Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and thank you for all your replies. I did write 2025 in error.

I really appreciate the variety of opinions and I need to read through them again when I have a minute at work.

She did just apply for an on-campus job as another avenue for connecting with other students. I'm proud of her for trying. I think she finds out about this next week and I really hope it works out. There were 6 positions and she applied to be one of the 6. Surely, they will take her? It's just been such a string of rejection after rejection and every opportunity (each club, fraternity, sorority, job) has required multiple interviews, often essays, etc. Another club app is due tonight and it's 6 essays for an outside chance of being chosen by the current students. It gets exhausting.

I'll probably write to the Office of student affairs if she does leave. I'll do this very kindly but I'd like to share her story.

This sounds like a really miserable environment for a lot of students.

NP.

Thought the same and I have to wonder if this is JHU being discussed?

The single rooms, highly rejective club culture, and spring rush brought Yale to mind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and thank you for all your replies. I did write 2025 in error.

I really appreciate the variety of opinions and I need to read through them again when I have a minute at work.

She did just apply for an on-campus job as another avenue for connecting with other students. I'm proud of her for trying. I think she finds out about this next week and I really hope it works out. There were 6 positions and she applied to be one of the 6. Surely, they will take her? It's just been such a string of rejection after rejection and every opportunity (each club, fraternity, sorority, job) has required multiple interviews, often essays, etc. Another club app is due tonight and it's 6 essays for an outside chance of being chosen by the current students. It gets exhausting.

I'll probably write to the Office of student affairs if she does leave. I'll do this very kindly but I'd like to share her story.

This sounds like a really miserable environment for a lot of students.

NP.

Thought the same and I have to wonder if this is JHU being discussed?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s also worth keeping in mind that kids dump to their moms. That is, she calls you and she’s the most miserable to tell you how miserable she is. It doesn’t mean she’s completely miserable all the time. I think you remind her that she’s doing the right things and reinforce her autonomy to change her situation- by transferring or taking a semester off or going abroad or whatever.

Dump to their parents. You don't know OP is the mom. What a peculiar assumption.

There is nothing peculiar about this! Of course it is the mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s also worth keeping in mind that kids dump to their moms. That is, she calls you and she’s the most miserable to tell you how miserable she is. It doesn’t mean she’s completely miserable all the time. I think you remind her that she’s doing the right things and reinforce her autonomy to change her situation- by transferring or taking a semester off or going abroad or whatever.

Dump to their parents. You don't know OP is the mom. What a peculiar assumption.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and thank you for all your replies. I did write 2025 in error.

I really appreciate the variety of opinions and I need to read through them again when I have a minute at work.

She did just apply for an on-campus job as another avenue for connecting with other students. I'm proud of her for trying. I think she finds out about this next week and I really hope it works out. There were 6 positions and she applied to be one of the 6. Surely, they will take her? It's just been such a string of rejection after rejection and every opportunity (each club, fraternity, sorority, job) has required multiple interviews, often essays, etc. Another club app is due tonight and it's 6 essays for an outside chance of being chosen by the current students. It gets exhausting.

I'll probably write to the Office of student affairs if she does leave. I'll do this very kindly but I'd like to share her story.

This sounds like a really miserable environment for a lot of students.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s also worth keeping in mind that kids dump to their moms. That is, she calls you and she’s the most miserable to tell you how miserable she is. It doesn’t mean she’s completely miserable all the time. I think you remind her that she’s doing the right things and reinforce her autonomy to change her situation- by transferring or taking a semester off or going abroad or whatever.

Dump to their parents. You don't know OP is the mom. What a peculiar assumption.

Of course it’s the mom posting. Please.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is more for parents of seniors who are reading this, but dorm selection can make such a huge difference and kids don’t usually have a lot of control over it. Freshman at my daughter’s school are placed all over to campuses. The most coveted dorms have students from more than one grade. They are closer to the fraternities and have bigger rooms. My daughter ended up in an older dorm that is only freshman. Her wing is not coed and I’m not sure if any of the building has coed wings. While she would love a larger room, she has friends all across campus and she is, without a doubt, in the most social dorm. I think there is something to be said for putting freshman with only other freshman. They all come into school looking to meet new people and she has made so many good friendships just from being in her dorm. During welcome week, the girls did leave their doors open and met a lot of people. Plus, they have a cafeteria in their building, so they’re constantly running into people they know. I remember hearing this advice from parents last year when we were all a little disgruntled about the building where our kids replaced. However, I would 100% advise your kid to be in a building with just freshman. It really helps build friendships.

