Anonymous wrote:Be her calm, not her chaos. Don’t interrogate, don’t fix, don’t go full Dateline, just listen and let her be messy without trying to neaten it up. Drop dinner, cover something at work if you can, send the “no need to reply, I’m here” text. And when the shock turns into rage or grief on a random Tuesday at 2:17pm, stay steady. She needs one person, including at work, who isn’t flinching or gossiping.

I think this sounds like a friend I would love to have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help her realize this does not have to destroy her life. We've been culturally condition in the U.S. to think of this as some kind of ultimate betrayal.

But in many cultures--France, Japan, etc., this kind of things is not uncommon or even so taboo. Help her to not overreact. Keep it in perspective.

There are ways to make a cheater suffer without divorcing them. But yes, this is grounds for divorce.

Please do share…

Anonymous wrote:If you have a dh who can credibly pull attractive women 20-30 years younger than he is, you are not going to ever find someone at that level should you chose to leave (unless you are Giselle bundchen or ultra elite/top tier yourself)

Calm down and reassess before making any rash decisions OP

Honestly, as a woman who’s been through something similar, the last thing I wanted was another man. The threat, “If you leave him you’ll never find anyone as good,” is not threat you think it is. Situations like the one OP describes are so bad for everyone - kids included - that it’s healthier, safe and more peaceful to be alone for the rest of one’s life (if that in fact is the way it works out). 20 years later I still remember the immense relief I felt when I kicked my husband out, and he actually left.

Anonymous wrote:Is it lifetime alimony in Virginia after 20 years?

How about MD?