Anonymous
Post 01/13/2026 03:38     Subject: Re:Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
Our DS is currently engaged but his fiancée and her parents are making all the wedding plans and decisions. DH and I really seem to have no say in the matter. The bride’s parents are pinging us regularly asking us to write a check to cover some of the costs – they’re wanting about $100K to cover a small portion and for that, they will let us design the wedding cake and nothing more.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2026 01:40     Subject: Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
No plans except to help my DS by paying for a really good attorney to put together an airtight pre-nup.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2026 00:36     Subject: Re:Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
Anonymous wrote:
They should, but they don't.

In 2026, weddings are planned and dominated by what the bride and occassionally her mother wants.

Rare is the bride that lets her future husband have a significant voice in the wedding planning.

Even rarer is the bride that gives the groom's parents a voice in the wedding planning.

Until brides join this century and give the groom's side equal voice in the wedding planning, the bride's family should be respinsible for the bulk of the wedding cost


Not our experience at all. Please provide support for all these claims - or is this just all opinion and assumptions?


The experience is years working at a bridal gown shop.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 19:05     Subject: Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Gave DD 25K for her wedding a few years ago which was most of what the wedding cost. The couple spent more on some extras. 100 people. Married outside the DMV. For DS will contribute the same. The sooner he uses it the better, not increasing it for inflation. We are a Retired Fed/SAHM. Net worth a few million.


That's generous.

How do you do a catered wedding with alcohol for $25k for 100 people?


Get married in the Midwest. Not on a coast.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 17:55     Subject: Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
My parents didn’t tell me they would help pay for our wedding but gave 10k after the event. Total cost was about 40k including honeymoon
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 16:51     Subject: Re:Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
We have 2 married daughters. Each wedding was around $80-90k and that was almost ten years ago. It was crazy but we could afford it. Our wedding was less than $5k.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 12:08     Subject: Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My oldest is only 15, and a boy, but if/when he gets married, I work contribute whatever they need if the bride’s parents aren’t paying or we’d do rehearsal/honeymoon. DH and I were able to fund our $100k wedding 20 years ago, and I’d want something at least as nice for them.


You expect the women’s family to pay?! Why? Because it’s tradition? It’s only tradition because historically women didn’t work or receive an education. Now that’s not the case. Don’t continue your sexist way of thinking when the world has changed.


Yeah, team boy mom.

When the bride is willing to relinquish all or half of the decision making to the groom and future mother in law, then your post would make sense.

But weddings are planned almost 100% by the bride, even today, down to the shoes the groom wears, and approval of or guidelines for the dress that the mother in law wears.

A wedding is one of those things where the old adage of if you are going to expect money from someone, then get ready to earn the money in the form of their (often unwelcome) opinions

Unless a bride is willing to let the groom's side be involved in decision-making and planning, then weddings should continue to follow the traditional route of the bride's side paying for it.


I feel like these posts are some kind of sociological evidence of a Bridezilla => #BoyMom pipeline. You didn't let your husband choose his own shoes and didn't want to listen to your FMIL's opinions on flowers, so you're preemptively seething with rage at your teenaged sons' future fiancees, for being a stubborn selfish moneygrubbing GIRLS!

Most couples make decisions about the wedding together, and most grooms get to choose their own suits/shoes/groomsmen. Take a xanax.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 12:05     Subject: Re:Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
They should, but they don't.

In 2026, weddings are planned and dominated by what the bride and occassionally her mother wants.

Rare is the bride that lets her future husband have a significant voice in the wedding planning.

Even rarer is the bride that gives the groom's parents a voice in the wedding planning.

Until brides join this century and give the groom's side equal voice in the wedding planning, the bride's family should be respinsible for the bulk of the wedding cost


Not our experience at all. Please provide support for all these claims - or is this just all opinion and assumptions?


I can see the usual brigade has come out full steam offended. But here's the thing. This is closer to the reality. Most weddings are still planned by the bride and her family. Groom input ranges from nicely involved to turn up on the day in a tuxedo. There are plenty of exceptions including where the couple plans the wedding instead of the parents.

But the majority of weddings are still dominated by the bride and her family. Unless the groom's family is significantly wealthier and in that case they can quite often take over the wedding.

Just ask any experienced weddings planner how the real world operates.


That's not really a thing anymore.

https://www.fidelity.com/learning-center/smart-money/who-pays-for-the-wedding
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 12:03     Subject: Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
Groom wanted some things. If particular things seemed unusual, he paid for those things.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 12:01     Subject: Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
People disagree, doesn't matter who it is. Something is wanted, someone else thinks it's unnecessary. Like flowers. A certain amount of flowers seems reasonable. If you want 3 times more, how about if you, Bride, pay the extra 50%
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 11:58     Subject: Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
Anonymous wrote:The couple may have 80% of the ideas and would prefer to be the only ones doing the planning, but if they aren't paying for it all, there will be some expenses the parents may not pay for.


If the bride and her mother are not, in fact, doing most of the planning, then following PP's logic her family should not be responsible for paying for the wedding.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 11:55     Subject: Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
The couple may have 80% of the ideas and would prefer to be the only ones doing the planning, but if they aren't paying for it all, there will be some expenses the parents may not pay for.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 11:52     Subject: Re:Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
Anonymous wrote:
They should, but they don't.

In 2026, weddings are planned and dominated by what the bride and occassionally her mother wants.

Rare is the bride that lets her future husband have a significant voice in the wedding planning.

Even rarer is the bride that gives the groom's parents a voice in the wedding planning.

Until brides join this century and give the groom's side equal voice in the wedding planning, the bride's family should be respinsible for the bulk of the wedding cost


Not our experience at all. Please provide support for all these claims - or is this just all opinion and assumptions?


Not PP but there are studies on this topic

https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-data-insights/real-weddings-study

"Who's responsible for what, you may wonder? Our wedding survey shows that, on average, 80% of the planning is done by the couple themselves, 12% is done by either or both sets of parents and 8% is done by a wedding planner or other loved ones."
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 11:36     Subject: Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For mine, if they choose to marry it will be on them. I’d gift them a few thousand, but they could use it for whatever they like.


Similar. Probably give them like $10K each, and it will be my gift.

We paid for our wedding ourselves, the parents gifted us photo and video.


+1 except that we paid for our wedding ourselves, and our parents gifted us a washer/dryer set (DH's parents) and $1000 (my parents).
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 11:32     Subject: Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?
We contributed an X amount for the wedding, and 3X a year later for a downpayment. Couple would have accomplished both w/out us but with more stress. Our idea, happy to give.