Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Oh, that won’t work for me.”

“Unfortunately I can’t host these days. But I’d love to get together when you’re in town!”

That’s as gracious as you can get. Your family obviously does not care about your relationship if they are asking you to host people who are strangers to you. They are going to be put off regardless because rude, entitled people often are when they are told no.

Best you can do is be nice when you’re shutting it down and leave zero room for argument. If you say your space is too small, they’ll promise not to spread out (they will). If you say you’re too busy, they’ll promise to stay out of your way (they won’t). If you say you’re broke, they’ll offer to pay for a meal (they won’t and they’ll be secretly insulted at your lack of hospitality).

Just.Say.No.

They’re actually not rude entitled people. They just have very different ideas about staying with others. They host a lot themselves, including me and my family.

I was on board to just saying no until you said they've hosted your family. If you've asked to stay with them and they've said yes...I think you kind of opened that door. All the talk of them being friends of friends or friends of relatives goes out the window if you have happily stayed in their home as an adult with your children. (It's unclear if you mean they hosted your "family of origin" when you were a child, or your family as an adult with your spouse and/or kids).

If you don't want to host other people (TOTALLY FINE), don't stay at other people's houses either.

Not sure you’re following. The family hosts my family. I would of course host THEM. but their random friends I don’t know well?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Oh, that won’t work for me.”

“Unfortunately I can’t host these days. But I’d love to get together when you’re in town!”

That’s as gracious as you can get. Your family obviously does not care about your relationship if they are asking you to host people who are strangers to you. They are going to be put off regardless because rude, entitled people often are when they are told no.

Best you can do is be nice when you’re shutting it down and leave zero room for argument. If you say your space is too small, they’ll promise not to spread out (they will). If you say you’re too busy, they’ll promise to stay out of your way (they won’t). If you say you’re broke, they’ll offer to pay for a meal (they won’t and they’ll be secretly insulted at your lack of hospitality).

Just.Say.No.

They’re actually not rude entitled people. They just have very different ideas about staying with others. They host a lot themselves, including me and my family.

I was on board to just saying no until you said they've hosted your family. If you've asked to stay with them and they've said yes...I think you kind of opened that door. All the talk of them being friends of friends or friends of relatives goes out the window if you have happily stayed in their home as an adult with your children. (It's unclear if you mean they hosted your "family of origin" when you were a child, or your family as an adult with your spouse and/or kids).

If you don't want to host other people (TOTALLY FINE), don't stay at other people's houses either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Oh, that won’t work for me.”

“Unfortunately I can’t host these days. But I’d love to get together when you’re in town!”

That’s as gracious as you can get. Your family obviously does not care about your relationship if they are asking you to host people who are strangers to you. They are going to be put off regardless because rude, entitled people often are when they are told no.

Best you can do is be nice when you’re shutting it down and leave zero room for argument. If you say your space is too small, they’ll promise not to spread out (they will). If you say you’re too busy, they’ll promise to stay out of your way (they won’t). If you say you’re broke, they’ll offer to pay for a meal (they won’t and they’ll be secretly insulted at your lack of hospitality).

Just.Say.No.

They’re actually not rude entitled people. They just have very different ideas about staying with others. They host a lot themselves, including me and my family.

I was on board to just saying no until you said they've hosted your family. If you've asked to stay with them and they've said yes...I think you kind of opened that door. All the talk of them being friends of friends or friends of relatives goes out the window if you have happily stayed in their home as an adult with your children. (It's unclear if you mean they hosted your "family of origin" when you were a child, or your family as an adult with your spouse and/or kids).

If you don't want to host other people (TOTALLY FINE), don't stay at other people's houses either.

Anonymous wrote:I make it clear the answer is always no. I would calmly say no, that doesn't work for us and we do not want to be asked in the future to host people who aren't family or our personal friends.You will learn a lot about the askers by how they respond to this.

Anonymous wrote:friends of family members?

I do and it puts me in a very awkward position, especially because hosting for them is often much easier.

But my space is small, I work a lot and it is a big imposition. I don’t have a rehabbed basement I can send people to.

How do you handle? Obviously I know many snarky people will respond ‘just say no’ but I like to keep family dynamics as positive as possible. So a little nuance would help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Oh, that won’t work for me.”

“Unfortunately I can’t host these days. But I’d love to get together when you’re in town!”

That’s as gracious as you can get. Your family obviously does not care about your relationship if they are asking you to host people who are strangers to you. They are going to be put off regardless because rude, entitled people often are when they are told no.

Best you can do is be nice when you’re shutting it down and leave zero room for argument. If you say your space is too small, they’ll promise not to spread out (they will). If you say you’re too busy, they’ll promise to stay out of your way (they won’t). If you say you’re broke, they’ll offer to pay for a meal (they won’t and they’ll be secretly insulted at your lack of hospitality).

Just.Say.No.

They’re actually not rude entitled people. They just have very different ideas about staying with others. They host a lot themselves, including me and my family.