Anonymous wrote:Is it just the luck of the draw?? How do they do it?!

Sometimes it's just right place, right time. But mostly it's by focusing on the first three characteristics and treating the last as a bonus.

Anonymous wrote:Such typical narc dcum answers! "I am perfect... that is why I am the best and how I got the best guy!"

Where is the lie?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it's helpful to know about someone's family but what you describe does not always hold true. Two of the best guys I know have terrible families and some totally selfish a-holes have great families.

Divorce in the family tells me when th going gets tough going is an option. Solid marriages mean when the going gets tough they stick through the tough times. This is important to me.

Most women choose to stay with cheaters. So, you may very walk into someone whose mother chose to stay not because the marriage is strong but because the woman like most women choose to stay with a cheater.

Agreed. I personally don't use divorced parents as a litmus test, because I'd far rather a divorced family than a rug-sweeping cheating one. PP says "when the going gets tough they stick through it". I'd rather my man not be the cause of the going getting tough, and you'd better believe I am not staying with someone causing the issues. If your man is the cause of the going getting tough and you choose to stick it out, you're only hurting yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got burned by my first boyfriend who was a loser. I am glad that this happened because I had high standards from a young age. I refused to be with someone who did not treat me well.

I’m surprised at how many women are willing to put up with bad men.

I was attractive and smart so it was always easy to meeet men.

And how many men are willing to put up with bad women.

Men and women are willing to look past a lot of red flags.

What's with the victimese here? Go start your own thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it's helpful to know about someone's family but what you describe does not always hold true. Two of the best guys I know have terrible families and some totally selfish a-holes have great families.

Divorce in the family tells me when th going gets tough going is an option. Solid marriages mean when the going gets tough they stick through the tough times. This is important to me.

Most women choose to stay with cheaters. So, you may very walk into someone whose mother chose to stay not because the marriage is strong but because the woman like most women choose to stay with a cheater.

Anonymous wrote:I agree it's helpful to know about someone's family but what you describe does not always hold true. Two of the best guys I know have terrible families and some totally selfish a-holes have great families.

Dysfunctional families create dysfunctional adults.

While having a good family isn’t a definite thing. At least they have seen healthy relationships, have grown up with functional adults, and have a support system.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it's helpful to know about someone's family but what you describe does not always hold true. Two of the best guys I know have terrible families and some totally selfish a-holes have great families.

Divorce in the family tells me when th going gets tough going is an option. Solid marriages mean when the going gets tough they stick through the tough times. This is important to me.

Maybe. What it tells me is that someone MAY have finally understood that they don’t have to subject themselves and their children to untenable circumstances. So, while a good marriage is a good sign, a divorce can also mean having the strength and courage to leave a bad situation.

Anonymous wrote:I got burned by my first boyfriend who was a loser. I am glad that this happened because I had high standards from a young age. I refused to be with someone who did not treat me well.

I’m surprised at how many women are willing to put up with bad men.

I was attractive and smart so it was always easy to meeet men.

And how many men are willing to put up with bad women.

Men and women are willing to look past a lot of red flags.

I got burned by my first boyfriend who was a loser. I am glad that this happened because I had high standards from a young age. I refused to be with someone who did not treat me well.

I’m surprised at how many women are willing to put up with bad men.

I was attractive and smart so it was always easy to meeet men.

Anonymous wrote:
- Some women simply expect any man they are with to be like this, and this results in them marrying a man like this. I think the women like this had dads who were like this, and treated them well, and it gave them faith such men exist and they go out looking for one and then if they get one, they don't look a gift horse in the mouth and they lock him down. I think this is most common.

This me!

Anonymous wrote:I agree it's helpful to know about someone's family but what you describe does not always hold true. Two of the best guys I know have terrible families and some totally selfish a-holes have great families.

Divorce in the family tells me when th going gets tough going is an option. Solid marriages mean when the going gets tough they stick through the tough times. This is important to me.

Anonymous wrote:1/3 luck
1/3 being nice, cute, smart yourself
1/3 knowing what a good guy looks like, either because you had a great dad or you just figured it out along the way

I think it's more than 50% knowing what a good guy looks like and snapping him up. The women I know who are married to amazing men are just so good at this. They are nice and smart and some are cut too, I don't think luck had a lot to do with it.

Anonymous wrote:I agree it's helpful to know about someone's family but what you describe does not always hold true. Two of the best guys I know have terrible families and some totally selfish a-holes have great families.

It doesn't always hold true but it is a higher probability.

I agree it's helpful to know about someone's family but what you describe does not always hold true. Two of the best guys I know have terrible families and some totally selfish a-holes have great families.

The % of men or women who are amazing, caring, reliable, and attractive is very small.

1) Meet their family and friends. If they have a great family and a great relationship with them, that goes a long way. Do they have long time connections - friends they have collected throughout life that they keep in touch with? People like to stay in touch with really good people so if someone is amazing and caring and reliable - friends throughout life will stay in touch.

2) Check for emotional stability and regulation. If they are easily irritated, frustrated, stressed, anxious, tearful - throw them back into the sea. You want an even keeled adult with good emotional regulation and emotional management skills.

3) Do they expect of themselves what they expect of you? Be sure they have equal standards and expectations.

4) Are they financially stable and responsible? Are you going to be financial equals? Are are they looking for someone to live off of? Have they lived independently as an adult? Do they manage their finances well?

5) Do they care about others? Do they like to help other people. Do they support their friends and family? Do they go out of their way to be a kind and caring person to those in need? Do they speak kindly about others? Are they judgmental? Or are they individualistic and focused on themselves? Do they blame others? Do they cut off other people? Do they have interpersonal drama in their lives?

6) Are they flexible and able to go with the flow? Are they open to the opinions and perspectives of others? Can they adapt in the moment to change? Can they take responsiblity easily and apologize? Do they see the good in others?