How is this helpful when 95% of colleges don't let you pick your dorm?

Anonymous wrote:my advice is always the same:

do the transfer apps
keep trying

make a decision later. you'll know what all the options are - where she got in via transfer and if she's any happier where she is.

wishing her a better Spring

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no guarantee that a transfer would improve the situation, especially because she’d be trying to break into cohorts established the year before. HOWEVER. She’s miserable. She’s tried *really hard* to get involved.

Look for schools that offer transition support for transfer students, like orientation cohorts. She can ask admissions office about that. And/or schools where joining sororities in soph year is reasonably common.

It’s definitely worth at least looking around and applying so she has options if things don’t suddenly turn around.

+1 Agree. Let her apply and see how she feels once she has other options in a few months. It sounds like she just hasn't been able to break into what amounts to quite exclusionary social circles at her institution. Not all institutions are like that. Maybe things will turn around for her in a few months, but I would definitely want my kid to have some options at this point.

Anonymous wrote:I transferred. My freshman year experience was infuriating from a social standpoint. I had a depressed, mean roommate, there were safety issues with drunk men in my dorm, and I was unsatisfied with the liberal arts college and honors program.

What helped a lot during the year was taking an active interest in my classes and going to office hours. There were at least 3 professors who made me feel seen. My Western History professor gave me a book off his shelf to keep. My English professor knew about my plans to transfer and discussed them with me and gave me advice about grad school. My Social Psychology professor was a really good prof who had lots of insights about people that I still remember. I was in two choirs and although nobody particularly reached out to me, making the music was a beautiful experience.

Transferring wasn't perfect. But the kids around me we were a better fit. More respect for the liberal arts. Humbler and less spoiled. I was delighted to get a single after a spending a year with a bad roommate. I joined a smaller choir and met my husband. I'm still sorry I didn't start there my freshman year.

This was a flagship to flagship move, maybe a slight step down in prestige. It was closer to home although I didn't go home much.

My feedback to you is that it's good to have options but also to be open-eyed.

Maybe your daughter needs to keep looking at EC's. Maybe she could put out a call for roommates for a shared apartment for next year, etc.

Keep in mind that things go very similarly when you move out of home/away and take a first job. That can also be isolating. And it takes time to reassemble a community around yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is more for parents of seniors who are reading this, but dorm selection can make such a huge difference and kids don’t usually have a lot of control over it. Freshman at my daughter’s school are placed all over to campuses. The most coveted dorms have students from more than one grade. They are closer to the fraternities and have bigger rooms. My daughter ended up in an older dorm that is only freshman. Her wing is not coed and I’m not sure if any of the building has coed wings. While she would love a larger room, she has friends all across campus and she is, without a doubt, in the most social dorm. I think there is something to be said for putting freshman with only other freshman. They all come into school looking to meet new people and she has made so many good friendships just from being in her dorm. During welcome week, the girls did leave their doors open and met a lot of people. Plus, they have a cafeteria in their building, so they’re constantly running into people they know. I remember hearing this advice from parents last year when we were all a little disgruntled about the building where our kids replaced. However, I would 100% advise your kid to be in a building with just freshman. It really helps build friendships.

How is this helpful when 95% of colleges don't let you pick your dorm?

There are ways to game the system when a seeing questions. Ask other kids at the school.

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and thank you for all your replies. I did write 2025 in error.

I really appreciate the variety of opinions and I need to read through them again when I have a minute at work.

She did just apply for an on-campus job as another avenue for connecting with other students. I'm proud of her for trying. I think she finds out about this next week and I really hope it works out. There were 6 positions and she applied to be one of the 6. Surely, they will take her? It's just been such a string of rejection after rejection and every opportunity (each club, fraternity, sorority, job) has required multiple interviews, often essays, etc. Another club app is due tonight and it's 6 essays for an outside chance of being chosen by the current students. It gets exhausting.

I'll probably write to the Office of student affairs if she does leave. I'll do this very kindly but I'd like to share her story.