Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never get extras like that, but we make less than 150k. I feel like if we made over 450k, we'd splurge more often. But I do agree with making sure kids understand that extras cost more. A lot of kids don't get that at all because their parents have never explained it, and never put ANY limits on what they get based on cost. You can tell this in the behavior of a lot of kids.

I don’t agree. My parents didn’t put limits on stuff like this when I was a kid, but when I left their house and my food budget was $200/month, I figured it out.
I mean, getting guac on my burrito didn’t make me stupid. I could still do simple math.

It's not just about learning to budget. It's about learning how the world works.

I have kids in elementary, and it's very easy to tell the difference between the kids whose parents are teaching them that stuff costs money and that money is not infinite, versus the ones whose parents just buy them whatever without any discussion or reference to money.

I've watched 9 year olds tease a kid for not having an X-box, for never having been to Disney, for having the wrong shoes. They do this because they literally think the only reason not to have that stuff is being so uncool you don't know you should get it. Because for them, that's the only obstacle -- knowing about stuff they want. Once they know, they just tell their parents and their parents buy it. So the concept that a kid might know what an Xbox is, and want an Xbox, but not have one because his parents can't afford one, doesn't even cross their minds.

And people who grow up with that mindset carry it into adulthood, even after they learn how money works. I'm in my 40s and I still encounter people who will look at you just totally baffled because you don't have something they have. I've learned this is actually a good way to vet how down to earth someone is -- mention something you would like but note that it's just not in your budget right now. The way people react to that tells you a lot about them. The people who are just totally confused or try to argue with you about it (that's my favorite, the people who will sit there and explain that of course you can afford something, despite not knowing anything about your finances) are just clueless, and you have to be careful around them.

Anonymous wrote:Not paying for guac when you want it and can afford it is an amazing proxy for how sanctimonious someone is. I bet it’s tied to political affiliation, too. Reminds me of the “do you salt your food before you eat it” political analysis done a decade ago.

Most nonsensical post of the week.

Not paying for guac when you want it and can afford it is an amazing proxy for how sanctimonious someone is. I bet it’s tied to political affiliation, too. Reminds me of the “do you salt your food before you eat it” political analysis done a decade ago.

Guac is the only thing that makes it healthy

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we've devolved from kids shouldn't want fancy sneakers or iPhones, to kids shouldn't want guac?

OP, what is your end goal here? If you want to control it, you can. It sounds like you've already laid a guilt trip on your DD. You really need to journal on this, and then journal some more, and then some more until you have some clarity.

I used a strawman example, but the larger question I was trying to pose is do you try to instill a sense of want in your kid? Or do you give them everything on a silver platter? My kids know we only buy things on sale and that we buy what we need, not every luxury we feel like. We drive older cars and us our phones into the ground. My DS wanted a pair of resale Nikes that were $300. I told he he'd need to get a job and buy them with his own money, even though we can afford it. That motivated him.

But, depravity for depravity’s sake isn’t helpful. Do you mean you don’t ever indulge yourself?! Or are you allowed since you work? Are $300 sneakers the same as guacamole? What if they order a veggie burrito (cheaper w no meat) and then want guacamole? Where do you draw the line? Are you fine with them working if their grades suffer? (Both my kids worked, but I’ve seen this argument here and wasn’t stringent around grades.)

I still think you need to decide the end goal here. I’m also not sure why you need to crowd source this. You can make a decision for your family even if it’s unpopular.

Not getting queso is depravity?!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We make way more than that and I've always side-eyed my husband for getting both, lol. But I also don't say anything, because I'm not trying to control him.

My kids don't like either, so that's a non-issue, but we do try to limit the "extras" just as a matter of not overdoing it, and keeping some things special. So choose 1 extra, or maybe that thing that costs extra is a special treat. One time one of my kids was super hungry and ordered steak and chicken on a salad at chop't. I wasn't involved in the order, but that would have been an example where I would have encouraged her to pick one.

I know we can afford it, but I don't think we (or my kids) should get everything we want all the time.

Same and we are wealthy. Sometimes I think: one day I will die and my kids will live better than I do on my own money. But I can see they have a healthy relationship with money. They would notice the cost of a water at place A is 3x the cost of a water at place B. I spend a fortune on travel so it isn’t like I am thrifty with all things…but on things like extras like this, sure. FWIW, my husband’s burrito at Chipotle is about $26 with guac and double meat. I think that’s ridiculous.

OP here. Thank you both. Glad I'm not totally crazy.

And this kind of mindset helps you retain your wealth.

Which OP agreed that her kids would live better on her $$ than she did.

If that’s your intention fine, but realize you’re also setting up an unhealthy dynamic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we've devolved from kids shouldn't want fancy sneakers or iPhones, to kids shouldn't want guac?

