the rift that had always been there.

On my husband's side, my husband's grandfather had always made a big deal about how the grandchildren were in the will. He died with a little less than $1M. My FIL was executor, and to this day I am convinced he kept any money intended for my husband and his sibling. FIL gave his two children $5K each. It's definitely possible that's the correct amount but something felt very sketchy at the time. FIL is profligate spender and squandered the half million he got (split the big total with FIL's sibling) in 2 years - yep, of course a timeshare in Florida, a vacation in Hawaii, cosmetic home repairs, new cars, the works.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My childless, never married uncle left over $1 million to each of the three women who cared for him in his final years.
My two sisters and I each received $10k.

We all had mixed feelings about this but in the end there was nothing to do and we were happy that these ladies had a windfall.
He was estranged from my mother in the last years of his life and rebuffed my sisters' and mine' outreach.

that's good. I would rather do that than giving money to my nephews/nieces who never come to see me. Atleast he also had some fun along the way.

+1
It seems fair to give the $ to the ones who show up for you

No sh!t and I acknowledged that.I also noted that he rebuffed our outreach. We tried over many many years to reach out to him. He was a loner, likely on the spectrum. I am happy that he died surrounded by nice people.

The reading comprehension of people on this site is incredibly poor.

You really need to calm down. You are not helping your narrative that your uncle was in the wrong in rebuffing you in his later years. I mean I believe you because I honestly don't care but you really need to calm down.

NP, well that was entirely uncalled for! Were you just trying to pick an argument here?

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Anonymous wrote:I found out in the last year that my retired father has become quite high net worth, more than 20M. It was an accidental disclosure and I kind of wish I did not know. He has always said with a smile that he would be leaving me a little something, we shall see. I love that he is starting to use the money to help some family members that can really use it and he finds that very rewarding.

DH and I are not counting on it, we hope it will be a long time, but it will be life changing for my sisters (depending on the amount also life changing for me but I am better set for retirement than they are).

DH’s dad also reached to him to talk to him about being his executor and disclosed he had a substantial estate. Again, a shocker and we are hoping there are many years before we see any of that.

DH and I have always expected our moms to divide their estates evenly between their respective children and they will, but that would likely be substantially less than 1M each. We literally had zero expectation that there would be anything from either of our fathers, who are both remarried. The relationships are good, just did not see this coming.

What are they waiting for? I don’t get these parents who have over $20 million, are elderly and have not started transferring their assets. They don’t need to wait.

It does not matter one bit what you "don't get" or do not agree with PP. People have a right to do whatever they want with their money whenever they want. They can literally light it on fire as they lay dying on their hospice bed if that is their desire. It is not for you to understand or worry about

Yes, of course people have a right to do whatever the hell they want in life. They have a right to be a total a-hole and not want to enjoy seeing their money dispersed while they're still alive. Tjey have a right to see their children struggle and finally get some money that they could have used to actually make something of themselves if they had gotten it sooner. People have a right to do anything including being horrible about their money. What's your point, PP?

My point is that you are in some way triggered by the fact that until the person is dead there is no inheritance. An estate to bequeath literally does not exist. And until it does no one owes you anything PP no matter how "unfair" or poorly managed you seem to think it is. They are not "a-holes" because they will not "enjoy seeing their money dispersed". It is you PP with some issues to work through.

Most families help each other all through life, healthy families anyway. It goes both ways. The elderly need rides to the doctor, some cooked meals, company. The grandchild might need money for an activity so the grandmother helps him out. Wealthy people pay for schools, health, whatever.

Greed is a huge problem in this country. All the old white billionaires giving Trump money so that he can hook them up with less taxes and regulations that favor them. Grabbing more and more money to the point of larger percentages of money being held by a smaller percentage of people. Democracy breaks when the gap is too wide. Three more years of Trump’s corruption will probably do it.