OP, what is your end goal here? If you want to control it, you can. It sounds like you've already laid a guilt trip on your DD. You really need to journal on this, and then journal some more, and then some more until you have some clarity.

I used a strawman example, but the larger question I was trying to pose is do you try to instill a sense of want in your kid? Or do you give them everything on a silver platter? My kids know we only buy things on sale and that we buy what we need, not every luxury we feel like. We drive older cars and us our phones into the ground. My DS wanted a pair of resale Nikes that were $300. I told he he'd need to get a job and buy them with his own money, even though we can afford it. That motivated him.

But, depravity for depravity’s sake isn’t helpful. Do you mean you don’t ever indulge yourself?! Or are you allowed since you work? Are $300 sneakers the same as guacamole? What if they order a veggie burrito (cheaper w no meat) and then want guacamole? Where do you draw the line? Are you fine with them working if their grades suffer? (Both my kids worked, but I’ve seen this argument here and wasn’t stringent around grades.)

I still think you need to decide the end goal here. I’m also not sure why you need to crowd source this. You can make a decision for your family even if it’s unpopular.

Anonymous wrote:NP. I’m with you, OP. It’s important to DH and me to teach our kids to respect the value of money and practice self-control.

We may have a lot of money now, but there’s no guarantee that our kids will be able to enjoy the same lifestyle when they’re older. We want to teach our kids to be thoughtful and intentional with their money and not to take luxuries for granted. We hope that they’ll be able to live on beans and rice if they ever need to and that they genuinely appreciate the extras in life.

+1. I gave my kids an allowance so they could start to practice these kinds of decisions. Basics are on me, extras are on you type of situation.

I’ve also not shied away from teaching my kids how to save money on things they like. It can be like a game and a great way to practice mental math.

Anonymous wrote:Just because that’s how your parents raised you, doesn’t mean it’s right.
I feel like I’m learning this a lot more lately.

Yes, absolutely. And there is no one right way.

Anonymous wrote:the stupidest thing here is putting an actual $$$ amount. Is it ok at 425k? 475k? I fully agree with all the posters talking about recognizing individual costs.

At 500k (LOL) I'd still would never add guac/queso, but that's because I'm going to just get a quick meal and know it's not worth it. I will spend extra $$$ at places that are worth it, but Chiptole is definitely not one of them.

Also big shoutout to people making near 500k who still look at grocery prices. I would absolutely not buy something overpriced just because. I also will look at every price and never be like the poster just throwing it in the cart/basket without looking at the price before (please remind this to my wife who actually is the breadwinner overall).

This is me. I am wealthy and retired young. To me, it’s feels like being taken advantage of if I am wasting money. The above poster that just gets gas wherever- so, so wasteful. I don’t care how much you have. If you fill up for $3.69/gal and I pay $2.97/gallon, that’s almost 400 a year per car thrown away. Literally gone because you can’t open an app and see which station is cheaper.

The exponential effect of this with lots of items is mind boggling.

But you do you 💰 🗑️

Just because that’s how your parents raised you, doesn’t mean it’s right.
I feel like I’m learning this a lot more lately.

I’m a contractor and I always let my workers pick the options…I pay and don’t make as much as you

Reminds me of a friend who felt bad getting guac at Chipotle and then her hubby came home with a new sportscar 😂

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP there's a teaching opportunity here.
Use the toppings conversation to start an ongoing conversation on ordering etiquette when you are eating with friends, other families. For example, when others invite you, don't order the most expensive thing on the menu. Don't add on lots of extras. See what the hosts are having.
If hosts invite you for, say, pizza, don't ask for calzones or appetizers unless offered,
That sort of thing.

Ooh this is good too!
(for everyone who thinks this is literally about guac and queso, step out now; you are too stupid for this convo).

Anyone remember beach house kid that kept ordering the most expensive thing?
This is also a good lesson for kids. How to order; how to split bills!

OP here - I do! I bet his parents let him get the guac, queso, extra meat, chips, and Mexican coke!

OP - I of course didn't read the entire thread before posting and am 100% on your side now! Sorry about that

the stupidest thing here is putting an actual $$$ amount. Is it ok at 425k? 475k? I fully agree with all the posters talking about recognizing individual costs.

At 500k (LOL) I'd still would never add guac/queso, but that's because I'm going to just get a quick meal and know it's not worth it. I will spend extra $$$ at places that are worth it, but Chiptole is definitely not one of them.

Also big shoutout to people making near 500k who still look at grocery prices. I would absolutely not buy something overpriced just because. I also will look at every price and never be like the poster just throwing it in the cart/basket without looking at the price before (please remind this to my wife who actually is the breadwinner overall).