I get mixed signals from my family, so I plan to get nothing. I'll be so old by the time it might matter that it doesn't matter - I'll just give it to my kids at that point.

When my grandfather died he left my Dad $900k but my Dad arranged for it to come to me and my 2 siblings. The $300 was a nice surprise. I put it in an index fund and it’s now worth at least twice that.

Anonymous wrote:I found out in the last year that my retired father has become quite high net worth, more than 20M. It was an accidental disclosure and I kind of wish I did not know. He has always said with a smile that he would be leaving me a little something, we shall see. I love that he is starting to use the money to help some family members that can really use it and he finds that very rewarding.

DH and I are not counting on it, we hope it will be a long time, but it will be life changing for my sisters (depending on the amount also life changing for me but I am better set for retirement than they are).

DH’s dad also reached to him to talk to him about being his executor and disclosed he had a substantial estate. Again, a shocker and we are hoping there are many years before we see any of that.

DH and I have always expected our moms to divide their estates evenly between their respective children and they will, but that would likely be substantially less than 1M each. We literally had zero expectation that there would be anything from either of our fathers, who are both remarried. The relationships are good, just did not see this coming.

Expect nothing. BTDT.

Anonymous wrote:Not a shocker because they told everyone what they planned to do. My mother’s first cousin and his wife set up a scholarship fund for all graduates at the local high school that were headed to one of the in state universities. They were childless and between them they had one nephew who did not need the money.

Wow, incrediblei!

People can do whatever they want with their money.

My dad has made clear he is giving it to charity, I am expecting nothing.

I have a friend who helped care for an elderly person and she got a lot of money for doing that after helping her the last decade of her life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My childless, never married uncle left over $1 million to each of the three women who cared for him in his final years.
My two sisters and I each received $10k.

We all had mixed feelings about this but in the end there was nothing to do and we were happy that these ladies had a windfall.
He was estranged from my mother in the last years of his life and rebuffed my sisters' and mine' outreach.

that's good. I would rather do that than giving money to my nephews/nieces who never come to see me. Atleast he also had some fun along the way.

+1
It seems fair to give the $ to the ones who show up for you

This!

Anonymous wrote:I had a great Aunt who left all the family money from her husband, my grandmother's brother, to a college which now has an auditorium named after her. What a jerk.

Why a jerk? Sounds like a great thing to do and good decision based on your entitled reaction. Lol

Promised from parents to both kids. They left the whole thing to the Humane Society...a total shock! i mean there choice, but a real surprise. Was NEVER discussed.

Anonymous wrote:My mother’s father, born circa 1914 in India, had a business dispute that had tied up valuable land that been left unresolved for decades. My cousin who is is a lawyer worked for years to find the heirs of my grandfather to get them to sign an agreement to release the property. When my mom was in her deathbed, each of his kids recieved about $800k after taxes. Since my mom died, our families share went to my brother and I.

this is awesome. How did you bring money from India to US?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My childless, never married uncle left over $1 million to each of the three women who cared for him in his final years.
My two sisters and I each received $10k.

We all had mixed feelings about this but in the end there was nothing to do and we were happy that these ladies had a windfall.
He was estranged from my mother in the last years of his life and rebuffed my sisters' and mine' outreach.

that's good. I would rather do that than giving money to my nephews/nieces who never come to see me. Atleast he also had some fun along the way.

+1
It seems fair to give the $ to the ones who show up for you

No sh!t and I acknowledged that.I also noted that he rebuffed our outreach. We tried over many many years to reach out to him. He was a loner, likely on the spectrum. I am happy that he died surrounded by nice people.

The reading comprehension of people on this site is incredibly poor.

You really need to calm down. You are not helping your narrative that your uncle was in the wrong in rebuffing you in his later years. I mean I believe you because I honestly don't care but you really need to calm down.

Yes, due to divorce/remarriage. Lesson: if you divorce make your ex maintain life insurance for your kids. Or a new spouse will make sure to take all.